A Broken Heart--Part 5 Jenni & Zoe Series

Here is Part 5. Part 6 will follow soon!

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A Broken Heart (Part 5)
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The twisted tree root tripped the girl sending her small hands to
break her fall in the cool dirt. No attention was paid to her
stinging hands as she propelled her self upwards breaking into a
frenzied run. Her lungs burned as she wove her way deeper and deeper through a thick mesh of cacti, rock and sculpted landscape. Her tights ripped and snagged on the thorny branches as her legs flew. She paid no heed to the shout and footsteps behind calling her back as she continued to run blindly ahead. Finally, out of breath and from sheer exhaustion she ducked behind the storage shed and tucked herself into a small depression dented into the old wood from long ago. She was shielded in part by an over grown prickly pear bush.

Her breath came in ragged bursts as she struggled to catch it. When
no voice could be heard Jenni relaxed a bit, her breathing now under
control. What had made her run she was unsure of, her only motive
was to put as much distance between herself and her pursuer as possible. Even
with the cool January weather, the desert sun blazed overhead
causing the girl to breakout in a cold sweat from her sprint. She
wiped her dry lips with the back of her hand wondering how she was
going to get herself out of this mess…..

It had been an unusually busy morning and Jenni had been in the way
and underfoot as her aunt hurried to get ready for a meeting with
her lawyer about the hearing regarding her mother. She and her Aunt
had talked in length over Zoë's choice to have the woman arrested.
Jenni was unsure of the severity and the real weight of the decision
that had been made on her behalf, but she trusted her aunt to know
what was right. Zoë had explained that her mother needed help that
she could not get on her own. Zoe was working with her lawyer and
Lydia's assigned defense attorney to get the woman psychiatric
therapy while in prison.

Part of Jenni was relieved that her mother would no longer be able
to contact her and content in the fact that Lydia would have to pay
for what she had done. Another part of her ached for something she
would never truly have and her heart burned for; she longed for a life
she had only ever dreamed of in her head. She knew though deep in
her soul that she was in the best place possible and that her aunt
loved her beyond any shadow of doubt. Still, she dreamed of
something different…

Jenni shifted her weight from her heels to her bottom, settling
herself on the dusty gritty ground. She fingered a chalky sharp
pebble as she thought more about this morning. She had been picking
up her new markers and sketch book in the living room, a place she
wasn't allowed to use her supplies in. Zoë had reminded her of that
and had asked that she pick up her mess before they had to leave.

Bad tempered and scowling Jenni hadn't been paying much attention
what she was doing and had rushed about angrily throwing her
supplies into her red art box. She had, by accident, bumped into the
end table to reach a marker that had rolled under it. A jade hand
blown glass vase had been knocked off and went smashing to the tiled
floor much to the young girl's horror. It had been a gift to her
aunt from a friend who had brought it back from India. While it wasn't expensive it held a sentimental value for Zoë that could not be replaced.

Jenni froze; her mind racing at what to do. The last week she had
been a bundle of restless nerves and energy, like a tinker toy with
a key in its back wound up to tight. She still felt displaced by her
mother's sudden appearance at her home around Christmas time. The
nightmares and forgotten memories had surfaced again causing
friction in the unusually calm household. Zoë had tried to be extra
patient and understanding of her niece, allowing some of her rules
and discipline to relax. Still there was only so much the woman would
tolerate.

A moment later Zoë came hurrying down stairs at the noise
and came to find her niece standing barefoot, save for her sheer
white tights, surrounded by a pile of glass shards.

"Don't move an inch. I don't want you cutting yourself." Zoë
said calmly noting the look of panic in her child's eyes. She moved
carefully to the far side of the girl and leaned a bit to lift her
under her arms over the sharp green shards and to clear footing away
from the potential hazard.

"I-I didn't do it… I didn't break it!" Jenni spat out
hurriedly, not even thinking clearly about what she was saying. Her
small hand gripped a yellow marker tightly, anxious as she edged her
way backwards away from her aunt who had seated herself across from
the girl on the long tan sofa.

"I don't know what happened...It just fell and I didn't touch it." She lied, not considering the penalty for her untrue words or the situation as her eyes only registered
the pained look of loss on her aunt's pretty face. Zoë didn't seem
upset that she could tell, but a fear for being rebuked over her
haste along with something else she had not been able to identify
had let lies roll off her tongue.

"It's not possible that it fell on its own, honey. I'm not angry,
just tell me what happened?" Zoë asked her voice strained and weary
obviously not pleased that Jenni was blatantly lying to her face.
She knew whatever had happened was an accident and that Jenni was
reacting based on fears from deep in her past instead of responding
based on the reality of the present situation. The woman was
offering her a single chance to correct herself and come clean. The
nervous girl hesitated and backed away even farther.

"Don't do this Jenni...you know as a fact I do not abide dishonesty
or running away from consequences…" Zoë coaxed trying to remind
Jenni of the stiff penalty for such actions. She had used the
term 'running away' figuratively and hadn't expected the child to
actually bolt from her words.

The surprised woman gave chase following the panicked girl's path out the back door and into the vast botanical jungle that was their backyard. She was in heeled
brown leather boots that made running difficult, but not as pained
as the child's feet felt from the bare footed dash…

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As her thoughts settled themselves, a prickly sensation flushed
Jenni's skin sending the hairs on her neck to stand upright. It was
that feeling of knowing you're not alone…

Biting her lip she turned her head gazing nervously through the narrow opening she had wedged herself in between shed wall and stone fence at the back of the
extensive yard. A wild puzzle of cacti separated her from the out of
breath woman that stood a several feet away.

"You come out here right now. We don't have time for your games this
morning Jenni." Zoë urged glancing at her silver watch. As it was
she'd have to call to postpone the meeting by at least an hour. It
was something she hated to do as it was not in her nature to be late
for anything. She felt it was rude and disrespectful to the person
she had promised her time to. However, she had a disturbed young
girl to deal with and had learned over the years that she would
indeed have to be late, reschedule or not come at all if her time
was needed by her first priority; her child.

Jenni hugged her knees to her chest and with tears rolling down her
fair cheeks she shook her head no. Zoë sighed heavily taking in the
scene in its entirety trying to see it through Jenni's eyes.
"You're probably feeling a little frightened right now, but you need to know I understand that you didn't mean to break anything. It was an accident and accidents
are okay if you tell me about them. I don't like it when you run or
hide, or when you lie to me. That makes me upset with your behavior, but I'm not angry
at you." She explained as calmly as she could while pacing the ground.

"You're mad though I can tell..."

"I am a little mad at the situation and your behavior, but not at
you. There's a difference and I know you understand that."

Jenni contemplated her aunt's words knowing Zoë was telling her the
truth. She traced a swirling pattern in the orange dirt with her
finger contemplating her choices. After a few moments she realized
she had none but to go and face the music. The small girl was
apprehensive though as she knew what awaited her once in her aunt's
reach, but she knew the longer she stayed where she was the deeper
trouble she'd be in.

"You're gonna be late..." Jenni tried with a smallest hope that Zoë
would leave her be.

"I am not leaving you here by yourself and I have no issue being
late to that meeting if your behavior needs my full attention before
we leave." The woman slowed her pacing and crouched down a bit to be
level with the child. There eyes met through a tangle of green
spikes. "Do you understand me?" She asked reaching out her hand to
Jenni.

The girl's eyes widened as she nodded. "But I'm sorry...I didn't
mean to..." She whined now standing and inching her way towards
Zoë's hand.

"I know you didn't mean to break my vase," Zoë assured and once the
girl was in reach she grabbed that wrist tightly pulling her out
from behind the shed and around the thatch of cacti, "However, you
did mean to run from me and you did mean to lie to me. Those are the
things I will be spanking you for." She promised and pulled her
niece along as she quickly headed towards the house.

Jenni pulled back hard on her arm, squirming now to be let go of. She finally
sunk to her knees in the dirt to prevent Zoë from going farther.
Wordlessly the strong woman leaned over and hauled her up to her
feet long enough to give a biting smack to her dusty skirt. The girl
howled as Zoë lifted her about the middle, carrying her in the rest of
the way to the back porch, through the door, past the kitchen and
depositing her in front of the washer dryer combo in the laundry
room.

"Strip!" Zoë commanded while rotating on the cold water facet to the
wash sink allowing the water to fill it before twisting it off. She
turned with brows raised to regard Jenni who stared at her, mouth
open not moving.

"W-what?"

"You heard me young lady. Strip down to your underwear right now.
Those clothes have to soak before I can wash them. Trash your tights
in the waste basket then go up and rinse off in your bathtub before
you dress. I have to make a phone call and then I will be up to
check on you." Zoë said a bit annoyed that Jenni seemed to need an
explanation. She was on edge this morning and didn't feel like
butting heads. Exasperated, she threw up her hands shaking her head
and left to make that call as her whimpering niece began to disrobe.

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Her freshly scrubbed damp skin clung to her purple sweater as she
pulled it over her head causing long strands of her hair to be
suspended in static electricity. She cursed herself endlessly for
being so stupid. She ran a wide toothed comb through her locks to
tame the static and tangles and was about to step into a clean blue
pleated skirt as her aunt stepped in her room without knocking.

Zoë had changed her scuffed boots and soiled skirt for chocolate slacks
and closed toed suede heels. To Jenni she always appeared perfectly
dressed and accessorized so effortlessly that the preteen felt a bit
self conscious about her own appearance just then. She glanced at
herself in the full length mirror next to her dresser taking in her
unruly curling hair, her wrinkled sweater and her one socked foot.
She saw the color drain from her face at her aunts words.

"Leave it off for now and come with me please." She instructed
extending her hand to the girl which was hurriedly accepted as Jenni
didn't want to provoke her aunt’s annoyance any farther. Zoë pulled
her along back to the girls own bathroom. The room was still a bit
steamy and the mirror fogged from the recent hot shower. The woman
pointed to the closed toilet seat saying, "Sit there."

A little puzzled, Jenni gingerly sat and watched as Zoë reached into
the small painted wall cabinet that held bubble bath and other
bathing supplies. "What are you doing?" Her question was met with a
sharp look of disapproval causing the child to bite her lip to keep
from speaking until she was spoken to. It took only the site of her
aunt's fingers working the wrapping off of a bar of Dove Ivory Soap
to send a chill searing down her spine. She shook her head pushing
herself back farther on the porcelain lid.

"Indirect dishonestly may not always earn you a trip across my lap.
However, lying directly to my face knowing you are being untruthful
not only earns you a spanking, but a mouth soaping as well." Zoë
explained the consequences firmly, her eyes not hiding the
disappointment she felt as her hands lathered the new bar vigorously
with a washcloth.

"Please, you can't….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it just came out."
She begged through her fingers as her hands covered her mouth.

Zoë leaned down a bit to be closer to Jenni's eye level, "You need
to think before you speak and if you do tell a lie you must always
come clean and tell the truth. I can't trust you if your dishonest
with me."

"I'm not though, not usually..." She mumbled, lowering her eyes in
slight defeat.

"I know it and we will talk more about that later. Now hands behind
your back and mouth open." She commanded not taking any measure to
hide the foaming material in her hand. With hot tears Jenni clasped
her hands behind herself and parted her lips, not liking the
invitation she was presenting.

Zoë wasted no time scrubbing out Jenni's mouth with the foul tasting
soapy cloth. She ran the washcloth along all sides of the girl's
cheeks and her tongue. Jenni gagged and chocked a bit, but did her
best to stay still knowing any interference would mean more time
over her Aunt's lap in payment. Sincere tears of remorse trailed
down the girls face and after a few minutes Zoë stopped and allowed
her to spit. The girl bolted for the sink and after a minute Jenni
reached for the faucet only to have her hand clasped and lead back
out into the hall towards her room. Not missing a beat the woman sat
on the unmade twin bed and pulled Jenni to stand between her legs.
The girl kept her eyes down, the smart bitterness in her mouth
taking all of her attention just then.

"I am not spanking you for breaking my vase. That was an accident
and as I said earlier accidents are okay if you tell me about them;
not hiding, not running, and not lying about it as you have
done….Look at me please when I am speaking to you." She chastised,
her manner stiff and even as she continued when Jenni met her
gaze, "You not only hurt yourself when you lie, you hurt others and
I am a little unnerved that you felt the need to be dishonest with
me. Had you told me truthfully that you had broken the vase I would
have asked you to be more careful and we would have cleaned it up
together. I would not have spanked you. Do you understand that?"

Jenni nodded a bit, her single bare foot rubbing itself nervously
against the softness of the carpet. She gasped then as Zoë pulled
her quickly over her lap and gave her three stinging spanks in the
center of her bottom before standing her upright. The young girl's
feet danced as she tried to rub the smart tingle away with her free
hand.

"Use your words to answer me. I need to know that you understand
what I have said to you."

"Ow! That hurt!" Jenni accused her eyes flashing angrily as she
pulled back on her hand to be let go. In response she found herself
leaned over partway across those firm legs and again felt the burn
as three more spanks were given, this time to her bare thighs. Huge
crocodile tears blurred her vision as she was kept forcefully in the
position. Something didn't feel right in her gut just then and she
squirmed franticly to be let go of only feeling the maddening head
rush of red fury; all of it towards Zoë.

"We can keep this up before your real spanking until you answer me
properly young lady."

"Okay-okay, I understand you! Just LET ME GO!" Jenni yelled shrilly
struggling push herself off of Zoë's lap.

At those words Zoë pulled Jenni fully across her thighs as she
reached to tug the pink cotton panties down the girl's slim hips to
her knees. The child's now bare bottom was the center of her lap
waiting for the ordeal to begin but not at all calmly. For the first
time Jenni fought her aunt's authority hard over receiving a
spanking. The young girl was determined that if Zoë was going to
spank her she would in turn make it as difficult and as trying as
possible. Saying nothing the woman locked her nieces kicking legs
with her own, bending the child sharply over one knee while holding
her down with her left arm. With her free hand she began to teach
the repercussions of lying. The child gritted her teeth refusing to
cry out, that is until her sensitive thighs were given proper
attention. At this she really let go of her fight sobbing and
begging for it to end.

During this time a range of thoughts was going through Zoë's own
head. She was very upset that Jenni had felt the need to lie to her
and she remembered back to her own childhood to an incident that had
occurred with her own mother.

Zoë had lied about accidentally loosing one of her mother's earrings when she had been assigned the chore of dusting the house. She had been caught and at 11 years old
her mother had taken a strap to her that left bruises for several
days. Her father had followed up with belting that same night,
and all over a cheap earring that her mother never really liked to
begin with.

A flush of feelings overwhelmed her as she remembered how she had
felt back then; terrified, frustrated and angry...so dam angry at
her mother's failure to see what was really going on inside of her
at that time. Zoë's mother had went through life with blinders on
refusing to see the abuse and brutality her husband inflicted on the
family. Zoë had hated her for that. She had needed to be hugged,
kissed, the incident forgiven and forgotten.

She had seen that same flash of emotion in Jenni's eyes just moments
ago before she had taken the child across her knee. She realized
then Jenni would learn nothing from this spanking if she was clouded
by displaced emotions and not receptive to the discipline. That had
been her mistake; forcing the child into correction. For her
reprimand to have any effect her niece must accept her authority and
by Jenni's fight the child was having none of it. Sometimes a
spanking wasn't the answer even if the girl provoked the
consequence. Zoë now knew that she should not have taken Jenni's
running and lying as a sign of defiance. There was something deeper
going on than pure deception.

She stopped the spanking then, rubbing the warm sting from her
tingling palm. Jenni cried quietly still expecting much more to come
until her aunt reached under her arms lifting her to her feet.
Sudden tears rimmed Zoë’s eyes as she reached down and pulled up her
niece's panties over her reddened backside.

"What...I m-mean...that’s it?"

"Bring your skirt to me please." Zoë responded quietly as she
reached a hand out expectantly and with her other hand she pressed
her closed eyes trying to block her tears from falling. The young
girl obeyed saying nothing as her aunt helped her step into the
garment and fasten it at her waist before drawing her into a tight,
fierce hug. Jenni returned the embrace flaccidly, not understanding
what had just happened. The moisture leaked its way from under Zoë's
lids as she fought to control her self.

"I want you to think about why you lied to me and we will talk
about it again at bedtime. I love you baby..." She said her voice
tight and a bit shaky. She kissed Jenni's wet cheek before standing,
not looking at her child just then. "Go rinse your mouth, wash your
face, and brush your hair. I'll meet you by the front door in five
minutes." With that instruction she left quickly leaving a very
perplexed child to stare questioning after her.

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The long car ride to the Courthouse was silent, with each passenger
absorbed in their own thoughts. The silver Lexus was parked
across the street in the down town parking complex as parent and child
quickly made their way over to the large stone building. A well
dressed man in a four piece grey suit met them by the high double
door entrance. Zoë greeted him warmly, shaking his hand.

"My, my Zoë Kelly, it's been way to long." The man's generous hazel
eyes swept approvingly over the beautiful woman standing before him.
He grinned self-consciously mentally kicking himself for not
being man enough pursue his friendship with her beyond the
occasional get together. "We meet again I'm sorry to say under less
than happy circumstances." The tall man's voice was charming and
deep. He smiled then to Jenni while running a hand through his sandy
hair. "And how are you little lady? Last time I saw you, you
were...what was it, eight?"

Jenni nodded a bit, not saying anything, but stared up at this giant
that even towered over her aunt's five foot ten inch slim frame, and
that was without heels. She herself barely came up to under Zoë's
chest. She felt very small indeed and unusually shy around this
stranger who she just barely remembered.

"Yes, Barry, you saw her last just after the adoption." Zoë answered
for her niece and gave the girl's hand a reassuring squeeze as she
led her into the ominous looking structure.

After climbing several flights of stairs Jenni was content to sit on
an overstuffed sofa in a bright waiting room with a table full of
magazines and books. Zoë gave her a small bag of raisins and a
bottle of grape juice saying she wasn't sure how long she'd be. The
woman gave firm instructions not to move from the room and that if
Jenni should need anything she'd be across the way in the frosted
glass incased conference area. Jenni nodded reaching for a big book
filled with travel pictures to entertain her self with. She adjusted
the cushions behind her self as she settled in for a long wait.

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Zoë sighed crossing her long legs, tapping her heel noiselessly into
the carpet. It had been a trying 90 minutes and they were no closer
to agreeing on anything. She had participated explaining her wishes
as to what she'd like to have done for her sister.

Her skilled lawyer Barry Andrews was in disagreement with the hotheaded public
defense attorney Jim Groves. Mr. Groves was a stout older man with
menacing mustache and hard eyes that had lost their patience and
sparkle long ago. Zoë glanced over her shoulder checking on her
niece's shaded form still sitting in wait through the thick glass.

"My client Ms. Marshall doesn't want any kind of psychiatric
therapy. It can't be forced on her at this time." Jim Groves explained heatedly
turning from Barry and opening his arms imploring some understanding
from Zoë. "Ms. Kelly she doesn't want your help, and frankly I don't
understand why you're bothering as you had her arrested to begin
with."

Zoë hands rested under her chin fingering a gold emerald ring. She
turned it around and around her finger in thought. "I understand
your confusion Mr. Groves, but this has not so much to do with me as
it does with my niece. My sister severely abused that child because
of our upbringing. It's not my intention to keep the woman behind
bars without some kind of interventional therapy. She is mentally
unwell and I fear a danger to her self and others if she is left
untreated."

Barry sat back in his chair, his hands clasped in front of him as he
considered his patrons words before knowing how best to proceed. Zoë
had spoken from her heart and if this diminutive man didn't relent
to that Barry knew nothing else would make him.

"Come on Jim…all you need is to sign this petition. You have the authority to make
decisions a sick woman has no rational mind to make. Help Ms. Kelly
help her sister….and if for no other reason than that poor kid
sitting outside," Barry reasoned, tired now he rubbed his forehead
catching a look at the wall clock.

Jim bowed his head sulking in the pool of expression that had flowed
its way inside of him somehow and glumly reached into his suit
pocket fumbling for a pen. The trodden man scrawled his signature
quickly and shoved the paper back to Barry shaking his finger. "My
client with not like this and you can expect when this goes to court
I'll find someway to…" He was cut off abruptly when the door opened
revealing a court clerk, a young girl with thick black glasses and
brown hair cut short to show off her pretty face; a face that was
flushed and fretful looking.

Barry stood at her entrance looking puzzlingly at her, "This is a
private meeting. Can we help you Miss..."

"Mr. Groves I need to speak with you right now. It's about your
client…," the twenty something girl strode over to Jim and spoke in
hushed whispers with him for a minute. She stole a nervous glance at
the man and woman staring in wonderment at her before she left the
room. The once angry man looked dejectedly at the floor rubbing the
back of his head uncomfortably; his lips pursed tight turning his
plump face an ill shade of red.

"What is it Jim? Is everything alright?" Barry asked going over to
the man's side.

"Well…no." His eyes clouded with awkwardness as he looked over to
Zoë for a long moment. "I don't know what to say or how to even tell
you this Ms. Kelly…"

Zoë's mouth went very dry as her throat closed, her lips parted as
if to speak as her eyes took it what this man was silently
communicating to her. Her heart began to race, beating
itself madly in her chest sending waves of rhythm to her ears,
deafening the room.

"Your sister..., she's dead Ms. Kelly. They found her about two
hours ago in her cell. She strangled herself...I'm sorry." The
portly man turned his back running his hand uncertainly through his
tangle of short hair before leaving the room. On his way out the
main entrance he spotted a small girl curled up on the leather sofa
fast asleep, clutching an empty juice container. His eyes welled with
feeling just then, returning some of his shine lost with years of
extensive hours and tough cases. He was careful to close the door
with a soft click as to not wake the resting child.

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Barry Andrews stood in shocked stillness, his arms crossed and his
face pained as he watched his client, a woman he secretly loved
digest the news that was just told to her.

Had she been standing a moment ago Zoë's knees would have given out.
Her breathing had stopped for a long minute as her heart skipped a
beat. She let her pounding head fall back, her jade eyes blurred
with searing tears as they dilated with the ceilings light. Her
entire being housed a mix of raw heartache, sadness, and intense
fury that shook her. She swallowed hard feeling the burning liquid
stream from her eyes, meshing her mascara with fine cosmetic powder.
Zoë wished whoever was kicking her in the stomach would stop.

`Damn her…' It crept into her buried thoughts slowly weighing out
all others of nil importance. The thought manifested through her
mouth. Her lips silently shaped the words into the thick air as she
brought her face into her hands. From somewhere rusted inside of her
an agonizing guttural wail rocked her body. She doubled over
in genuine physical pain.

Barry swiftly made his way over and knelt on the carpet in front of the distraught woman. He soothingly wrapped his arms around her bent form holding her securely to him,
something he wished he could have done without the disturbing circumstances.

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She cracked her eyes open to the still quiet room and stifling a
yawn the young girl sat up and rubbed her eyes to adjust to the
light. There was no movement coming from behind the tinted glass and
Jenni wondered if anyone was even in there. The thought left her
knowing that Zoë would have woken her up. The time eluded her as she
was hungry and restless now with the boredom of waiting. A bit
annoyed at being left alone for so long she crossed the room and
stood tiptoe to peek in the clear window of the door. From her angle
she couldn't see anything so she turned the handle opening it
without knocking.

"Aunt Zoë..." Her voice echoed a bit in the utter immobility of the
room. Her heart leaped in her throat as her aunt jerked upright
registering the noise of a voice. Zoë's eyes were red, her face
ashen. Jenni could never remember those eyes looking so full..., so
devastatingly full of something she had never seen house itself in
her aunt's eyes; guilt. Cold fear pricked her skin sending goose
bumps swimming over her body.

"Hey kiddo, why don't you go back outside and we'll be there in a--"
Barry soothed as he tried to seize control of the situation and was
sharply rebuked.

"No! You let her be..." Zoë's voice trembled as she struggled to
keep her tone calm despite the thrashing emotions inside of her. The
last thing she wanted to do was to scar Jenni with any of the
trauma she was experiencing. "Come here sweetheart..."
When Jenni hesitated Zoë opened her arms reassuringly beckoning the
child to her, "Its alright, come on." With those words Jenni
approached and allowed Zoë to lift her up to sit on her lap.

The girl caught the sent of breezy citrus zest, her aunt's perfume
as the woman enveloped her in a tight embrace. She tried to lift her
head wanting to search Zoë's eyes for clarity, but the woman
wouldn't allow her niece movement as she held Jenni to her
breast.

"Barry hand me that pen and paper please." She asked still
fighting the cries digging at her throat. The man handed her the
petition with its blank backside facing up sighing heavily at all
the effort they had gone to in order to have that paper signed. None
of it mattered now.

Zoë scribbled hastily before handing it back to him. "I need you to
call this person and have them come down here to meet me. Tell her
it's important and to please hurry." Zoë implored softly. Barry left
quickly a bit relieved to be out of the room for a minute.

In his absence Jenni tried to pull away, but was held
firmly. "Pleasssseee, Aunt Zoë...what's going on?" she whined as Zoë
tucked her chin over the girl's head keeping her close. The woman
rubbed her child's back in a calming effort.

"Hush now….I'll tell you everything at home." She promised

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"They want you to come as soon as you can. Nothing can be done until
someone identifies the body." Barry explained waiting with Zoë
outside under the covered awning of the courthouse. A light drizzle
had begun as storm clouds rolled in with the fresh chill of the
evening. Jenni sat a few feet away on a wooden bench, her knees
huddled to her chest for warmth. In their haste to get out the door
Zoë had forgotten their coats.

"Fine, I'll go as soon as I get Jenni settled with Tory. Thanks
Barry for all your help today," Zoë relented wanting to get this
over with as soon as possible. She looked away from him and out into
the busy traffic watching as a blue van pulled up. She saw her best
friends blonde head peek out the driver's window waving her
over. "Jenni its time to go honey," She said reaching for her
child's hand and leading her towards the parked vehicle. She stopped
abruptly as Barry pulled her back.

"If there's anything you or Jenni need, please call me. You
shouldn't have to handle this by yourself," Barry offered beseeching
Zoë with his eyes to let him in just a little bit.

Zoë considered him for a long moment weighing him with her eyes
before smiling tightly, "I shouldn't have to handle a lot of things
that I do, but that's between me and Him" She said glancing upward
towards the brewing storm. More softly she continued, "But thank you
Barry, it means a lot to me." With those parting words she hurried
towards the van with her niece in tow.

"I came as soon as Barry called me; I'm so sorry Zoë-." Tory closed
her mouth quickly as Zoë shook her head, her eyes meeting Tory's
firmly before sweeping over Jenni.

"Aunt Zoë, what's she talking about?" Jenni begged to be let in on
what everyone else seemed to know but her. Zoë turned to her then,
opening the vans back door.

"I need you to be a good girl and go with Tory back to our house.
I'll be home as soon as I can and we'll talk." Zoë explained
ushering Jenni into the van. Her eyes misted over as Jenni scowled
untrustingly at her. "I promise Jenni. I'll see you in a bit." She
assured and closed the sliding door. She turned back to Tory
speaking quietly, "Please try and get her to eat something. I should
be home in a few hours."

"Don't worry she's fine with me. Just try and relax a little." Tory
assured her voice filled with empathy.

Zoë nodded waving to Jenni in the window as she hurried off across
the street to the parking garage.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

To this day Zoë had no idea how she had managed rush hour traffic to
the mortuary across town. As she checked in the main office she felt
as if in a trance; a drugged haze. She slowly followed a short young
man in a lab coat through a security gate and into a large room with
its walls lined with stainless steel oven like doors stacked three
by three on each wall.

Zoë's eyes turned glassy as the man wordlessly pulled open one of the
drawers farthest from her. The woman stayed fixed to the spot,
unsure of her stability if she moved just then.

"She just arrived about twenty minutes ago... I'm sorry for your
loss." The mortician's assistant shrugged his shoulders
uncomfortably not knowing what to say as he was still new to the
business.

Carefully he unzipped the black bag a foot or so
and stepped back making room for Zoë to look over. Saying a silent
prayer for strength Zoë found her footing and walked over to look
down on her little sister. She quickly looked away at the gruesome
sight of the corpse’s mouth locked in a slient scream, its’ eyes glazed and forever hallow. Zoe’s stomach knotted and she crossed her arms over it to keep from vomiting.

"That's enough... please close it." She pleaded shaking her head
willing the image to go away. In a brief flash a disturbing thought
crossed her mind. Had God or some divine force not intervened in
destiny, roles could have been reversed and she could have been in
that bag. She, however, had awareness and had made a choice
long ago not to repeat the cycle of abuse, just as she was assisting
Jenni in living that same alternative.

The young man zipped the bag and shut up the drawer. He pulled out
a question sheet from his pocket with a pen as he went down the list
of questions for the claimer of the deceased. Zoë answered as best
she could before signing the paper that was offered to her.

"Will you be covering the funeral and embalming fees?"

"Yes, I'll cover all expenses. Is that all? I have to get home to my
niece."

"Will you want an open casket?" He asked innocently and immedently
reconsidered his sequential question.

"You SERIOUSLY think that's an option!?" Zoë's words tangled
cynically with the assistant's profuse apology. The body, the face
especially, was in no condition to show anyone and only Zoë would
live with this last picture of Lydia in her head. She stalked out of
the room blindly making her way back outside. It was raining heavier
now and the wetness soaked trough her silk blouse. The cold water
biting her skin woke her from her daze. She stood still for a moment
letting the cleansing drops wash over her face taking some of the
guilt and worry sliding down her cheeks to the ground before going
to her car.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

With a twist of her wrist she shut off the car hearing the roar of
the engine die down. The only noise then was the rain beating down
on warm metal. Like the pounding rain Zoë dissolved, bracing herself
against the steering wheel as waves of tears engulfed her. She wept
resentfully, her spirit aching until she could cry no more. The
storm broke after a while and settled back opening the sky with bits
of blue as Zoë wiped her face and blew her nose with a tissue from
her purse. Taking several deep breaths she gave her legs power
enough to walk up the stone path to the house. Tory had been waiting
for her as opened the door before Zoë had her key out.

"Hey… you okay?"

"Well, it was certainly one of the most unpleasant things I have
ever had to do." Zoë frowned at Tory's concerned
question. Her friend grinned tightly; her face strained not knowing
quite what else to say so she changed the subject.

"Jenni's upstairs in her room. I had her change for bed, but she's
restless and keeps asking for you. She ate a bit of the soup and
sandwich I made for her, but she didn't seem to have an appetite.

"Thanks for watching her and coming as quick as you did." Zoë said
rubbing her arms for warmth. "I need to get out of these wet clothes
and up to her."

"I'll call you tomorrow..." Tory offered as she buttoned up her coat
and took her purse to her shoulder. She hugged her friend then for a
long moment before quickly leaving. Zoë watched her go down the walk
before slowly ascending up the stairs. Nearing the top she stopped
on the last few steps noticing Jenni's crouched form sitting by the
banister, her back against the rail posts.

"How long have you been sitting there honey?"

"A while... I was waiting for you. Tory told me I had to stay in my
room till you came home, but I didn't... You mad?" Jenni questioned
not looking at Zoë at all during this time as the woman mounted the
rest of the stairs and stood looking down at her.

"No, not at all. I do want you to go back though and wait for me. I
need to change and then I'll be in."

Jenni wordlessly did as she was asked, glancing over her shoulder in
uncertainty. In her bathroom Zoë undressed and quickly washed her
face. She pulled her damp hair up into a loose twist before putting
on a favorite long sleep shirt and blue satin pant set. She took a long
moment to just breathe and center herself. With a final deep shaky breath
she made her way to her niece's room.

Jenni sat huddled up by her head board hugging her knees. She itched
the sleeve of her long white nightgown, her toes curling and
uncurling in wondering anticipation as Zoë entered her room. Her
eyes met her aunts for a faltering second before turning away.
Instead she focused on the pattern the setting sun made on the cream
carpet through her lacy drapes.

"Its only 6:30, why do I have to go to bed so early?" She mumbled,
her sweet face contorting in a slight pout as the woman came to sit
near her on the bed.

Zoë drew her legs up stretching them out on
rumpled pink comforter and rested her back against the stacked
pillows along the headboard. She put her arm around Jenni's small
shoulders pulling the girl gently to her side.

"I just wanted you to be ready for bed because we have something
very important to talk about and I don't know how late--" She began
and was immedently interrupted.

"I said sorry earlier, about lying to you. I didn't mean to and I
was just mad cause' you got upset about my mess in the living room.
I was scared that you'd be even madder when your vase fell and I was
angry at myself for knocking it over. That's why I ran...I didn't
mean to be 'deceitful'. ..." She explained quickly snuggling up to
Zoë and pulling her stuffed bear close to her chest.

Zoë smiled at Jenni's attempt to copy her vocabulary and nodded, "I know, and thank you for your apology, but that's not what I wanted to discuss with you."

"But you said earlier that you'd—" The girl stopped as Zoë shook her
head, tears once again slipping from her eyes as put a finger to
Jenni's lips to quiet her. The girl pulled back to see her aunts
face. "You're crying...I don't like it when you cry." She
complained, her own eyes welling up just then. The woman pulled her
back into her arms and onto her lap before speaking.

"Something has happened today, something very sad that involves your
mother..."Try as she might to keep her voice steady it broke.
Swallowing hard she forced her self to continue, " Your mother was
hurting very badly inside her self and she didn't know how to get
help for that so she decided that she didn't...she couldn't... She
chose to make her body stop working."

"What'd you mean?" she questioned feeling as if someone had slapped
her. It took a moment for Zoë's painful words to register before
Jenni began to tremble, "She's gone away...Forever?" She asked more
to herself than to her aunt as sobs began to rack her body. She knew
what death was and understood the finality of it, but her own
mother, dead.

Her mind spun trying to wrap itself around the situation. Zoe had
said Lydia had a chance; a choice to make towards healing like she
did. Jenni had taken those kind words to heart hoping against all
cruel odds that Lydia might be okay... That one day she would have
her natural right to a mother who could love her. It didn't matter
to her then, the years of neglect and abuse. All she wanted at that
moment was for the Universe to give her mother back so Lydia could have her
chance. A blessed chance to live as she her self had gotten to the
moment her mother abandoned her on her aunt's doorstep.

Zoë held her closely, arms locked over Jenni's as the girl shook her
head wondering, "Why? I t-thought she'd be better in that place...
YOU said s-she was gonna be able to talk to someone who would help
her, like I get to every week! YOU SAID!" her last few words were
shouted as rage started to radiate through her.

"Your mother was in a lot of emotional pain and she wasn't able to
help herself feel better. She decided that living was too hard for
her. She felt very sad and she made the wrong decision. "Zoë raised
her voice to be heard over her niece's shrill cries. "You did
nothing wrong and none of this is your fault. There is nothing you
or I did or did not do to make this happen... It was your mother's
CHOICE, baby..." She stopped; her throat closing wishing there
was something she could say or do to pacify the now hysterical girl
in her arms.

"YOU PROMISED! YOU SAID SHE'D HAV'A CHANCE TO BE BETTER!"

Screaming now Jenni fought to be let go of. Part of her wanted to do
battle and the other half wanted those strong arms around her never,
ever to let go. Bitterly torn she went limp with weeping. She was
furious at her mother, the world and at Zoë for something she had
never had a choice in; her birth.

"I HATE HER...," yelling the small girl’s hoarse voice gave out and
then with a deep constricted moan Jenni hid her face in Zoë's chest
clinging to her for dear life. She could feel her aunt’s tears drip
down upon her red cheek mixing wounded sorrow with fuming antipathy.

"...and I hate you..." With those damning words expressed so
painfully and full of such raw self pity Zoë felt her heart break...

<><><><>The End<><><><>