Service Need defined (Part 3) & My Little Side Explored

:::Readers thoughts wanted:::

Are you service oriented? In what manner?

Are you a little or Guardian of a Little? How is that experience for you?

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I have a hard time relaxing. I am very much a nurturer by nature and I take pride in being able to take care of those around me. I can't help it. A big part of it is because I am very service oriented in my vanilla and kink life. Service is a need for me. By that I mean that being able to be of service to Someone I love or care about (i.e. helping them, caring for them, cleaning, etc.) is something I need to be able to perform on a daily basis to stay sane, centered, and happy.

I get an immense amount of joy out of being in service to Ma'am. I do this in many different ways. I enjoy helping to keep our home clean, by tending to the things She owns and cares about, massaging Her, preparing a bath for Her, running errands, opening the door, preparing Her water and coffee just how She likes it and other things like that. Being in a selfless headspace and manner is important to me because this is how I express my love and submission on a behavioral level. This is what I mean by, 'being in service'. I do not play with or serve other Dominants besides Ma'am. I am exclusive with Her.

As for my little side, because I am very service oriented in my nature, I am often drained at the end of the week. Tired, but happy! :-) In order to recharge, I let my little side out now and then to play.

Ma'am and I have figured out that I am about 8 to 10 years old based on how I act, talk, and behave when I am in little space. More so than not, I feel about 8. As a little, I am very impulsive, full of giggles, shy, and I love to color. I am coloring one minute, and digging through the cabinet for cookies the next, and dancing with the cat a minute later. Nothing is planned or premeditated; I exist entirely in the moment. That’s where I find my biggest joy in all of it; being able to be my little self in an environment where I am safe, loved, and valued.

When I am in little space it's very freeing for me because I get to let go, not make decisions, or have any responsibilities, but I am very vulnerable all at the same time. I respond and act as a child would to a situation. I remember once I threw a mini tantrum in the ballroom at Shadowlane because Ma'am said She'd be right back in ten minutes, but was gone for longer.

We were all having so much fun and lost track of time. She lost Her self in conversation and I on the dance floor. When I realized the span of time that had passed I became worried and upset. I was in little space, feeling lonely, impulsive, and wanting to play at the time, so when Ma'am did re-appear I stomped my feet and 'bratted' about Her being gone. She consoled me as anyone would an upset kid. That was an impulsive and real reaction for the 8 year old in me at the time. It's not acting, and it's very genuine when it's happening.

I go in and out of little space in my everyday life. I get bursts of it where I have no other desire but to color or make something with construction paper and glitter. Sometimes after a long day all I want to do is color or draw and shut out the world for a little while. I expressed this need to Ma’am and She has encouraged it, so I do it. It's a very calming activity and helps me center myself. I just got a new box of Crayons I am breaking in now!

There is some fear that resides in me about expressing this and exhibiting this need because it’s such a fragile part of me; that child that needs to come out and be a child in every sense of the word. I was hurt by many people when I was younger, so this is a safe way for me to nuture the part of me that missed out on the everyday joys of being a kid. I love exploring this and I am becoming more comfortable with this side of myself.