Here is Part 5. Part 6 will follow soon!
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A Broken Heart (Part 5)
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The twisted tree root tripped the girl sending her small hands to
break her fall in the cool dirt. No attention was paid to her
stinging hands as she propelled her self upwards breaking into a
frenzied run. Her lungs burned as she wove her way deeper and deeper through a thick mesh of cacti, rock and sculpted landscape. Her tights ripped and snagged on the thorny branches as her legs flew. She paid no heed to the shout and footsteps behind calling her back as she continued to run blindly ahead. Finally, out of breath and from sheer exhaustion she ducked behind the storage shed and tucked herself into a small depression dented into the old wood from long ago. She was shielded in part by an over grown prickly pear bush.
Her breath came in ragged bursts as she struggled to catch it. When
no voice could be heard Jenni relaxed a bit, her breathing now under
control. What had made her run she was unsure of, her only motive
was to put as much distance between herself and her pursuer as possible. Even
with the cool January weather, the desert sun blazed overhead
causing the girl to breakout in a cold sweat from her sprint. She
wiped her dry lips with the back of her hand wondering how she was
going to get herself out of this mess…..
It had been an unusually busy morning and Jenni had been in the way
and underfoot as her aunt hurried to get ready for a meeting with
her lawyer about the hearing regarding her mother. She and her Aunt
had talked in length over Zoë's choice to have the woman arrested.
Jenni was unsure of the severity and the real weight of the decision
that had been made on her behalf, but she trusted her aunt to know
what was right. Zoë had explained that her mother needed help that
she could not get on her own. Zoe was working with her lawyer and
Lydia's assigned defense attorney to get the woman psychiatric
therapy while in prison.
Part of Jenni was relieved that her mother would no longer be able
to contact her and content in the fact that Lydia would have to pay
for what she had done. Another part of her ached for something she
would never truly have and her heart burned for; she longed for a life
she had only ever dreamed of in her head. She knew though deep in
her soul that she was in the best place possible and that her aunt
loved her beyond any shadow of doubt. Still, she dreamed of
something different…
Jenni shifted her weight from her heels to her bottom, settling
herself on the dusty gritty ground. She fingered a chalky sharp
pebble as she thought more about this morning. She had been picking
up her new markers and sketch book in the living room, a place she
wasn't allowed to use her supplies in. Zoë had reminded her of that
and had asked that she pick up her mess before they had to leave.
Bad tempered and scowling Jenni hadn't been paying much attention
what she was doing and had rushed about angrily throwing her
supplies into her red art box. She had, by accident, bumped into the
end table to reach a marker that had rolled under it. A jade hand
blown glass vase had been knocked off and went smashing to the tiled
floor much to the young girl's horror. It had been a gift to her
aunt from a friend who had brought it back from India. While it wasn't expensive it held a sentimental value for Zoë that could not be replaced.
Jenni froze; her mind racing at what to do. The last week she had
been a bundle of restless nerves and energy, like a tinker toy with
a key in its back wound up to tight. She still felt displaced by her
mother's sudden appearance at her home around Christmas time. The
nightmares and forgotten memories had surfaced again causing
friction in the unusually calm household. Zoë had tried to be extra
patient and understanding of her niece, allowing some of her rules
and discipline to relax. Still there was only so much the woman would
tolerate.
A moment later Zoë came hurrying down stairs at the noise
and came to find her niece standing barefoot, save for her sheer
white tights, surrounded by a pile of glass shards.
"Don't move an inch. I don't want you cutting yourself." Zoë
said calmly noting the look of panic in her child's eyes. She moved
carefully to the far side of the girl and leaned a bit to lift her
under her arms over the sharp green shards and to clear footing away
from the potential hazard.
"I-I didn't do it… I didn't break it!" Jenni spat out
hurriedly, not even thinking clearly about what she was saying. Her
small hand gripped a yellow marker tightly, anxious as she edged her
way backwards away from her aunt who had seated herself across from
the girl on the long tan sofa.
"I don't know what happened...It just fell and I didn't touch it." She lied, not considering the penalty for her untrue words or the situation as her eyes only registered
the pained look of loss on her aunt's pretty face. Zoë didn't seem
upset that she could tell, but a fear for being rebuked over her
haste along with something else she had not been able to identify
had let lies roll off her tongue.
"It's not possible that it fell on its own, honey. I'm not angry,
just tell me what happened?" Zoë asked her voice strained and weary
obviously not pleased that Jenni was blatantly lying to her face.
She knew whatever had happened was an accident and that Jenni was
reacting based on fears from deep in her past instead of responding
based on the reality of the present situation. The woman was
offering her a single chance to correct herself and come clean. The
nervous girl hesitated and backed away even farther.
"Don't do this Jenni...you know as a fact I do not abide dishonesty
or running away from consequences…" Zoë coaxed trying to remind
Jenni of the stiff penalty for such actions. She had used the
term 'running away' figuratively and hadn't expected the child to
actually bolt from her words.
The surprised woman gave chase following the panicked girl's path out the back door and into the vast botanical jungle that was their backyard. She was in heeled
brown leather boots that made running difficult, but not as pained
as the child's feet felt from the bare footed dash…
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As her thoughts settled themselves, a prickly sensation flushed
Jenni's skin sending the hairs on her neck to stand upright. It was
that feeling of knowing you're not alone…
Biting her lip she turned her head gazing nervously through the narrow opening she had wedged herself in between shed wall and stone fence at the back of the
extensive yard. A wild puzzle of cacti separated her from the out of
breath woman that stood a several feet away.
"You come out here right now. We don't have time for your games this
morning Jenni." Zoë urged glancing at her silver watch. As it was
she'd have to call to postpone the meeting by at least an hour. It
was something she hated to do as it was not in her nature to be late
for anything. She felt it was rude and disrespectful to the person
she had promised her time to. However, she had a disturbed young
girl to deal with and had learned over the years that she would
indeed have to be late, reschedule or not come at all if her time
was needed by her first priority; her child.
Jenni hugged her knees to her chest and with tears rolling down her
fair cheeks she shook her head no. Zoë sighed heavily taking in the
scene in its entirety trying to see it through Jenni's eyes.
"You're probably feeling a little frightened right now, but you need to know I understand that you didn't mean to break anything. It was an accident and accidents
are okay if you tell me about them. I don't like it when you run or
hide, or when you lie to me. That makes me upset with your behavior, but I'm not angry
at you." She explained as calmly as she could while pacing the ground.
"You're mad though I can tell..."
"I am a little mad at the situation and your behavior, but not at
you. There's a difference and I know you understand that."
Jenni contemplated her aunt's words knowing Zoë was telling her the
truth. She traced a swirling pattern in the orange dirt with her
finger contemplating her choices. After a few moments she realized
she had none but to go and face the music. The small girl was
apprehensive though as she knew what awaited her once in her aunt's
reach, but she knew the longer she stayed where she was the deeper
trouble she'd be in.
"You're gonna be late..." Jenni tried with a smallest hope that Zoë
would leave her be.
"I am not leaving you here by yourself and I have no issue being
late to that meeting if your behavior needs my full attention before
we leave." The woman slowed her pacing and crouched down a bit to be
level with the child. There eyes met through a tangle of green
spikes. "Do you understand me?" She asked reaching out her hand to
Jenni.
The girl's eyes widened as she nodded. "But I'm sorry...I didn't
mean to..." She whined now standing and inching her way towards
Zoë's hand.
"I know you didn't mean to break my vase," Zoë assured and once the
girl was in reach she grabbed that wrist tightly pulling her out
from behind the shed and around the thatch of cacti, "However, you
did mean to run from me and you did mean to lie to me. Those are the
things I will be spanking you for." She promised and pulled her
niece along as she quickly headed towards the house.
Jenni pulled back hard on her arm, squirming now to be let go of. She finally
sunk to her knees in the dirt to prevent Zoë from going farther.
Wordlessly the strong woman leaned over and hauled her up to her
feet long enough to give a biting smack to her dusty skirt. The girl
howled as Zoë lifted her about the middle, carrying her in the rest of
the way to the back porch, through the door, past the kitchen and
depositing her in front of the washer dryer combo in the laundry
room.
"Strip!" Zoë commanded while rotating on the cold water facet to the
wash sink allowing the water to fill it before twisting it off. She
turned with brows raised to regard Jenni who stared at her, mouth
open not moving.
"W-what?"
"You heard me young lady. Strip down to your underwear right now.
Those clothes have to soak before I can wash them. Trash your tights
in the waste basket then go up and rinse off in your bathtub before
you dress. I have to make a phone call and then I will be up to
check on you." Zoë said a bit annoyed that Jenni seemed to need an
explanation. She was on edge this morning and didn't feel like
butting heads. Exasperated, she threw up her hands shaking her head
and left to make that call as her whimpering niece began to disrobe.
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Her freshly scrubbed damp skin clung to her purple sweater as she
pulled it over her head causing long strands of her hair to be
suspended in static electricity. She cursed herself endlessly for
being so stupid. She ran a wide toothed comb through her locks to
tame the static and tangles and was about to step into a clean blue
pleated skirt as her aunt stepped in her room without knocking.
Zoë had changed her scuffed boots and soiled skirt for chocolate slacks
and closed toed suede heels. To Jenni she always appeared perfectly
dressed and accessorized so effortlessly that the preteen felt a bit
self conscious about her own appearance just then. She glanced at
herself in the full length mirror next to her dresser taking in her
unruly curling hair, her wrinkled sweater and her one socked foot.
She saw the color drain from her face at her aunts words.
"Leave it off for now and come with me please." She instructed
extending her hand to the girl which was hurriedly accepted as Jenni
didn't want to provoke her aunt’s annoyance any farther. Zoë pulled
her along back to the girls own bathroom. The room was still a bit
steamy and the mirror fogged from the recent hot shower. The woman
pointed to the closed toilet seat saying, "Sit there."
A little puzzled, Jenni gingerly sat and watched as Zoë reached into
the small painted wall cabinet that held bubble bath and other
bathing supplies. "What are you doing?" Her question was met with a
sharp look of disapproval causing the child to bite her lip to keep
from speaking until she was spoken to. It took only the site of her
aunt's fingers working the wrapping off of a bar of Dove Ivory Soap
to send a chill searing down her spine. She shook her head pushing
herself back farther on the porcelain lid.
"Indirect dishonestly may not always earn you a trip across my lap.
However, lying directly to my face knowing you are being untruthful
not only earns you a spanking, but a mouth soaping as well." Zoë
explained the consequences firmly, her eyes not hiding the
disappointment she felt as her hands lathered the new bar vigorously
with a washcloth.
"Please, you can't….I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, it just came out."
She begged through her fingers as her hands covered her mouth.
Zoë leaned down a bit to be closer to Jenni's eye level, "You need
to think before you speak and if you do tell a lie you must always
come clean and tell the truth. I can't trust you if your dishonest
with me."
"I'm not though, not usually..." She mumbled, lowering her eyes in
slight defeat.
"I know it and we will talk more about that later. Now hands behind
your back and mouth open." She commanded not taking any measure to
hide the foaming material in her hand. With hot tears Jenni clasped
her hands behind herself and parted her lips, not liking the
invitation she was presenting.
Zoë wasted no time scrubbing out Jenni's mouth with the foul tasting
soapy cloth. She ran the washcloth along all sides of the girl's
cheeks and her tongue. Jenni gagged and chocked a bit, but did her
best to stay still knowing any interference would mean more time
over her Aunt's lap in payment. Sincere tears of remorse trailed
down the girls face and after a few minutes Zoë stopped and allowed
her to spit. The girl bolted for the sink and after a minute Jenni
reached for the faucet only to have her hand clasped and lead back
out into the hall towards her room. Not missing a beat the woman sat
on the unmade twin bed and pulled Jenni to stand between her legs.
The girl kept her eyes down, the smart bitterness in her mouth
taking all of her attention just then.
"I am not spanking you for breaking my vase. That was an accident
and as I said earlier accidents are okay if you tell me about them;
not hiding, not running, and not lying about it as you have
done….Look at me please when I am speaking to you." She chastised,
her manner stiff and even as she continued when Jenni met her
gaze, "You not only hurt yourself when you lie, you hurt others and
I am a little unnerved that you felt the need to be dishonest with
me. Had you told me truthfully that you had broken the vase I would
have asked you to be more careful and we would have cleaned it up
together. I would not have spanked you. Do you understand that?"
Jenni nodded a bit, her single bare foot rubbing itself nervously
against the softness of the carpet. She gasped then as Zoë pulled
her quickly over her lap and gave her three stinging spanks in the
center of her bottom before standing her upright. The young girl's
feet danced as she tried to rub the smart tingle away with her free
hand.
"Use your words to answer me. I need to know that you understand
what I have said to you."
"Ow! That hurt!" Jenni accused her eyes flashing angrily as she
pulled back on her hand to be let go. In response she found herself
leaned over partway across those firm legs and again felt the burn
as three more spanks were given, this time to her bare thighs. Huge
crocodile tears blurred her vision as she was kept forcefully in the
position. Something didn't feel right in her gut just then and she
squirmed franticly to be let go of only feeling the maddening head
rush of red fury; all of it towards Zoë.
"We can keep this up before your real spanking until you answer me
properly young lady."
"Okay-okay, I understand you! Just LET ME GO!" Jenni yelled shrilly
struggling push herself off of Zoë's lap.
At those words Zoë pulled Jenni fully across her thighs as she
reached to tug the pink cotton panties down the girl's slim hips to
her knees. The child's now bare bottom was the center of her lap
waiting for the ordeal to begin but not at all calmly. For the first
time Jenni fought her aunt's authority hard over receiving a
spanking. The young girl was determined that if Zoë was going to
spank her she would in turn make it as difficult and as trying as
possible. Saying nothing the woman locked her nieces kicking legs
with her own, bending the child sharply over one knee while holding
her down with her left arm. With her free hand she began to teach
the repercussions of lying. The child gritted her teeth refusing to
cry out, that is until her sensitive thighs were given proper
attention. At this she really let go of her fight sobbing and
begging for it to end.
During this time a range of thoughts was going through Zoë's own
head. She was very upset that Jenni had felt the need to lie to her
and she remembered back to her own childhood to an incident that had
occurred with her own mother.
Zoë had lied about accidentally loosing one of her mother's earrings when she had been assigned the chore of dusting the house. She had been caught and at 11 years old
her mother had taken a strap to her that left bruises for several
days. Her father had followed up with belting that same night,
and all over a cheap earring that her mother never really liked to
begin with.
A flush of feelings overwhelmed her as she remembered how she had
felt back then; terrified, frustrated and angry...so dam angry at
her mother's failure to see what was really going on inside of her
at that time. Zoë's mother had went through life with blinders on
refusing to see the abuse and brutality her husband inflicted on the
family. Zoë had hated her for that. She had needed to be hugged,
kissed, the incident forgiven and forgotten.
She had seen that same flash of emotion in Jenni's eyes just moments
ago before she had taken the child across her knee. She realized
then Jenni would learn nothing from this spanking if she was clouded
by displaced emotions and not receptive to the discipline. That had
been her mistake; forcing the child into correction. For her
reprimand to have any effect her niece must accept her authority and
by Jenni's fight the child was having none of it. Sometimes a
spanking wasn't the answer even if the girl provoked the
consequence. Zoë now knew that she should not have taken Jenni's
running and lying as a sign of defiance. There was something deeper
going on than pure deception.
She stopped the spanking then, rubbing the warm sting from her
tingling palm. Jenni cried quietly still expecting much more to come
until her aunt reached under her arms lifting her to her feet.
Sudden tears rimmed Zoë’s eyes as she reached down and pulled up her
niece's panties over her reddened backside.
"What...I m-mean...that’s it?"
"Bring your skirt to me please." Zoë responded quietly as she
reached a hand out expectantly and with her other hand she pressed
her closed eyes trying to block her tears from falling. The young
girl obeyed saying nothing as her aunt helped her step into the
garment and fasten it at her waist before drawing her into a tight,
fierce hug. Jenni returned the embrace flaccidly, not understanding
what had just happened. The moisture leaked its way from under Zoë's
lids as she fought to control her self.
"I want you to think about why you lied to me and we will talk
about it again at bedtime. I love you baby..." She said her voice
tight and a bit shaky. She kissed Jenni's wet cheek before standing,
not looking at her child just then. "Go rinse your mouth, wash your
face, and brush your hair. I'll meet you by the front door in five
minutes." With that instruction she left quickly leaving a very
perplexed child to stare questioning after her.
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The long car ride to the Courthouse was silent, with each passenger
absorbed in their own thoughts. The silver Lexus was parked
across the street in the down town parking complex as parent and child
quickly made their way over to the large stone building. A well
dressed man in a four piece grey suit met them by the high double
door entrance. Zoë greeted him warmly, shaking his hand.
"My, my Zoë Kelly, it's been way to long." The man's generous hazel
eyes swept approvingly over the beautiful woman standing before him.
He grinned self-consciously mentally kicking himself for not
being man enough pursue his friendship with her beyond the
occasional get together. "We meet again I'm sorry to say under less
than happy circumstances." The tall man's voice was charming and
deep. He smiled then to Jenni while running a hand through his sandy
hair. "And how are you little lady? Last time I saw you, you
were...what was it, eight?"
Jenni nodded a bit, not saying anything, but stared up at this giant
that even towered over her aunt's five foot ten inch slim frame, and
that was without heels. She herself barely came up to under Zoë's
chest. She felt very small indeed and unusually shy around this
stranger who she just barely remembered.
"Yes, Barry, you saw her last just after the adoption." Zoë answered
for her niece and gave the girl's hand a reassuring squeeze as she
led her into the ominous looking structure.
After climbing several flights of stairs Jenni was content to sit on
an overstuffed sofa in a bright waiting room with a table full of
magazines and books. Zoë gave her a small bag of raisins and a
bottle of grape juice saying she wasn't sure how long she'd be. The
woman gave firm instructions not to move from the room and that if
Jenni should need anything she'd be across the way in the frosted
glass incased conference area. Jenni nodded reaching for a big book
filled with travel pictures to entertain her self with. She adjusted
the cushions behind her self as she settled in for a long wait.
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Zoë sighed crossing her long legs, tapping her heel noiselessly into
the carpet. It had been a trying 90 minutes and they were no closer
to agreeing on anything. She had participated explaining her wishes
as to what she'd like to have done for her sister.
Her skilled lawyer Barry Andrews was in disagreement with the hotheaded public
defense attorney Jim Groves. Mr. Groves was a stout older man with
menacing mustache and hard eyes that had lost their patience and
sparkle long ago. Zoë glanced over her shoulder checking on her
niece's shaded form still sitting in wait through the thick glass.
"My client Ms. Marshall doesn't want any kind of psychiatric
therapy. It can't be forced on her at this time." Jim Groves explained heatedly
turning from Barry and opening his arms imploring some understanding
from Zoë. "Ms. Kelly she doesn't want your help, and frankly I don't
understand why you're bothering as you had her arrested to begin
with."
Zoë hands rested under her chin fingering a gold emerald ring. She
turned it around and around her finger in thought. "I understand
your confusion Mr. Groves, but this has not so much to do with me as
it does with my niece. My sister severely abused that child because
of our upbringing. It's not my intention to keep the woman behind
bars without some kind of interventional therapy. She is mentally
unwell and I fear a danger to her self and others if she is left
untreated."
Barry sat back in his chair, his hands clasped in front of him as he
considered his patrons words before knowing how best to proceed. Zoë
had spoken from her heart and if this diminutive man didn't relent
to that Barry knew nothing else would make him.
"Come on Jim…all you need is to sign this petition. You have the authority to make
decisions a sick woman has no rational mind to make. Help Ms. Kelly
help her sister….and if for no other reason than that poor kid
sitting outside," Barry reasoned, tired now he rubbed his forehead
catching a look at the wall clock.
Jim bowed his head sulking in the pool of expression that had flowed
its way inside of him somehow and glumly reached into his suit
pocket fumbling for a pen. The trodden man scrawled his signature
quickly and shoved the paper back to Barry shaking his finger. "My
client with not like this and you can expect when this goes to court
I'll find someway to…" He was cut off abruptly when the door opened
revealing a court clerk, a young girl with thick black glasses and
brown hair cut short to show off her pretty face; a face that was
flushed and fretful looking.
Barry stood at her entrance looking puzzlingly at her, "This is a
private meeting. Can we help you Miss..."
"Mr. Groves I need to speak with you right now. It's about your
client…," the twenty something girl strode over to Jim and spoke in
hushed whispers with him for a minute. She stole a nervous glance at
the man and woman staring in wonderment at her before she left the
room. The once angry man looked dejectedly at the floor rubbing the
back of his head uncomfortably; his lips pursed tight turning his
plump face an ill shade of red.
"What is it Jim? Is everything alright?" Barry asked going over to
the man's side.
"Well…no." His eyes clouded with awkwardness as he looked over to
Zoë for a long moment. "I don't know what to say or how to even tell
you this Ms. Kelly…"
Zoë's mouth went very dry as her throat closed, her lips parted as
if to speak as her eyes took it what this man was silently
communicating to her. Her heart began to race, beating
itself madly in her chest sending waves of rhythm to her ears,
deafening the room.
"Your sister..., she's dead Ms. Kelly. They found her about two
hours ago in her cell. She strangled herself...I'm sorry." The
portly man turned his back running his hand uncertainly through his
tangle of short hair before leaving the room. On his way out the
main entrance he spotted a small girl curled up on the leather sofa
fast asleep, clutching an empty juice container. His eyes welled with
feeling just then, returning some of his shine lost with years of
extensive hours and tough cases. He was careful to close the door
with a soft click as to not wake the resting child.
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Barry Andrews stood in shocked stillness, his arms crossed and his
face pained as he watched his client, a woman he secretly loved
digest the news that was just told to her.
Had she been standing a moment ago Zoë's knees would have given out.
Her breathing had stopped for a long minute as her heart skipped a
beat. She let her pounding head fall back, her jade eyes blurred
with searing tears as they dilated with the ceilings light. Her
entire being housed a mix of raw heartache, sadness, and intense
fury that shook her. She swallowed hard feeling the burning liquid
stream from her eyes, meshing her mascara with fine cosmetic powder.
Zoë wished whoever was kicking her in the stomach would stop.
`Damn her…' It crept into her buried thoughts slowly weighing out
all others of nil importance. The thought manifested through her
mouth. Her lips silently shaped the words into the thick air as she
brought her face into her hands. From somewhere rusted inside of her
an agonizing guttural wail rocked her body. She doubled over
in genuine physical pain.
Barry swiftly made his way over and knelt on the carpet in front of the distraught woman. He soothingly wrapped his arms around her bent form holding her securely to him,
something he wished he could have done without the disturbing circumstances.
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She cracked her eyes open to the still quiet room and stifling a
yawn the young girl sat up and rubbed her eyes to adjust to the
light. There was no movement coming from behind the tinted glass and
Jenni wondered if anyone was even in there. The thought left her
knowing that Zoë would have woken her up. The time eluded her as she
was hungry and restless now with the boredom of waiting. A bit
annoyed at being left alone for so long she crossed the room and
stood tiptoe to peek in the clear window of the door. From her angle
she couldn't see anything so she turned the handle opening it
without knocking.
"Aunt Zoë..." Her voice echoed a bit in the utter immobility of the
room. Her heart leaped in her throat as her aunt jerked upright
registering the noise of a voice. Zoë's eyes were red, her face
ashen. Jenni could never remember those eyes looking so full..., so
devastatingly full of something she had never seen house itself in
her aunt's eyes; guilt. Cold fear pricked her skin sending goose
bumps swimming over her body.
"Hey kiddo, why don't you go back outside and we'll be there in a--"
Barry soothed as he tried to seize control of the situation and was
sharply rebuked.
"No! You let her be..." Zoë's voice trembled as she struggled to
keep her tone calm despite the thrashing emotions inside of her. The
last thing she wanted to do was to scar Jenni with any of the
trauma she was experiencing. "Come here sweetheart..."
When Jenni hesitated Zoë opened her arms reassuringly beckoning the
child to her, "Its alright, come on." With those words Jenni
approached and allowed Zoë to lift her up to sit on her lap.
The girl caught the sent of breezy citrus zest, her aunt's perfume
as the woman enveloped her in a tight embrace. She tried to lift her
head wanting to search Zoë's eyes for clarity, but the woman
wouldn't allow her niece movement as she held Jenni to her
breast.
"Barry hand me that pen and paper please." She asked still
fighting the cries digging at her throat. The man handed her the
petition with its blank backside facing up sighing heavily at all
the effort they had gone to in order to have that paper signed. None
of it mattered now.
Zoë scribbled hastily before handing it back to him. "I need you to
call this person and have them come down here to meet me. Tell her
it's important and to please hurry." Zoë implored softly. Barry left
quickly a bit relieved to be out of the room for a minute.
In his absence Jenni tried to pull away, but was held
firmly. "Pleasssseee, Aunt Zoë...what's going on?" she whined as Zoë
tucked her chin over the girl's head keeping her close. The woman
rubbed her child's back in a calming effort.
"Hush now….I'll tell you everything at home." She promised
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"They want you to come as soon as you can. Nothing can be done until
someone identifies the body." Barry explained waiting with Zoë
outside under the covered awning of the courthouse. A light drizzle
had begun as storm clouds rolled in with the fresh chill of the
evening. Jenni sat a few feet away on a wooden bench, her knees
huddled to her chest for warmth. In their haste to get out the door
Zoë had forgotten their coats.
"Fine, I'll go as soon as I get Jenni settled with Tory. Thanks
Barry for all your help today," Zoë relented wanting to get this
over with as soon as possible. She looked away from him and out into
the busy traffic watching as a blue van pulled up. She saw her best
friends blonde head peek out the driver's window waving her
over. "Jenni its time to go honey," She said reaching for her
child's hand and leading her towards the parked vehicle. She stopped
abruptly as Barry pulled her back.
"If there's anything you or Jenni need, please call me. You
shouldn't have to handle this by yourself," Barry offered beseeching
Zoë with his eyes to let him in just a little bit.
Zoë considered him for a long moment weighing him with her eyes
before smiling tightly, "I shouldn't have to handle a lot of things
that I do, but that's between me and Him" She said glancing upward
towards the brewing storm. More softly she continued, "But thank you
Barry, it means a lot to me." With those parting words she hurried
towards the van with her niece in tow.
"I came as soon as Barry called me; I'm so sorry Zoë-." Tory closed
her mouth quickly as Zoë shook her head, her eyes meeting Tory's
firmly before sweeping over Jenni.
"Aunt Zoë, what's she talking about?" Jenni begged to be let in on
what everyone else seemed to know but her. Zoë turned to her then,
opening the vans back door.
"I need you to be a good girl and go with Tory back to our house.
I'll be home as soon as I can and we'll talk." Zoë explained
ushering Jenni into the van. Her eyes misted over as Jenni scowled
untrustingly at her. "I promise Jenni. I'll see you in a bit." She
assured and closed the sliding door. She turned back to Tory
speaking quietly, "Please try and get her to eat something. I should
be home in a few hours."
"Don't worry she's fine with me. Just try and relax a little." Tory
assured her voice filled with empathy.
Zoë nodded waving to Jenni in the window as she hurried off across
the street to the parking garage.
<><><><><><><><><><><><>
To this day Zoë had no idea how she had managed rush hour traffic to
the mortuary across town. As she checked in the main office she felt
as if in a trance; a drugged haze. She slowly followed a short young
man in a lab coat through a security gate and into a large room with
its walls lined with stainless steel oven like doors stacked three
by three on each wall.
Zoë's eyes turned glassy as the man wordlessly pulled open one of the
drawers farthest from her. The woman stayed fixed to the spot,
unsure of her stability if she moved just then.
"She just arrived about twenty minutes ago... I'm sorry for your
loss." The mortician's assistant shrugged his shoulders
uncomfortably not knowing what to say as he was still new to the
business.
Carefully he unzipped the black bag a foot or so
and stepped back making room for Zoë to look over. Saying a silent
prayer for strength Zoë found her footing and walked over to look
down on her little sister. She quickly looked away at the gruesome
sight of the corpse’s mouth locked in a slient scream, its’ eyes glazed and forever hallow. Zoe’s stomach knotted and she crossed her arms over it to keep from vomiting.
"That's enough... please close it." She pleaded shaking her head
willing the image to go away. In a brief flash a disturbing thought
crossed her mind. Had God or some divine force not intervened in
destiny, roles could have been reversed and she could have been in
that bag. She, however, had awareness and had made a choice
long ago not to repeat the cycle of abuse, just as she was assisting
Jenni in living that same alternative.
The young man zipped the bag and shut up the drawer. He pulled out
a question sheet from his pocket with a pen as he went down the list
of questions for the claimer of the deceased. Zoë answered as best
she could before signing the paper that was offered to her.
"Will you be covering the funeral and embalming fees?"
"Yes, I'll cover all expenses. Is that all? I have to get home to my
niece."
"Will you want an open casket?" He asked innocently and immedently
reconsidered his sequential question.
"You SERIOUSLY think that's an option!?" Zoë's words tangled
cynically with the assistant's profuse apology. The body, the face
especially, was in no condition to show anyone and only Zoë would
live with this last picture of Lydia in her head. She stalked out of
the room blindly making her way back outside. It was raining heavier
now and the wetness soaked trough her silk blouse. The cold water
biting her skin woke her from her daze. She stood still for a moment
letting the cleansing drops wash over her face taking some of the
guilt and worry sliding down her cheeks to the ground before going
to her car.
<><><><><><><><><><><><>
With a twist of her wrist she shut off the car hearing the roar of
the engine die down. The only noise then was the rain beating down
on warm metal. Like the pounding rain Zoë dissolved, bracing herself
against the steering wheel as waves of tears engulfed her. She wept
resentfully, her spirit aching until she could cry no more. The
storm broke after a while and settled back opening the sky with bits
of blue as Zoë wiped her face and blew her nose with a tissue from
her purse. Taking several deep breaths she gave her legs power
enough to walk up the stone path to the house. Tory had been waiting
for her as opened the door before Zoë had her key out.
"Hey… you okay?"
"Well, it was certainly one of the most unpleasant things I have
ever had to do." Zoë frowned at Tory's concerned
question. Her friend grinned tightly; her face strained not knowing
quite what else to say so she changed the subject.
"Jenni's upstairs in her room. I had her change for bed, but she's
restless and keeps asking for you. She ate a bit of the soup and
sandwich I made for her, but she didn't seem to have an appetite.
"Thanks for watching her and coming as quick as you did." Zoë said
rubbing her arms for warmth. "I need to get out of these wet clothes
and up to her."
"I'll call you tomorrow..." Tory offered as she buttoned up her coat
and took her purse to her shoulder. She hugged her friend then for a
long moment before quickly leaving. Zoë watched her go down the walk
before slowly ascending up the stairs. Nearing the top she stopped
on the last few steps noticing Jenni's crouched form sitting by the
banister, her back against the rail posts.
"How long have you been sitting there honey?"
"A while... I was waiting for you. Tory told me I had to stay in my
room till you came home, but I didn't... You mad?" Jenni questioned
not looking at Zoë at all during this time as the woman mounted the
rest of the stairs and stood looking down at her.
"No, not at all. I do want you to go back though and wait for me. I
need to change and then I'll be in."
Jenni wordlessly did as she was asked, glancing over her shoulder in
uncertainty. In her bathroom Zoë undressed and quickly washed her
face. She pulled her damp hair up into a loose twist before putting
on a favorite long sleep shirt and blue satin pant set. She took a long
moment to just breathe and center herself. With a final deep shaky breath
she made her way to her niece's room.
Jenni sat huddled up by her head board hugging her knees. She itched
the sleeve of her long white nightgown, her toes curling and
uncurling in wondering anticipation as Zoë entered her room. Her
eyes met her aunts for a faltering second before turning away.
Instead she focused on the pattern the setting sun made on the cream
carpet through her lacy drapes.
"Its only 6:30, why do I have to go to bed so early?" She mumbled,
her sweet face contorting in a slight pout as the woman came to sit
near her on the bed.
Zoë drew her legs up stretching them out on
rumpled pink comforter and rested her back against the stacked
pillows along the headboard. She put her arm around Jenni's small
shoulders pulling the girl gently to her side.
"I just wanted you to be ready for bed because we have something
very important to talk about and I don't know how late--" She began
and was immedently interrupted.
"I said sorry earlier, about lying to you. I didn't mean to and I
was just mad cause' you got upset about my mess in the living room.
I was scared that you'd be even madder when your vase fell and I was
angry at myself for knocking it over. That's why I ran...I didn't
mean to be 'deceitful'. ..." She explained quickly snuggling up to
Zoë and pulling her stuffed bear close to her chest.
Zoë smiled at Jenni's attempt to copy her vocabulary and nodded, "I know, and thank you for your apology, but that's not what I wanted to discuss with you."
"But you said earlier that you'd—" The girl stopped as Zoë shook her
head, tears once again slipping from her eyes as put a finger to
Jenni's lips to quiet her. The girl pulled back to see her aunts
face. "You're crying...I don't like it when you cry." She
complained, her own eyes welling up just then. The woman pulled her
back into her arms and onto her lap before speaking.
"Something has happened today, something very sad that involves your
mother..."Try as she might to keep her voice steady it broke.
Swallowing hard she forced her self to continue, " Your mother was
hurting very badly inside her self and she didn't know how to get
help for that so she decided that she didn't...she couldn't... She
chose to make her body stop working."
"What'd you mean?" she questioned feeling as if someone had slapped
her. It took a moment for Zoë's painful words to register before
Jenni began to tremble, "She's gone away...Forever?" She asked more
to herself than to her aunt as sobs began to rack her body. She knew
what death was and understood the finality of it, but her own
mother, dead.
Her mind spun trying to wrap itself around the situation. Zoe had
said Lydia had a chance; a choice to make towards healing like she
did. Jenni had taken those kind words to heart hoping against all
cruel odds that Lydia might be okay... That one day she would have
her natural right to a mother who could love her. It didn't matter
to her then, the years of neglect and abuse. All she wanted at that
moment was for the Universe to give her mother back so Lydia could have her
chance. A blessed chance to live as she her self had gotten to the
moment her mother abandoned her on her aunt's doorstep.
Zoë held her closely, arms locked over Jenni's as the girl shook her
head wondering, "Why? I t-thought she'd be better in that place...
YOU said s-she was gonna be able to talk to someone who would help
her, like I get to every week! YOU SAID!" her last few words were
shouted as rage started to radiate through her.
"Your mother was in a lot of emotional pain and she wasn't able to
help herself feel better. She decided that living was too hard for
her. She felt very sad and she made the wrong decision. "Zoë raised
her voice to be heard over her niece's shrill cries. "You did
nothing wrong and none of this is your fault. There is nothing you
or I did or did not do to make this happen... It was your mother's
CHOICE, baby..." She stopped; her throat closing wishing there
was something she could say or do to pacify the now hysterical girl
in her arms.
"YOU PROMISED! YOU SAID SHE'D HAV'A CHANCE TO BE BETTER!"
Screaming now Jenni fought to be let go of. Part of her wanted to do
battle and the other half wanted those strong arms around her never,
ever to let go. Bitterly torn she went limp with weeping. She was
furious at her mother, the world and at Zoë for something she had
never had a choice in; her birth.
"I HATE HER...," yelling the small girl’s hoarse voice gave out and
then with a deep constricted moan Jenni hid her face in Zoë's chest
clinging to her for dear life. She could feel her aunt’s tears drip
down upon her red cheek mixing wounded sorrow with fuming antipathy.
"...and I hate you..." With those damning words expressed so
painfully and full of such raw self pity Zoë felt her heart break...
<><><><>The End<><><><>
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Jenni and Zoe--The Christmas Gift (Part 4)
I waited to post this one to be more in sync with the time of year. Thank you for reading.
------------------------------
The Christmas Gift (Part 4)
<><><><><><><><><><><>
Coming down the hand carved wooden staircase at 7:30 on a bright
Saturday morning Zoë was slightly startled to hear a scraping noise
coming from the sun filled kitchen. She had expected to be the only
one awake. Stifling a yawn, she crossed the living room and stood
at the kitchen threshold silently watching her twelve year old niece
climb on top of a straight backed chair to reach the high cabinet
above the stove. The girl was in her blue Disney princess baby doll
night dress and matching panties as she tried to stand tiptoe to reach a
tin of homemade Christmas cookies that were way in the back.
It was the day before Christmas Eve and Zoë had a busy day planned with
last minute shopping and errands to run. She had planned to get a
head start on the day by getting up early to double check her lists
and maybe wrap a few more gifts before her niece awoke, but it
appeared that Jenni had beat her to it.
"Jenni, sweetheart, cookies are not a very good breakfast choice."
She said softly and the girl jumped slightly and peeked over her
shoulder surprised to see her Aunt standing there, "Put them back
please."
Jenni twisted her mouth into a pout and was about to argue when
Zoë shook her head and stepped into the kitchen, "No arguments. Put
them away." When the girl hesitated, Zoë added, "Now, young lady," in
one of her firmer tones.
Jenni sighed and shoved the metal Christmas tin angrily back into the cabinet and let the door close with a loud bang. "I'm hungry." She offered as she slid off of the
chair and dragged it back over to the table.
"What would you like for breakfast?" Zoë asked and tightened the
sash on her rose colored silk robe. Jenni looked from the cabinet to
Zoë. "Cookies are not an option. Would you like oatmeal or eggs and
toast" She offered, growing a little irritated with her child's
stubbornness so early in the morning.
"I really want cookies 'cause I didn't get to try them last
night..." The girl sassed and crossed her arms in a disagreeable sulk
for emphasis.
She had been sent to bed early to fight off her
crabbiness with some extra shut eye, which was now apparent to Zoë
not to have done much good. The woman ran a hand through her long
auburn hair breaking the curls into soft waves as she turned on the
coffee pot which hummed as it dispensed a black, frothy liquid. She
then turned around and regarded her niece. "I gave you two choices;
now tell me which you would like for breakfast." Zoë said and bent
forward so she could look her little charge in the eye, "And
Christmas or not, if you use that tone with me again you will be
spanked."
Jenni bit her lip and backed up a step. Quietly she offered, "eggs
and toast p-please..."
"That's better, go ahead and get me an egg and the butter from the
fridge and I'll make it for you."
Jenni complied and handed the egg to Zoë, who took it and
tousled the somber girl’s hair affectionately. The two were silent as
the woman scrambled the egg and buttered the toast. The girl
meanwhile got herself a plate and fork and after her aunt dished her
food she smothered everything in ketchup.
Zoë added vanilla and cinnamon to her cup of coffee along with a fresh bagel with
blueberry jam and sat with the girl at the table. The child ate
slowly and mashed everything on her plate into a red mess as Zoë
began her morning routine on her laptop of checking e-mail. Since
she had closed her office earlier in the week her inbox was
completely full and she had been spending the better part of each
morning answering the piling e-mails.
After a while Jenni broke the comfortable silence, "I had that
bad dream again last night." She whispered not looking up to see if
her aunt was paying attention, "The one where a big mean black bird
takes me away. It flew high, so high above everything..."
Zoë looked over the rim of her laptop at her niece, her fingers frozen above
the keys. Her eyes held worry and her brow wrinkled in concern for
the child who had been plagued with this nightmare since she was a
little girl. "It circled in the sky and I tried to hang on, but it
dropped me. Lots of times in the dream you manage to catch me
somehow," Jenni shoved her plate aside while pushing her chair away
from the table to stand up, her eyes locked on the floor, "but this
time...no one caught me." She explained with a bit of scorn in her
voice and slowly walked out of the kitchen leaving Zoë to stare
after her in conflicted silence.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><>
The florescent lights seemed to flicker, casting harsh shadows
down the narrow hallway. Jenni's short legs struggled to keep up
with her Aunts long even stride. She kept her eyes glued on the
diamond pattern of tiles passing beneath her quick moving feet. The
only noise was the hard clicking of her Aunts heels. Her hand was
firmly clasped as she was pulled, anything but willing through a
heavy door.
The ladies restroom at Nordstrom’s was full and bright with smell of
breezy floral perfume. Women surrounded the long row of mirrors
clogging the damp counter top with purses and shopping bags as they
powdered their noses, and re-applied lipstick when Zoë entered with
Jenni in firm tow. Like every fancy restroom in America this one had
a little sitting room with a few chairs and a small couch off to the
side with a table full of magazines and cosmetic samples. The girl
stood anxious, wide eyed and red faced as her aunt set about
scolding her in this quiet spot of the restroom.
"I ought to turn you over my knee this minute young lady..."Zoë
admonished while lifting Jenni's quivering chin with her hand so
there matching eyes met.
The girl whimpered backing up against the wall and
pleaded with wide fearful green eyes, "Pleasssse Aunt Zoë, at home
okay?... but not here...Please don't..." she begged and bit her
lower nervously. Her plan had backfired and now she feared she would
have to pay the price in front of all these people instead of the
privacy of her room. Jenni's hands then went automatically to cover
her bottom. Her fingers felt the soft pink corduroy of her pants;
praying they would remain where they were.
Some of the other women in the restroom glanced curiously at
them; some shaking their heads, others with slight frowns on their
faces in wonderment of the child's misbehavior. Out of the corner of
her eye, Jenni recognized one of the elderly women just entering the
rest room who had witnessed her fit in the store over having to try
on clothes she hated for the children's choir recital at their
church tomorrow night. Jenni blushed as her attention was brought
back into focus as Zoë continued scolding her quietly so no one
would overhear her rebuke.
"I can't believe your behavior. I took you here today to buy you a new dress for church this weekend and you have been nothing but rude and disrespectful to me all day.
Whatever has gotten into you stops right now young miss, am I very
clear about this?" Zoë asked firmly.
Jenni stumbled over her words, but managed to squeak out a, "Yes, ma'am", despite her present fear of a spanking in public.
"All right, then this is your one warning." She confirmed and turned
Jenni around by her shoulder and landed three sharp, rapid spanks to
her pant seat. "Ow!" Jenni yelped, and hung her head to hide her
shamed red face. Her cry had turned many a curious head in their
direction.
Hot tears burned below her eye lids, but they wouldn't fall. Zoë's
stern expression softened a bit as she watched Jenni's internal
struggle surface as the girl rubbed her eyes willing the tears to
escape.
Her chastisement had been too much for the girl just then.
Jenni was in a delicate mind frame and Zoë knew early that
morning it was just a matter of time before the dam broke. Still
she hoped Jenni would be able to let go on her own without provoking
any assistance from her, but that was proving to be difficult.
"Oh baby....it's alright." Zoë comforted pulling the girl to her in
a tight hug and kissed the top of Jenni's head. The girl's shoulders
shook with frustrated dry sobs. "I think your extra tired and
apprehensive about tomorrow. I also think you're still upset about
that dream. Am I right?" Jenni just nodded automatically really
unaware though of exactly how she felt. "There's something else
though isn't there? Tell me sweetheart…" The woman urged rubbing her
child's back helping her to calm down.
"I can't cry...I haven't been able to cry." She complained bitterly,
desperately wanting to let go and release the corked chaos inside of
her. "I didn't mean to be bad and I'm sorry...I just need...I
mean..." Explaining her feelings and being able to cry were two of the biggest challenges she always faced. She pulled away from Zoë and mustering up her courage,
she gave her aunt a deep imploring look, "Will y-you help me?"
Zoë smiled softly. The woman already knew what Jenni wanted her to
do, but she also knew it was very important for the girl to say it
herself. "How so baby?"
Jenni swallowed hard not really believing what she was actually
about to ask for, but deep inside herself she knew it was the only
way she'd have any kind of a release. She realized then that she
needed it like she needed air in order to live. It had been a month
since she had earned herself a real spanking other than a reminder
swat here or there. No matter how much she hated them she counted on
spankings to help her remain in control of her emotions and to
release them in healthy tears from a hot stinging bottom rather than
in an angry temper tantrum.
"Will you spank me? I mean not like how when I am in trouble, but
just a little one, so I can let go?" She whispered while twisting the
hem of her shirt into a wrinkled mess. The woman smiled approvingly
and nodded.
"That was very brave of you to ask me that and I'm very proud of you
for it. Thank you for trusting me enough to ask me for what you
need. You can always do that." She confirmed and lifted the girls
chin so their eyes met. "Were almost done here then we'll go home. I
think a hot bath and a nap will do you some good as well. You can
even use my Jacuzzi bath. Would you like that?"
Jenni nodded, smiling a little as Zoë led her out of the restroom
and into the heavy flow of holiday shoppers.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><>
Cool glossy tile led through a high frosted glass doorway.
Skylights and a large window covered in gauzy curtains allowed
natural sunlight to grace the room. Carpeted steps led up to the rim
of a deep Jacuzzi bathtub with beaten gold facets. A large lifted
cabinet held soft towels, bath oils, sea salts and sweet soaps and
lotions. The spacious countertop held double sinks and fresh cut
sunflowers with an oval mirror above. The room portrayed the epitome
of warmth and grace. Zoë's bathroom was her space and truly
reflected her personality. It was also the only place she had any
real privacy and could re-energize herself from the constant demands
of her patients and her child. It was considered a real treat to
Jenni to be able to enjoy this room for a relaxing bath.
Zoë entered carrying a small bundle of clean pajamas and the girl's
bathrobe. Trailing behind her, a bit nervous now, was Jenni who
stopped dead in the doorway as she watched with round unblinking
eyes as Zoë set her things on the countertop before opening the
cabinet to select fresh soap and bubble bath. The woman put the
matching lavender bar and bottle next to the tub before turning and
going over to Jenni drawing her in a tight hug.
"Don't look so afraid. You're not in any kind of trouble and this is
just to help you feel better." She said drawing the child with her
as she went back into her room and seated herself on the high sleigh
bed covered in a thick fur throw to fend off the new chill that
rested in the winter night.
"This is not a punishment spanking Jenni, but once I start I will
decide when to stop. Do you understand that?" Zoë asked, wanting to
make it very clear that while this was voluntary on Jenni’s part, she as the
parent would hold the control in the situation. The girl nodded
barely moving her head.
"I need to hear you speak honey so I know we understand each other."
"Yeah... I mean, I know..." The chocked words felt heavy and un-
natural on her tongue. She sucked on her lower lip anxious for it to
begin, feeling so different just then. Under any other circumstances
she would be fighting and pleading her way out of a spanking, not
standing there waiting, wanting, and restless for it to start.
In a well practiced graceful movement Zoë reached to unbutton
Jenni's pink corduroy pants that the child just an hour ago would
have begged to keep on. Her skilled fingers easily found the zipper
pulling it downward before gently tugging the fabric down Jenni's
slim legs to her knees where they rested. The girl licked her dry
lips, her eyes growing bigger as her Aunt pulled on her wrist to
move her closer to her right side. For a small second Jenni
hesitated and the woman could feel the slight resistance in the
wrist she was holding.
Very quietly she assured her niece, "Trust me Jenni..."
With a deep shaky breath the child nodded noticeably and allowed
herself to be drawn across her Aunts lap. Her fingertips just barely
touched the carpet and her toes hovered inches above it. This was no
new position to her as she often found herself feeling those solid
firm thighs below her stomach at least a few times a month, but this
was the first time she could remember never dreading the sting that
was to come. Instead she opened herself to welcome it thinking about
how soon she would be able to let herself have that much needed cry.
How wrong she was…
Zoë wrapped her arm around Jenni's waist gently and rested her right
hand on the tight seat of those star speckled panties. The girl
clenched her cheeks involuntarily at the touch, and then tried to
relax, knowing Zoë wouldn't start until she did so. With that
movement the woman raised her hand and set about bringing it down in
crisp firm spanks first to the left and then to the right
alternating evenly back and forth.
Quickly a warm buzzing sting developed and the girl wiggled and squirmed slightly, but didn't cry out. After a good minute of this Zoë paused for a moment hooking her
fingers in the elastic waistband of Jenni's panties drawing them
down her pink bottom, past her untouched thighs to her knees. Jenni
whimpered as they became tangled with her pants as she began to kick
with the growing intensity of her Aunts hard palm on her bare
behind. The loud slapping of skin on skin rang in the girls ears as
she cried out in pain.
“Oh… Owwww! It hurts!"
The determined woman said nothing in response; instead she increased
her brisk pace and the strength of her hand now focusing on the
lower untouched region where the bottom meets the thigh. She waited,
just as anxious, as Jenni for the tears to start. The girl cried out
with deep desiccated heaves, but no tears. Zoë hadn't wanted to
cause Jenni this level of pain as she saw her child's bottom go from
pink to crimson under her hand. Usually Jenni was wailing by now,
trying to beg off, promising anything to stop the steady stream of
spanks from raining down on her tender young bottom. It had been
almost a solid ten minutes of firm spanking and not one tear had
escaped. For once she knew her hand would not be enough.
On pure gut impulse she reached across her charge, her fingers
gripped the handle of her cherry wood hairbrush. She fingered the smooth
hard wood before landing its back sharply against Jenni's red behind
leaving a burning oval mark that faded slightly before another
landed to match it on the opposite cheek. At this, the small girl jerked forward, thrashing
her legs to kick away the searing burn digging itself deep into her
flesh. She twisted to look over her shoulder watching as this new
implement landed again to her bare thigh causing her to drop her
head with a wail. Water stung her eyes, welling its way forward
as another spank mirrored itself on her left thigh.
"Let it go sweetheart….Please, let it go..."
Zoë pulled Jenni's body close, snapping her wrist and giving the girl
a hearty half dozen. Halfway through, a flood erupted forth from
those small shoulders, shaking its holder with a long throaty moan.
More loud howling followed as the hairbrush found its mark three
more times, making sure the tears continued before being set aside.
Her aunt reached down her hand and massaged the tense spot below the
child's neck helping to ease her into this release.
Jenni lay limp across her aunts lap bawling. Her pants lay several
feet away. She had kicked them off at the beginning of the hairbrush's
assault. Her panties hung off one small ankle. The cries came from
deep within the pit of her core flushing her entire being with
searing salty tears. She struggled to speak, her tone trembling and
weak with exhaustion.
"H-hhoolld..." She tried her voice faltering under the weight of her
sobs and with her effort then, the fabric from her ankle dropped to
the floor. Zoë reached around the girl pulling her face up into her
lap where she cradled her one love kissing, Jenni’s damp face
murmuring, "What baby?...tell me?"
"H-hoollldd m-meeee...Just hold m-meee!"
"Shhhhhh...It’s alright..." She soothed, holding her child close
rubbing her back in slow circles. Jenni buried her face in Zoë's
chest, finally calming down a bit. The stiff tension in her back
relaxed as her normal pattern of breathing returned to her. She
turned her face, eyeing the hairbrush that lay close by.
"How did you know?" Jenni whispered, sniffling while rubbing her eye
with a balled fist.
"I always know what you need, sweetheart, but sometimes it’s hard to
ask for… isn't it?" Jenni nodded in response, sighing deeply
to herself. She suddenly was feeling thankful for the strength and sense of
knowing that seemed to be Zoë's particular gift.
"Thanks...I feel lots better. Kinda like I can breath again ya'
know?"
"I do know. One day you'll find out just how much I understand, but
that's a conversation for another day." Zoë confirmed, closing the
matter before Jenni could question her.
Over the last few months something had edged its way into her consciousness that needed to be dealt with. Zoë had asked the universe for clarity and guidance to put the matter behind her, but through Jenni it kept rearing its ugly head. She decided, with that thought, to offer a bit of insight to her child's puzzled expression.
She traced a tear streak down Jenni's face as she continued, "There are many choices in life. With awareness and healing come even more choices. Until your older
I'll be making some of them for you, but you have to know that I
make them because I love you and not for any other reason, but my
love for you."
"I don't understand?" Jenni tried terribly hard to listen and absorb
what her aunt was telling her, knowing it was of profound
importance and worth. However, her young ears couldn't digest the
full meaning behind those words.
"I don't expect you to baby, not today at least....Dry your tears
now and its bath time then off to be with you."
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
Zoë was busy folding laundry when the doorbell rang. Not expecting
anyone, she undid the dead bolt and cautiously opened the door. Eye
level stood a slender woman wearing a black coat. Her hair was a deep curly reddish blonde. Her pale face portrayed cool cerulean, hollow eyes that made her seem much older than her true youthful age. Startled, Zoë's mouth dropped open, her hand letting go of the door which slowly swung all the way open.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" Zoë could feel her face flame
sending fire to warm her cheeks against the chilly December air. She
crossed her arms under her breasts blocking the doorway. She never
cursed and even surprised herself with her choice of words just
then. Her jade eyes blazed, melting angry daggers into the woman
standing across from her.
"Is that anyway to talk to your little sister? Honestly Zoë I
thought you, of all people, still had some compassion left in you."
Lydia chided, twisting her full lips into a menacing smirk that made
the anger Zoë felt magnify.
"One phone call and the police will be here to arrest you for
trespassing and violating a restraining order… I assume though, that
you never received that notice. The police would sure be interested
in knowing your whereabouts, what with a warrant out for your arrest
on abuse and neglect charges." Zoë shot icily, stepping forward
while trying to restrain herself from giving the woman the tongue
lashing she deserved.
"Look Zoë, I just wanted to give my daughter her Christmas
present and say hello." Lydia explained nervously indicating with a
nod to the brown paper bag next to her feet, simply as if
her sudden appearance after five years was something of normalcy.
"You have a lot of nerve showing your face after you abandoned her,
half starved and beaten on my doorstep five years ago. It's taken a
lot of love, time, and therapy to give that child any kind of a
normal life and I'll be damned if you will interrupt that with your
presence." Her voice shook with the thought of all the things this
woman had done to Jenni. Try as she might she couldn't keep her
internal fury from showing on her face.
"I admit, I have done some things in the past, but I never
meant to really hurt her... I’m better now. I gave up drinking and I have
been going to AA for the last few months. I have a job
working in a new florist shop downtown...and I just thought--"
"You thought that after what you did you could come waltzing in
here, be forgiven, and embraced and we could play happy family? No
Lydia... I buried you many years ago the first time I saw bruises on
that child. I suspected something wasn't right with your treatment
of Jenni early on and I still kick myself for not listening to my
gut and getting her away from you sooner. You are not my sister and Jenni is not
your daughter. You gave up the right for some cheap red wine." Zoë's
sharp bitter words held a cut throat truth that silenced Lydia and
brought glistening tears to her eyes for the briefest moment.
"Aunt Zoë I can't find my..." Jenni' s voice broke the hard stillness
as she trotted down the stairs wrapped snuggly in a pink bathrobe.
She froze on the last step, her eyes dilated in shock of seeing her
mother on the front porch. She broke into a clammy
sweat that sent gooseflesh rapid all over her body.
Zoë turned around sharply at the sound of her niece. Her eyes scanned her child for a
moment before turning back to Lydia and then to Jenni once more.
The girl moved forward slowly; any emotion on her flushed face
unreadable. Her bare feet squeaked on the polished floor as she
approached the doorway to stand next to her aunt.
Zoe blocked the way with an arm in front of Jenni's chest pushing her backwards. The
girl could feel the passionate animosity flowing through her
keeper’s veins.
For what seemed like the longest moment of her young life Jenni
stood quietly and alarmingly tranquil, taking in the essence that was
her mother; the woman radiated the dense vacant disease of denial. This
reached deep into the little girl's core, twisting her insides
into black ailing knots.
Memories flashed, blurred and exploded before Jenni’s eyes like
fireworks cracking the night.
Flash; she’s small again and being given a bath when her mother
holds her underwater until she’s spitting liquid from her lungs…
Flash; she’s four, feeling the belt cut her baby flesh and drawing
blood on her back…
Flash; it's her birthday and she spends it locked in her closet…
Flash; she's six, alone in a dark bathroom with a bleeding
gash on the back of her head, surrounded by glass from a broken wine
bottle…
Flash; she's seven years old. She’s hungry, and bruised crouching
down on a doormat hugging herself for warmth. The door opened and she looked up meeting her deliverance for the first time…
With every cell in her body vibrating with adrenaline and raging
hatred Jenni sprang forward under Zoë's outstretched arm and clawed
savagely at her mother; biting, scratching and pounding her small fists, and feet all the while screaming furiously.
Zoë was quick to grab Jenni about the middle, pulling her back
with much difficulty. She held strong holding the girl tightly to her.
Jenni’s vital purpose just then was to cause as much pain and suffering to her previous
tormentor as her abilities would allow. She fought hard against her
aunt's strength. Not able to escape, she used her only other mode of
attack; her voice.
"GO! GO AWAY YOU EVIL THING! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU 'TIL YOU DIE! GO AWAY, GET AWAY FROM HERE!!!" She yelled viciously throwing her
voice until it was horse.
Like a bleeding wounded animal, Lydia back away down the steps,
forgetting the bag she had brought on the porch. Zoë used all her
focus and vigor to keep Jenni from going after the woman who ran
to her car down the drive.
Jenni's wailing gave way to deep guttural gagging as she chocked and coughed through her tears as a grey station wagon sped away. The girl went limp and
stood still long enough for Zoë to loosen the grip on Jenni's arms. The child used that lax space to yank herself free. She ducked around Zoë and made a mad dash up the stairs leaving the woman once again to stare after her in exhausted awe.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><><><>
The rough, unworn cream carpet itched her face. The
girl lay curled up under her twin bed her knees brought up to her
chest alongside a Barbie doll. Her field of vision was blocked with cloudy tears and by a pink ruffled bed skirt. Her shoulders burned and shook with heavy sobs. After a few minutes she could see her aunts bare feet pad softly into the room from the inch
of space from the floor to the bed skirt, leaving unsure depressions in their wake.
A moment later, a blinding light hit Jenni's eyes making her squint
as the fabric was lifted and her aunt’s face appeared. Jenni stared at her, the trembling now taking over her entire body. Her eyes were round, guarded with a
hint of hostility still residing as she was still in a far away
place and had not yet returned to herself. She had her thumb in her
mouth, resting it there for comfort as her eyes closed. She was
fully reduced in the experience of a small child. Zoë said nothing,
but slowly reached out a hand to rest on her niece's bare arm. When
Jenni folded in on herself like this she needed human touch to bring
her back to reality. The girl filched at the warm contact, but did
not pull away.
The clock on the nightstand jumped minutes tangling the substantial
silence with a constant tick...tick...tick, and still no sound or
movement on behalf of Jenni. Zoë slowly inched her way forward, allowing herself more contact with the girl. Her hand massaged the girls arm and occasionally wiped a
tear away with her finger. After an hour or so, Jenni's thumb slipped
from her mouth as she peeked her eyes open to meet her aunt's
worried gaze.
"Why'd s-she hav' to do that?....W-why' d she hurt me like she did?"
A cautious, hesitant whisper cut the stuffy air beneath the bed. "I
know... I mean, I didn't do nothin' to make her, it’s not about
me...it's about her...s-she' s jus' sick. She's just sick in her head...and took it out on me." She confirmed to herself finally able to come to her own conclusions about her mother. Her words were chopped and small, but held firm reasoning that had been
lacking before her outburst. She sounded old then, feeling herself
as if she had lived many, many moons beyond her short life and in
many ways she had.
"Come here to me, sweetheart," Was Zoë's only response. Jenni scooted
out from under the bed into her aunt's lap. Zoë leaned her back
against the bed, supporting herself and Jenni as she rocked the
small girl in her arms. She thankful that Jenni had come back to her. From
that moment on, with that brief depth of insight and awareness, Zoë
knew Jenni had started to truly heal.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
The brown paper bag was crumpled and soiled. Zoë brought it into
the house and sat with it next to her on a green velvet settee that
was in front of a wood fireplace, which blazed with charring logs
and sparking tree sap.
It was late by the time she had got Jenni calm enough to eat
something and be tucked into bed. She had nearly forgotten about
the bag Lydia had left until she had went downstairs to lock
everything up for the night. She unrolled the top of the bag and
peered inside. It was stuffed with new clothes. Pulling out one of
the t-shirts Zoë sighed heavily. None of them would fit Jenni as
they were meant for a much smaller girl. Deeper in the bag folded in
with the clothes was a bag of hard peppermint candy; pure poison to
Jenni who was deathly allergic. There was also some nail polish in
bright neon colors which Zoë knew the girl would detest. All of it seemed to be thrown together last minute and haphazardly at that. None of it seemed to have been bought with Jenni in mind.
She was about to trash the bag in the fire place when she realized
it wasn't all the way empty. In the flickering light she reached in
a hand and drew out a coiled piece of worn brown leather which
unrolled it's self from Zoë's hands sending a piece of notebook
paper fluttering to the floor. Zoë reached out and unfolded it
straining a bit with her eyes to read the scrawled print;
"Zoë-
Hope you are able to find some use of this....
~Lydia"
Zoë let the note fall to the floor through her fingers as she
reached to examine the leather closely. She had recognized it almost
as her father’s old belt. As a child, she had been terrified of it and often
bore the brute of what her father called discipline for both her and
her little sister. She still had faint scars on her back
from where the sharp edges had cut into her skin. The ancient stigma
of her childhood clouded her eyes, but tears never fell. She had
cried herself dry many years ago.
She wondered how Lydia had came by the strap and knew deep
in her soul that her niece had no doubt been whipped savagely with
it as well. For all her compassion and insight the woman could not
feign any grain of empathy for her sister any longer as she knew
just what Lydia wanted her to do with that belt. She then sat for a
long moment deep in her thoughts fingering the worn leather.
She considered then her nieces relationship with her mother, if you
could even call it that. Jenni was is a complete stranger to her
mother. Yet, Jenni knew her mother; Lydia’s core, mind set and had made a
conscience choice to work toward compassion and understanding. Lydia
on the other hand ran. She had always run away from her problems and
made no effort towards her daughter. She denied her actions despite
the physical, emotional, mental and now sexual ramifications on her child. That
seemed to hold no dear weight, no real importance. The woman
was to far gone and despite how much it hurt Zoë to unbury the past
she had to do what was best for all of them in the long run. Still
she was conflicted...
Lydia was her baby sister and Zoë had mothered her, shielded her,
and loved her when they were young. A tear escaped her eye and
rolled slowly down her cheek clinging for a moment on her chin. She
made no effort to wipe it away. It signified too much to be
discarded so easily; her childhood, the abuse, the finality of her
relationship with her only sibling. That all ended and sealed itself
away in her heart as the salty orb dripped from her chin and
dissolved into the plush rug. She had made her choice as she re-
coiled the leather with the note and stuck them back in the bag.
Zoë reached for the cordless phone that rested on the wood end
table. Slowly she punched a few keys with a long manicured finger
and brought it to her ear. With great difficulty she made a decision
that she prayed she'd never have to make, as it would alter their
lives; hers, Jenni's and Lydia's, resurfacing the ugly bitter truth
buried so long ago by one and still so raw and festering in one so
young.
"Hello, I'd like to speak with Sargent Hayden please....Tom? It’s
Zoë Kelly...I'm not calling about pleasantries this time. I'd like to
report the whereabouts of a Lydia Marshall. I believe you have a
warrant for her arrest on file..."
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
The hall clock chimed softly as midnight came to settle about the
large sleepy house. In the chilly winter moonlight Zoë drew her robe
tightly around her and retied the sash as she slipped quietly into
her niece's room. Jenni was curled up on the side of her bed facing
the wall, her small body bundled in hand made quilts while clutching
her frayed teddy, Mr. Bear. The woman watched as the little
girls chest rose and fell with long deep breaths. The child's eyes
zipped back and forth below her lids as she was fully in REM sleep
where imaginings take over. Beneath those closed eyes a dreamscape
unfolded...
`...A huge hovering blackbird took hold the girl's shoulders drawing
her upward into the cloudless sky...'
Zoë padded across the room and eased herself onto the bed next to
Jenni, curling her body around to mold with her child's…
`...The bird circled above the land carrying the screaming child
fighting to be let loose from those perilous claws...'
She wrapped her arm around the girl pulling her gently to her breast
and adjusted the covers about them making sure Jenni was warm enough
on this cold night. The girl, during this time, shifted and turned a
bit toward the new affection beside her. The woman stroked the long
hair, admiring the soft rich suppleness of it and leaned over a bit
to brush her lips with a kiss to Jenni's cheek…
`....In a frightful moment the black danger above her let loose its’
treacherous grip and she was sent plummeting towards the earth. Her
arms and legs searching, reaching, and grabbing for any kind of safe
haven...'
In the pitch dark Zoë felt Jenni's hand grip her arm pulling it to
her small chest. For a second time that night, tears forced their way
down her face turning her clear eyes glassy with a grave heart. Her
lips parted slightly; her ears not hearing the words that came from
her mouth as they surfaced from her spirit...
`...In the realm of her nightmare, Jenni screamed as the hard earth
neared, closer, and closer until...'
There was a deep aching rawness that lay exposed in Zoë's core that
night and she couldn't help but feel responsible for whatever trials
and tribulations that had yet to arrive from her choice. The only
hope and salvation in this world, of her conscience and her soul,
rested there beside her in that bed.
"Forgive me..." She breathed, finally letting her troubling thoughts
retire for the night.
‘...A lightness enveloped Jenni causing her to slow her fall into a
soft drift downward. She stopped mid scream, the sound echoing away
into the nothingness around her. She sensed a superior grace and
strength holding her, wrapping its arms safely around her. She
turned welcoming her keeper’s brilliant love to break her fall...'
The girl peeked her eyes open for a split second, feeling still as
if she very far away deep in a reverie as her ears registered
that breathy whisper. It was almost inaudible and the words carried
such sincere sweet sorrow that her subconscious clung to it as she was
pulled willingly back into slumber.
<><><>The End<><><>
Coments welcome
------------------------------
The Christmas Gift (Part 4)
<><><><><><><><><><><>
Coming down the hand carved wooden staircase at 7:30 on a bright
Saturday morning Zoë was slightly startled to hear a scraping noise
coming from the sun filled kitchen. She had expected to be the only
one awake. Stifling a yawn, she crossed the living room and stood
at the kitchen threshold silently watching her twelve year old niece
climb on top of a straight backed chair to reach the high cabinet
above the stove. The girl was in her blue Disney princess baby doll
night dress and matching panties as she tried to stand tiptoe to reach a
tin of homemade Christmas cookies that were way in the back.
It was the day before Christmas Eve and Zoë had a busy day planned with
last minute shopping and errands to run. She had planned to get a
head start on the day by getting up early to double check her lists
and maybe wrap a few more gifts before her niece awoke, but it
appeared that Jenni had beat her to it.
"Jenni, sweetheart, cookies are not a very good breakfast choice."
She said softly and the girl jumped slightly and peeked over her
shoulder surprised to see her Aunt standing there, "Put them back
please."
Jenni twisted her mouth into a pout and was about to argue when
Zoë shook her head and stepped into the kitchen, "No arguments. Put
them away." When the girl hesitated, Zoë added, "Now, young lady," in
one of her firmer tones.
Jenni sighed and shoved the metal Christmas tin angrily back into the cabinet and let the door close with a loud bang. "I'm hungry." She offered as she slid off of the
chair and dragged it back over to the table.
"What would you like for breakfast?" Zoë asked and tightened the
sash on her rose colored silk robe. Jenni looked from the cabinet to
Zoë. "Cookies are not an option. Would you like oatmeal or eggs and
toast" She offered, growing a little irritated with her child's
stubbornness so early in the morning.
"I really want cookies 'cause I didn't get to try them last
night..." The girl sassed and crossed her arms in a disagreeable sulk
for emphasis.
She had been sent to bed early to fight off her
crabbiness with some extra shut eye, which was now apparent to Zoë
not to have done much good. The woman ran a hand through her long
auburn hair breaking the curls into soft waves as she turned on the
coffee pot which hummed as it dispensed a black, frothy liquid. She
then turned around and regarded her niece. "I gave you two choices;
now tell me which you would like for breakfast." Zoë said and bent
forward so she could look her little charge in the eye, "And
Christmas or not, if you use that tone with me again you will be
spanked."
Jenni bit her lip and backed up a step. Quietly she offered, "eggs
and toast p-please..."
"That's better, go ahead and get me an egg and the butter from the
fridge and I'll make it for you."
Jenni complied and handed the egg to Zoë, who took it and
tousled the somber girl’s hair affectionately. The two were silent as
the woman scrambled the egg and buttered the toast. The girl
meanwhile got herself a plate and fork and after her aunt dished her
food she smothered everything in ketchup.
Zoë added vanilla and cinnamon to her cup of coffee along with a fresh bagel with
blueberry jam and sat with the girl at the table. The child ate
slowly and mashed everything on her plate into a red mess as Zoë
began her morning routine on her laptop of checking e-mail. Since
she had closed her office earlier in the week her inbox was
completely full and she had been spending the better part of each
morning answering the piling e-mails.
After a while Jenni broke the comfortable silence, "I had that
bad dream again last night." She whispered not looking up to see if
her aunt was paying attention, "The one where a big mean black bird
takes me away. It flew high, so high above everything..."
Zoë looked over the rim of her laptop at her niece, her fingers frozen above
the keys. Her eyes held worry and her brow wrinkled in concern for
the child who had been plagued with this nightmare since she was a
little girl. "It circled in the sky and I tried to hang on, but it
dropped me. Lots of times in the dream you manage to catch me
somehow," Jenni shoved her plate aside while pushing her chair away
from the table to stand up, her eyes locked on the floor, "but this
time...no one caught me." She explained with a bit of scorn in her
voice and slowly walked out of the kitchen leaving Zoë to stare
after her in conflicted silence.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><>
The florescent lights seemed to flicker, casting harsh shadows
down the narrow hallway. Jenni's short legs struggled to keep up
with her Aunts long even stride. She kept her eyes glued on the
diamond pattern of tiles passing beneath her quick moving feet. The
only noise was the hard clicking of her Aunts heels. Her hand was
firmly clasped as she was pulled, anything but willing through a
heavy door.
The ladies restroom at Nordstrom’s was full and bright with smell of
breezy floral perfume. Women surrounded the long row of mirrors
clogging the damp counter top with purses and shopping bags as they
powdered their noses, and re-applied lipstick when Zoë entered with
Jenni in firm tow. Like every fancy restroom in America this one had
a little sitting room with a few chairs and a small couch off to the
side with a table full of magazines and cosmetic samples. The girl
stood anxious, wide eyed and red faced as her aunt set about
scolding her in this quiet spot of the restroom.
"I ought to turn you over my knee this minute young lady..."Zoë
admonished while lifting Jenni's quivering chin with her hand so
there matching eyes met.
The girl whimpered backing up against the wall and
pleaded with wide fearful green eyes, "Pleasssse Aunt Zoë, at home
okay?... but not here...Please don't..." she begged and bit her
lower nervously. Her plan had backfired and now she feared she would
have to pay the price in front of all these people instead of the
privacy of her room. Jenni's hands then went automatically to cover
her bottom. Her fingers felt the soft pink corduroy of her pants;
praying they would remain where they were.
Some of the other women in the restroom glanced curiously at
them; some shaking their heads, others with slight frowns on their
faces in wonderment of the child's misbehavior. Out of the corner of
her eye, Jenni recognized one of the elderly women just entering the
rest room who had witnessed her fit in the store over having to try
on clothes she hated for the children's choir recital at their
church tomorrow night. Jenni blushed as her attention was brought
back into focus as Zoë continued scolding her quietly so no one
would overhear her rebuke.
"I can't believe your behavior. I took you here today to buy you a new dress for church this weekend and you have been nothing but rude and disrespectful to me all day.
Whatever has gotten into you stops right now young miss, am I very
clear about this?" Zoë asked firmly.
Jenni stumbled over her words, but managed to squeak out a, "Yes, ma'am", despite her present fear of a spanking in public.
"All right, then this is your one warning." She confirmed and turned
Jenni around by her shoulder and landed three sharp, rapid spanks to
her pant seat. "Ow!" Jenni yelped, and hung her head to hide her
shamed red face. Her cry had turned many a curious head in their
direction.
Hot tears burned below her eye lids, but they wouldn't fall. Zoë's
stern expression softened a bit as she watched Jenni's internal
struggle surface as the girl rubbed her eyes willing the tears to
escape.
Her chastisement had been too much for the girl just then.
Jenni was in a delicate mind frame and Zoë knew early that
morning it was just a matter of time before the dam broke. Still
she hoped Jenni would be able to let go on her own without provoking
any assistance from her, but that was proving to be difficult.
"Oh baby....it's alright." Zoë comforted pulling the girl to her in
a tight hug and kissed the top of Jenni's head. The girl's shoulders
shook with frustrated dry sobs. "I think your extra tired and
apprehensive about tomorrow. I also think you're still upset about
that dream. Am I right?" Jenni just nodded automatically really
unaware though of exactly how she felt. "There's something else
though isn't there? Tell me sweetheart…" The woman urged rubbing her
child's back helping her to calm down.
"I can't cry...I haven't been able to cry." She complained bitterly,
desperately wanting to let go and release the corked chaos inside of
her. "I didn't mean to be bad and I'm sorry...I just need...I
mean..." Explaining her feelings and being able to cry were two of the biggest challenges she always faced. She pulled away from Zoë and mustering up her courage,
she gave her aunt a deep imploring look, "Will y-you help me?"
Zoë smiled softly. The woman already knew what Jenni wanted her to
do, but she also knew it was very important for the girl to say it
herself. "How so baby?"
Jenni swallowed hard not really believing what she was actually
about to ask for, but deep inside herself she knew it was the only
way she'd have any kind of a release. She realized then that she
needed it like she needed air in order to live. It had been a month
since she had earned herself a real spanking other than a reminder
swat here or there. No matter how much she hated them she counted on
spankings to help her remain in control of her emotions and to
release them in healthy tears from a hot stinging bottom rather than
in an angry temper tantrum.
"Will you spank me? I mean not like how when I am in trouble, but
just a little one, so I can let go?" She whispered while twisting the
hem of her shirt into a wrinkled mess. The woman smiled approvingly
and nodded.
"That was very brave of you to ask me that and I'm very proud of you
for it. Thank you for trusting me enough to ask me for what you
need. You can always do that." She confirmed and lifted the girls
chin so their eyes met. "Were almost done here then we'll go home. I
think a hot bath and a nap will do you some good as well. You can
even use my Jacuzzi bath. Would you like that?"
Jenni nodded, smiling a little as Zoë led her out of the restroom
and into the heavy flow of holiday shoppers.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><>
Cool glossy tile led through a high frosted glass doorway.
Skylights and a large window covered in gauzy curtains allowed
natural sunlight to grace the room. Carpeted steps led up to the rim
of a deep Jacuzzi bathtub with beaten gold facets. A large lifted
cabinet held soft towels, bath oils, sea salts and sweet soaps and
lotions. The spacious countertop held double sinks and fresh cut
sunflowers with an oval mirror above. The room portrayed the epitome
of warmth and grace. Zoë's bathroom was her space and truly
reflected her personality. It was also the only place she had any
real privacy and could re-energize herself from the constant demands
of her patients and her child. It was considered a real treat to
Jenni to be able to enjoy this room for a relaxing bath.
Zoë entered carrying a small bundle of clean pajamas and the girl's
bathrobe. Trailing behind her, a bit nervous now, was Jenni who
stopped dead in the doorway as she watched with round unblinking
eyes as Zoë set her things on the countertop before opening the
cabinet to select fresh soap and bubble bath. The woman put the
matching lavender bar and bottle next to the tub before turning and
going over to Jenni drawing her in a tight hug.
"Don't look so afraid. You're not in any kind of trouble and this is
just to help you feel better." She said drawing the child with her
as she went back into her room and seated herself on the high sleigh
bed covered in a thick fur throw to fend off the new chill that
rested in the winter night.
"This is not a punishment spanking Jenni, but once I start I will
decide when to stop. Do you understand that?" Zoë asked, wanting to
make it very clear that while this was voluntary on Jenni’s part, she as the
parent would hold the control in the situation. The girl nodded
barely moving her head.
"I need to hear you speak honey so I know we understand each other."
"Yeah... I mean, I know..." The chocked words felt heavy and un-
natural on her tongue. She sucked on her lower lip anxious for it to
begin, feeling so different just then. Under any other circumstances
she would be fighting and pleading her way out of a spanking, not
standing there waiting, wanting, and restless for it to start.
In a well practiced graceful movement Zoë reached to unbutton
Jenni's pink corduroy pants that the child just an hour ago would
have begged to keep on. Her skilled fingers easily found the zipper
pulling it downward before gently tugging the fabric down Jenni's
slim legs to her knees where they rested. The girl licked her dry
lips, her eyes growing bigger as her Aunt pulled on her wrist to
move her closer to her right side. For a small second Jenni
hesitated and the woman could feel the slight resistance in the
wrist she was holding.
Very quietly she assured her niece, "Trust me Jenni..."
With a deep shaky breath the child nodded noticeably and allowed
herself to be drawn across her Aunts lap. Her fingertips just barely
touched the carpet and her toes hovered inches above it. This was no
new position to her as she often found herself feeling those solid
firm thighs below her stomach at least a few times a month, but this
was the first time she could remember never dreading the sting that
was to come. Instead she opened herself to welcome it thinking about
how soon she would be able to let herself have that much needed cry.
How wrong she was…
Zoë wrapped her arm around Jenni's waist gently and rested her right
hand on the tight seat of those star speckled panties. The girl
clenched her cheeks involuntarily at the touch, and then tried to
relax, knowing Zoë wouldn't start until she did so. With that
movement the woman raised her hand and set about bringing it down in
crisp firm spanks first to the left and then to the right
alternating evenly back and forth.
Quickly a warm buzzing sting developed and the girl wiggled and squirmed slightly, but didn't cry out. After a good minute of this Zoë paused for a moment hooking her
fingers in the elastic waistband of Jenni's panties drawing them
down her pink bottom, past her untouched thighs to her knees. Jenni
whimpered as they became tangled with her pants as she began to kick
with the growing intensity of her Aunts hard palm on her bare
behind. The loud slapping of skin on skin rang in the girls ears as
she cried out in pain.
“Oh… Owwww! It hurts!"
The determined woman said nothing in response; instead she increased
her brisk pace and the strength of her hand now focusing on the
lower untouched region where the bottom meets the thigh. She waited,
just as anxious, as Jenni for the tears to start. The girl cried out
with deep desiccated heaves, but no tears. Zoë hadn't wanted to
cause Jenni this level of pain as she saw her child's bottom go from
pink to crimson under her hand. Usually Jenni was wailing by now,
trying to beg off, promising anything to stop the steady stream of
spanks from raining down on her tender young bottom. It had been
almost a solid ten minutes of firm spanking and not one tear had
escaped. For once she knew her hand would not be enough.
On pure gut impulse she reached across her charge, her fingers
gripped the handle of her cherry wood hairbrush. She fingered the smooth
hard wood before landing its back sharply against Jenni's red behind
leaving a burning oval mark that faded slightly before another
landed to match it on the opposite cheek. At this, the small girl jerked forward, thrashing
her legs to kick away the searing burn digging itself deep into her
flesh. She twisted to look over her shoulder watching as this new
implement landed again to her bare thigh causing her to drop her
head with a wail. Water stung her eyes, welling its way forward
as another spank mirrored itself on her left thigh.
"Let it go sweetheart….Please, let it go..."
Zoë pulled Jenni's body close, snapping her wrist and giving the girl
a hearty half dozen. Halfway through, a flood erupted forth from
those small shoulders, shaking its holder with a long throaty moan.
More loud howling followed as the hairbrush found its mark three
more times, making sure the tears continued before being set aside.
Her aunt reached down her hand and massaged the tense spot below the
child's neck helping to ease her into this release.
Jenni lay limp across her aunts lap bawling. Her pants lay several
feet away. She had kicked them off at the beginning of the hairbrush's
assault. Her panties hung off one small ankle. The cries came from
deep within the pit of her core flushing her entire being with
searing salty tears. She struggled to speak, her tone trembling and
weak with exhaustion.
"H-hhoolld..." She tried her voice faltering under the weight of her
sobs and with her effort then, the fabric from her ankle dropped to
the floor. Zoë reached around the girl pulling her face up into her
lap where she cradled her one love kissing, Jenni’s damp face
murmuring, "What baby?...tell me?"
"H-hoollldd m-meeee...Just hold m-meee!"
"Shhhhhh...It’s alright..." She soothed, holding her child close
rubbing her back in slow circles. Jenni buried her face in Zoë's
chest, finally calming down a bit. The stiff tension in her back
relaxed as her normal pattern of breathing returned to her. She
turned her face, eyeing the hairbrush that lay close by.
"How did you know?" Jenni whispered, sniffling while rubbing her eye
with a balled fist.
"I always know what you need, sweetheart, but sometimes it’s hard to
ask for… isn't it?" Jenni nodded in response, sighing deeply
to herself. She suddenly was feeling thankful for the strength and sense of
knowing that seemed to be Zoë's particular gift.
"Thanks...I feel lots better. Kinda like I can breath again ya'
know?"
"I do know. One day you'll find out just how much I understand, but
that's a conversation for another day." Zoë confirmed, closing the
matter before Jenni could question her.
Over the last few months something had edged its way into her consciousness that needed to be dealt with. Zoë had asked the universe for clarity and guidance to put the matter behind her, but through Jenni it kept rearing its ugly head. She decided, with that thought, to offer a bit of insight to her child's puzzled expression.
She traced a tear streak down Jenni's face as she continued, "There are many choices in life. With awareness and healing come even more choices. Until your older
I'll be making some of them for you, but you have to know that I
make them because I love you and not for any other reason, but my
love for you."
"I don't understand?" Jenni tried terribly hard to listen and absorb
what her aunt was telling her, knowing it was of profound
importance and worth. However, her young ears couldn't digest the
full meaning behind those words.
"I don't expect you to baby, not today at least....Dry your tears
now and its bath time then off to be with you."
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
Zoë was busy folding laundry when the doorbell rang. Not expecting
anyone, she undid the dead bolt and cautiously opened the door. Eye
level stood a slender woman wearing a black coat. Her hair was a deep curly reddish blonde. Her pale face portrayed cool cerulean, hollow eyes that made her seem much older than her true youthful age. Startled, Zoë's mouth dropped open, her hand letting go of the door which slowly swung all the way open.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" Zoë could feel her face flame
sending fire to warm her cheeks against the chilly December air. She
crossed her arms under her breasts blocking the doorway. She never
cursed and even surprised herself with her choice of words just
then. Her jade eyes blazed, melting angry daggers into the woman
standing across from her.
"Is that anyway to talk to your little sister? Honestly Zoë I
thought you, of all people, still had some compassion left in you."
Lydia chided, twisting her full lips into a menacing smirk that made
the anger Zoë felt magnify.
"One phone call and the police will be here to arrest you for
trespassing and violating a restraining order… I assume though, that
you never received that notice. The police would sure be interested
in knowing your whereabouts, what with a warrant out for your arrest
on abuse and neglect charges." Zoë shot icily, stepping forward
while trying to restrain herself from giving the woman the tongue
lashing she deserved.
"Look Zoë, I just wanted to give my daughter her Christmas
present and say hello." Lydia explained nervously indicating with a
nod to the brown paper bag next to her feet, simply as if
her sudden appearance after five years was something of normalcy.
"You have a lot of nerve showing your face after you abandoned her,
half starved and beaten on my doorstep five years ago. It's taken a
lot of love, time, and therapy to give that child any kind of a
normal life and I'll be damned if you will interrupt that with your
presence." Her voice shook with the thought of all the things this
woman had done to Jenni. Try as she might she couldn't keep her
internal fury from showing on her face.
"I admit, I have done some things in the past, but I never
meant to really hurt her... I’m better now. I gave up drinking and I have
been going to AA for the last few months. I have a job
working in a new florist shop downtown...and I just thought--"
"You thought that after what you did you could come waltzing in
here, be forgiven, and embraced and we could play happy family? No
Lydia... I buried you many years ago the first time I saw bruises on
that child. I suspected something wasn't right with your treatment
of Jenni early on and I still kick myself for not listening to my
gut and getting her away from you sooner. You are not my sister and Jenni is not
your daughter. You gave up the right for some cheap red wine." Zoë's
sharp bitter words held a cut throat truth that silenced Lydia and
brought glistening tears to her eyes for the briefest moment.
"Aunt Zoë I can't find my..." Jenni' s voice broke the hard stillness
as she trotted down the stairs wrapped snuggly in a pink bathrobe.
She froze on the last step, her eyes dilated in shock of seeing her
mother on the front porch. She broke into a clammy
sweat that sent gooseflesh rapid all over her body.
Zoë turned around sharply at the sound of her niece. Her eyes scanned her child for a
moment before turning back to Lydia and then to Jenni once more.
The girl moved forward slowly; any emotion on her flushed face
unreadable. Her bare feet squeaked on the polished floor as she
approached the doorway to stand next to her aunt.
Zoe blocked the way with an arm in front of Jenni's chest pushing her backwards. The
girl could feel the passionate animosity flowing through her
keeper’s veins.
For what seemed like the longest moment of her young life Jenni
stood quietly and alarmingly tranquil, taking in the essence that was
her mother; the woman radiated the dense vacant disease of denial. This
reached deep into the little girl's core, twisting her insides
into black ailing knots.
Memories flashed, blurred and exploded before Jenni’s eyes like
fireworks cracking the night.
Flash; she’s small again and being given a bath when her mother
holds her underwater until she’s spitting liquid from her lungs…
Flash; she’s four, feeling the belt cut her baby flesh and drawing
blood on her back…
Flash; it's her birthday and she spends it locked in her closet…
Flash; she's six, alone in a dark bathroom with a bleeding
gash on the back of her head, surrounded by glass from a broken wine
bottle…
Flash; she's seven years old. She’s hungry, and bruised crouching
down on a doormat hugging herself for warmth. The door opened and she looked up meeting her deliverance for the first time…
With every cell in her body vibrating with adrenaline and raging
hatred Jenni sprang forward under Zoë's outstretched arm and clawed
savagely at her mother; biting, scratching and pounding her small fists, and feet all the while screaming furiously.
Zoë was quick to grab Jenni about the middle, pulling her back
with much difficulty. She held strong holding the girl tightly to her.
Jenni’s vital purpose just then was to cause as much pain and suffering to her previous
tormentor as her abilities would allow. She fought hard against her
aunt's strength. Not able to escape, she used her only other mode of
attack; her voice.
"GO! GO AWAY YOU EVIL THING! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU 'TIL YOU DIE! GO AWAY, GET AWAY FROM HERE!!!" She yelled viciously throwing her
voice until it was horse.
Like a bleeding wounded animal, Lydia back away down the steps,
forgetting the bag she had brought on the porch. Zoë used all her
focus and vigor to keep Jenni from going after the woman who ran
to her car down the drive.
Jenni's wailing gave way to deep guttural gagging as she chocked and coughed through her tears as a grey station wagon sped away. The girl went limp and
stood still long enough for Zoë to loosen the grip on Jenni's arms. The child used that lax space to yank herself free. She ducked around Zoë and made a mad dash up the stairs leaving the woman once again to stare after her in exhausted awe.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><><><>
The rough, unworn cream carpet itched her face. The
girl lay curled up under her twin bed her knees brought up to her
chest alongside a Barbie doll. Her field of vision was blocked with cloudy tears and by a pink ruffled bed skirt. Her shoulders burned and shook with heavy sobs. After a few minutes she could see her aunts bare feet pad softly into the room from the inch
of space from the floor to the bed skirt, leaving unsure depressions in their wake.
A moment later, a blinding light hit Jenni's eyes making her squint
as the fabric was lifted and her aunt’s face appeared. Jenni stared at her, the trembling now taking over her entire body. Her eyes were round, guarded with a
hint of hostility still residing as she was still in a far away
place and had not yet returned to herself. She had her thumb in her
mouth, resting it there for comfort as her eyes closed. She was
fully reduced in the experience of a small child. Zoë said nothing,
but slowly reached out a hand to rest on her niece's bare arm. When
Jenni folded in on herself like this she needed human touch to bring
her back to reality. The girl filched at the warm contact, but did
not pull away.
The clock on the nightstand jumped minutes tangling the substantial
silence with a constant tick...tick...tick, and still no sound or
movement on behalf of Jenni. Zoë slowly inched her way forward, allowing herself more contact with the girl. Her hand massaged the girls arm and occasionally wiped a
tear away with her finger. After an hour or so, Jenni's thumb slipped
from her mouth as she peeked her eyes open to meet her aunt's
worried gaze.
"Why'd s-she hav' to do that?....W-why' d she hurt me like she did?"
A cautious, hesitant whisper cut the stuffy air beneath the bed. "I
know... I mean, I didn't do nothin' to make her, it’s not about
me...it's about her...s-she' s jus' sick. She's just sick in her head...and took it out on me." She confirmed to herself finally able to come to her own conclusions about her mother. Her words were chopped and small, but held firm reasoning that had been
lacking before her outburst. She sounded old then, feeling herself
as if she had lived many, many moons beyond her short life and in
many ways she had.
"Come here to me, sweetheart," Was Zoë's only response. Jenni scooted
out from under the bed into her aunt's lap. Zoë leaned her back
against the bed, supporting herself and Jenni as she rocked the
small girl in her arms. She thankful that Jenni had come back to her. From
that moment on, with that brief depth of insight and awareness, Zoë
knew Jenni had started to truly heal.
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
The brown paper bag was crumpled and soiled. Zoë brought it into
the house and sat with it next to her on a green velvet settee that
was in front of a wood fireplace, which blazed with charring logs
and sparking tree sap.
It was late by the time she had got Jenni calm enough to eat
something and be tucked into bed. She had nearly forgotten about
the bag Lydia had left until she had went downstairs to lock
everything up for the night. She unrolled the top of the bag and
peered inside. It was stuffed with new clothes. Pulling out one of
the t-shirts Zoë sighed heavily. None of them would fit Jenni as
they were meant for a much smaller girl. Deeper in the bag folded in
with the clothes was a bag of hard peppermint candy; pure poison to
Jenni who was deathly allergic. There was also some nail polish in
bright neon colors which Zoë knew the girl would detest. All of it seemed to be thrown together last minute and haphazardly at that. None of it seemed to have been bought with Jenni in mind.
She was about to trash the bag in the fire place when she realized
it wasn't all the way empty. In the flickering light she reached in
a hand and drew out a coiled piece of worn brown leather which
unrolled it's self from Zoë's hands sending a piece of notebook
paper fluttering to the floor. Zoë reached out and unfolded it
straining a bit with her eyes to read the scrawled print;
"Zoë-
Hope you are able to find some use of this....
~Lydia"
Zoë let the note fall to the floor through her fingers as she
reached to examine the leather closely. She had recognized it almost
as her father’s old belt. As a child, she had been terrified of it and often
bore the brute of what her father called discipline for both her and
her little sister. She still had faint scars on her back
from where the sharp edges had cut into her skin. The ancient stigma
of her childhood clouded her eyes, but tears never fell. She had
cried herself dry many years ago.
She wondered how Lydia had came by the strap and knew deep
in her soul that her niece had no doubt been whipped savagely with
it as well. For all her compassion and insight the woman could not
feign any grain of empathy for her sister any longer as she knew
just what Lydia wanted her to do with that belt. She then sat for a
long moment deep in her thoughts fingering the worn leather.
She considered then her nieces relationship with her mother, if you
could even call it that. Jenni was is a complete stranger to her
mother. Yet, Jenni knew her mother; Lydia’s core, mind set and had made a
conscience choice to work toward compassion and understanding. Lydia
on the other hand ran. She had always run away from her problems and
made no effort towards her daughter. She denied her actions despite
the physical, emotional, mental and now sexual ramifications on her child. That
seemed to hold no dear weight, no real importance. The woman
was to far gone and despite how much it hurt Zoë to unbury the past
she had to do what was best for all of them in the long run. Still
she was conflicted...
Lydia was her baby sister and Zoë had mothered her, shielded her,
and loved her when they were young. A tear escaped her eye and
rolled slowly down her cheek clinging for a moment on her chin. She
made no effort to wipe it away. It signified too much to be
discarded so easily; her childhood, the abuse, the finality of her
relationship with her only sibling. That all ended and sealed itself
away in her heart as the salty orb dripped from her chin and
dissolved into the plush rug. She had made her choice as she re-
coiled the leather with the note and stuck them back in the bag.
Zoë reached for the cordless phone that rested on the wood end
table. Slowly she punched a few keys with a long manicured finger
and brought it to her ear. With great difficulty she made a decision
that she prayed she'd never have to make, as it would alter their
lives; hers, Jenni's and Lydia's, resurfacing the ugly bitter truth
buried so long ago by one and still so raw and festering in one so
young.
"Hello, I'd like to speak with Sargent Hayden please....Tom? It’s
Zoë Kelly...I'm not calling about pleasantries this time. I'd like to
report the whereabouts of a Lydia Marshall. I believe you have a
warrant for her arrest on file..."
<><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><><>
The hall clock chimed softly as midnight came to settle about the
large sleepy house. In the chilly winter moonlight Zoë drew her robe
tightly around her and retied the sash as she slipped quietly into
her niece's room. Jenni was curled up on the side of her bed facing
the wall, her small body bundled in hand made quilts while clutching
her frayed teddy, Mr. Bear. The woman watched as the little
girls chest rose and fell with long deep breaths. The child's eyes
zipped back and forth below her lids as she was fully in REM sleep
where imaginings take over. Beneath those closed eyes a dreamscape
unfolded...
`...A huge hovering blackbird took hold the girl's shoulders drawing
her upward into the cloudless sky...'
Zoë padded across the room and eased herself onto the bed next to
Jenni, curling her body around to mold with her child's…
`...The bird circled above the land carrying the screaming child
fighting to be let loose from those perilous claws...'
She wrapped her arm around the girl pulling her gently to her breast
and adjusted the covers about them making sure Jenni was warm enough
on this cold night. The girl, during this time, shifted and turned a
bit toward the new affection beside her. The woman stroked the long
hair, admiring the soft rich suppleness of it and leaned over a bit
to brush her lips with a kiss to Jenni's cheek…
`....In a frightful moment the black danger above her let loose its’
treacherous grip and she was sent plummeting towards the earth. Her
arms and legs searching, reaching, and grabbing for any kind of safe
haven...'
In the pitch dark Zoë felt Jenni's hand grip her arm pulling it to
her small chest. For a second time that night, tears forced their way
down her face turning her clear eyes glassy with a grave heart. Her
lips parted slightly; her ears not hearing the words that came from
her mouth as they surfaced from her spirit...
`...In the realm of her nightmare, Jenni screamed as the hard earth
neared, closer, and closer until...'
There was a deep aching rawness that lay exposed in Zoë's core that
night and she couldn't help but feel responsible for whatever trials
and tribulations that had yet to arrive from her choice. The only
hope and salvation in this world, of her conscience and her soul,
rested there beside her in that bed.
"Forgive me..." She breathed, finally letting her troubling thoughts
retire for the night.
‘...A lightness enveloped Jenni causing her to slow her fall into a
soft drift downward. She stopped mid scream, the sound echoing away
into the nothingness around her. She sensed a superior grace and
strength holding her, wrapping its arms safely around her. She
turned welcoming her keeper’s brilliant love to break her fall...'
The girl peeked her eyes open for a split second, feeling still as
if she very far away deep in a reverie as her ears registered
that breathy whisper. It was almost inaudible and the words carried
such sincere sweet sorrow that her subconscious clung to it as she was
pulled willingly back into slumber.
<><><>The End<><><>
Coments welcome
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Jenni & Zoe--Hypothesis of a Tantrum (Part 3)
Here is part three of Jenni & Zoe! Enjoy!
---------------------------------------
Hypothesis of a Tantrum (Part 3)
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The young girl was deeply asleep, curled up on her side,
looking angelic in slumber as she always did. Asleep she had never
looked anything, but beautiful and normal. Her arms clasped around an
old tattered teddy bear with a faded indigo bowtie around its neck;
the only thing she had kept from her old life. For a moment the
woman standing above her smiled with wistful wonder as she watched
the girl's chest rise and fall with each slow breath, enjoying this
small treasure. She tucked the moment away in her memory before
gently rousing the child from her dreams.
"Jenni, sweetheart, its time to get up." Zoë said by way of greeting
the groggy preteen who in response to her aunt pulled her pink
ruffled pillow over her strawberry blonde head and whined loudly
into her `Power Puff Girl' sheets.
"Now none of that Jenni, let’s go." She urged clapping her hands
twice before going over to the window and opening the gauzy drapes.
Warm sunlight settled on the creamy carpet and the girls curled up
body. Zoë sighed and went over to her niece's side and pulled away
the quilts. Jenni hugged her pillow and narrowed her eyes against
the brightness, "Aunnnnntt Zoooeee!"
"Time to get up my darling girl… Hurry now, breakfasts nearly
ready." She said and waited for the child to sit up at least before
she would leave the room. Jenni turned over on her stomach ignoring
her aunt, still half asleep. Zoë gave her firm swat to her PJ clad
bottom which made the girl jerk upright, "Ow! Don't!"
"Now that you're up, please get dressed and come down for
breakfast." Zoë smiled and kissed Jenni's tangled bed head before
leaving the room.
Rubbing her bottom to get rid of the slight sting, the girl
dragged herself to sit on the edge of the bed. She took a moment to
wipe the sleep from her eyes, letting her legs dangle over the side,
all the while thinking about the last several weeks.
The days had seemed to all blur together. Her Aunt Zoë had been spending most of
her time at her office, on the phone, or in meetings at the free
children's clinic she volunteered her services to once a week. With
winter in full motion and the holidays approaching people always
seemed to be sick more, especially children. Zoë would sometimes
take Jenni with her to the office or the clinic, but the child would
complain about being bored and want to go home. Zoë had then
employed the services of the neighbor girl named Bethany, who was 17
to look after Jenni in her absence.
Jenni had begun to resent the herbs which she had once taken an interest in and the other children who took up most of her aunts time. What she hated most was the free
time Zoë once had was now wrapped up in the work of her current
thesis, due out for publication this spring. They had stopped going
to the theater, to art shows, and the park. There simply wasn't time.
Today was Saturday and her aunt had to spend it
working....again. Jenni looked sourly at her toes, chipped pink nail
polish met her gaze. Finally she sighed and got out of bed. She
dressed herself in a purple skirt and socks with a blue long sleeved
cotton top with stars across the front before brushing her long wavy
hair.
Heading down stairs, the wonderful aroma of French toast and
eggs greeted her when entering the kitchen. Zoë was busy dishing up
plates of hot food all the while talking on her cell phone with a
wireless earpiece that left her free to move about. She smiled and
gave Jenni a small wave before pointing to her spot at the table, an
indication for her to sit down. Jenni rolled her eyes and fought the
urge to say something rude as she obeyed.
"I need those files and that case study faxed to my office this
afternoon, and Tom, don't forget the footnotes…..thanks…bye
now." Zoë ended the phone call and removed the earpiece before
taking the plates of food to the table. She took her own seat,
asking, "So, how's my princess today?"
"Fine….you forgot the jam and I hate syrup on French toast. I can't
eat it.” Jenni said bitterly, pushing the plate aside and pouting.
She really didn't mind syrup, but inside herself she felt the
beginnings of a small coal sparking; making her blood hot with
irritation.
Zoë eyed the girl and wordlessly switched plates with her before
speaking, "Here, you have mine and I'll get you the jam for you."
She said and stood.
Jenni shoved that plate aside as well exclaiming, "This has your germs on it. I don't want it. You always tell me not to eat after other people." She finished with a hint of
sass in her voice, crossing her arms over her small chest.
Zoë's green eyes flashed, "I haven't eaten a thing on that plate, so
I hardly warrant that having my germs on it young lady. Secondly, I
spent the better part of this morning preparing this breakfast, your
favorite, as a treat to be enjoyed, not argued over. I do not
appreciate you tone and as for your attitude, change it right now or
I will adjust it for you. Are we clear?" She scolded firmly,
returning to the table with the grape jam and setting it near Jenni.
"Crystal…" Jenni mumbled, opening the jar and beginning to spread
the grape gooey sweetness across her toast and then decided against
it. In her frustration she had lost her appetite. Not knowing how to
explain her feelings she dropped her head into her arms resting on
the table top, her hair fanned out covering her teary eyes. Zoë
twisted her mouth to say something sharp when the phone rang.
Sighing she let her harsh words go and answered the bothersome ring.
<><><><><><> <><>
After breakfast had been cleared away, Jenni had curled herself
up on the living room sofa to read her new chapter book about a
horse ranch. Ten minutes into her fantasy the doorbell jarred her
back to reality. She remembered her aunt's rule about answering the
door.
"Aunt Zoë! The door, can I get it?"
"Go ahead; it's probably Bethany from next door." Zoë called back
from the top of the staircase, now making her way down while
fastening her earrings. She had on a pair of black slacks and a
cream blouse with a matching waist coat and slim black heels. Hints
of gold jewelry accessorized her look. Her own long auburn locks
were stylishly pulled into a French twist. Jenni unlocked the heavy
oak door and despite her sour mood from earlier, she smiled a bit to
see her favorite sitter.
"Hi Kiddo, I brought that puzzle for us to do today." Bethany
greeted and came into the bright parlor. The lithe teen girl had
dark brown hair, large brown eyes, and dimples to match her impish
smile. Zoë greeted the girl and reminded her where the emergency
numbers were and of some last minute instructions.
"…she has some homework, a math sheet that needs to be done today
and she may watch a video, but no more than an hour of TV. Any
problems, please call me." Zoë said while putting on her leather
jacket that tied around the waist.
"Alright, Ms. Kelly, I'll remember. We'll have fun!"
Bethany confirmed, hanging up her own things by the door.
Zoë knelt in front of Jenni and smoothed the bangs off of her
face, "I know I have been working a lot baby, but it's just for a
bit longer. Help me and be a good girl for Bethany, today. Perhaps we
can go to a movie tomorrow, or out to dinner, alright?" Zoë asked,
kissing her nieces cheek goodbye and straightening up.
Jenni nodded, knowing they probably wouldn't, but still, just maybe things
were changing. "Okay, but I get to pick the movie!" She smiled, happy at least her
aunt realized she needed her time and hugged the woman about the
waist. Zoë held her for a moment before breaking the embrace. The
two girls waved her off and Bethany suggested they start the puzzle.
<><><><><><>
The morning passed quickly enough. Jenni had beaten Bethany at
Monopoly and Checkers and by 2:00 they both called a tie on their
final game. Bethany then prepared a lunch of tomato soup and grilled
cheese, the winner's choice. After which, Jenni offered to help clean
up.
"No, that's okay. I'll get it. Go ahead and get started on that math
homework you have. Let me know if you need any help." Bethany said
and began to load the dirty dishes into the dish washer.
"But my favorite shows on. Can't I watch that first? Please?" Jenni
begged with her most winning smile. Bethany couldn't resist that
sweet grin, "Alright, but as soon as it is over you need to get to work okay?"
"K…." Jenni agreed already making her way into the living room.
Mean time Bethany made a call to her boyfriend and before she knew
it an hour had passed… A little stressed for time now she hung up
and went to check on the girl. Jenni was sitting on the carpet still
watching TV oblivious that Bethany was right behind her.
"Hey kiddo, its time to do that homework now, and besides you've
reached your TV limit for today."
"But a new show already started. I'll do it after this." Jenni said,
not moving her eyes from the flickering screen.
"No, you'll do it now please." Bethany countered and flipped off the
set.
"Hey! I was watching that! Turn it back on!" Jenni whined shrilly
jumping up and reaching for the remote. Bethany held it up high out
of the girls reach.
"Give it to me!"
"Jenni, I said no, come on… I'll help you with the assignment and
it won't take so long." The teen calmly offered and was met with
blazing green eyes and a foot stomping fit.
"You're not being fair! I want my show!!" Jenni yelled her face an
angry red. The fact that she did not handle instruction well from
others, plus her bad mood from the morning already predisposed her
to shoot off and vent her anger at someone. The coal inside of her
was becoming a smoldering ember, ready to ignite.
"You can't throw a fit every time you don't get your way. I'm
being fair. It's time for homework."
"NOOO!" Came an angry wail followed by more foot stomping. Jenni
bawled her small hands into hard fists, pounding them against her
thighs, "Don't have to! You're just being mean!"
"Fine, act that way. I'm calling your aunt." Exasperated the teen
gave up and went into the kitchen to make the call.
Jenni mean while turned back on the TV with the volume full blast. A few minutes
later Bethany came out of the kitchen and with the TV remote still
in hand she shut it off. Jenni whirled around and was about to
protest when the teen thrust the cordless phone out to her. The
child paled a bit and swallowed hard not actually believing that
Bethany would follow through with her threat.
Jenni took the phone and winced as she put it to her ear, "H-hello?"
"Jenni, what's this I hear about you throwing a fit and
refusing to do your homework?" Zoë's firm, level voice came across
the phone line.
"W-well, I...." Jenni tried, but words failed her, her eyes grew
teary knowing she was in big trouble.
"All I asked you to do today was to be a good girl and you gave me
your word that you would listen to Bethany. I don't ask much of you,
but when I do I expect to be obeyed."
"I'm sorry….It’s just...I mean--" Her voice cracked, giving way to
the tears now pouring down her cheeks.
Bethany stood by, now feeling a bit sorry for the girl as she
was obviously getting a harsh scolding.
"None of your excuses, young lady. I want you to apologize to
Bethany, do your homework, and then go to your room until I get home.
You are grounded to your room the rest of the weekend." Zoë
confirmed her voice low as to not allow others around her to hear
her conversation. She had been in a busy conference room giving a
lecture about children's healthcare when Bethany's phone call had
interrupted her, so she had stepped out into the hall, near the
stairwell. She rubbed her temple with her free hand fighting a
pending headache.
"But-but…what about Sunday…the movie?" Jenni asked now crying,
severely disappointed that she would miss their date for tomorrow.
"I'm sorry Jenni," she said more gently noting her child's
discontent, "but you lost that privilege. We'll have our outing next
weekend alright?….Jenni? ......Sweetie are you there?....." Zoë
asked, not hearing a response from her child.
"Ms. Kelly, its Bethany, she dropped the phone and ran upstairs. Do
you want me to get her?"
"No, that's fine Bethany…. I'll be home as soon as I can. Just take
her homework sheet up to her room, so she has it if she decides to
do it. I'll see you in a half hour."
<><><><><><> <><>
Upon entrance, Zoë's ears were met with a piercing scream
followed by shrill yelling coming from upstairs--the very
distinctive yelling of Jenni in one of her full blown tantrums. The
fire had begun to burn:
"YOU FUCKING JERK. I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU…..YOU AREN'T MY
MOM!"
Zoë cringed as she heard the unmistakable sound of things being
thrown. She dropped her briefcase and purse by the door and ran up
the stairs. Bethany was backed up in a corner watching in horror as
Jenni, who was standing in the middle, hurled anything she could
grab from pillows to Barbie dolls. The woman hesitated a moment,
struck by the sheer mess of it all, knowing by the state of the room
and Jenni's thunderous wailing that the tantrum had been in effect
for quite a while now. Zoë deftly came up behind her niece and
grabbed her around the middle in a bear hug, making sure Jenni
couldn't get her arms out.
Jenni struggled and kicked, trying to fight her way out of her
aunt's strong hold, all the while screaming in angry rage. Zoë held
her tightly, saying nothing. Bethany stood there, with tears in her
eyes, mouth wide open, unable to move.
Finally, after several minutes, Zoë felt the fight go out of
Jenni's body and she loosened her grip, "That's it baby,… calm down.
Take some deep breaths for me." Zoë soothed trying to help
distressed child regain some composure. Jenni would have none of it.
"Stop telling me what to DO! I don't haf'ta listen to you!" Jenni
yelled, letting the physical fight go from sheer exhaustion as sweat
poured down her face, stinging her eyes. Hateful, red rage burned in
those green pools, boiling the surface ready to scald anyone who
dare try and tame her. Jenni struggled more against the older
woman's authority, but stopped, her muscles relaxing from such a
strenuous fight. A bit of fear pricked her, damping her inner flame
as she had forgotten just who she was talking to, but Zoë quickly
reminded her.
The woman turned the girl around by her shoulders to speak to
her, their matching eyes inches apart. "I want you to stay right
here young lady. I don't know what happened, but your behavior is
absolutely unacceptable.” Zoë cupped Jenni's chin firmly when the
girl had started to look away as she was not able to handle the
intensity of her aunt's powerful gaze. "Do you understand me? And if
I EVER hear you using that kind of language, or tone again, you will
be getting a mouth soaping you will never forget," she promised,
raising her hand landing two sharp stinging spanks to Jenni's skirt.
Jenni scowled sourly and jerked away. Zoë took a deep calming
breath, trying to remain in control. "I mean it Jenni! You
and I are going to have lengthy discussion about your behavior
today. Am I make myself clear?"
Jenni huffed and mumbled a `yes' as she flopped down on her bed, burying her tear
streaked face into her pillow.
<><><><><><> <>
"Why is she like that?" Bethany asked, taking a sip of cold water,
still shaken from the incident upstairs some minutes ago. Zoë poured
herself a cup of hot tea she just brewed and stirred in a touch of
milk as she contemplated the teen's question.
"When she was younger someone she loved very much hurt her deeply.
She has a lot of anger and hate inside of her for this person and
sometimes her emotions are too big for her to handle, so she acts
out. Though she hasn't acted out like this in a long time. Something
must have triggered her." Zoë explained now sipping her tea.
Bethany bit her lip, her brown eyes glassy as she looked down
at her hands which twisted the hem of her shirt into a wrinkled
mess, "Was it something I did?"
"Goodness no and I wasn't suggesting it, it was merely a
speculation. I have a feeling I know what set her off and it
involves me, not you." Zoë answered feeling somewhat guilty.
"Still, I hope she feels better. I had better get going Ms. Kelly. I
have soccer practice tonight. Our first game is tomorrow." Bethany
said welcoming the feeling of relief and rubbed her eyes as she
stood from her perch on the kitchen stool by the island.
"Let me pay you and see you out." Zoë said and followed the teen to
the door where she took two twenties from her purse and handed them
to the girl, thanking her for her time. Once the door shut Zoë
leaned against it taking in a deep breath and letting it go slowly,
wondering how she was going to deal with her niece. A moment later a
loud crash came from upstairs followed by several smaller thuds.
"Not again…." Zoë said breathlessly as she hurried upstairs. Once on
the landing she approached her office and froze, her face ashen...
"What did…you do?" She half asked as she gazed in wide eyed
horror as her current thesis lay thrown across the room, ripped, and
trampled upon. Nearly two hundred pages all of which had been
painstakingly organized, typed, and edited strewn from one end of the
room to the other, along with broken CD's holding the
back up research.... All destroyed. Three years of her time, sweat
and study gone all in the whirlwind of an enraged child's irate fit.
Zoë brought her hands to her face covering her mouth, her eyes
blinking rapidly against the searing bitter tears forming in her
eyes, which were now taking in the whole scene. Her heels became
tangled in shredded paper as she stepped in the room.
Jenni backed up a step, her chest heaving from her intense
outburst. The blaze had forged its way through the woods; a
devastating, uncontrollable, internal struggle…
"You never listen to ME! This is the only way you listen! Only when
I do something bad!" Jenni yelled opening her arms indicating the
mess she had made and stomping her foot, her small face contorted in
crimson wrath. "Your always working, you're never here... It's the
same all the time! I hate it!" She spat venomously. That rage
diminished somewhat when she finally took in her aunt's expression.
Zoë's face went from pale shock to suppressed anger very
quickly. "Jenni... ..Go-to-your- room....RIGHT NOW!" Zoë broke the
silence yelling a sharp command and immedently covered her mouth to
keep from yelling again.
The little girl began to shake. Zoë had never raised her voice,
little long yelled. Jenni backed up another step feeling not as
brave as she felt the adrenaline leaving her system. She raised her
green eyes to meet her aunt's livid gaze with stubborn yet wilting
defiance, "NO!"
Zoë turned away from the girl and crossed to the far side of
the room, distancing herself physically, her body trembling with
emotion. She swallowed hard, the power struggle between them
drenching the air, slowly putting out the flames which had began to
vaporize.
"Jenni, do as I tell you… right now." she commanded, her voice now
low, frosty, and distant.
Jenni suddenly felt her blood turn to ice in her veins at her aunt's words. It reminded her of her mother's natural infliction and tone. Her mother who had abused her, left
her, said she loved her.....
The girl's feet became rooted to the spot, her bare toes
grasping into the carpet searching for some kind of reassuring
stability. Hearing no movement from her child Zoë turned around, not
fully trusting herself from lashing out she kept her
distance.
"I need you to listen to me, Jenni. I am very, very upset
with you, young lady..... and we each need sometime to calm down. Now,
for the last time go to your room..." Zoë said, her voice shook, her
manner sharp. The room was quiet for a long moment, the cool silence
deafening.
"But your not listening to me...."Jenni whispered softly, her voice
faltering and giving way to tears, realizing she was in really deep
trouble.
Zoë had had enough and her last string of patience and
reserve had broken then with Jenni's words. The woman crossed the
large room, quickly closing the distance between the child and
herself.
Jenni's eyes dilated in panicking fear and at the last
moment she tried to run, but Zoë was quick and took a firm hold of
the girl's upper arm, lifting her up onto her tiptoes and with her
free hand she delivered six stinging spanks to her niece's backside.
Jenni squealed and squirmed with each spank as she danced and tried
to block her aunt's strong right hand.
"Ow! Let me goooo!… Dooooonnn't! "
The girl wailed and was then led forcefully toward the office
door. Jenni dug her heels into the carpet and grabbed the doors edge
to keep herself from being pulled to her room where she was sure
punishment was to take place. "Nooo! Aunt Zoë! Stop....wait. ...I can
explain!"
Without a word the woman easily restrained the child's
wrists in one hand and lifted Jenni up by the middle under her left
arm and carried her with some difficulty, kicking and screaming down
the hallway. Jenni was petite and the weight of her small physical
frame was no match for Zoë's tall slim, but strong build. Once at
the child's bedroom door, Zoë set her still struggling niece on her
feet and pushed her somewhat firmly through the open door way.
"I want your nose and toes touching that corner." She instructed
her eyes wet with livid tears that had yet to fall and pointed to a
bare corner at the far end of Jenni's room.
"b-but...."
Zoë reached over and swatted her niece sharply once more,
hitting her bare thigh and leaving a pink print. Jenni cried out and
backed away toward the corner, finally obeying. "Do not move an inch
until I come for you." Zoë said, watching as Jenni placed herself in
the corner, her arms hugging herself for comfort.
Zoë left the door open as she crossed the hall to her own room where she paced back
and forth trying to calm down. Never in her life had she been so
angry, or felt so hurt by something Jenni had done. And the worst part for
Zoë was that she could not deny anything Jenni had clamed back in that office.
<><><><><><> <>
A slow long hour passed….
Zoë sat on her bed, her knees brought
up to her chest and her head resting atop them. She had let down her
hair, which fell in loose waves over her face, like a lustrous silk
curtain to shield her from the reality before her. She had cried
quietly, her anger and sadness still very raw, but somewhat pacified
by her many tears.
Now that she was calmer she slowly drew herself to stand to check on her child. Her bare feet padded softly down the carpeted hallway to her niece's doorway. Jenni was still standing exactly where Zoë had left her an hour ago, her nose and toes touching the wall as instructed. Zoë crossed her arms under her breasts and leaned
against the doorway, feeling the need for the wood grain’s strong, stable
support.
"Jenni....." She started, her voice somewhat horse and stopped when
the child jumped at her word. Jenni slowly turned around, her back
now pressed firmly against the corner, her hands covering her
bottom. Like her own, the child's eyes were red and slightly swollen
from crying.
"Jenni, you may come out of the corner now."
The girl shook her head no; trying it seemed to melt into the
wall behind her.
"Are you afraid?" Zoë asked, keeping her voice steady and tranquil,
her normal tone finally returning to her. Jenni bit her lip and
nodded, a fresh tear finding its way down the now worn path of her
cheek.
"I'm sorry I yelled.... I was very shocked at the mess and what
you did. I am still very upset with you, and you and I will have a
very long talk about what happened, but for now I just want to hold
you. Would you like that?" Zoë asked and moved to seat herself on
the girls twin canopy bed, made up with handmade quilts and stuffed
animals.
In response Jenni guardedly made her way over and allowed Zoë
to lift her up onto her lap. The woman held her close and rocked her
one love slowly. Jenni's limbs were stiff from standing still for so
long, and she welcomed the relaxing movement and warmth from her
aunt's body so much that in her exhaustion she fell asleep....
<><><><><><> <><>
Jenni shifted feeling the soft warmth of her sheets tangled
around her limbs. Slowly she opened one eye to the quiet darkness
staring at the swirling pattern of her textured ceiling for a moment
before pushing herself to sit up. Her room was dim save for the sun’s
evening shadows dancing across the carpet through her drapes. A
glance to her clock told her it was 7:15, still awhile before her
bedtime of 9:00.
With some hesitation and butterflies swimming madly in her
stomach she slipped out of bed just now noticing she was only
wearing her pink undershirt and matching panties. Her aunt must have
undressed her while she was asleep she figured as she made her way
to the cracked door now opening it farther and sticking her head out
into the hall. She spied Zoë down the way in her room sitting on her
bed apparently typing on her laptop. Zoë had changed from the day's
office attire to comfortable jeans and a light blue fitted tank top
which brought out the flecks of aqua nestled in her green eyes.
Jenni eased out her door and made her way slowly down the well
lit hall. Her small feet left depressions of hesitancy in the thick
carpet. She stopped at the French double doorway to her aunt's large
room. Zoë still hadn't noticed her as the child studied the scene,
wondering how best to begin.
"Hi....." The girl's voice cracked the stuffy silence with a soft
whisper.
Zoë looked up quickly, taking off her reading glasses and
smiled tightly to her niece. For the first time Jenni noticed a
dimness about her aunt that she hadn't ever noticed before. Some of
the spark and light was gone from her eyes. The light had hidden
itself away somewhere in those large knowing windows and she seemed
older to Jenni just then, older for just a moment.
"Hi yourself," She greeted and patted the bed. The girl shuffled over and pulled herself up
to sit on the high sleigh bed opposite her aunt.
"What are you working on?" Jenni questioned with a bit of scorn in
her voice that Zoë could perceive.
"I just sent out an e-mail to my editor asking him for the copy of
my thesis back. It was supposed to be published this spring... but I
told him I had some more revisions to do." Zoë said softly without
blame or ridicule. She knew she had to be calm and patient with this
child, given Jenni's abusive history.
"So, it's not all gone? I mean... you still have a copy?" The girl
asked, wide eyed and somewhat hopeful. She hated that her aunt
worked so much, but she didn't want to her tantrum to have the bad
ripple effect she had originally intended when she had first been
upset. The guilt of her actions hung in a miserable cloud over her
head and in the sick knot forming in her stomach.
"Yes, my dear girl you didn't destroy all of it. Just the pre-final
draft I've been working on the last several months. The publication
will be pushed back until next fall or later even if needed."
"I'm sorry....I really am, it's just that--" Jenni was hushed as Zoë
put a finger to the child's lips.
"Before you go into your apology or excuses, I want you to listen to
me very carefully...when I put you in time out it was because I
needed one myself. I was very angry with you back there. More angry
then I have ever been, I think. I thought a great deal about what you
said, about my working all the time and being so busy, and I
realized I was really angry at myself for being so involved with my
practice. I promise I'll cut back on some of my hours to be home
more with you." Zoë paused, reflecting on the past few months of her
work schedule knowing she had taken on to big of a client case
load.
"But you don't get angry. I mean you don't show it." Jenni stated
genuinely perplexed at what her aunt was trying to say.
"I'm human Jenni; I have all the feelings you have inside of you."
Zoë explained, remembering just how naive Jenni still was about
emotions. "I'm just in very good control of what I show to you.
Maybe to much so, because one day you'll be out in a world where
people won't hide the harsh words and actions they may feel. I can't
protect you forever no matter how much I may want to."
The young girl pulled at a loose thread on Zoë's embroidered
bed spread contemplating what her aunt had just said.
"I'm not like other kids am I? I'm not normal like them. In school
and on the playground I don't always get stuff or I say or do the
wrong thing. The other kids seem smarter than me; not book smart,
but....people smart?" She trailed off, her chin quivering.
How do you tell my child that they are different or 'special'? Zoë pulled Jenni into her lap and the girl found her familiar crook of her aunt's lovely neck to nestle her head into.
"We've talked a little about this before sweetheart. Because of what
happened to you when you were small you were slower to develop in
certain areas, one of them being emotional understanding and
behavior. It's not your fault, nor is it a bad thing. It's just
something we will continue to improve on. Everyone has something
they want to change in themselves."
"Even you?"
Zoë smiled and kissed Jenni's wet cheek, brushing away the last
fallen tear with her soft lips.
"Even me…"
"I am really sorry. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me and it went
to far...It just came out."
"What came out Jenni?" Zoë knew the answer, but she wanted her child
to identify the feeling.
"My anger… There's too much of it." Jenni sniffled, her answer
coming out as a complaint.
"Well, we will have to remedy that won't we?" Zoë asked,
in one of her firm undertones Jenni knew so well.
"A spanking?" she asked in a very small voice even though she
already knew her actions would lead her down this road long before
she had had her tantrum. She instinctively wrapped her arms tighter
around her aunt, who reassured her with a soft squeeze.
"Yes baby, and besides your tantrum there is also the matter of you
going into my study. What is our rule about my study and my personal
things?" Zoë asked, gazing at her child.
"I need to ask you first," Jenni responded quietly.
"That's right, so here is what's going to happen. I am going to
spank you, and then you are going right to bed with early bedtime
the rest of this week. Tomorrow, we will clean up my office and your
room. Then you will apologize to Bethany. I will go with you, but
you will tell her you're sorry."
"Okay.” Jenni mumbled, lowering her gaze, Zoë lifted Jenni's chin
with one long manicured finger.
"I am never harsh with you, however there are times, like this one
where you need something extra in order to learn your lesson well. I
think a healthy session with a wooden spoon will benefit you
immensely because I refuse to experience a repeat of your behavior."
Zoë confirmed her fate, untangling Jenni's arms from around herself
and lifted the girl up off her lap and onto her feet.
"B-but you never spank me with anythin'.... pleeaassse...just use
your hand......it's enough!" Jenni wailed, nearing hysterics.
She didn't want a spanking. Especially not one with a certain
spoon she had encountered only once before, two years ago when she
had purposely added black die to a wash of Zoë's delicate whites in
her aunts preparation to leave town for a long weekend in Mexico
with friends. It was the first time that Zoë had left Jenni in a
close friends care to enjoy some much needed ‘R’ and ‘R’ for herself.
Jenni was angry and hurt so she vengefully destroyed Zoë's summer
linen outfits to hopes that she would not go.
"Not this time sweetheart....You need this. Now I want you to go
down into the kitchen and fetch me that spoon. You know which one
and bring it straight back here to me." Zoë instructed and waited to
be obeyed. Jenni backed up a step toward the open door but her feet
wouldn't will herself to move any farther.
"Aun' Zooeee...." she begged earnestly, her eyes tearing up again.
Zoë hated to be stern with this child, but she stiffened her resolve
convinced of her choice. "Do as I tell you. Now march young lady."
With that firm command Jenni backed out of the room and
quickly made her way down the dark stairway. Once on the main
landing she made a dash into the kitchen and to the cooking utensils
displayed in a tall clear vase near the stove. More slowly, she
clasped her small fingers around that long smooth handle pulling the
spoon out of its resting place. Jenni studied the stained wood grain
for a moment; scared of the sting this would bring her bottom. A
soft moan escaped her lips as she more slowly returned back upstairs
to her aunt's room.
Zoë was now sitting on the edge of her bed, the
laptop pushed over on her bedside table. Jenni approached Zoë, her
head down with her arm outstretched; extending the tool that was
soon to teach her with a shaking hand. Zoë took it, understanding
just how hard that march down to the kitchen had been for Jenni.
"That was very good, baby. Now, I want you to take down your panties
and go across my lap."
Jenni's head shot up, her lips trembled, "b-but you always-" She
started and was cut off-
"I will not stand to hear what I always do or do not do when it
comes to my correcting you. You're getting older so I see it fit
that you take some action in your own discipline by doing this step
yourself." Zoë explained and raised her brows waiting for Jenni to
comply.
The young girl slowly, numbly hooked her fingers in the
waistband of her panties and pulled them down to her knees, bending
a bit to do so.
"All the way down and off Jenni."
The girls groaned, tears sliding down her cheeks as she obeyed
taking the cotton fabric down her legs and stepped out of them,
finally handing the discarded layer of protection to Zoë who set
them on the bed beside her. The woman patted her lap expectantly and
Jenni moved to her aunt's right side, trying to obey, but she froze
up.
"I can't…..p-please don't s-spank me…I'm sorry!" She stammered and
backed up a step when her aunt reached for her wrist, now guiding
the girl forcefully across her lap. Jenni gasped in surprise as five
burning spanks impacted her bare thighs.
"When I tell you to do something young lady you are to without
question obey me. If I see you still having trouble with this I will
pay more attention to your thighs." Zoë said firmly, now wrapping
her arm around Jenni's small waist drawing her body close and
raising her right knee higher which lifted the girls bottom by
several inches and pushing her over at a sharper angle.
Jenni knew this was the signal that it was starting. She tensed her body
waiting, but nothing happened. She took an anxious breath that
forced her body to relax a bit.
Zoë took advantage of that brief moment and laded the first awful spank to Jenni's right cheek. Two seconds later another landed on her left. The girl began to squirm
as this rhythm continued.
"Ow!...Please… nooooo… ouch! Stop!" She begged and began to kick her
legs in an effort to avoid any bit of the building burn of her now
pink backside. As the burning intensified so did the twelve year
olds kicking.
After a minute Zoë paused for a moment sliding her arm under
Jenni's chest, lifting her up a bit as she opened her legs wide
before lowering her niece back over her knee and locking Jenni's
legs with hers. Jenni began to really cry, hating this restricting
position her aunt saved for her strictest punishments.
Zoë took the spoon in hand and rested it against Jenni's
bottom. The girl jerked forward at its touch. "I want you to pay
very close attention to me Jenni because I am getting tired of
repeating myself to you. We have had this same `discussion' many
times and I intend this to be its last. Your tantrums, language and
overall attitude have been asking for my attention lately. I would
much rather talk to you about your feelings with you sitting on my
lap, not over it. However, if this spanking is what you need to let
go and get those feelings out of you I am very willing to help you
with that." She said now raising the spoon and landing it sharply to
Jenni's sit spot.
The girl bucked and howled as alternate spanks landed back and
forth on her lower bottom where the crease meets the thighs, deepening
the burn. Zoë never spanked hard, just long, and steady and firm knowing
that every second Jenni was over her lap the girl was closer to
letting go.
"Nooo, oh…OW! I'mmm sooo soorrreeeeee… ..p-pleasssssee… .no more…no
more..."
She begged earnestly twisting and thrashing her legs with
little luck of escaping the wicked sting of that spoon. Her bottom
was a bright red with two cherry colored spots near her thighs where Zoë
focused the last of her efforts with a final dozen real zingers.
Half way through that last set Jenni let go of all struggles, both
internal and external, giving herself fully to her aunt's
correction. By the end she was sobbing hard, limp as a doll.
Zoë dropped the spoon now adjusting the child's limp body across both
her knees as the girl made no effort to calm herself down just yet.
The woman had tears in her own eyes as she rubbed Jenni's back in
slow circles and stroked her hair in a calming effort.
"Take your time baby; get up when you want to…"
It was a good five minutes of hard crying before the child made
any attempt to stand. When she finally did, Zoë helped her up and
immedently took her in her arms to sit on her lap. With the added
pressure to her bottom Jenni whimpered burying her damp face in
Zoë's breast, her arms tight around her aunt's neck clinging for
dear life.
Zoë rocked her, one arm wrapped consolingly around the
child, the other rubbing her back while murmuring soothing words.
The woman kissed Jenni's forehead, her wet cheek, and her nose
saying, "Your all forgiven princess, everything is alright. I'm not
upset with you anymore. Do you understand that?"
Jenni nodded, rubbing her eyes and looking up at Zoë, "I d-
don't like feeling this way. I-I hate being so angry all the time. I
just want to let it...let it all go, but it's always there, like
it's teasing me or something….Sometimes I can't control it…Like
today." She whispered, her voice shaking.
"I know baby, but you will learn how to control it, how to release
it in other healthy ways. I'll always be there to help you with
that." She promised patting the girl's red, sore naked bottom gently
a few times and kissing her cheek once more. Jenni let a bit of a
small smile play on her lips before she broke into a yawn. Zoë
glanced at the clock on her nightstand noting it was getting late.
"Alright little girl, I think it's your bedtime. Let's get you
washed up, hmmm?" She asked, unwrapping her arms from around the girl
who quickly grabbed at her aunts arms pulling them back around
herself.
"In a minute, okay? Jus' hold me some more… I don't want to be by
myself tonight. I'm sleeping in here… and my bear is too, he doesn't
want to be alone either." Jenni stated sleepily, leaving no room for
argument, which of course her aunt offered none.
"Alright, but Mr. Bear is staying on your side of the bed." Zoë
laughed playing along with Jenni's fantasy of her bear. "I seem to
remember someone's cold feet waking me up the last time he was in
here with you." Zoë smiled hugging the child once more to her
breast, deeply loving Jenni's imagination, her spirit, and her… for
exactly what she was; herself.
<><><>The End<><><>
---------------------------------------
Hypothesis of a Tantrum (Part 3)
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The young girl was deeply asleep, curled up on her side,
looking angelic in slumber as she always did. Asleep she had never
looked anything, but beautiful and normal. Her arms clasped around an
old tattered teddy bear with a faded indigo bowtie around its neck;
the only thing she had kept from her old life. For a moment the
woman standing above her smiled with wistful wonder as she watched
the girl's chest rise and fall with each slow breath, enjoying this
small treasure. She tucked the moment away in her memory before
gently rousing the child from her dreams.
"Jenni, sweetheart, its time to get up." Zoë said by way of greeting
the groggy preteen who in response to her aunt pulled her pink
ruffled pillow over her strawberry blonde head and whined loudly
into her `Power Puff Girl' sheets.
"Now none of that Jenni, let’s go." She urged clapping her hands
twice before going over to the window and opening the gauzy drapes.
Warm sunlight settled on the creamy carpet and the girls curled up
body. Zoë sighed and went over to her niece's side and pulled away
the quilts. Jenni hugged her pillow and narrowed her eyes against
the brightness, "Aunnnnntt Zoooeee!"
"Time to get up my darling girl… Hurry now, breakfasts nearly
ready." She said and waited for the child to sit up at least before
she would leave the room. Jenni turned over on her stomach ignoring
her aunt, still half asleep. Zoë gave her firm swat to her PJ clad
bottom which made the girl jerk upright, "Ow! Don't!"
"Now that you're up, please get dressed and come down for
breakfast." Zoë smiled and kissed Jenni's tangled bed head before
leaving the room.
Rubbing her bottom to get rid of the slight sting, the girl
dragged herself to sit on the edge of the bed. She took a moment to
wipe the sleep from her eyes, letting her legs dangle over the side,
all the while thinking about the last several weeks.
The days had seemed to all blur together. Her Aunt Zoë had been spending most of
her time at her office, on the phone, or in meetings at the free
children's clinic she volunteered her services to once a week. With
winter in full motion and the holidays approaching people always
seemed to be sick more, especially children. Zoë would sometimes
take Jenni with her to the office or the clinic, but the child would
complain about being bored and want to go home. Zoë had then
employed the services of the neighbor girl named Bethany, who was 17
to look after Jenni in her absence.
Jenni had begun to resent the herbs which she had once taken an interest in and the other children who took up most of her aunts time. What she hated most was the free
time Zoë once had was now wrapped up in the work of her current
thesis, due out for publication this spring. They had stopped going
to the theater, to art shows, and the park. There simply wasn't time.
Today was Saturday and her aunt had to spend it
working....again. Jenni looked sourly at her toes, chipped pink nail
polish met her gaze. Finally she sighed and got out of bed. She
dressed herself in a purple skirt and socks with a blue long sleeved
cotton top with stars across the front before brushing her long wavy
hair.
Heading down stairs, the wonderful aroma of French toast and
eggs greeted her when entering the kitchen. Zoë was busy dishing up
plates of hot food all the while talking on her cell phone with a
wireless earpiece that left her free to move about. She smiled and
gave Jenni a small wave before pointing to her spot at the table, an
indication for her to sit down. Jenni rolled her eyes and fought the
urge to say something rude as she obeyed.
"I need those files and that case study faxed to my office this
afternoon, and Tom, don't forget the footnotes…..thanks…bye
now." Zoë ended the phone call and removed the earpiece before
taking the plates of food to the table. She took her own seat,
asking, "So, how's my princess today?"
"Fine….you forgot the jam and I hate syrup on French toast. I can't
eat it.” Jenni said bitterly, pushing the plate aside and pouting.
She really didn't mind syrup, but inside herself she felt the
beginnings of a small coal sparking; making her blood hot with
irritation.
Zoë eyed the girl and wordlessly switched plates with her before
speaking, "Here, you have mine and I'll get you the jam for you."
She said and stood.
Jenni shoved that plate aside as well exclaiming, "This has your germs on it. I don't want it. You always tell me not to eat after other people." She finished with a hint of
sass in her voice, crossing her arms over her small chest.
Zoë's green eyes flashed, "I haven't eaten a thing on that plate, so
I hardly warrant that having my germs on it young lady. Secondly, I
spent the better part of this morning preparing this breakfast, your
favorite, as a treat to be enjoyed, not argued over. I do not
appreciate you tone and as for your attitude, change it right now or
I will adjust it for you. Are we clear?" She scolded firmly,
returning to the table with the grape jam and setting it near Jenni.
"Crystal…" Jenni mumbled, opening the jar and beginning to spread
the grape gooey sweetness across her toast and then decided against
it. In her frustration she had lost her appetite. Not knowing how to
explain her feelings she dropped her head into her arms resting on
the table top, her hair fanned out covering her teary eyes. Zoë
twisted her mouth to say something sharp when the phone rang.
Sighing she let her harsh words go and answered the bothersome ring.
<><><><><><> <><>
After breakfast had been cleared away, Jenni had curled herself
up on the living room sofa to read her new chapter book about a
horse ranch. Ten minutes into her fantasy the doorbell jarred her
back to reality. She remembered her aunt's rule about answering the
door.
"Aunt Zoë! The door, can I get it?"
"Go ahead; it's probably Bethany from next door." Zoë called back
from the top of the staircase, now making her way down while
fastening her earrings. She had on a pair of black slacks and a
cream blouse with a matching waist coat and slim black heels. Hints
of gold jewelry accessorized her look. Her own long auburn locks
were stylishly pulled into a French twist. Jenni unlocked the heavy
oak door and despite her sour mood from earlier, she smiled a bit to
see her favorite sitter.
"Hi Kiddo, I brought that puzzle for us to do today." Bethany
greeted and came into the bright parlor. The lithe teen girl had
dark brown hair, large brown eyes, and dimples to match her impish
smile. Zoë greeted the girl and reminded her where the emergency
numbers were and of some last minute instructions.
"…she has some homework, a math sheet that needs to be done today
and she may watch a video, but no more than an hour of TV. Any
problems, please call me." Zoë said while putting on her leather
jacket that tied around the waist.
"Alright, Ms. Kelly, I'll remember. We'll have fun!"
Bethany confirmed, hanging up her own things by the door.
Zoë knelt in front of Jenni and smoothed the bangs off of her
face, "I know I have been working a lot baby, but it's just for a
bit longer. Help me and be a good girl for Bethany, today. Perhaps we
can go to a movie tomorrow, or out to dinner, alright?" Zoë asked,
kissing her nieces cheek goodbye and straightening up.
Jenni nodded, knowing they probably wouldn't, but still, just maybe things
were changing. "Okay, but I get to pick the movie!" She smiled, happy at least her
aunt realized she needed her time and hugged the woman about the
waist. Zoë held her for a moment before breaking the embrace. The
two girls waved her off and Bethany suggested they start the puzzle.
<><><><><><>
The morning passed quickly enough. Jenni had beaten Bethany at
Monopoly and Checkers and by 2:00 they both called a tie on their
final game. Bethany then prepared a lunch of tomato soup and grilled
cheese, the winner's choice. After which, Jenni offered to help clean
up.
"No, that's okay. I'll get it. Go ahead and get started on that math
homework you have. Let me know if you need any help." Bethany said
and began to load the dirty dishes into the dish washer.
"But my favorite shows on. Can't I watch that first? Please?" Jenni
begged with her most winning smile. Bethany couldn't resist that
sweet grin, "Alright, but as soon as it is over you need to get to work okay?"
"K…." Jenni agreed already making her way into the living room.
Mean time Bethany made a call to her boyfriend and before she knew
it an hour had passed… A little stressed for time now she hung up
and went to check on the girl. Jenni was sitting on the carpet still
watching TV oblivious that Bethany was right behind her.
"Hey kiddo, its time to do that homework now, and besides you've
reached your TV limit for today."
"But a new show already started. I'll do it after this." Jenni said,
not moving her eyes from the flickering screen.
"No, you'll do it now please." Bethany countered and flipped off the
set.
"Hey! I was watching that! Turn it back on!" Jenni whined shrilly
jumping up and reaching for the remote. Bethany held it up high out
of the girls reach.
"Give it to me!"
"Jenni, I said no, come on… I'll help you with the assignment and
it won't take so long." The teen calmly offered and was met with
blazing green eyes and a foot stomping fit.
"You're not being fair! I want my show!!" Jenni yelled her face an
angry red. The fact that she did not handle instruction well from
others, plus her bad mood from the morning already predisposed her
to shoot off and vent her anger at someone. The coal inside of her
was becoming a smoldering ember, ready to ignite.
"You can't throw a fit every time you don't get your way. I'm
being fair. It's time for homework."
"NOOO!" Came an angry wail followed by more foot stomping. Jenni
bawled her small hands into hard fists, pounding them against her
thighs, "Don't have to! You're just being mean!"
"Fine, act that way. I'm calling your aunt." Exasperated the teen
gave up and went into the kitchen to make the call.
Jenni mean while turned back on the TV with the volume full blast. A few minutes
later Bethany came out of the kitchen and with the TV remote still
in hand she shut it off. Jenni whirled around and was about to
protest when the teen thrust the cordless phone out to her. The
child paled a bit and swallowed hard not actually believing that
Bethany would follow through with her threat.
Jenni took the phone and winced as she put it to her ear, "H-hello?"
"Jenni, what's this I hear about you throwing a fit and
refusing to do your homework?" Zoë's firm, level voice came across
the phone line.
"W-well, I...." Jenni tried, but words failed her, her eyes grew
teary knowing she was in big trouble.
"All I asked you to do today was to be a good girl and you gave me
your word that you would listen to Bethany. I don't ask much of you,
but when I do I expect to be obeyed."
"I'm sorry….It’s just...I mean--" Her voice cracked, giving way to
the tears now pouring down her cheeks.
Bethany stood by, now feeling a bit sorry for the girl as she
was obviously getting a harsh scolding.
"None of your excuses, young lady. I want you to apologize to
Bethany, do your homework, and then go to your room until I get home.
You are grounded to your room the rest of the weekend." Zoë
confirmed her voice low as to not allow others around her to hear
her conversation. She had been in a busy conference room giving a
lecture about children's healthcare when Bethany's phone call had
interrupted her, so she had stepped out into the hall, near the
stairwell. She rubbed her temple with her free hand fighting a
pending headache.
"But-but…what about Sunday…the movie?" Jenni asked now crying,
severely disappointed that she would miss their date for tomorrow.
"I'm sorry Jenni," she said more gently noting her child's
discontent, "but you lost that privilege. We'll have our outing next
weekend alright?….Jenni? ......Sweetie are you there?....." Zoë
asked, not hearing a response from her child.
"Ms. Kelly, its Bethany, she dropped the phone and ran upstairs. Do
you want me to get her?"
"No, that's fine Bethany…. I'll be home as soon as I can. Just take
her homework sheet up to her room, so she has it if she decides to
do it. I'll see you in a half hour."
<><><><><><> <><>
Upon entrance, Zoë's ears were met with a piercing scream
followed by shrill yelling coming from upstairs--the very
distinctive yelling of Jenni in one of her full blown tantrums. The
fire had begun to burn:
"YOU FUCKING JERK. I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU…..YOU AREN'T MY
MOM!"
Zoë cringed as she heard the unmistakable sound of things being
thrown. She dropped her briefcase and purse by the door and ran up
the stairs. Bethany was backed up in a corner watching in horror as
Jenni, who was standing in the middle, hurled anything she could
grab from pillows to Barbie dolls. The woman hesitated a moment,
struck by the sheer mess of it all, knowing by the state of the room
and Jenni's thunderous wailing that the tantrum had been in effect
for quite a while now. Zoë deftly came up behind her niece and
grabbed her around the middle in a bear hug, making sure Jenni
couldn't get her arms out.
Jenni struggled and kicked, trying to fight her way out of her
aunt's strong hold, all the while screaming in angry rage. Zoë held
her tightly, saying nothing. Bethany stood there, with tears in her
eyes, mouth wide open, unable to move.
Finally, after several minutes, Zoë felt the fight go out of
Jenni's body and she loosened her grip, "That's it baby,… calm down.
Take some deep breaths for me." Zoë soothed trying to help
distressed child regain some composure. Jenni would have none of it.
"Stop telling me what to DO! I don't haf'ta listen to you!" Jenni
yelled, letting the physical fight go from sheer exhaustion as sweat
poured down her face, stinging her eyes. Hateful, red rage burned in
those green pools, boiling the surface ready to scald anyone who
dare try and tame her. Jenni struggled more against the older
woman's authority, but stopped, her muscles relaxing from such a
strenuous fight. A bit of fear pricked her, damping her inner flame
as she had forgotten just who she was talking to, but Zoë quickly
reminded her.
The woman turned the girl around by her shoulders to speak to
her, their matching eyes inches apart. "I want you to stay right
here young lady. I don't know what happened, but your behavior is
absolutely unacceptable.” Zoë cupped Jenni's chin firmly when the
girl had started to look away as she was not able to handle the
intensity of her aunt's powerful gaze. "Do you understand me? And if
I EVER hear you using that kind of language, or tone again, you will
be getting a mouth soaping you will never forget," she promised,
raising her hand landing two sharp stinging spanks to Jenni's skirt.
Jenni scowled sourly and jerked away. Zoë took a deep calming
breath, trying to remain in control. "I mean it Jenni! You
and I are going to have lengthy discussion about your behavior
today. Am I make myself clear?"
Jenni huffed and mumbled a `yes' as she flopped down on her bed, burying her tear
streaked face into her pillow.
<><><><><><> <>
"Why is she like that?" Bethany asked, taking a sip of cold water,
still shaken from the incident upstairs some minutes ago. Zoë poured
herself a cup of hot tea she just brewed and stirred in a touch of
milk as she contemplated the teen's question.
"When she was younger someone she loved very much hurt her deeply.
She has a lot of anger and hate inside of her for this person and
sometimes her emotions are too big for her to handle, so she acts
out. Though she hasn't acted out like this in a long time. Something
must have triggered her." Zoë explained now sipping her tea.
Bethany bit her lip, her brown eyes glassy as she looked down
at her hands which twisted the hem of her shirt into a wrinkled
mess, "Was it something I did?"
"Goodness no and I wasn't suggesting it, it was merely a
speculation. I have a feeling I know what set her off and it
involves me, not you." Zoë answered feeling somewhat guilty.
"Still, I hope she feels better. I had better get going Ms. Kelly. I
have soccer practice tonight. Our first game is tomorrow." Bethany
said welcoming the feeling of relief and rubbed her eyes as she
stood from her perch on the kitchen stool by the island.
"Let me pay you and see you out." Zoë said and followed the teen to
the door where she took two twenties from her purse and handed them
to the girl, thanking her for her time. Once the door shut Zoë
leaned against it taking in a deep breath and letting it go slowly,
wondering how she was going to deal with her niece. A moment later a
loud crash came from upstairs followed by several smaller thuds.
"Not again…." Zoë said breathlessly as she hurried upstairs. Once on
the landing she approached her office and froze, her face ashen...
"What did…you do?" She half asked as she gazed in wide eyed
horror as her current thesis lay thrown across the room, ripped, and
trampled upon. Nearly two hundred pages all of which had been
painstakingly organized, typed, and edited strewn from one end of the
room to the other, along with broken CD's holding the
back up research.... All destroyed. Three years of her time, sweat
and study gone all in the whirlwind of an enraged child's irate fit.
Zoë brought her hands to her face covering her mouth, her eyes
blinking rapidly against the searing bitter tears forming in her
eyes, which were now taking in the whole scene. Her heels became
tangled in shredded paper as she stepped in the room.
Jenni backed up a step, her chest heaving from her intense
outburst. The blaze had forged its way through the woods; a
devastating, uncontrollable, internal struggle…
"You never listen to ME! This is the only way you listen! Only when
I do something bad!" Jenni yelled opening her arms indicating the
mess she had made and stomping her foot, her small face contorted in
crimson wrath. "Your always working, you're never here... It's the
same all the time! I hate it!" She spat venomously. That rage
diminished somewhat when she finally took in her aunt's expression.
Zoë's face went from pale shock to suppressed anger very
quickly. "Jenni... ..Go-to-your- room....RIGHT NOW!" Zoë broke the
silence yelling a sharp command and immedently covered her mouth to
keep from yelling again.
The little girl began to shake. Zoë had never raised her voice,
little long yelled. Jenni backed up another step feeling not as
brave as she felt the adrenaline leaving her system. She raised her
green eyes to meet her aunt's livid gaze with stubborn yet wilting
defiance, "NO!"
Zoë turned away from the girl and crossed to the far side of
the room, distancing herself physically, her body trembling with
emotion. She swallowed hard, the power struggle between them
drenching the air, slowly putting out the flames which had began to
vaporize.
"Jenni, do as I tell you… right now." she commanded, her voice now
low, frosty, and distant.
Jenni suddenly felt her blood turn to ice in her veins at her aunt's words. It reminded her of her mother's natural infliction and tone. Her mother who had abused her, left
her, said she loved her.....
The girl's feet became rooted to the spot, her bare toes
grasping into the carpet searching for some kind of reassuring
stability. Hearing no movement from her child Zoë turned around, not
fully trusting herself from lashing out she kept her
distance.
"I need you to listen to me, Jenni. I am very, very upset
with you, young lady..... and we each need sometime to calm down. Now,
for the last time go to your room..." Zoë said, her voice shook, her
manner sharp. The room was quiet for a long moment, the cool silence
deafening.
"But your not listening to me...."Jenni whispered softly, her voice
faltering and giving way to tears, realizing she was in really deep
trouble.
Zoë had had enough and her last string of patience and
reserve had broken then with Jenni's words. The woman crossed the
large room, quickly closing the distance between the child and
herself.
Jenni's eyes dilated in panicking fear and at the last
moment she tried to run, but Zoë was quick and took a firm hold of
the girl's upper arm, lifting her up onto her tiptoes and with her
free hand she delivered six stinging spanks to her niece's backside.
Jenni squealed and squirmed with each spank as she danced and tried
to block her aunt's strong right hand.
"Ow! Let me goooo!… Dooooonnn't! "
The girl wailed and was then led forcefully toward the office
door. Jenni dug her heels into the carpet and grabbed the doors edge
to keep herself from being pulled to her room where she was sure
punishment was to take place. "Nooo! Aunt Zoë! Stop....wait. ...I can
explain!"
Without a word the woman easily restrained the child's
wrists in one hand and lifted Jenni up by the middle under her left
arm and carried her with some difficulty, kicking and screaming down
the hallway. Jenni was petite and the weight of her small physical
frame was no match for Zoë's tall slim, but strong build. Once at
the child's bedroom door, Zoë set her still struggling niece on her
feet and pushed her somewhat firmly through the open door way.
"I want your nose and toes touching that corner." She instructed
her eyes wet with livid tears that had yet to fall and pointed to a
bare corner at the far end of Jenni's room.
"b-but...."
Zoë reached over and swatted her niece sharply once more,
hitting her bare thigh and leaving a pink print. Jenni cried out and
backed away toward the corner, finally obeying. "Do not move an inch
until I come for you." Zoë said, watching as Jenni placed herself in
the corner, her arms hugging herself for comfort.
Zoë left the door open as she crossed the hall to her own room where she paced back
and forth trying to calm down. Never in her life had she been so
angry, or felt so hurt by something Jenni had done. And the worst part for
Zoë was that she could not deny anything Jenni had clamed back in that office.
<><><><><><> <>
A slow long hour passed….
Zoë sat on her bed, her knees brought
up to her chest and her head resting atop them. She had let down her
hair, which fell in loose waves over her face, like a lustrous silk
curtain to shield her from the reality before her. She had cried
quietly, her anger and sadness still very raw, but somewhat pacified
by her many tears.
Now that she was calmer she slowly drew herself to stand to check on her child. Her bare feet padded softly down the carpeted hallway to her niece's doorway. Jenni was still standing exactly where Zoë had left her an hour ago, her nose and toes touching the wall as instructed. Zoë crossed her arms under her breasts and leaned
against the doorway, feeling the need for the wood grain’s strong, stable
support.
"Jenni....." She started, her voice somewhat horse and stopped when
the child jumped at her word. Jenni slowly turned around, her back
now pressed firmly against the corner, her hands covering her
bottom. Like her own, the child's eyes were red and slightly swollen
from crying.
"Jenni, you may come out of the corner now."
The girl shook her head no; trying it seemed to melt into the
wall behind her.
"Are you afraid?" Zoë asked, keeping her voice steady and tranquil,
her normal tone finally returning to her. Jenni bit her lip and
nodded, a fresh tear finding its way down the now worn path of her
cheek.
"I'm sorry I yelled.... I was very shocked at the mess and what
you did. I am still very upset with you, and you and I will have a
very long talk about what happened, but for now I just want to hold
you. Would you like that?" Zoë asked and moved to seat herself on
the girls twin canopy bed, made up with handmade quilts and stuffed
animals.
In response Jenni guardedly made her way over and allowed Zoë
to lift her up onto her lap. The woman held her close and rocked her
one love slowly. Jenni's limbs were stiff from standing still for so
long, and she welcomed the relaxing movement and warmth from her
aunt's body so much that in her exhaustion she fell asleep....
<><><><><><> <><>
Jenni shifted feeling the soft warmth of her sheets tangled
around her limbs. Slowly she opened one eye to the quiet darkness
staring at the swirling pattern of her textured ceiling for a moment
before pushing herself to sit up. Her room was dim save for the sun’s
evening shadows dancing across the carpet through her drapes. A
glance to her clock told her it was 7:15, still awhile before her
bedtime of 9:00.
With some hesitation and butterflies swimming madly in her
stomach she slipped out of bed just now noticing she was only
wearing her pink undershirt and matching panties. Her aunt must have
undressed her while she was asleep she figured as she made her way
to the cracked door now opening it farther and sticking her head out
into the hall. She spied Zoë down the way in her room sitting on her
bed apparently typing on her laptop. Zoë had changed from the day's
office attire to comfortable jeans and a light blue fitted tank top
which brought out the flecks of aqua nestled in her green eyes.
Jenni eased out her door and made her way slowly down the well
lit hall. Her small feet left depressions of hesitancy in the thick
carpet. She stopped at the French double doorway to her aunt's large
room. Zoë still hadn't noticed her as the child studied the scene,
wondering how best to begin.
"Hi....." The girl's voice cracked the stuffy silence with a soft
whisper.
Zoë looked up quickly, taking off her reading glasses and
smiled tightly to her niece. For the first time Jenni noticed a
dimness about her aunt that she hadn't ever noticed before. Some of
the spark and light was gone from her eyes. The light had hidden
itself away somewhere in those large knowing windows and she seemed
older to Jenni just then, older for just a moment.
"Hi yourself," She greeted and patted the bed. The girl shuffled over and pulled herself up
to sit on the high sleigh bed opposite her aunt.
"What are you working on?" Jenni questioned with a bit of scorn in
her voice that Zoë could perceive.
"I just sent out an e-mail to my editor asking him for the copy of
my thesis back. It was supposed to be published this spring... but I
told him I had some more revisions to do." Zoë said softly without
blame or ridicule. She knew she had to be calm and patient with this
child, given Jenni's abusive history.
"So, it's not all gone? I mean... you still have a copy?" The girl
asked, wide eyed and somewhat hopeful. She hated that her aunt
worked so much, but she didn't want to her tantrum to have the bad
ripple effect she had originally intended when she had first been
upset. The guilt of her actions hung in a miserable cloud over her
head and in the sick knot forming in her stomach.
"Yes, my dear girl you didn't destroy all of it. Just the pre-final
draft I've been working on the last several months. The publication
will be pushed back until next fall or later even if needed."
"I'm sorry....I really am, it's just that--" Jenni was hushed as Zoë
put a finger to the child's lips.
"Before you go into your apology or excuses, I want you to listen to
me very carefully...when I put you in time out it was because I
needed one myself. I was very angry with you back there. More angry
then I have ever been, I think. I thought a great deal about what you
said, about my working all the time and being so busy, and I
realized I was really angry at myself for being so involved with my
practice. I promise I'll cut back on some of my hours to be home
more with you." Zoë paused, reflecting on the past few months of her
work schedule knowing she had taken on to big of a client case
load.
"But you don't get angry. I mean you don't show it." Jenni stated
genuinely perplexed at what her aunt was trying to say.
"I'm human Jenni; I have all the feelings you have inside of you."
Zoë explained, remembering just how naive Jenni still was about
emotions. "I'm just in very good control of what I show to you.
Maybe to much so, because one day you'll be out in a world where
people won't hide the harsh words and actions they may feel. I can't
protect you forever no matter how much I may want to."
The young girl pulled at a loose thread on Zoë's embroidered
bed spread contemplating what her aunt had just said.
"I'm not like other kids am I? I'm not normal like them. In school
and on the playground I don't always get stuff or I say or do the
wrong thing. The other kids seem smarter than me; not book smart,
but....people smart?" She trailed off, her chin quivering.
How do you tell my child that they are different or 'special'? Zoë pulled Jenni into her lap and the girl found her familiar crook of her aunt's lovely neck to nestle her head into.
"We've talked a little about this before sweetheart. Because of what
happened to you when you were small you were slower to develop in
certain areas, one of them being emotional understanding and
behavior. It's not your fault, nor is it a bad thing. It's just
something we will continue to improve on. Everyone has something
they want to change in themselves."
"Even you?"
Zoë smiled and kissed Jenni's wet cheek, brushing away the last
fallen tear with her soft lips.
"Even me…"
"I am really sorry. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me and it went
to far...It just came out."
"What came out Jenni?" Zoë knew the answer, but she wanted her child
to identify the feeling.
"My anger… There's too much of it." Jenni sniffled, her answer
coming out as a complaint.
"Well, we will have to remedy that won't we?" Zoë asked,
in one of her firm undertones Jenni knew so well.
"A spanking?" she asked in a very small voice even though she
already knew her actions would lead her down this road long before
she had had her tantrum. She instinctively wrapped her arms tighter
around her aunt, who reassured her with a soft squeeze.
"Yes baby, and besides your tantrum there is also the matter of you
going into my study. What is our rule about my study and my personal
things?" Zoë asked, gazing at her child.
"I need to ask you first," Jenni responded quietly.
"That's right, so here is what's going to happen. I am going to
spank you, and then you are going right to bed with early bedtime
the rest of this week. Tomorrow, we will clean up my office and your
room. Then you will apologize to Bethany. I will go with you, but
you will tell her you're sorry."
"Okay.” Jenni mumbled, lowering her gaze, Zoë lifted Jenni's chin
with one long manicured finger.
"I am never harsh with you, however there are times, like this one
where you need something extra in order to learn your lesson well. I
think a healthy session with a wooden spoon will benefit you
immensely because I refuse to experience a repeat of your behavior."
Zoë confirmed her fate, untangling Jenni's arms from around herself
and lifted the girl up off her lap and onto her feet.
"B-but you never spank me with anythin'.... pleeaassse...just use
your hand......it's enough!" Jenni wailed, nearing hysterics.
She didn't want a spanking. Especially not one with a certain
spoon she had encountered only once before, two years ago when she
had purposely added black die to a wash of Zoë's delicate whites in
her aunts preparation to leave town for a long weekend in Mexico
with friends. It was the first time that Zoë had left Jenni in a
close friends care to enjoy some much needed ‘R’ and ‘R’ for herself.
Jenni was angry and hurt so she vengefully destroyed Zoë's summer
linen outfits to hopes that she would not go.
"Not this time sweetheart....You need this. Now I want you to go
down into the kitchen and fetch me that spoon. You know which one
and bring it straight back here to me." Zoë instructed and waited to
be obeyed. Jenni backed up a step toward the open door but her feet
wouldn't will herself to move any farther.
"Aun' Zooeee...." she begged earnestly, her eyes tearing up again.
Zoë hated to be stern with this child, but she stiffened her resolve
convinced of her choice. "Do as I tell you. Now march young lady."
With that firm command Jenni backed out of the room and
quickly made her way down the dark stairway. Once on the main
landing she made a dash into the kitchen and to the cooking utensils
displayed in a tall clear vase near the stove. More slowly, she
clasped her small fingers around that long smooth handle pulling the
spoon out of its resting place. Jenni studied the stained wood grain
for a moment; scared of the sting this would bring her bottom. A
soft moan escaped her lips as she more slowly returned back upstairs
to her aunt's room.
Zoë was now sitting on the edge of her bed, the
laptop pushed over on her bedside table. Jenni approached Zoë, her
head down with her arm outstretched; extending the tool that was
soon to teach her with a shaking hand. Zoë took it, understanding
just how hard that march down to the kitchen had been for Jenni.
"That was very good, baby. Now, I want you to take down your panties
and go across my lap."
Jenni's head shot up, her lips trembled, "b-but you always-" She
started and was cut off-
"I will not stand to hear what I always do or do not do when it
comes to my correcting you. You're getting older so I see it fit
that you take some action in your own discipline by doing this step
yourself." Zoë explained and raised her brows waiting for Jenni to
comply.
The young girl slowly, numbly hooked her fingers in the
waistband of her panties and pulled them down to her knees, bending
a bit to do so.
"All the way down and off Jenni."
The girls groaned, tears sliding down her cheeks as she obeyed
taking the cotton fabric down her legs and stepped out of them,
finally handing the discarded layer of protection to Zoë who set
them on the bed beside her. The woman patted her lap expectantly and
Jenni moved to her aunt's right side, trying to obey, but she froze
up.
"I can't…..p-please don't s-spank me…I'm sorry!" She stammered and
backed up a step when her aunt reached for her wrist, now guiding
the girl forcefully across her lap. Jenni gasped in surprise as five
burning spanks impacted her bare thighs.
"When I tell you to do something young lady you are to without
question obey me. If I see you still having trouble with this I will
pay more attention to your thighs." Zoë said firmly, now wrapping
her arm around Jenni's small waist drawing her body close and
raising her right knee higher which lifted the girls bottom by
several inches and pushing her over at a sharper angle.
Jenni knew this was the signal that it was starting. She tensed her body
waiting, but nothing happened. She took an anxious breath that
forced her body to relax a bit.
Zoë took advantage of that brief moment and laded the first awful spank to Jenni's right cheek. Two seconds later another landed on her left. The girl began to squirm
as this rhythm continued.
"Ow!...Please… nooooo… ouch! Stop!" She begged and began to kick her
legs in an effort to avoid any bit of the building burn of her now
pink backside. As the burning intensified so did the twelve year
olds kicking.
After a minute Zoë paused for a moment sliding her arm under
Jenni's chest, lifting her up a bit as she opened her legs wide
before lowering her niece back over her knee and locking Jenni's
legs with hers. Jenni began to really cry, hating this restricting
position her aunt saved for her strictest punishments.
Zoë took the spoon in hand and rested it against Jenni's
bottom. The girl jerked forward at its touch. "I want you to pay
very close attention to me Jenni because I am getting tired of
repeating myself to you. We have had this same `discussion' many
times and I intend this to be its last. Your tantrums, language and
overall attitude have been asking for my attention lately. I would
much rather talk to you about your feelings with you sitting on my
lap, not over it. However, if this spanking is what you need to let
go and get those feelings out of you I am very willing to help you
with that." She said now raising the spoon and landing it sharply to
Jenni's sit spot.
The girl bucked and howled as alternate spanks landed back and
forth on her lower bottom where the crease meets the thighs, deepening
the burn. Zoë never spanked hard, just long, and steady and firm knowing
that every second Jenni was over her lap the girl was closer to
letting go.
"Nooo, oh…OW! I'mmm sooo soorrreeeeee… ..p-pleasssssee… .no more…no
more..."
She begged earnestly twisting and thrashing her legs with
little luck of escaping the wicked sting of that spoon. Her bottom
was a bright red with two cherry colored spots near her thighs where Zoë
focused the last of her efforts with a final dozen real zingers.
Half way through that last set Jenni let go of all struggles, both
internal and external, giving herself fully to her aunt's
correction. By the end she was sobbing hard, limp as a doll.
Zoë dropped the spoon now adjusting the child's limp body across both
her knees as the girl made no effort to calm herself down just yet.
The woman had tears in her own eyes as she rubbed Jenni's back in
slow circles and stroked her hair in a calming effort.
"Take your time baby; get up when you want to…"
It was a good five minutes of hard crying before the child made
any attempt to stand. When she finally did, Zoë helped her up and
immedently took her in her arms to sit on her lap. With the added
pressure to her bottom Jenni whimpered burying her damp face in
Zoë's breast, her arms tight around her aunt's neck clinging for
dear life.
Zoë rocked her, one arm wrapped consolingly around the
child, the other rubbing her back while murmuring soothing words.
The woman kissed Jenni's forehead, her wet cheek, and her nose
saying, "Your all forgiven princess, everything is alright. I'm not
upset with you anymore. Do you understand that?"
Jenni nodded, rubbing her eyes and looking up at Zoë, "I d-
don't like feeling this way. I-I hate being so angry all the time. I
just want to let it...let it all go, but it's always there, like
it's teasing me or something….Sometimes I can't control it…Like
today." She whispered, her voice shaking.
"I know baby, but you will learn how to control it, how to release
it in other healthy ways. I'll always be there to help you with
that." She promised patting the girl's red, sore naked bottom gently
a few times and kissing her cheek once more. Jenni let a bit of a
small smile play on her lips before she broke into a yawn. Zoë
glanced at the clock on her nightstand noting it was getting late.
"Alright little girl, I think it's your bedtime. Let's get you
washed up, hmmm?" She asked, unwrapping her arms from around the girl
who quickly grabbed at her aunts arms pulling them back around
herself.
"In a minute, okay? Jus' hold me some more… I don't want to be by
myself tonight. I'm sleeping in here… and my bear is too, he doesn't
want to be alone either." Jenni stated sleepily, leaving no room for
argument, which of course her aunt offered none.
"Alright, but Mr. Bear is staying on your side of the bed." Zoë
laughed playing along with Jenni's fantasy of her bear. "I seem to
remember someone's cold feet waking me up the last time he was in
here with you." Zoë smiled hugging the child once more to her
breast, deeply loving Jenni's imagination, her spirit, and her… for
exactly what she was; herself.
<><><>The End<><><>
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