My Dirty Little Secret

So, this is how I'm feeling...

2011-10-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

PUSHed:

Where are the tears going?

The look on your face,

Like missing a piece of everything

She thinks; Get off my case!

In my heart

In my flesh

I hurt
I cry

It’s a crazy scenario

There’s no script

Stage Left-The monster’s

Eating our memories

As My love bleeds

drips right down, down

The drain, I pray

Actually beg for peace.

Not my place,

But it’s in my space

How do I walk

Back again and again?

In the wreckage

In the numbness

I still

I scream in my head

Not a freak show

No circus in my bed.

Rain on me?

No! Drown me instead.

Here I am again;

I’m fuc***g frustrated!

NEW Spanking Pics & Pages

2011-06-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

Waiting...

Happy summer everyone! I just got back from Dallas, TX from the TASSP spanking party. I had a blast! There were so many fun events and new people to meet and spank. I did some filming with Sarah Gregory for her site, as well.
I have (finally) updated my blog pages with My Calender so that you all can follow me on my spanking adventures around the country. Here is where I am going in a nutshell:

Bahamas--- June 18-23
New York-- July 7-17
Chicago----- July 28-31
Las Vegas-- Sept. 2-5

For all the details and events in between click on the 'My Calendar' tab at the top of the page.

I have also updated the 'My Spanking Pictures' tab with photos from TASSP. Please take a look and enjoy!

I am getting 'Nunned' out for being a brat...

Gotta go pack for my next trip and brat (I mean 'ask') Ma'am to do the same! Stay tuned for an update when I get back from my cruise for spanking pictures on the ocean!

Hugs,

Jenni

Tattoo Update: Jenni's Marque

2011-06-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Readers,

Here s a brief Photo Essay of my Marque/ Tattoo Update.

Please enjoy:

At Tattoo Studio-6th Hour Under InkgGun into my Marque...

At home Day 3

Jenni Mack Going to Texas All State Spanking Party AND Perhaps Shadowlane...

2011-05-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

Me spanking Miss Sarah for stealing my cookies!

I am confirmed to attend TASSP for the FIRST time this year!!! I am accepting private sessions with and without Miss Chris for me to TOP you and warm your naughty little bottom.

If you are interested in a session with me during TASSP in June, then please notify me ASAP at bttrfy777@yahoo.com as I am already filling up with filming and session requests. Hope to see you there over my knee or if I am feeling frisky-maybe over yours!

Waiting for more...

A Birching, Switching, & Caning For Me...Oh My!

2011-04-27T05:26:00.000-07:00

Here is a very intimate peek into the life of Miss Chris and I. We are realeasing a full length (45 minute) video of us in a discipline session. Below is a preview and summary:

Click here for a preview video! http://www.spankinglibrary.com/clipdetails.php?id=3108

Video summary:
A Day in the Life of Chris & Jenni: Birch Maintenance

As Jenni's dominant, it's Chris' job to issue what has come to be known as a Maintenance Spanking. It typically involves a very heavy pain scene, lovingly administered regardless of its obvious severity. Jenni has been under a tremendous amount of stress and is desperately needing the release of pent of emotions and tears. A lengthy introduction section explains what the video is all about, a small history of birching and switching is followed by the actual preparation of the switch. Extensive aftercare is then provided. This video is not for the faint of heart. It includes a real bloodletting birching, followed by an attempted switching (smiles), and then ending in a severe, tear enducing caning. There is no scolding, no theatrics, no cut in the action. This is merely Chris and Jenni's way of dealing with stress and negativity. And a very raw look at a day in the life of Chris and Jenni.

Jenni Mack got a new TATTOO! New video store, too!

2011-04-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday dear readers,

----------------------------------
First---***NEW*** Miss Chris' Video store: http://www.spankinglibrary.com/store.php?id=146
"Ever wanted to see what Miss Chris and I do behind closed doors? What our Lifestyle is really like? Come and watch our new videos at Spanking Library for a never before peek into our world of domestic discipline. See me spanked, caned, strapped, paddled, whipped, mouth washed out with soap, palm/knuckle punishments, OTK, and even some pantie discipline!"

A preview for your pleasure:

The Tammy Saga: Part I in Full

This is the full length Part I of "The Tammy Saga", a multi-part series of F/f spanking discipline featuring Miss Chris as Mom and Jenni Mack as her disobedient daughter, Tammy. The series features maternal discipline with a decidedly edgy and humiliating bent. This movie is 28 minutes in length and features OTK hand spanking, scolding and paddling. Maternal discipline with edgy humiliating schoolgirl type punishments.

----------------------------------------------------

Now, on to the tattoo--

It has been a decade in the making and it has finally happened. Yesterday, Ma'am and I spent the afternoon with a wonderful local Artist who has tattooed all over the world for the last 30 years, Sting (www.stings-tattoo-studio.com). I had Kushil's rose (my birth flower), an antique key (my personal symbol), and Ivy (Ma'am's personal symbol) tattooed on my back. Below are pictures of the tattoo process and of the outline. I was in three hours of blissful/some fun and not-so-fun pain. In two weeks I will have the head of the rose filled in, and the third installment will bring shading and coloring to the key and Ivy.

Love and hugs! I promise to post more regularly...I have been so busy and not in the head space to write much. I am in a much better space emotionally, personally, and physically to get back into my blogging.

-Jenni Mack

Tell Me, I'm Good...

2011-02-05T16:15:00.000-08:00

Tell me, I'm Good:

---------------------
Erotica by Jenni Mack, copyright 2011---------------------

She keeps running.
He’s going to catch her,
keeps telling her.
Going to fuck her
brains out.
He reaches, fingers curl-
Firm Jerk.

Has her on the ground.
She shivers,
violently he sniffs her skin.
Animal.
Licking her neck,
dragging teeth.
Prick.
Into the valley of her
throat….

At once, a blistering rush-
Pain-
God, pain.
Washes shock away.
Awareness of every cell,
her skin memorizes
the pattern of him.

Take the burn away,
or so she thinks,
Again.
He forces himself in,
again and again.
Sure thing,
Good girl.
Black out…
----------------------------

Jenni Mack on two NEW spanking sites!!

2011-01-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

Hi all and Happy New Year! With the new year I am proud to tell you that I am being featured on a brand new website called Spanking 360! Check out their blog at http://www.spanking360.com/ for free chips and pics!

I am also currently being featured on Northern Spanking in a new film called 'Teen Angel' which is a 1950's fantasy. Here are a few pictures courteous of http://www.northernspanking.com/

Marks-Personal writing

2010-12-24T12:16:00.000-08:00

Below is some of my writing I felt like sharing. Take it for what you will. Happy Christmas Eve!

--------------------------
Marks Between Sisters
--------------------------

There’s a storm coming up. The smell of it seeps through the concrete walls turning the cool air muggy. And you lay there next to daddy in that narrow hospital bed watching his chest rise and fall as the machines breathe for him, short and defeated.

As the rain begins to pelt the window the machines all start beeping.

Red warnings.

You sit up startled, but he stays still though the thunder and lighting that follows. Even the cries that fill the room do not stir him.

Mom shouts for a doctor. Several gloved hands grab you off the bed and pull you away into the bright hallway. You’re blinded for a moment and your face becomes purple with wet rage.

You cannot control the thunder, little sister. The manner God moves is not your business.

``````````````````````````````````
The overwhelming smell of air freshener and bleach can’t conceal the sin in this house. The old floorboards feel the weight of it everyday and the peeling papered walls keep it all hidden from the world’s eyes. The stench of alcoholism leaks out of the from under moms door—the dark cavity of her room where she vomits into old sweaters and rags then hides them, like dirty little secrets, under the bed. The furniture and doors are branded with holes from the fights. There is a nick taken out of a wall corner from when mom tried to hit you with Dad’s old baseball bat. It’s a surprise you still have a bedroom door after she tried to beat it in with a cooking pot.

She’s a frightening monster in her best moments lately. This stumbling, creature is not the classy, beautiful woman from fleeting memories and fading pictures. There is no longer lightness present in her voice or the gentle touch that can mend a cut with a simple kiss. Not since daddy got himself sick. She makes no home anymore.

The house is so full of people. Daddy’s pool hall buddies and his boss from the mechanic shop came to pay their respects. Even our neighbor, Ms. Potter, brings by her famous peach tarts and apple cobbler—your favorites, but you

touch nothing and no one. All you do is stand by the front window dressed in that sad hopeful blue dress daddy bought for your last birthday, the one you said you would never wear because it reminded you of better days and broken promises. You stare out the glass at mom, with your hands balled into tight little fists—so tight your knuckles are white. It’s a wonder what your thinking.

All mom has done since that night is sit on the porch in daddy’s favorite spot on the swinging bench. His lingering outline, made from his weary self sinking into the cushions after working a 14 hour double shift, is too small for her wide girth. That is the spot where he’d come to relax; his micro fiber sanctuary just on the outside of hells door.

She sits there invading it with her bare feet on the splintered wood, her eyes red, but not from crying. When someone goes by they touch her shoulder and she nods once.

Motionless queen.

So silent….

He finally shut her up.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Mom forbids you to cry at the funeral. Even as they lower daddy into the ground you can feel sad and angry as long as you don’t show it. Your face has to be like hers, a blank slate. Maybe she doesn’t want people to feel sorry for a family who have lost a husband and a father. She makes it hard to know.

She wasn’t always this way.

Maybe its pride or something deeper that keeps her from showing emotion in public. It’s like a mask she can take on or off at will—so many masks to keep the family secret in tact. The sinner still lives and God seems absent on this chilly grey day.

Damn Catholic guilt.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
You’re precocious and willful.

But you can’t help being “independent,” as Mom puts it so nicely.

That’s your nature.

Of course, the problem isn’t all on your side of the fence. That wouldn’t be fair.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````
“The problem’s your attitude Stella. It stinks!” Moms shrieking sounds like glass breaking. Her steps are slow and heavy, leaving deep depressions in the soiled carpet as she paces in front of you. The tie on her bath robe has loosened showing her thick legs scantly hidden by a pair of daddy’s boxer shorts, careless muddy hair tangled about her shoulders.

“You like makin’ me angry, don’t ya?”

“It’s your own fault.” The defiant eye roll is barely missed by her.

Be more careful.

Even now the smell of Jack and Johnny linger in the dim light of the small kitchen from last several nights. They trail her like perfume on a cheap whore. Their shells sleep at the bottom of the trash, but are awakened by Jim’s addition, rattling and clinking in protest as she drops the empty bottle in with its brothers. The cabinet slams, but you don’t jump. Not like before.

This is nothing new anyway.

She stops pacing, the vein in her forehead pulsing. “My fault? It’s your damn father’s fault! Gave me headaches he did, what with his carrying on and complaining. Left us here to rot. I could kill him!”

“You already did,” the sharp one liner, however true, will surely cost you. Maybe you do like making her angry after all—maybe just a little. Daddy didn’t. He couldn’t help getting sick no matter what you think. He had a bad heart.

“To much bad loving,” he’d say in his slow drawl.

“To many cigarettes,” you’d counter after drawing a no smoking sign in soap on the side window of his rundown Volvo he always tried to make new. Hidden where he wouldn’t see it unless he’d stopped for gas. The truth was harder for you.

Every time, he’d come home from work she’d start flapping her mouth at him. He would look her square in the face, but not at her mouth or eyes, just her whole face and stare at all the ugliness that came out of it. Not one word would escape him. He’d just stand there and let her work her evil out on him while he gritted his teeth. Maybe she was scared at what would happen once he was gone. He looked so tired all the time, like a breath could knock him down. Not at all like you.

“You’re just like your fath-er.” Her last word, two syllables that break in the middle have a jagged edge.

For a moment you smile, seemingly glad to see her eyes narrow, her lips pursed and ready with another cool rebuke. She looks at you for a long time. You watch her, observing her with your dark eyes the color of healing bruises as a cat would its mistress—judging. Even in her Amazon shadow, with your shoulders back and chin lifted—with that stupid ring in your eyebrow—you only flinch when she slaps you. Her anger is searing and scarlet across your right cheek. The force of her is already causing bruising to your pale skin even before she reaches for the belt.

A badge for your character.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````
You realize you can’t ever win, of course. Every serious spar with Mom means screaming, cursing, and a ‘spanking.’…If you can call ‘it’ something that kind.

But there’s something about your autonomy. You’re compelled to assert it, even if Mom will surely cut you down for doing so.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Mom dropped you once when you were two. Said it was an accident. Everyone saw it happen. She tripped trying to balance you and a bag of groceries in the supermarket parking lot. Slipped right on a nasty patch of ice the salt layers missed. Mom screamed, but caught herself by letting go of you. Luckily your head broke your fall. Thirteen stitches and a lollipop later you reached up for her to hold you.

“El-la up mama,” you squeaked. She took your hand instead and pulled you from the doctor’s office to the car where daddy waited, as instructed. From then on she never carried you again.

The crescent shaped scar is hidden by a dark mop of curls at the base of your skull. Daddy used to trace his fingers over it at night. In your sleep you turned away from his caresses and rolled to the other side of the bed, refusing him like a baby would a spoonful of spinach. After a while of this rebuff he left you alone.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
You and mom are both very, very stubborn. That’s one reason why you both argue so much. There are others of course, but, “what do they matter?” You often ask.

In your quiet moments, you understand. But it takes a certain kind of genius to believe your own lies.

And you’re not a good liar.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

“I don’t know anything. I’m not stupid, but I haven’t done anything yet.” The peach you sink your gap teeth into drips down your pointed chin. As the juices stain your white shirt you sink farther into the mold of daddy’s old spot on the bench with your boots propped up on the side rail of the front porch.

Autumn is becoming winter in such a way that it’s difficult to tell which is in charge. Every other day, dark clouds roll over the sky, bringing with them the promise of snow. Soon, there’ll be a pure white blanket that covers the patchy dirt yard and hides the cracks in the stone walkway up to the house. Everything will seem cleaner and whole when covered in white. It will be the first winter without daddy to shovel the walk.

“I hate this…not having him here.” In a voice so small you speak for two.

Suddenly, you drop the half eaten peach and pull out a slightly bent cigarette from your hip pocket. It rolls easily through your fingers, an old habit of daddy’s and you light up. You suck hard for a long moment letting it warm you from the inside out. The white filter stains easily with a blood colored ring from mom’s stolen lipstick. As you look at it, the tears that need to fall make your eyes appear like frost.

“I can’t wait leave this place; too many bad memories. Don’t care where as long as it’s away from here. I’ll get a small studio or something.” Yes, you have it all mapped out. After graduation you’ll pack up your clothes and get a one way bus ticket with the money mom hides in a coffee tin in the attic and never look back. It will be so easy to leave something you never chose.

You turn and look over here. There’s a hint of uncertainty

behind your guilty half smile, like a bird that’s about to fly the coop under the veil of night. “What about you though? Miss me?”

Only after a moment crowded with a hard stare and a swat to your thigh do you put out the cigarette.

What a dumb question.
----------------------
The End
_______________
By Jenni Mack, 2010

Heading North for a spanking shoot!

2010-12-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

I am heading North East in the morning to film for a brand new spanking website that promises to be the best of the new year for 2011. I am super excited and I will be working with a great producer and cast!

Shhhhhhh! I can't tell you who...yet! But I can tell you that you will get to see me as you never have before in new role-plays, topping, and bottoming to new faces! I am in for some hard core spankings and tears to boot! Stay tuned for pics soon!

xxx
Jenni

Loving, Losing, and Happy Gobble Day

2010-11-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

In loving memory of Kelwick, (Kelty).

He passed peacefully yesterday evening

11-24-10. He was 20 years old

and surrounded by his adoring family.

I will miss my 'stinky-head' boy.

Rest well, sweet one.

On a lighter note: Ma'am and I want to wish all of you a happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy being with those you love and sharing time with them on this day of thanks.

I Am Thankful For:

Bad days, because it makes me remember all the great ones.

My old dented car, because at least I have a vehicle.

Having to wake up early, because at least I have a job.

A sore muscle, or backache because it means I am not paralyzed.

My messed up childhood because now I know what real love is.

My fears because they mean I have somethings to conquer.

Putting Kelty at rest because I was able to say goodbye.

Enduring anger, loneliness, and mistrust in my past, because my present has none.

Learning the hard way sometimes, for now I know better.

A red punished bottom, because it means I am loved.

My Family Of Choice.

~Thank you all~

*Jenni*

Sarah Gregory Gets Revenge on Jenni Mack!

2010-10-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

There is a new clip in the saga My Spanking Roommate in which Sarah finally get's her revenge on my naughty bottom. There is a nice write up at http://www.spankview.com/ right now.

I am expecting the content that I did for Northern Spanking to be out sometime in the near future. Stay posted!

:-)
Jenni

Yes! I am & Have Been Incredibly Naughty!!!

2010-09-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

'A lovely canning at Shaowlane from my Ma'am.'

I have not posted in a month! It is one of my Ma’am’s rules that I write and post here at least once a week. I am sure, down the line, I will pay the piper and you will hear all about it once I have remunerated in full for my crime. Between this post and my last, however, I have been a golden girl!.....Not that this will help my case any…

::sighs::

Anyway, I have not felt much like writing to be honest with you. I have been very much involved with the beginning of my vanilla career lately. Since graduating from college last December, I have been blessed, in this horrible economy, to be able to fall right into my dream job. I am blessed to have health insurance, a retirement plan, and regular salary pay, with plenty of time off to enjoy my family. In these hard times and yes this year has be a learning experience for my family on many levels, I am feeling very blessed to be able to grow in my professional and personal life right now.

On the spanking and kink side of the, I recently filmed with Northern Spanking while at Shadowlane and it was an amazing experience! They were so professional and elegant in their expectations of me and their attention to detail. I am super excited to see the film and I will be sure to post plenty of pictures and a clip, if I can, here on my blog for you to enjoy!

In my personal life, things have been settling down into a nice routine work wise. This last year has been full of challenges as well as remarkable growth opportunities. I am gratefully and happily in service to a magnificent Woman to whom I adore, and I have a very supportive family and home life. I am not sure of what the future holds, but I am joyful and whole in this moment; for that I am thankful to the Universe and the Energy, or Rhythm of existence that we all live in for my being and today.

Life is not easy, or pleasant all of the time. I don't pretend it to be. What happy moments we have enjoyed presently, or in the past with people we care for is a gift. The Universe works in strange ways and it is always pushing and 'stretching' us to find and be our authentic selves. This is not a simple task. Sometimes heartache and time go hand in hand in teaching us to love ourselves and our partners for 'who' they truly are, even if we can't understand or accept some qualities or needs the other has. This is our task; to learn to love unconditionally in this moment and to value our authentic selves and our partners for who they need to be in this lifetime, even if we don't fully comprehend The Path, whatever that maybe for all of us.

Loving is a spectrum of emotions. I don't know if, we as simple humans, are able to to fully understand the reasons for our connections in this world. I know one thing, though, with all of my heart; I wouldn't trade a moment of future pain for ANY of the love, acceptance, or joy I have felt in the last few years. I would do everything and say everything over again in a heartbeat, with no regrets.

Blessed Be.

Hugs to all of you and many red bottoms!

Xo,

Jenni

Mud-Wrestling My Ma'am &Shadowlane Update!!!

2010-08-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Man, am I sore this morning...no, not my bottom, but my whole body. I literally got body-spanked by my Ma'am in a pool full of Jello yesterday for a fundraiser at APEX (Arizona Power Exchange). We wore our matching red, white, and blue bikinis and wrestled for two, three minute rounds in the most disgusting concoction I have ever felt--chocolate-sugar-free-JELLO! Can you say 'eeek!?'

Right away Ma'am got me in a head lock and tried to pull me over Her lap. I kicked and fought, but was pinned down over Her strong thighs when She started spanking my bottom, legs, and thighs with all She had. Well, I wasn't going down that easy. I reached around and threw a handful of the foul brown muck in Her face. She shrieked and let me go long enough to scramble off of Her lap. I then hopped on Her back and began stuffing handfuls of jello down Her bikini bottoms much to the audience's delight! Before I knew it though Ma'am rose up and pinned me under Her arm and started to yank off my bikini bottoms. Well, what is a girl to do but give the ultimate wedgie right on back. That is exactly what I did! We grappled like this for two rounds before the Referee declared it a tie on both counts. Ma'am still says She won, but...that's another story... :-p
------------------------------
I am coming back for my fourth Shadowlane!
------------------------------
I am very excited to announce that I will be returning with my Ma'am for our fourth Shadowlane in a row. I am very much looking forward to doing some spanking and being spanked at the party this year. I have a few sessions lined up and some filming for a spanking website that I will start advertising when I get home on the 9th of September. Meanwhile I will be packing and trying to decide what panties this naughty girl should wear for the weekend!

Cheers and can't wait to see all my friends and meet new ones!

Jenni Mack
a.k.a
'Smack the Mack'

Victorian Dollification Toy Master Scene at Thunder, 2010

2010-07-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

After Thunder In the Mountains 2010, my Ma’am, Miss Chris a.k.a Capercae, gave me the assignment of fleshing out the background story for our characters from the Victorian Dollification (the act of dressing like and becoming a human Victorian era doll) cross dressing (Ma'am played the English Gentleman) scene we did on Saturday night. The story that follows is meant to be the foundation of a love story between the lonely Toy Master and His toy Doll that will come in the future.

I hope you enjoy. Comments are welcome.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

‘His Doll’

by Jenni, 2010

The bruised color of London fog presents a chilly and blustery front, just as the street lamps flicker their hello to the fading of daylight. A dreary wind sweeps through the picturesque couples comprised of Ladies strolling on the arms of their Gentlemen. Men tip their hats and ladies nod politely to each other as they pass in the lateness of the December evening. Though, one English Sir shuffles along without the grace of a partner. His prints are heavy and his dull hazel eyes look down as he walks, seemingly looking for black patches of ice that often hide under the thinning blanket of grey before him. Snowflakes dust the slumping shoulders of his dark woolen cloak and cravat. He ponders the pairs as he goes.

‘Surely,’ he thinks, ‘most are heading home now to a brightly light drawing room with a roaring fire; their children and staff anxiously waiting for their return to begin the holiday festivities of lighting candles, the gay singing of carols, and the grand cutting of a fowl—How perfectly quant for them.’ There is an unmistakable bitterness in his thoughts that rival a constant ache in his heart. As he rounds a corner to a row of cheerfully lit shops he thumbs the corner of a faded photograph within his gloved hand. He stops under the hazy light of a lamp to look longingly in a moment of remembrance.

A young, angelic woman looks back at him with the hint of a queer grin in the corners of her bow like mouth. She has large, almost doll-like eyes with all the innocence of youth in her gaze. A hot wave threatens to burst forth from behind his eyes causing him to gently put the image back in his breast pocket. Quite the sorrowful sigh leaves his lips as he forces himself to continue onwards toward his ivy coated manor just up the way.

At one time he had gladly rushed down the same cobblestone road, away from the antics of work to his child bride who waited for his return with a kiss each night. On such occasions he used to delight in bringing home some small sweet from the baker, or a rose bought from a flower girl, or even a unique winding toy to brighten the blue eyes of his one love.

It was on such a night as this, some time ago, that he made haste home, not from the excitement of bestowing a token on his wife, but from a frenzy of worry. His stable boy had been sent to fetch him from his vocation without the aid of his carriage to carry him—no that was for the Doctor, the boy explained in a choked gasp, “Come quick like, Sir! She fallin’ in ta’ water. Takin’ ill rite fast like she has.”

The Gentleman had made it, breathless, just as his fairy child was being shrouded in linen. He knelt by her soaked bed, threw off the cover proclaiming her fear of the dark to the still row of onlookers. His sadness had filled the room as she left him, half mad, from a kiss to her ashen lips.

‘Dead from falling...'

          ‘The icy pond she so loved to skate on…’

                               ‘Not one saw her fall…’

                                            ‘Pulled her blue from the water…’

                                                              'Delicate creature that she was…’
'Was.'

He was all alone in the world.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

“She is unlike anything I have ever created. Just to look at her one might mistake her for a real sleeping child upon a mere glance.” Master Vladimir proclaimed to his young shop assistant as he dusted off bits of dried paint from his trousers. He adjusted his thick spectacles higher up on his rather beak of a nose and pursed his lips in thought. ‘Yes, she will fetch quite the high collared eye in the display window…’

“Oh, yes Sir…” whispered the slim youth as he went away from his chore of sweeping wood shavings to stand near the Toy Maker. The boy tentatively reached out a hand to his Master’s newest creation only to have his brown paw annoyingly slapped. The boy recovered from the rebuke quickly enough to ask, “Will you be selling this one, Sir? Your last doll?”

“You ask much of a tired man, lad. Ready the shop window with the Ivory lace draping. I want her properly displayed,” was his Master’s reply. Vladimir heard the boy make haste in arrangements as he slowly lifted the large doll off the work table and stood it before him.

The doll reached Vladimir’s chest in height. She had a peaches and cream complexion not unlike those of fresh faced lasses, with kisses of pink on her cheeks. A full, but small mouth with slightly parted rose stained lips set above a dimpled chin, added to her youthful expression. The eyes were made from blown glass the color of forget-me-nots. She had long thick lashes, not merely painted ones and a crown of flowing blond locks cut from his daughters’ heads. He had dressed her in a young ladies tea dress with matching pink shoes and cream pinafore. Two moons prior he had sent her measurements to a children’s outfitters shop to have a wardrobe as grand as any wealthy young miss might possess to be included in a toy chest with fine accessories to match. Vladimir’s final touch was a fine silver chain and key worn around the doll’s neck. “A gift for your future owner, my pet.” He whispered, kissing his finger before bringing it to the doll’s lips. He stepped back for one final look and knew that he would finally rest well that night.

“She’s ready, now.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The night he finished and arranged me in the front window is the first night I can recall. I sat on a silk pillow with my feet tucked up under my dress, gloved hands folded primly on my lap. He had made my head tilt to the right so I had a view of any onlookers that might stroll towards the shop. That night, there was not one who passed.

“The trouble with dolls, I heard the Toy Maker say on my first morning, “is that not a one of them seems to be able to hear. They all ought to be able to really and truly listen.” I liked listening as he told of my making. He made sure each piece was perfect and lifelike, often telling the curious children with their governess’; of many a sleepless night spent reworking and shaping me from his mind. I am grateful for his diligence and careful hand.

I saw many faces in those early days. The little girls who passed the shop begged to return again for a closer look. They would press their tiny faces against the glass and peer into my still, quiet world with yearning in their eyes. I did not like the noisy little ones who cried and pointed, or the turned up noses of the older girls who pretended to be too grown up to care about toys any longer. Boys and Gentlemen alike paid me little mind. Ladies would trickle by in pairs and consider me for a spell, but not one asked to buy me. I sat for a long time wondering what would become of me.

My seventh night in the window, I was treated to groups of children singing in the streets against the backdrop of falling snow. Across the way, windows were lit with gas lamps and decorated with Holly. There were many people out walking that evening wrapped up in each other and furs to put off the chill. They all seemed so content, until I saw You.

You were alone, moving a snail’s pace behind all the others. There was no color to You, no gay smile pasted to Your long face. You stopped suddenly under the lamp near the shop corner and I was able to see Your eyes, so full of something I had never seen before in anyone who had stopped to look at me. I wanted You to discover me. I wanted You to see my face, my lifelike expression, and find some uniqueness in me, that only You knew. I cared not about the others, really, I had not ever at all. They’d all passed, stopped and looked in brief wonder, only to move on. You seemed so forlorn out there amidst a sea of life, but they never really saw You…just as they never really saw me past themselves in the glass window. Suddenly, we seemed very much the same and that is when it happened. Past Your own reflection, You found joy in my eyes…

I was taken from the window that night in a great hurry and placed in a waiting velvet lined box. The Toy Maker folded my arms across my chest to fit me inside the narrow space. He removed the chain and key from my neck and gave it to You with clear instructions on how to use it. Then my Maker closed my eyes with a kiss of his fingertips, as he had on my first night. In that forced darkness I was made to sleep, that is, until You woke me in love...

<><><><><><><><><><><>
To be continued...

The Mack is Back on My Spanking Roommate!

2010-07-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted to watch me turn the tables on a fellow spankee and Top their naughty little bottoms? Well, now you can at My Spanking Roommate! Watch me teach Sarah Gregory a much needed lesson on what happens when she puts her nose where it doesn’t belong. There is a great review of our scene posted at The Spanking View written by none other than Clare Fonda’s own Camerman. Get the inside scoop on this shoot from behind the lens!

If you have missed any part of Miss Chris, Sarah, and myself on My Spanking Roommate, here (Miss Chris & Jenni) is the link to another fun photo gallery!

Cheers!

Jenni Mack
a.k.a
‘Smack the Mack’

Toy-Doll & Thunder in the Mountains 2010!

2010-07-15T08:45:00.000-07:00

All packed and heading back for the third year in a row to Denver, CO for Thunder in the Mountains 2010 with my Ma’am! We are super excited and looking forward to seeing old friends, attending workshops, and partaking in the 50,000 sq. footage of available dungeon space for play. For those Victorian buffs out there; be on the lookout Saturday night for a unique cross dressing Victorian Toy-Master scene. I am finally given the chance to live up to my nickname of ‘JenniDoll’. Also, for the first time, my best childhood friends will be flying in to join the kinky festivities!

I will post pictures and events when I return. Meantime I hope you have enjoyed a sneak peek at what I look like dressed up as a toy doll.

(Weird, huh?!? No worries! My red curls are still there!)

OTK & Out! I got a plane to catch!

xox

Jenni

Have a Red, White, and Blue Weekend!!

2010-07-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July from Miss Chris and Her Jenni Mack! Yes, we are wearing matching swimsuits and enjoying a HOT summer day by our pool. Ma'am is causing the stripes and I am seeing stars!

Note--On the sidewalk by the pool I drew a picture of a spanked bottom and wrote the words, "My Ma'am has a cute fanny!"

**Warning** Brats--don't try this at home! Consequences are NOT my fault!

:-)
Jenni

My New Puppy!

2010-06-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

I got a new puppy, or rather he got me! On Father’s Day my family added a new addition. He is a stray who had no tags, or chip. Ma’am, D, and I have been talking about getting a dog and I have been begging for one for a long time. I guess the Universe decided it was the right time and it gave us this little brown eyed brat. I will let him introduce himself:

OH, BOY! I am so happy to be here; bark, bark!

I somehow magically found my way into the Home of Don, Ma’am, and Her JenniDoll (plus two small feline fur balls I am not sure about yet). I could have ended up being coyote food, or working as a chew toy tester for kicks, but I am lucky to have a new home instead!

My name is J.B.; short for Jenni’s Boy. I think I am a Bird-dog/Hound mix of some sort. Dad knocked mum up and left—so I have no idea, really. Anyway, I love following Jenni everywhere, sniffing butts, looking up skirts, and chewing bones. Jenni is teaching me to sit, swim, and to fetch spanking toys on command.

I LOVE meeting new people and I like having friends, so please make a request on Fetlife (http://fetlife.com/users/514220) and I will bark back at you…as soon as I am done hiding Jenni’s stuffed animals!

Barking and out,

J.B.

:03

My Pantie Fetish

2010-06-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

Knickers, bloomers, drawers, thongs, briefs, boy-shorts, bun huggers; whatever you call them, the majority of spankos love panties!
I am sure many of you spankee’s out there can understand the wonderful feeling of searching high and low for *just* the right pair of panties to hug your buns nicely. Perhaps something cute, frilly, with a suggestive message printed across the seat. Some panties out there just beg to be bought, worn, and spanked!

One of my favorite things to shop for is panties. I get a certain tingle in the pit of my stomach when I find a new pair. I think about the spankability aspect of the panties, how they will feel when my Ma’am runs Her hands and nails across them, how they might suggest just the type of spanking I may want by way of color and style. A see through black lace pantie might suggest I want a bit of sensuality and caressing in my spanking. A pair of old fashioned thick white cotton briefs might suggest I was a bit of a naughty girl. Maybe I need to feel a paddle across the seat of my knickers to make me a behave. With that said I believe that there is a science to picking just the right pantie to wear for a spanking.

My fetish seems to be in wearing a brand new pair of panties for a spanking. They feel magical to me and like the newness of the pantie I am reminded of how I felt when I had my first spanking. That link is special to me and I get to relive that feeling every time I wear a new pair of panties to be spanked in. It is because of this fetish that I had in my possession about 350 pairs of panties up until two weeks ago. I just recently cleaned out my drawer and now I am down to about 250. Parting with any of them has been very hard! :-) Even with my massive collection of bun huggers I still feel the need and rush of getting new ones. I will continue to add to my collection and enjoy the butterflies in my stomach that arise when I wear them for a spanking only to have them teasingly pulled down to be tangled at my knees...

How many of you dear readers have a similar fetish or love of panties?

I welcome your thoughts!

Jenni

My Birthday & Spanking!

2010-06-16T13:07:00.000-07:00

(My version of Barbie* Spanking)

I had another fantastic birthday yesterday complete with two birthday spankings for a total of 52 spankeroos (25 each, plus one to brat on)! I have heard that I may have more spankings coming from a few more people at our next Sun Valley Spanko’s Party on June 26th!

Ma’am, Don, and many others went out of their way to make this day special for me. I used to never like celebrating my birthdays or any holiday, but now I love it because I am surrounded by so many people that bring me such joy and love in my life. I feel very blessed, indeed. Spanks to all those of you who sent me B-day wishes via e-mail, Fetlife, text, and comments! All of you are truly very special!

I’d thought I’d share a breakdown of my B-day via pictures below:

(Beautiful baby-pink roses from Don and identical twin cards from both Ma'am and Don. That was a shocker and a funny twist to events that I think cements that fact that we are all in tune to each other. Very special!)

(Ma'am's early gift to me; A unique Dragon from Build-A-Bear that we made and dressed together. I named her Amber. Notice the added pink cuffs-I have a matching pair myself!)

(Ma'am set up a scavenger hunt for me in the Discipline room where She gave me one of the cards pictured above and I had to hunt for my presents hidden around the room. Great Fun!)

(I have an obsession with keys. Ma'am hid 7 beautiful key necklaces in the scavenger hunt. There is one for everyday of the week with a thought provoking word written on each one. I am to wear one each day and focus on what that word means to me.)

:-)
Jenni

My Caning Pictures & Other Photos...

2010-05-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

Last night I asked Ma'am for a much needed caning. She gave it Her all and I was left with beautiful welts, bruises, and in tears.

(The next day...)

(A closer peek...)

(A beautiful paddle made for me by a dear spanko friend--Ma'am has a matching one...)

(A couple of my charcoal drawings...)

:-)

-J-

Jenni Mack is Going to Florida Moonshine 2010!!!!!

2010-05-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

Due to recent and unexpected (happy) events I am NOW able to attend my first Florida Moonshine Party in St. Petersburg Beach, Florida June 5-7th!!

(Screams panties off!!!)

I am now accepting any session inquiries for this trip as well as any donations to offset travel funds! If you are interested in seeing me for a private one-on-one session OR a co-session with my Ma'am, Miss Chris, please contact me ASAP! I usually fill up my time slots rather quickly. Please contact me by e-mail at bttrfy777@yahoo.com to schedule a session in Florida. You can also donate any amount through my pay-pal account by pressing the yellow Donate button on the left hand side of my blog, or by regular mail to my shared PO Box. Any amount is much appreciated!

I am also available for filming opportunities with certified spanking companies in attendance to the party.

Spanks and I am looking forward to warming my bottom up and warming the naughty bottoms of others!

Jenni Mack
a.k.a
Smack the Mack

Tribute on Mother's Day

2010-05-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

To the Mother of all Disciplinarians for

touching so many lives, warming many

hearts, and naughty bottoms! I love You

Ma'am along with so many others on this

special day!

Happy Mother's Day!

-doll

Jenni and Zoe-A Case of the Gimmies-LAST PART! Sorry for the wait!

2010-05-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

OMG, it is May already?!?! So sorry for the wait on this last part. I should explain that this is not the final part in the series, just the last part I have written so far. I don't think Jenni and Zoe's adventures are anywhere near over, but for the last few years, I have not been ready to add to the series. When I do though, you can be sure I will share. Have a great day!

As always, comments are much welcome!

-------------------------------------
A Case of The Gimmies (Part 11)
<><><> <><><><><><><> <><>

Christmas Eve…

The house was cool and quiet as she crept down the carpeted stairs.
The tall grandfather clock at the base chimed its midnight song as
the girls bare feet carefully descended the steps to avoid all the
known squeaks in the noisy floorboards. The girl shivered and drew
her blanket around her shoulders as she stopped in the middle of the
stairwell and sat down on the step.

From her view through the banister rails wound in garland she could
see the last sparks from the hot coals dying down in the fireplace.
The glow seemed to cast a red edge around the bottom of the Christmas
tree. Jenni watched as the flickering red and green lights danced
with each other among the ornaments, tinsel and popcorn strings. Her
stocking hung by the fireplace with a crudely stitched `J' on the
front in red felt, the one she had made in 3rd grade. There was a
wide green velvet tree skirt around the rim of the tree filled with
wrapped presents. Some had huge elaborate bows in gold and silver
paper, and others in Santa Claus themed wrapping. All of them, she
knew, were for her.

Jenni shifted her hips, wincing a bit at the tenderness still
residing in her bottom. She dropped the blanket from her shoulders
and balled up the fabric to use as a make shift cushion. Though she
had been spanked days ago, this was one she would no doubt feel for a
few more days yet to come. As she watched the tree lights she thought
back to a few days before when everything had started…

<><><><><><> Two days earlier<><>< ><><><>

"I really want a computer mom." At her insistent whining she saw her
mother raise a brow. Jenni looked away and pretended to be interested
in the cookies she was decorating. "Just think of all the educational
games you can get me." She added carefully, knowing that at least
half of her gifts would be of this nature anyway.

Zoë smiled slowly and dusted the dough in front of her with more
flour before kneading it again. "We've talked about this, Jenni. I
told you I'd think about it." As she worked her reading glasses
slipped down her nose. When she moved to adjust them Jenni burst into
giggles. "What's so funny?" Zoë asked suddenly as she watched her
daughter try to stifle her laughter.

"Nice look mom." Jenni gave her thumbs up and bit her lip to keep
from busting out again.

"What…" Zoë turned then and caught sight of herself in the reflecting
surface of the cooking pots strung over the stove. "Oh!" Her nose and
cheeks were smudged in fine white powder. She smiled to herself and
reached for a clean dishtowel to wipe her face and her hands.

"Sooooooo, back to my wish list…" Jenni persisted as she added a small
mountain of sprinkles to the sugar cookie in front of her.

"Go easy with the sprinkles, sweetie. I'm sure not all the kids at
the clinic like sprinkles."

Jenni rolled her eyes and rested her chin on her hand, ignoring the
comment as she moved on to the next cookie. "Emily is getting a new
bike. She said she heard her mom and you talking about it on the
phone last week. Do you think I could have a new one to? I'm getting
too big for my old one. Then Em’ and I can ride together to school and—"
Jenni was cut off when the doorbell rang.

Zoë sighed, grateful for the interruption. All Jenni could talk about
the last few weeks was Christmas and what all of her friends were
getting. Jenni made it seem like there was a competition going on to
see who would get the best gifts. Zoë sighed at the thought of her
daughter getting sucked up into the materialistic world of
adolescence. She reached over then and took the sprinkle shaker from
Jenni. "Go and answer the door for me please."

Jenni eased off the stool pouting and obviously annoyed, "But Moomm…"

Zoë shook her head and rounded the island countertop to retrieve the
finished tray of decorated cookies. With her free hand she gave her
daughter a light smack to the seat of her dress. "Go now please.
Scoot!"

"Ow! Okay, okay…jeez." Jenni mumbled and hurried out of the kitchen
to the front door. A quick peek through the side window showed a tall
man in a heavy overcoat, his arms laded with wrapped packages. Jenni
flung open the door and reached for a bag that was slipping from the
man's arm.

"Oh, are these for me?" Jenni asked, so delighted at the thought that
she hoped up and down a bit.

Barry smiled down at the eager girl and set the packages he brought
down by the door. "These are my contribution for the party your moms
helping with at the Children's Clinic," Barry began and stopped
when he saw the girls face fall, "But maybe there's one in here for
you somewhere."

Jenni brightened and eyed the packages, already unwrapping
them with her eyes.

"Where's your mom?" He asked and shrugged off his coat and scarf.

"In the kitchen—" Jenni's voice was suddenly drowned out by her
mothers.

"Jenni? Shut the door! I can feel the draft all the way in—" Zoë
called as she emerged from the kitchen doorway down the hall.
Spotting Barry she lost her firm tone and quickened her pace over to
him.

Jenni shut the door and went over to the pile of presents and began
to fish through them. She shook one package and grimaced a bit at the
obvious sound of kissing behind her. A moment later she felt her
mothers hand on her arm pulling her up and away from the pile.

"Jenni, those are not for you." Zoë began and let go of her
daughter as Barry coughed softly next to her.

"I told her that there is one in there for her…somewhere." Barry
could feel the uneasiness of his mistake creep up into his voice,
turning his face a bright pink.

Zoë sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, "Jenni, go and check the
oven timer for me please. Make sure I set it for 15 minutes."

"But mom, he said he had—"

Zoë raised her brows and snapped her fingers before she pointed to
the kitchen. Grumbling under her breath Jenni obeyed and stomped down
the hall.

"Zoë I didn't mean," Barry started, opening his both hands in a
submissive gesture.

Zoë held up her hand stopping him from speaking, "I told you no more
gifts. She's been very spoiled these last few weeks. You can't bring
her a present every time you come over. She's not 5 years old Barry.
She won't stop liking you if you stop bringing her things." She
explained softly and crossed her arms over her chest.

"It's just that it took so long for her to open up to me." Barry
tried to explain as the woman nodded to him in understanding.

"I know, but it has to stop." Zoë reached over and hugged him
then, "Thank you for caring so much about her, I love that you do,
but you can't win her affection this way."

"Alright, no more gifts…starting next time."

"Barry! Starting now! Please go and tell her you were mistaken." Zoë
pulled back from him and tapped his chest for emphasis.

"I can't do that, did you see her face?" Barry pleaded with her
pulling her back over to him. He leaned in then and kissed her cheek
near her ear. A move so hot and smooth he knew it wouldn't fail him
in getting what he wanted.

Zoë closed her eyes and let him linger for a long moment. "Alright,
but this is the last time." She whispered, relenting to his
request. "Another kiss like that won't save you a second time Barry
Andrews." She pulled back from him and shook her finger at him in
mock anger.

"Mom! Are the cookies supposed to be smoking?" Jenni called from down
the hall as she poked her head around the corner.

"What?" Zoë turned sharply away from Barry and started to hurry
towards the kitchen.

"Just kidding!" Jenni covered both hands over her mouth in a fit of
giggles at the worried expression on her mothers face. "They're fine.
Can I have one though? They smell so good!"

"No, you'll spoil your lunch." With that comment the smile
disappeared right from her daughters face.

"Fine, then since we're done I'm going over to Emily's for a while."
She confirmed moodily and pushed past her mother to go and get her
coat from the hall closet.

Zoë reached out and pulled the girl back by her upper arm. "Since
when are you telling me instead of asking me?"

"Since never…sorry… CAN I go to Emily's?" Jenni looked at the floor
and rolled her eyes, "Please?" She added sweetly as a last ditch
effort to get her mother’s permission.

"That's `may I' and no you may not. We have some errands to run this
afternoon and then the children's Christmas party at the clinic to
attend. You know that." Zoë explained, letting her daughter's sour
tone go for the moment.

"Mom, I don't want to go. They're all little kids and I won't have
any fun."

"You're going and I don't want to hear anymore whining about it." Zoë
chided firmly.

"Zoë, I'll be back around dinner time then… For tree decorating?"
Barry asked to confirm their plans for that night.

"Yes, at 6 o'clock. Thank you for bringing by the gifts. I'm dropping
everything off at the clinic later today." Zoë gave him a warm smile,
while still maintaining her grip on Jenni's arm.

"Bye Jenni. Be good. Remember Santa's watching you." Barry used two
fingers to point to his eyes and then at Jenni. Grinning he adjusted
his scarf before heading out the door and back into the cold grey
afternoon.

He didn't see the girl stick her tongue out at him behind his back.
He also didn't hear the loud smack of a correcting hand on a naughty
bottom. Nor did he hear the cry of protest that followed…

<><><><><><> <><>

"I don't understand why I have to go." Jenni grumbled as she handed
her mother the last of the packages to put in the trunk of the car.
Zoë sighed and shut the trunk.

"I still have a little shopping to do and I want you to pick out
something to give to one of the children. We can have it gift wrapped
at the mall. Besides I need your help carrying the gifts and the
cookie platters into the party." Zoë explained again as she went
around to the drivers side. Jenni slammed her car door in
frustration. Zoë could see her through the window in the back seat
sulking. The woman stood outside in the cold a moment longer, letting
the chill settle on her skin calming her before she got into the car.

The drive to the mall was quick enough and Zoë did her best to ignore
the constant stream of gripes and grumbles coming from the girl.
Eventually though Jenni became distracted by all the window displays
of clothes and toys they passed. In Macy's while her mother paused to
consider between colors of cashmere sweaters for a friend, Jenni
found the hat display. For 5 minutes while she was supposed to be
looking for a gift for the party she took great pleasure in trying on
and posing the various women's hats before she spotted what she
considered the most adorable royal purple mini backpack.

She recalled hearing Jessica Barnes, the most popular girl in school
saying that her daddy was going to get her such a bag for Christmas
last week in the hallway. Jenni hurried over to it and unzipped all
the little pouches and ran her fingers over the silver princess crown
design etched into the leather. Yes, this was perfect. If she only
had such a bag…Yet she knew her mother would never buy it for her.
Jenni glanced at the price tag and winced. Nearly $40.00 for a little
accessory…

She felt someone standing over her then and turned to see her mothers
annoyed face looking down at her. "Jenni, there you are. I told you
to stay where I could see you."

"Sorry, I was just looking around. Are you done?"

"Almost, I just need one more thing. Did you find a gift yet?" Zoë
asked.

"No, I'm still looking." Jenni said, and then suddenly got an idea.
In her sweetest voice she continued, "I know we're in a hurry so can
you just give me the money and I'll wait for you by the gift wrapping
counter?"

Zoë looked skeptically at her for a moment before glancing around at
the store of busy shoppers. Jenni saw the lines of hesitation on her
mother's face and rolled her eyes, "Mom! I'm 13! I'll be fine. I can
handle a little shopping, okay?"

Zoë sighed before relenting. She glanced at her watch and noted they
we're indeed short on time. She dug into her shoulder bag and handed
the girl a folded hundred dollar bill. "Keep this in your pocket.
Look around the children's department here and see what you can find.
When you're done go straight to the gift wrapping center and wait for
me, alright?"

Jenni pocketed the cash and nodded happily. She watched her mother
hurry off to the jewelry department before turning back to the mini
backpack. Part of her felt guilty for what she was about to do. The
other part of her mind rationalized that she was still obeying by
getting a gift. Just because she happened to benefit a little bit in
the process wasn't a bad thing was it? ‘Besides who would know?’ Jenni
thought as she went over to a display of music boxes in the corner of
the children's department.

She found a nice rose colored box with a glass top that played a
Sleeping Beauty theme song. The music box was 25 dollars on sale and
gift wrapping was at least 5 dollars, and the backpack was 40, so
she'd give her mother back 30 dollars in change…It would work…No one
would know. She kept telling herself as she went over to the nearest
register and made her two purchases. She put in receipt in her dress
pocket and carried her purchase over to the wrapping center.

Fifteen minutes later she stood waiting by the gift wrapping counter
as instructed holding a package wrapped in red elf paper. She had
carefully concealed the mini back pack under her coat. As long as she
held the box close to her stomach the backpack wouldn't slip out. She
spotted her mother hurrying towards her with an arm full of shopping
bags.

"What did you find sweetheart?" Zoë, asked a bit out of breath from
her dash across the store.

"A music box…it's really, really nice. It was kind of expensive, but
it was so pretty I had to get it. Here's the change." Jenni held her
breath and handed her mother a wad of cash she had held in her palm.
Zoë pocketed the change, not even bothering to count the crumpled
bills.

The woman wrapped her free arm around the girl's shoulders as she
hurried her daughter out of the store. "That's great sweetie, I'm
sure whatever little girl gets it will be very happy. Now let's
hurry. It's almost four o'clock. The party will be starting soon."
She completely missed the sigh of relief coming from those small
shoulders as they exited the store.

<><><><><><> <><>

"There are so many Dr. Kelly. How wonderful! I think there's enough
to give each child two gifts." The bubbly nurse at the reception
stand of the free children's clinic replied at the pile of presents
Zoë and Jenni had carried in. "So many people have donated this year.
It really means a lot to the children. Their families have enough of
a financial burden to bear as it is this time of year."

"I'm glad so many people have contributed. Is the party in the
conference room again? We can carry these in…" Zoë started to ask,
but the nurse shook her head.

"No, no that's fine. Marilynn has a cart here she'll take everything
in for you." Even as she spoke a young candy striper was already
loading their packages onto a rolling cart.

"A few of the other Doctors are here and your patients have been
asking when you'd be by. I kept telling them you were busy playing
Santa's helper. It looks like your little one here was a big help to
you as well." The nurse whispered the last bit eyeing Jenni who was
standing close by Zoë's side.

"Are you excited for Santa this year honey?" The nurse directed her
question to Jenni.

Zoë could feel her daughter bristle beside her at such a question.
Even at 13 Jenni was still very small for her age. With her long
strawberry blonde curls and green dress she looked to be about 9 or
10 years old. Jenni scowled darkly at the woman and was about to
comment when she felt her mothers reassuring hand rubbing the tense
spot between her shoulder blades gently.

"Yes, we're both excited. We'll just go in then. Thank you Hannah."
Zoë ended the conversation before Jenni even had a chance to reply.

"I'm not that `little'…" Jenni grumbled as they walked down the
hallway toward the large conference room.

"Sometimes grownups say things without thinking. She didn't say it to
be mean. Now smile, I want you on your best behavior." Zoë reminded
her as they entered the room.

Almost instantly a swarm of little boys and girls rushed towards
them. Each of them squealing and calling out to Zoë happily for her
attention. Zoë took her time and greeted each one and the parents who
came by to say their hellos. As this went on Jenni studied the room
which was decorated in colorful streamers and balloons. She wandered
to the far end of the room where there was a banquet table set up
with all sorts of holiday goodies. Already their cookie platters they
had made that morning had been laid out. There was a large decorated
tree in the corner where she saw the candy stripper from the front
desk arranging the donated presents.

"Jenni, sweetie come back over here, I want you to meet some people."

At her mothers insistence Jenni went back over to the crowd of her
mothers colleagues and was introduced. She liked the attention and
petting comments for a few minutes before becoming bored. Some of the
small children tried to get her to play, but she shrugged them off
and went to sit down. After an hour or so of Christmas carols and an
arts and crafts project it was finally time for presents to be passed
around.

Jenni watched all the children opening their gifts. She couldn't help
but feel jealous that she was the only one who had nothing to open.
That tinge of envy creped up into her eyes and from across the room
Zoë could see by her daughter's expression that she struggling with
something. The woman watched as Jenni's eyes softened and a small
smile formed on the girl's lips.

She sipped her hot cider and looked to where Jenni was gazing. A
little girl who was 8 years old and one of Zoë's patients, had
received Jenni's gift. The child tore at the elf wrapping paper and
her eyes lit up at the sight of the music box. Zoë returned her gaze
back to her daughter who had moved from her chair and walked over to
the child. A few words were passed between the two children and then
Jenni reached down and hugged the young girl. It was a moment Zoë had
been waiting for all day.

<><><><><><> <><><><>< ><><><>

"…She was so happy! She really liked it." Jenni was still buzzing
about the party when they came into the house.

"Yes, she was. All the children had a really good time." Zoë assured
as she set down her purse and keys on the table by the front door.

The girl hurried then up the stairs to her room, not even bothering
to take off her coat. Zoë was about to call after Jenni when her cell
phone rang.

Once upstairs in her room Jenni took the mini back pack from under
her dress and ran her fingers over the crown design again. The purple
leather was a little squashed from being hidden under the car seat
while she had been in the party. As she worked to smooth the wrinkles
she began to think about what she would wear to match the back pack
on her first day back to school after winter break.

"Jenni!"

The girl's heart leapt a bit at the sound of her name. She quickly
hid the bag in her closet before she went out into the hallway and
gazed over the railing near the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"I'm doing a load of laundry honey. Please toss me down your dress.
The chocolate stain is on the hem right?"

Jenni blinked once in confusion before shedding her coat. She then
remembered that she had dripped some hot chocolate on her dress at
the party. It was one of her favorites and she didn't want it
stained. She pulled her dress up and over her head. "Yeah, thanks
mom." She said and tossed the dress over the rail. Zoë caught the
garment and disappeared down the hall.

Jenni went back to her room and pulled on a pair of jeans and a blue
sweater with a picture of a snowman on the front before going over to
her closet. She retrieved the mini backpack and practiced modeling it
in her full length mirror in the corner of her room…

<><><><><>

Zoë hummed quietly to herself as she sorted the pile of laundry on
top of the dryer. She added detergent to the filling washer at her
side before rubbing a stain remover into the velvet of Jenni's dress.
Zoë then checked the dress pockets. They were more for design then
function, but seeing as how Jenni always forgot to empty her pockets
Zoë made a habit of it each time she did laundry. So she was not
surprised to pull out a small crumpled piece of paper. Zoë quickly
noted it was a store receipt and was about to discard it when she saw
the total purchase price in bold at the bottom.

"$65.00 for a music box…" Zoë read aloud and then looked at the items
that had been rung up. She didn't feel anger right away. Instead a
heavy sadness weighed her heart when she saw the other item that had
been purchased in secret and one that had obviously not appeared
under the tree at the party.

"Oh, Jenni…" She dropped the dress in the washer and shut the lid
before folding the paper and putting it in her pocket. She went back
into the kitchen and called Barry to tell him that the tree
decorating would have to be put off until later in the night...

"What are you going to do about it?" Barry asked, the disappointment
obvious in his voice after Zoë had told him what happened with Jenni.

"I'm still thinking on that. There's only so much a spanking can
teach her…I have an idea, but I think she's too young to really
understand my reasoning behind it."

"Don't underestimate her. She's a smart kid and very insightful. She
just might surprise you. Anyway, I'll come by about 9:00 then. Don't
worry about cooking; I'll pick up some Thai food along the way…"

<><><><><><> <><><><>

After she hung up with Barry she paced the kitchen in thought. It
took several minutes before she went over to the stove and opened the
utensil drawer. She extracted a rather ominous looking wooden spoon
with a long thick handle, one she hadn't had to use in a year. She
tested it against her palm a few times and once against the front of
her thigh, wincing at the sting. Yes this will do, she thought as she
headed up the stairs. She stopped short of her daughter's door and
took a long deep breath before she knocked once. As she waited for
Jenni to reply she heard some scrambling coming from the other side
of the door before the girl told her to come it.

Zoë found her daughter sitting at her desk apparently drawing. Jenni
didn't look up from her work as Zoë went over to the twin canopy bed
and sat down on the edge. She set the spoon down behind her out of
sight as she spoke.

"Jenni, is there something you would like to tell me?" Zoë asked
casually. Nothing in her tone gave away her displeasure. Jenni turned
slightly in her desk chair to look over her shoulder at her mother.

"No. Why? What's wrong?"

"That's what I was wondering. Is there something wrong Jenni? Is
there anything at all you can think of that I need to know about?"
Zoë crossed her arms in concern and leaned forward in her seat a bit.

Jenni slowly began to feel her stomach knot up. "N-Nooo." She
squeaked and turned fully around in her chair.

"Well, I beg to differ young lady."

At `young lady' Jenni shot up out of her seat and backed up a step.
Her bottom rested against the edge of her desk. If she could have
kept moving backwards she would have. Her mother's eyes were hard and
cool, not soft and open as they usually were. They seemed blue to her
then instead of their usual jade color.

Zoë looked away from her daughter then and gazed out the window at
the overhanging grey clouds that threatened rain. She then looked
over and studied the rows of books on the shelf, the antique snow
globe Jenni had begged to have last Christmas rested next to them
acting as a bookend. On the shelf below there was a line of porcelain
dolls in various period outfits in the glass casing at the bottom of
the large book case, another result of a Christmas wish one year.

"Do I ever deny you, with in reason, something that you want?" Zoë
asked softly as she took in all the things Jenni had in her room.
When Jenni didn't answer she continued, "Is there a reason you feel
like you can't be honest with me? Is there a reason that you feel
like you have to go behind my back and use the money I gave you to
buy a present for another child on yourself?"

"I didn't! I did what you told me to. I bought a gift and—"

Zoë held up her hand for silence and pulled her eyes away from her
daughter's things and back to the scared child in front of her. Zoë
swallowed and struggled to keep her voice steady as her anger finally
began to surface. "Have I not taught you better then that? Tell me
Jenni, how could you not know that what you did was wrong?" As she
drilled out her questions she watched as the girl began to squirm in
place.

"I make it a point all the time to demonstrate to you how to be
selfless. We donate clothes each year, you've come with me to
volunteer at the clinic, and we spent the better part of this week
getting ready for the party today for those children." As she spoke
Zoë counted off each example on her fingers. "DON'T you dare lie to
me little girl and tell me YOU didn't know!" Zoë raised her voice
more than she intended to then and even surprised herself at the
harshness of her voice. The room seemed hot to her then and the space
between them even more so.

Jenni's eyes widened at her mothers grave tone. The girl began to
pick at the sleeve of her sweater nervously. "I didn't think it was
that bad. Honest Mom! I didn't! She loved the music box I picked out
and I really, really wanted the back pack..."

"You really, really wanted…" Zoë slowly repeated the girl's words as
she ran one hand through her long auburn hair in disbelief. "You
can't always have what you want Jenni, especially at the expense
of someone else. In this case that someone else was a child who is
less fortunate than you. A lot of the children who come to the clinic
have parents who struggle to put food on the table and clothes on
their children's backs—" She scolded and stopped suddenly when fat,
thick tears began dripping down her daughter's cheeks like running
wax when a candles flame burns too brightly.

"I wasn't t-thinking and I didn't think a-about it l-like you s-
said…" Jenni stammered.

"No, you were thinking. Your behavior was selfish and you were only
thinking about yourself…" Zoë corrected her and held out her hand for
Jenni to take. The girl shuffled over and allowed her mother to grab
hold of her wrist.

"And that is something from you that I will not tolerate. Do you
understand me?" The woman asked as she moved to unsnap the girl's
jeans. Jenni jumped backwards at the motion and had to be prodded
back over with a few firm spanks to her thigh to ensure her
compliance and to stand still. Zoë then easily tugged the denim down
to Jenni's knees.

"Mommy, please you don't have to…" Jenni whined as she felt herself
being pulled across her mother's firm thighs.

"I think you demonstrated today that I do, indeed, have to." Zoë
explained as she adjusted the lithe form across her knees. She wasted
no time in bringing her palm down in crisp even spanks to the seat of
the white nylon panties. Jenni squirmed slightly at the budding sting
beginning to warm the surface of her bottom. The woman paused for a
moment to move the hem of the girl's sweater up high and out of the
way.

"I don't want a spanking!" Jenni confirmed as she began to kick her
legs frantically.

"Of course you don't and I am sick of hearing about what you do or do
not want." Zoë emphasized her point with a few well placed spanks to
the girl's thighs. Jenni squealed and hung her head as new tears
began to blur her vision. Her crying really started when she felt her
mother's fingers in the waist band of her panties and the rush of
cool air that followed

"Nooooo! Don't…OW!" Jenni gasped as she felt something much harder
than her mothers hand smack down on her tender right cheek. A moment
later she felt it again on her left. She cried out at the sharp
biting sting and looked over her shoulder. At the sight of `The
Spoon', the one she had managed to avoid for so long, she tried to
push herself up off her mothers lap, but with no such luck.

"Oh no, you don't. You are going to feel every part of this." Zoë
intercepted the move and reached over and pinned the girl's right
wrist to the small of her back. With her daughter in a more
restricted position, Zoë began to pepper the spoon back and forth
across the now pink bottom in front of her. Jenni squirmed and
kicked, trying to avoid any bit of the horrible sting the spoon
inflicted. Rather quickly the pink skin reddened as Zoë increased her
pace and force. Finally, after a minute Jenni burst into great noisy
sobs.

"I'm sorrriieee! Noooo more! Please, please…"

"I am not nearly done with you young lady." Zoë explained and pinned
Jenni's kicking legs with one of her own. This left the girl bent
over at an even sharper angle, her red bottom was now a still and
easy target.

At this news Jenni shook her head and bawled. She still bucked and
struggled a little each time the spoon landed on her sit spot, the
place where the bottom meets the thigh, and the region where her
mother tended to focus the most of her efforts. After another minute
Zoë slowed her pace and increased her force a little with each smack
as she spoke.

"This is something I don't want to ever have to discuss with you
again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes! Oh, Owww! Please! I understand—"

"You are much too old to be behaving this way. And to lie to me on
top of everything else and tell me `you didn't know.' You do, in
fact, know better don't you Jenni?"

"Y-yes! Mom!" Jenni wailed and went limp suddenly as the spoon
stopped its assault for a brief moment. She felt her mother shifting
into a more comfortable position. A moment later she felt a tap
against her right cheek.

"How old are you young lady?"

"Oh NO… Mommmm, please!" Jenni begged and cringed when she felt the
tap again as her mother repeated her question.

"I asked you a question. How old are you?"

"T-thirteen…Mom, nnoooo!"

"Then that's what we will finish up with." Zoë confirmed and brought
the spoon down hard. Jenni bucked, too shocked at the sound of the
spoon smacking her skin for the pain to register right away. A moment
later, when it did, Jenni screamed. Zoë paused many seconds before
the next swat to draw this last part out so that the meaning of each
spank was thoroughly felt, absorbed, and digested.

Jenni felt a second tap against her left cheek she raised her head
and tensed her body. The second swat felt much like the first, a deep
throbbing burn, much worse than the quick stingy pace her mother used
earlier. Again she cried out and drummed her toes into the carpet.
The four spanks that followed over the next minute left her
speechless and bawling.

Zoë paused for longer this time to give the girl a chance to catch
her breath. She rested the spoon on the small of Jenni's back and ran
her cool hand briskly over the red hot skin. The girls crying went up
a notch at this movement.

"Your behavior really disappointed me today Jenni." Zoë explained as
she stopped rubbing and picked back up the spoon. "I expected so much
more from you than that."

Jenni nodded, unable just then to reply. Her mothers words hurt more
than the next six spanks that followed. She closed her eyes and
accepted each one. She concentrated on the feel of her mothers body
supporting her under her belly, that arm wrapped tight around her
waist, the long leg keeping her from kicking and the hand clasped
around her wrist. She was utterly helpless. She was broken then, and
under her mother's complete control. The fight had been spanked out
of her long ago, so she did the only thing she could do. She cried.

"Are we going to have to re-visit this issue again?"

Jenni shook her head, "N-nooo."

"Good. Then your punishment is half over." Zoë confirmed and ended
the spanking with an extra sharp swat, to the center of the girl's
bottom. Jenni went limp bawling and stayed crying over her mother's
knee long after the woman had set down the spoon and released her
grip on the child's wrist.

After a while Jenni felt her mother's hand gently running up and down
the length of her back in a calming fashion. The girl then went to
push herself upwards. She wobbled on her feet for a moment and had to
rest her hands on her mother's knees to steady herself as sobs
continued to rack her body. Zoë reached out then and lifted the girls
chin, forcing her daughter to look at her.

"Never again, Jenni."

The girl nodded her head and tried to look away. Her mother's eyes
were still heated and Jenni could still see the anger resting there,
unsettled and fiery. Jenni went to pull up her panties and cried out
when her hands were slapped away.

"I did not give you that instruction young lady. Now, kneel down in
front of me here."

Jenni kept her hands clasped in front of her as she lowered herself
to her knees at her mother’s feet. Zoë took hold of her hands then and
positioned them atop of Jenni's head.

"You're in time out for 10 minutes. I want you to think about your
behavior and the discussion we just had. If you move or get up before
that clock says 6:15, I am putting you right back over my lap." Zoë
explained as she pointed to the clock on the nightstand next to the
bed.

Jenni managed to again nod her understanding. Even after nearly a
minute in this position her knees had begun to ache. Zoë let go of
her daughters chin and stood. She went over to the door and turned to
look back at the girl.

"I'll be down the hall making a phone call. After your time out I
want you to get the backpack you bought and bring it downstairs with
you. You are to put on your boots and your coat and meet me by the
front door. Is that clear?"

Jenni mumbled a reply, knowing better then to question her mother's
serious tone just then. Unsatisfied with the girl's response Zoë
strode back over to the bed and gave her daughter one firm spank too
each red cheek with her hand. Jenni yelped in surprise and her hands
flew from her head to her bottom to rub.

"That is not how you answer me when I ask you a question and get
those hands back on top of your head." Zoë scolded and again gave a
quick spank to each cheek.

"Owwiiee! Mommy I'm sorry!"

"I will ask you again; do you understand what I want you to do after
your time out?"

"Yes ma'am." Jenni recited as clearly as she could through her sobs.

"Good girl." With that said Zoë left the room and Jenni to her
thoughts.

For the next ten minutes Jenni struggled to maintain the position as
she thought about the last several hours. Try as she might to alter
her thoughts, the pain in her bottom and the guilt she felt over
still feeling un-forgiven prevented her mind from wandering very far.

Finally the red digital numbers shifted to 6:15 and Jenni slowly
stood up. She rubbed her aching knees thoroughly before
she stripped off her jeans and panties. She went over to her mirror
then and stood with her back to it and looked over her shoulder to
assess the damage. Her skin was an angry crimson tending to a dark
purple coloration near her thighs. Very gently, she ran both hands
over her bottom and sucked in her breath through her teeth at the
heat radiating from it. She figured that this was by far the hardest
spanking she had ever gotten.

Suddenly remembering her mother's instructions she wiped the last of
her tears and went over to her dresser. It took a good amount of
digging, but she eventually found a pair of her softest, thinnest
cotton panties. Even that loose fabric next to her skin hurt. She
then quickly found a skirt to match her sweater before she ran a
brush through her hair. Holding the backpack tightly to her stomach
she went into the hall where she had left her coat and slipped it on
before she headed down stairs. Jenni saw her mother by the door
ending what appeared to be a conversation on her cell phone.

Zoë folded up her phone and gave the girl a quick disapproving once
over as she reached for her wool scarf from the hall closet. "You'll
freeze dressed like that. Go back upstairs this minute and put on
some leggings under that skirt."

"Mom, please..." Jenni whispered her eyes turning glassy again at
the thought of the tight cotton hugging her skin.

Zoë twisted her mouth to say something sharp and then thought better
of it when she saw the girl's contorted face. She felt some of her
anger melt then as she spoke, "At the very least then put on some
knee socks."

The girl heaved a sigh of relief and dashed back upstairs. A moment
later she reappeared in a pair of white knee socks and her snow
boots. Zoë ushered her out and into the car. As they drove Jenni
watched the scenery changing out her window. Slowly the large houses
and well kept yards disappeared and were replaced with smaller, drab
looking homes with dirt yards and broken fences. After a while Jenni
dared ask, "Where are we going?"

In response Zoë turned on the radio to an all Christmas song station
and began to hum quietly to the tune of `Winter Wonderland'. Jenni
took the hint and shut her mouth for the rest of the drive.

<><><><><><> <>

"What is this place?" Jenni asked as she pressed her face right up
near the car window to better see the brick building in the dimming
twilight. There was a long line of people waiting outside the double
doors. Zoë excited the car quickly and came around to Jenni's door
and opened it.

"Hurry up and bring the backpack with you." Zoë instructed when Jenni
started to scoot out of the car without it.

"But why—" Jenni stopped mid sentence as her mother pulled her from
the car by her arm and shut her up with a sound spank to her skirt.
The swat startled her more then hurt and Jenni's tears renewed. She
hung her head in embarrassment over being chastised in public. Zoë
leaned down so that she was eye level with the red faced child.

"No more questions, no more whining or backtalk of any kind. For the
next two hours I want your eyes and ears open and your mouth closed.
You are to follow my instructions without question. Are we clear
Jenni?

"Yes ma'am." Jenni murmured as she gently rubbed her bottom. Zoë then
took her in hand and led her through the near empty parking lot and
through a side door marked ‘Volunteers Only’. A little bell jingled
above as Zoë turned to shut the door.

Jenni was led into a small room where Zoë signed them both in on a
clipboard nailed on the cement wall. They were then greeted by a
short round woman wearing a stained apron that said `kiss the cook'
on the front.

"Dr. Kelly is it? I'm Joyce Green. We spoke a while ago on the phone.
And this must be your daughter, Jenni." If the woman noted the
child's red, puffy eyes she said nothing and smiled kindly instead
down at Jenni.

The girl looked at the woman in question and then back to her
mother. "Yes, were here to help with the food service. First though,
my daughter has something she would like to donate." At this Zoë
nudged Jenni forward.

The girl bit her lip and sadly held up the purple backpack that had
caused her so much trouble. Deep down, she was almost glad to be
getting rid of it.

"I'll take her to the donation room and we can meet you on the
service line. Here's an apron. It's down the hall and the others will
help get you set up."

"I've been here before. I remember where it is, thank you." Zoë took
off her coat then and took the offered apron. As she tied it on she
turned to Jenni. "Go with Mrs. Green and make your donation. Remember
what I told you outside. I'll see you in a minute."

Jenni watched as her mother disappeared down the hall and suddenly
she was left alone with this strange woman.

"I'll hold your backpack for you while to take off your coat. There's
an apron on the hook there for you to put on." The woman said and
pointed to where Zoë had hung up her things. Jenni slowly shed her
coat and tied on the large apron best she could. She jerked forward
suddenly when she felt the woman's hands running through her hair.

"Didn't mean to startle you dear, but these curls need to be pulled
back." The woman said and quickly clipped Jenni's long hair up and
away from her face. Once she was ready Jenni followed the woman down
the hall and through another door. The room was filled with boxes of
toys and games. Along one wall there were racks of clothes all
separated by gender and size. There were tons of shoes lined up
against one wall, from the tiniest pair of baby shoes to the largest
of men's boots. As Jenni took in the scope of the room the woman led
her over to a large bin marked miscellaneous.

"You can put your donation here hon. Someone will be very happy to
get that to use for school."

Jenni dropped the backpack in the bin and thankfully followed the
woman out of the room and across the hall to a large open kitchen.
All around her people were cooking, laughing, and singing to the tune
of the radio that played the same station Zoë had been listening to
in the car. Through the throngs of men and women in cooking garb
Jenni quickly spotted Zoë up front near a long table laid out with
food. She watched from a distance then as her mother spooned
casserole onto an elderly mans plate. The man tipped the rim of his
frayed hat to her once before he proceeded down the line. Next to him
a little girl wearing a grey sweatshirt with a hole in the sleeve
held up her plate.

It hit Jenni then where she was and who these people were. She felt
an uneasy sickness sink down into her stomach suddenly and stepped
backwards into the hall. Mrs. Green watched the girl digest her
surroundings a moment before wrapping her arm around Jenni's
shoulders.

"It's a little scary sometimes to see people who are hurting and
hungry. But they are just like you and me. They all have families,
friends, wants, and needs just like you do. Here come on over to the
desert table. You can serve the cake. That's everyone's favorite
part." Mrs. Green explained and moved Jenni over to the end of the
serving table.

Jenni had to stand on a small stool to reach the passing peoples
dishes with her serving spatula. For the first hour she quietly
dished up desert onto countless plates of nameless faces. As she
served she thought about how selfish she had been lately, how these
poor people didn't have what she took for granted on a daily basis.
She had a warm bed and her mother to go home with tonight, an angry
mother right now, albeit someone who loved her and had her best interests at
heart. Who knew what situation these people had to call home, if any?

She didn't know it then, but Zoë had been watching her closely for
the last hour, waiting patiently for something.

Quietly tears slipped down Jenni's cheeks and into the sweet sticky
chocolate below her. She tried to blink back her tears and wiped at
her eyes with her sleeve and still they kept coming. Suddenly she
felt an arm across her middle and found herself being led lifted off
of the stool. Her vision blurred and she was vaguely aware of being
led into the quiet empty hallway. She wasn't fully aware of where she
was only of a deep ache flaming up from her stomach and into her
throat, chocking her, and causing her eyes to itch and burn. She felt
herself being pulled up to sit on a warm lap and finally, after hours
of waiting, her mothers forgiving embrace around her, holding her
close. In those arms her tears came faster and the guilt behind them
began to quickly fade away.

"Do you understand now why I was so upset with your behavior earlier?
Why I was harsher with you than I normally am when you misbehave?"
Zoë asked softly as she leaned in and kissed her daughters forehead.
Jenni barely nodded.

"I'm soooo sorry mom…I d-didn't get it before…I didn't know it was like
this!" She sobbed and buried her face in Zoë chest.

The woman calmly petted the crying girl for a moment before pulling
Jenni back by the shoulders so she could look at her daughters face.
The girl kept her eyes downcast even as Zoë cupped her chin upwards.

"Look up at me Jenni…Look at me please sweetheart."

Slowly Jenni lifted her watery eyes to meet her mothers. Zoë searched
her then for a long moment before speaking.

"I didn't spank you because you are selfish; I spanked you because
your behavior and your poor choices were. You are not a selfish
person sweetie. You are a very giving and kind hearted girl.
Sometimes though you make mistakes and I have to correct you on them.
I think you needed a big eye opener today. That's why I brought you
here." Zoë explained was she tucked some stray curls behind Jenni's
ear.

Jenni nodded again and coughed to clear her throat, "I get it now.
I'm really, really sorry."

"I believe you." Zoë assured and wiped at the tears on her daughters
cheeks with her finger tips. "Now, no more tears. You're forgiven and
I love you. Let's go back in there and finish what we started,
alright?"

Jenni wiped her eyes one more time on the hem of her apron and got up
off of her mothers lap. Zoë stood and offered Jenni her hand, open
and inviting. Together, with a deep breath and lighter hearts, they
went back into the dining hall and to their places in the service
line…

<><><><><><><><>
Two days later…Christmas Eve…

…As the memory faded Jenni noticed that the coals in the fireplace
had all gone black. The only light came from the tree, a tall glowing
cone of red and green. She then envisioned her mother, Barry, and
herself decorating the tree after they had gotten home from the
shelter. She recalled how Barry kept eating the popcorn Jenni had
begun to string for the tree, which resulted ultimately in a popcorn
fight in the living room. The girl giggled then to herself at the
memory of her mother's face, pink with shock at the mess, before she
had joined in the fight. Somehow though, through their silliness they
had gotten the tree decorated and the mess cleaned up.

She remembered feeling something she had never felt before, a feeling
her mother had one described to her as a sense of wholeness. That
feel left her when Barry had gone home that night…

She wondered then as she continued to look at the lights, what her
life would be like if that were her everyday reality; if Barry lived
there with them and every night they had dinner and talked about
their day and on holidays did things like any other family. She
wondered what it would feel like to wake up in the morning and see
Barry downstairs drinking coffee and watching the news with her mother.

All these questions had her head buzzing and she felt dizzy thinking
about all the possibilities of a future family. Maybe it could
happen. What if she asked for it and let her mother know it was
alright with her if Barry became a permanent part of their lives?

Jenni suddenly felt a tickle at the back of her neck. The kind that
comes from knowing you are not alone…

"It's a little late to be waiting up for Santa." Her mothers words,
soft and teasing, were comforting in the stillness.

Jenni turned then and saw her mother descending the stairs behind her
while tying the sash on her silk bath robe. Zoë stopped and sat down
next to her daughter on the step. The woman wrapped her arm around
the girl and pulled her in close. Together they watched the lights in
silence.

"Mom?"

"What baby?"

"I thought of something else I want for Christmas?"

For the briefest moment Zoë eyed her skeptically before noting the
sincere look in her daughter's eyes. She gave the girl a
gently squeeze and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"And what's that Jenni?" She asked finally.

Just then, with her mothers eyes upon her couldn't bring herself to
ask for this new secret desire. There was still something else
unsettled in her. Something still lurked deep inside that she had
never, ever mentioned to her mother…There were still too many what
if's and insecurities clouding her thoughts. After all her mother
always said to be careful what you wish for. This advice, Jenni
suddenly decided, was worth heeding for a bit longer.

"Never mind….It’s nothing." Jenni said to quickly and to lightly for
Zoë not to tilt her head to the side in concern. Before Zoë could
question her though Jenni squirmed out of her mothers arms and tried
to hurry up the stairs. Zoë stood with her and caught her daughter
around the waist and pulled the girl back down to sit on her lap.

"Not so fast my darling." Zoë began and wrapped both arms securely
around her child. "You can tell me. What is it that you want?"

Jenni bit her lip and mumbled something.

"A little louder, sweetie."

"Do you remember when grandma came to your work?" Jenni murmured and
felt her mothers arms tighten around her.

"Yes, what made you think of that?" Zoë asked to quickly.

"Mom, I'm trying to tell you...Before you found us in the cafeteria
she started to tell me some stuff…"

Zoë felt her stomach tighten. Suddenly, she didn't want to hear what
her daughter had to say if it meant bringing up that horrible old
woman. Still she put her own anxieties aside and probed her daughter
further, "What stuff baby? What did she say to you?"

"She started to talk about my…my dad."

"Ah, I see." Zoë nodded and felt herself choke up at the very mention
of that man. She knew right where this conversation was going.
She wanted to put her foot down now, hard, if only for selfish
reasons. Those reasons though, however painful they were for her,
were a big part of her daughters past and her own. So again, she cast
her feelings about the matter aside and tried to be understanding
about a subject that was very, very uncomfortable for her.

Zoë swallowed and did her best to keep her voice light, "Well, what
do you want to know? I—"

"No mom, not that…I want…I want you to find him, so I can meet him."

Jenni's words fell like slaps, loud and vibrating, on Zoë's ears. She
hadn't expected that, maybe a few questions, but never a desire for a
face to face meeting. Had you told any other woman that in the middle
of the night, on Christmas Eve, when the world was dreaming that
she'd be having such a monumental conversation with her young
daughter about her painful past, she would have shaken it off as
nonsense. But this was not any ordinary child and Zoë was not, by any
means, an ordinary woman.

"No!" The word was spoken low and sharp and with a great deal of
disgust.

Jenni wrinkled her brow, not expecting that reply and turned suddenly
to look up at her mother. "What?"

"No, you will not….and this conversation is over." Zoë insisted and
lifted Jenni up off her lap as she stood herself.

"But Mom…Why—"

Zoë placed a finger to her daughter's lips, "End of discussion. Now
up to bed. It's late."

Jenni stared up at her, trying to decide if she wanted to push the
issue further just then. As she studied her mother she saw the
briefest glimpse of fear flash across the woman's eyes. Jenni let her
small pink mouth slack in wonder. Slowly she forced her legs to move
upwards. Her mother followed her then back up to her room. Jenni
quietly slid beneath the cool sheets and watched as Zoë tucked the
covers around her.

"Just tell me why…" Jenni whispered, her eyes begging for some kind
of clarity about a part of her past she knew so little about and a
part that her mother refused to clarify for some reason.

Zoë leaned over and kissed her daughter's cheek and rubbed the spot
gently where her lips had been. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes…" Jenni replied automatically and without any hesitation.

Zoë nodded, satisfied, "Then don't fight me on this…" The woman had
wanted to add, `because I will win,' but she bit her tongue in spite
of her emotions. She left her child's bedside then and turned off the
light.

And, like she did every night before she went to sleep, she checked
every door and every window to be sure it was locked up tight. She
double checked the house alarm and made sure she had her cell phone
by her bed.

The conversation with her daughter had unnerved her and she knew that
she'd have a great deal of trouble sleeping on this night. At the
very mention of the child's natural father Zoë had felt her blood
burn and her heart quicken. After all he was the reason for her
insecurities and the ritual she followed each night before she could
sleep soundly.

Zoë knew all to well that you never know when someone dark and
menacing would try to steal into your home in the night. She knew
that you could find yourself suddenly looking at your bedroom doorway
and into the eyes of someone you know, someone who had already made
himself known as a dangerous threat simply by a lingering stare. At
the time, all those years ago when she had been young and naïve, Zoë
had learned the heard way that you may never realize, until it's too
late to scream, that they had come to hurt you…

<><><>The End<><><>

April Fools Entry!

2010-04-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

I am just reiterating that my last entry was an APRIL FOOLS DAY joke! I have NO intention of giving up spanking or writing! Quite the contrary! I am actually sitting on a very striped bottom from a caning I got for being a brat on Saturday night at our local SVS party.

:-)

I will be updating the last part of Jenni and Zoe here soon, too!

Spanks,

Jenni

I am giving up spanking and writing…

2010-04-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

Dearest Readers,

Due to personal reasons it is with great regret that I am making this announcement. Since graduating college I have been under a lot of stress at home, with my work, and the down economy. Due to my current situation and time constraints I am putting an end to my writing here on this blog and to my modeling in the fetish and spanking industry. I need to focus on my family and my career during this crucial time.

This will be my last entry. I have enjoyed corresponding with all of you since starting this endeavor a few years ago. Thank you all for your support, well wishes, and insights. I will miss you. Thank you for understanding and I wish you all the best in the world. You have been a wonderful audience. If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me at bttrfy777@yahoo.com.

Thank you,
Jenni Mack

APRIL FOOLS!!!!

Now, don’t I deserve a spanking???
-winks and grins-

Love you all and Happy April!

Jenni :-)

New Video of Miss Chris and Jenni Mack on My Spanking Roommate!

2010-03-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

A brand spanking new clip is available on My Spanking Roommate of Miss Chris and Jenni Mack! Miss Chris plays a cop who watches over an apartment complex. She has a naughty and mysterious roommate named Jenni of whom She disciplines for a bad attitude and poor behavior. Come watch this sensually suggestive video that includes bare bottom OTK and a strapping of this blushing misbehaved minx!

Enjoy a free preview of photos by clicking on the link below! To view the video, follow the link to sign up for Clare Fonda's spanktastic site!

Jenni Mack Gets Spanked!

What do you do when everything falls apart…again?

2010-03-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Joy:

The Universe has hiccupped and here we are…again. Bear (Mr. Bear is a favorite childhood teddy whom I have been to the moon and back with) and I are good at this routine. We have done this before. We turn off and run—as fast and as far as we can. Usually this is the answer, our safe escape. I have gotten good at hiding over the years. I have also been lucky that no one has really cared to look for me either.

This time, however, I am tired of running and I don’t know what to do with the present moment. I don’t want to engage, I want to hide and not come out. I want to be held and not seen or touched at the same time. Is that even possible to do?

My head is so full I want to drill a hole in it to relieve some of the pressure. I have so many “I wants’ in me right now that I don’t even feel entitled to have. I have thought of other pressure relieving ways such as old coping mechanisms. I promised myself I wouldn’t go there…it’s too easy and I would hate myself for it afterwards.

So where does that leave me? Apparently curled up in bed with an old cat and a ticking clock that can’t go fast enough.

I miss the joy.

If you’re out there, joy, when will you be back?

With hope,
Jenni

**Please note that I am just expressing some feelings and that there is no cause for worry or concern. Just needed to share, in my own way, what I have been feeling.**

Miss Chris and Jenni Mack Cancel Dallas Texas All-State Party.

2010-03-06T08:18:00.000-08:00

It is with great regret that I am announcing the cancellation of the Texas All State Spanking Party next weekend. Ma’am and I had a small house fire earlier this week in which She sustained some 2nd degree burns on Her hands. I have a few minor burn blisters. We were very lucky we were able to get the fire under control to where there was no real permanent damage, either to ourselves or to the house. After a few days, we decided that we are in no condition to travel anytime soon.

The last few weeks have been quite stressful at home and at work. Something like this really makes you stop in life and look around you at those you love. I am very thankful that we can heal from this and move on. Please take a moment today to hug your family, your family of choice, and friends to let them know how much they mean to you.

Thanks to all of you who have offered your support during this time. Please know that Ma’am and I are looking forward to attending some future spanking parties later on in the year.

Spanks a lot,

Jenni Mack
a.k.a
‘Smack the Mack’

Jenni and Zoe-(F/f) Someone to Know Us (Part 11)

2010-02-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

This is the second to last installment of my mini-spanking-series. I hope you enjoy it.

Spanks and hugs,

Jenni
----------------------------------------
Someone to Know Us (Part 11)
----------------------------------------

The sky was covered with a thick blanket of slate colored clouds that
seemed hard and ominous. Occasionally Zoë could make out a hint of a
hazy yellow, or purple in the grayish mixture. It reminded her of a
fading bruise trying to sink beneath the skin to heal. She thought
about this as she gazed out the kitchen window and sipped her morning
coffee. She shivered and made a mental note to adjust the heat.

The weather had shifted almost over night and winter moved in to
settle down for a nice long nap. It was a wet cold, that kind that
seeps deep into the bones and isn't quick to leave. In the desert
rain was a rare and wonderful sight, but accompanied with wind and
cold Zoë had come to detest its arrival each year when the season
changed. And there had been a lot of changes in the last few months.
Lately the weeks had seemed to blur together. She was so busy with
everything in her life that time had seemed to speed up suddenly. The
woman took another sip of her hot drink, letting it warm her as she
thought about the last several weeks.

Things had settled down into the routine of a new school year and
Jenni's debut into the 7th grade. Fall had come and gone. Somewhere
between the start of the school year and Halloween, Jenni's 13th
birthday had rushed in. The day after, which it seemed, Jenni had
entered a growth sprit much to the new teenagers delight. Zoë smiled
at the memory of Jenni rushing down the stairs on her birthday, all
smiles and giggles over what was sure to be, "the coolest thing" to
ever happen to her. Jenni had almost immedently stopped sleeping with
Mr. Bear. With a little bit of a frown Zoë had packed the
bear away as requested along with a few other items that her daughter
had deemed to childish. Like it or not, she knew her baby was growing
up.

During November, with the help of a new behavioral therapist at the
school where Zoë paid a generous tuition, Jenni was learning to
control her temper more and her rages had been far and few in
between. Occasionally though, Zoë had had to remind her that just
because she was 13, she wasn't too old for an attitude adjustment if
necessary, which had been the case last night. With December knocking
on their door and Christmas around the corner Zoë hoped that the
spirit of the season would lighten up the moodiness that had settled
on the house, in which Jenni had been sullen, temperamental, and just
plain mouthy. The woman sighed as she heard heavy footsteps entering
the kitchen. For such a little thing Jenni sure had a way of making
her presence known.

"Good morning sweetheart." Zoë greeted softly and turned away from
the window and rested her eyes on the sleepy new teenager.

Jenni rubbed the slumber from her eyes with one hand and with the other
retrieved the milk from the fridge all the while not acknowledging
her mother. Zoë walked over the island counter and poured her self
another cup of coffee as she probing her daughter further. "Are you
still angry with me over last night?"

"No," the lie came easily off her lips as Jenni got out a spoon and
got her favorite cereal out from the cabinet under the
countertop. "My butt just really, really hurts."

Zoë narrowed her eyes and cleared her throat before speaking, "I don't
like it when you lie to me Jenni. I know just how much discomfort
you're apt to be in after a spanking, so its no use pretending. If
you don't want to talk to me about what's bothering you that's fine,
just say so."

"I'm not, I'm just…" The girl then opened the cabinet near the stove
and was annoyed to see that her mother had once again rearranged
the items in them. The bowls were on the high shelf where the wine glasses used to
be. "Mom, I told you I can't reach that high…"

Zoë easily got down a bowl and handed it to her fuming daughter
before moving the bowls to the lower shelf. "Sorry sweetie, I forget
sometimes—"

"Yeah, you do..." Jenni mumbled as her shoulders went stiff with
agitation. If Zoë had been able to see her eyes just then the woman
would have noticed they were smoldering. Right then Jenni was
fighting herself to remain in control. Quietly she had begun counting
under her breath.

"What is that supposed to mean, Jenni?" Zoë tilted her head to the
side in concern, aware of the counting and reached over to lift her
daughters chin. Jenni jerked away from the touch.

"Mooomm," Jenni groaned.

"Alright, I'll let you be." Zoë dropped her hands and stepped away as
if she had been burned. In this new emotional world of adolescence,
where the line between being a child and a child trying to be an
adult is undefined, the woman was unaware of where exactly Jenni fit
at any one time.

"It's not that." Jenni shrugged and shook her head. "I don't want to
talk about it." She explained, using her mother’s own words to change
the subject.

"Okay," Zoë conceded and started to peel an orange for herself.

Together they ate in silence. Sometime in that thick quiet full of
their thoughts it had begun to rain. Fat drops pelted the skylight
overhead as the sky opened up as if to drain its wound. Jenni tilted
her head back to study the pattern the water made as it dripped down
the skylight and out of sight onto the roof. All the while she wished
her feelings could be washed away as easily. After a moment Jenni
looked over to her mother who was stirring her coffee with a spoon
and staring at the countertop, seemingly lost in thought.

`Maybe she has remembered after all. Maybe she just doesn't know what
to say,' Jenni thought and decided to give her mother the benefit of
the doubt. "Whatcha’ thinkin' about?"

"Hmmm? Oh, just what to do with this gloomy Saturday." Zoë explained
and glanced around the cluttered kitchen. "I was thinking its time to
clean up around here. You could help me by dusting and vacuuming.
We'll see how many rooms we can tackle and if we have time afterwards
maybe we'll sort out your closet and get a box of used things together to donate."

Jenni rolled her eyes, hating herself now for even asking.

--------------------------------------------------------

"We do this every year Jenni and you've never had a problem with it
before. I don't understand the exception this year." Zoë explained as
she finished folding a pair of Jenni's shorts from last spring before
setting them down on the twin canopy bed next to a large pile of
sweaters. It was early evening and dinner had just been cleared away.

"We've been cleaning all day. I'm tired and some of this stuff still
fits me. Besides these are MY clothes. I don't want someone else
wearing them." Jenni reasoned as she yanked a pair of pink corduroy
pants out of cardboard box her mother was putting her outgrown
clothes into.

Every year Zoë did a sweep through the house and got rid of anything
that was worn or unused throughout the year and donated the items to
various shelters. It was normally a favorite winter chore of Jenni's,
especially after Zoë had bought her new school clothes to fill the
free space in her closet. By cleaning out her old things she had
plenty of room for the new, more desirable items. But this year
instead of relishing the activity Jenni was fighting it.

"That's a selfish thing to say, honey," Zoë chided gently as she as
took back the pair of pants Jenni had tried to recover from the
donation box and refolded them neatly. "You're giving up these
clothes to someone who can use them. It's not up for discussion."

Jenni scowled deeply twisting her features into an angry pout as she
watched as her mother went back over to her dresser and knelt in
front of it to open the bottom drawer. Her heart jumped as her mother
began to pick through the contents. Jenni lost her anger and hurried
over to Zoë's side as panic began to tickle her insides.

"Everything in there fits Mom. You don't have to—" Jenni stopped as
the woman extracted the crumpled blue T-shirt that had been crammed
under a pile of carefully folded skirts. The one Jenni had been
wearing the previous day.

Zoë shook out the shirt and recognized it as the one she had told her
daughter to trash because it was stained, not to mention too small.
She raised an annoyed brow at the girl over her shoulder before
casually tossing the shirt on the bed behind her. At this motion
Jenni lost it.

"No! You talk about me having no respect for your stuff. You've
punished me for that before and now you're not having any respect for
my stuff! You're not being fair!" Jenni shouted as she ran over to
the bed and snatched up the discarded blue shirt. She held the
wrinkled cotton fiercely to her chest.

Zoë eyed her daughter in disbelief. Sure a tantrum now and then from
Jenni was expected, but not over something as insignificant as a
piece of clothing. The woman got a nagging feeling that something
deeper was going on here. She stood up with hands on her hips and a
questioning look in her eyes.

"That's different Jenni. It makes no sense for you to keep these
things. You've outgrown them and you don't need them anymore. I know
you understand that so tell me what's really going on here."

"It's not different. You just don't know…" Jenni whined and stomped
her foot a little bit. She closed her eyes tightly for a minute,
fighting the urge to stomp it again. The girls internal struggle was
apparent on her contorted her face.

"Alright, it's obvious that you're upset and frustrated with me right
now. So, we will talk about this later when you're calmer. Meantime,
I think we both need a time out." Zoë explained as she tried to take
back control over the situation and give her daughter the chance she
needed to calm down. Jenni was having none of it.

"No! You're wrong! YOU have no respect. You forgot even what da—"

"Jenni stop shouting at me. You do not get to speak to me that
way." Zoë warned, cutting the girl off completely.

"I don't care!" Jenni retorted and for a moment she truly didn't. She
was enraged at her mothers disregard for her things, especially over
her blue shirt…Tears pooled beneath her eyes then as she looked down
to the shirt in her hands. ‘How can she not remember what day this was,’ Jenni thought as she fingered the edge of the shirt.

Zoë stared at her daughter for a moment before she turned to walk
towards the door. Jenni's mouth dropped open a bit in
surprise, "Where are you going?"

"Young lady you are very lucky I'm choosing to walk away and leave
you in time out instead of taking you over my knee. You're restricted
to your room for an hour, and then we'll try talking again." With
that instruction Zoë shut the door.

She got halfway down the hall before she heard a loud thud and a
muffled bellow of protest. The woman took a deep breath and hesitated
for only a moment before walking back over towards her daughter's
room. Zoë lingered there for a second to see if there would be any
more signs of aggression from Jenni, before she would open the door.
Hearing nothing she eased open the door and noted immedently that the
donation box had been thrown upside down; the past hour
of sorting and folding now a tangled mess on the floor.

"That's it young lady! You've earned yourself a spanking. I've been
more than patient with you and I've given you plenty of chances to
remedy your attitude and you just keep shoving them right back in my
face." Zoë lectured as she crossed the room to where Jenni was
standing. She took hold of the girl's upper arm and pulled the
unwilling child over towards to bed.

"No! I didn't do anything!" Jenni shouted as Zoë seated herself on
the edge of the bed and pulled Jenni over to stand between her legs.

"You do not get to tell me no young lady. You do not get to shout at
me. You do not get to disobey me." Zoë punctuated each wrongdoing
with a few well placed spanks to the girls denim clad bottom. Jenni
still struggled as Zoë tried to undo the clasps to her overalls.
Jenni fought her and tried fiercely to keep her mothers hands from
undoing the buckles of the straps.

Suddenly fed up and not getting anywhere Zoë pulled the struggling girl over knee and began the spanking over her clothes. The girl kicked and grunted while twisting
her body to try and avoid the shower of spanks raining down on her
rear. Despite the protection her clothes provided, her mother was a
hard spanker and the sting was quickly building.

"Stop! Nooooo!"

“What did I just tell you about telling me ‘no’?" Zoë asked as she
landed a series of extra sharp spanks to the girl's right thigh.
Jenni squealed and kicked both legs out straight behind her as she
continued to thrash over her mothers lap.

"You have got to stop fighting me Jenni." Zoë said, raising her voice
to be heard of Jenni's wails of protest. "I'm your mother and I know
what's best for you."

"Yournotmymother! " Jenni shouted, stringing all her syllables
together in one angry outburst. She immedently covered her mouth with
her hand to keep anything else from slipping out.

Zoë paused in her assault and turned her body a bit to look down at
the back of her daughter’s head. "What did you say?"

"Nothing…OW!" the girl’s defiance earned her another sharp smack on her
thigh. Jenni's hand flew behind her in a vain attempt to cover her
bottom. She could feel her parent's eyes digging into her.

"What did you say to me?" Zoë demanded again firmly and easily
grabbed the girl’s wandering hand and held it still.

"I said…you're not my mother…" Jenni's reply was a little weaker as
she bit her lip.

"That's what I thought you said." Zoë paused for a moment and shifted
her hips, pulling the girl even farther over her lap. "Open your
hand."

"W-what?" Jenni's eyes widened at the request.

"You heard me, open-your-hand." Zoë tone deepened and Jenni could
feel the shift under her belly as her parent’s body went ridged.

The girl cautiously spread out her hand and tried to glance over her
shoulder to see what was happening. Zoë chose that moment to slap the
open target hard eliciting a wail from its owner. Jenni balled her
hand into a fist trying to rid the sting of her now pink palm.

Without missing a beat Zoë gathered both of Jenni's wrists and
clamped them down onto the girls back and out of the way.

Zoë now aimed for the lower region of her daughter's bottom and with
new vigor she spanked. Even through the denim fabric Zoë was
beginning to feel the heat building up. Jenni's squirming and crying
increased and after a minute, Zoë slowed her pace considerably as she
began to lecture.

"Don't you ever speak to me that way again." Zoë started, directing her
words to the back of Jenni's head. "Whether you like it or not, I am
your mother. Nothing changes that…" Zoë assured as she felt a
stinging moist heat rush to the corners of her eyes. With one final
smack to the girls sit spot Zoë lifted Jenni up under her arms and
onto her feet, before standing herself.

With quick even steps Zoë led the tearful girl out of the room, down
the hall, to her own master suite. Upon entrance Zoë headed for her
vanity where her oval cherry wood hairbrush was kept. Jenni shook her
head in wide eyed protest and pulled back on her arm that was firmly
clasped in her parent's hand. In one swift motion Zoë grabbed the
brush, lifted her foot on the vanity stool, and pulled her struggling
daughter up over her knee where Jenni was left to helplessly dangle.

"This is for even saying otherwise." Zoë explained as she brought the
brush down with three hard strokes to the center of the girl’s
stinging bottom.

"Ow! OWW! OWWIIEE!" Jenni bucked and yelped with each sharp spank.
Finally broken, she sobbed, "pleassseee… M-mooomm…"

"Yes, I am young lady—" Zoë punctuated her point with six more swats
to the girl's thighs. Jenni howled and went limp with sobs as she
vaguely heard her mother set the brush on the top of the vanity table.

Zoë waited a few minutes and kept the girl in place over her knee as
the loud sobbing continued. The woman took a moment to flex her own
stinging palm. There were faint red lines etched in her fingers where
she had gripped the hairbrush tightly. Her own breathing was heavy
and labored like the young girls.

Finally, when Jenni's cries died down to a more bearable audible
level Zoë lifted the girl to her feet. Jenni backed away several
steps as her hands immedently went to her bottom. She hopped around
for a moment and rubbed furiously. The hairbrush always stung, but
today it burned so much more so. Tears dripped from her trembling
chin to the carpet as she fixed her mother with her raging eyes.

"I hate you!" Jenni yelled and took another step backwards when her
mother glanced at the hairbrush and then back to her.

"I see…well, that's your choice then, Jenni." Zoë explained coolly and
crossed her arms. "You're very angry with me and that's your right,
but you do not have the right to insult me, be destructive, and to
talk back to me." Her daughter's words stung, but Zoë could see the
resentment in Jenni's eyes over being rebuked and knew the words
lacked full meaning.

"Since you're not cooperating with me, we'll see if you feel
differently a little later. Right now I want you to go back to your
room and pick up those clothes and put them neatly back in the box."
Zoë nodded her head in the direction doorway. Jenni glared at her and
shifted from foot to foot trying to decide if the fight was worth it.
The girl jumped as Zoë snapped her fingers sharply and pointed to the
door. The seriousness of her actions registered fully with her then
and she stomped her foot once before moving out into the hallway and
across to her bedroom. Zoë followed her close behind. Once in her
room Jenni stopped short of the overturned pile, frowning at her mess.

"Pick them up and fold them properly."

"Fine!" She growled as she quickly gathered up the clothes.

Zoë watched and made sure each item was refolded and put back to her
satisfaction before she lifted the full box under one arm and rested
it against her hip. "I want you to kneel down by the bed." She
instructed and pointed to the spot where Jenni had previously dumped
the clothes.

Jenni slowly got on her knees by the bed and began to rub her bottom
once again.

"No rubbing. Put your hands on top of your head." The woman waited
until the child complied before she continued, "You're in time out. I
want you to think about the choices you made today and how you got
yourself here young lady. Do you understand me?"

Jenni huffed her reply and shifted on her knees. She wasn't used to
this new position and it was considerably more uncomfortable that
standing in the corner.

"Jenni…" Zoë lowered her tone.

The girl looked back over her shoulder, her eyes lowered. "Yeah,
okay." She mumbled.

Zoe raised a brow in a final warning. Jenni swallowed down her anger for the moment and replied, “Yes, Ma’am. I understand you.”

"You don't move until I come back for you. We'll finish our
discussion then." Zoë shifted the box higher on her hip as she
crossed the room and out into the hall before shutting the door,
leaving Jenni to think about her behavior.

A minute after she heard it close Jenni slowly stood up and went over
to her door. She put her ear against the cool wood and listened as
her mother's footsteps descended the stairs. Very slowly she brought
her fingers up to the door knob and twisted the lock until she heard
a click…

--------------------------------------------------------------------

On her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, Zoë exhaled a deep,
tired breath. She shifted the box to her other hip and flexed her
right hand as she looked down at the red creases again. She continued
toward the kitchen, extending her fingers, then drawing them into a
fist. She shook her hand briskly, trying to dislodge the stiffness
there.

Once she reached the kitchen, Zoë set the box on the counter and
crossed the room to the refrigerator. She yanked open the door,
pulling out a large bottle of chilled water. After gulping down
several swallows, Zoë wearily lowered herself onto one of the wooden
stools by the island in the middle of the kitchen. The room was cold
again and rain continued to slap against the house outside.

Zoë placed the water bottle on the counter, and then dropped her head
into her open hands. After a moment, the woman rubbed her fingers
over her face, using the brisk gesture to relieve some of the tension
and regret that always surged into her senses whenever she'd left
Jenni in the bedroom after a spanking. This time though the tension
didn't fade away. It rested heavily on the woman's shoulders as she
ran over the details of what had happened in her mind.

She wondered if she had overreacted to the girl’s comment. Quite
honestly she admitted to herself that she had been angry about her
daughters claim. Perhaps she had been too harsh…Had she reacted
instead of responded to the girl's outburst? She wasn't sure if she
could tell the difference just then and that scared her. As all these
questions swam in her mind she very suddenly didn't want to be alone
with herself just then. She felt she needed something that for once
she couldn't provide for herself.

Quickly she got up from the stool and went over the where her cell
phone rested next to the stove. Fighting her tears her fingers dialed
the number she knew so well by heart.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" Barry asked a little hurt that Zoë
had been sporadic in her phone calls lately. The man set down his
keys on the tiled countertop next to a wadded bundle of tissues.

"Don't get mad at me. I can't deal with both you and Jenni mad at me.
Besides this is about my daughter right now…not us." Zoë tried to
steer the conversation away from the fact that she had not called
Barry in nearly a week.

"Well, now that I'm here this is about us Zoë…all of us." He tilted
his head to the side and eased his hands around Zoë's waist. "Why
won't you let me be there for you? Not just when things are good, but
when things get crazy?" He asked his frustration over the matter
seeped out in his tone as he spoke.

"When things get `crazy', I don't go running for help. I don't do
that. I've never had that option, Barry." Zoë said defensively as she
slipped away from him and rounded the corner of the island to stand
near the stove. She braced herself against the countertop with her
hands as another sob welled up in her throat.

"Today, you called me and I'm here. Now, you don't want me here."
Barry ran his hand over his face as he came closer to the island
trying to make sense of what was really going on. He stood across
from her and lifted the woman's chin. "It's been you and Jenni all
along. All I'm wondering is how I'll ever fit into that?" He probed
gently.

"Don't ask me that Barry. I'm telling you I can't deal with it right
now. I've got a little girl upstairs who's brimming with God knows
what inside of her and it just came out again today in a really ugly
way." Zoë jerked her chin out of his grasp.

"Then why did you call me if you so clearly don't want my help?"

"I do, its just…" Zoë faltered as tears leaked from her eyes and down
her cheeks. "Damn it." She mumbled as the tears kept coming.

"All I'm saying is-"

"I know Barry. Just don't okay?" Zoë turned her back to him to try to
hide her tears and opened the fridge. She began to pull out various
vegetables without any real thought as to what she was doing.

"No, Zoë… You don't know and that's the problem. You're wrong on this
one." Barry countered and shrugged off his jacket before seating
himself on one of the kitchen stools. He took a long drink from the
half empty bottle on the counter. After a moment his eyes
softened. "I'm staying."

Zoë spun around to face him, her full mouth opened a bit with the
beginnings of a protest. She looked at him then, taking in his
concerned frown, the set of his strong jaw, and the worried creases
around his eyes. She swallowed hard and licked her lips as she forced
herself to be honest.

"I don't know where you fit exactly," she began in a chocked whisper,
not meeting his eyes. She set down the vegetables she was holding and
crossed her arms over her stomach. "But I want you to. I really need
you to fit here somewhere…" She whispered as she tapped her chest
where her heart was. After a moment she lifted her wet eyes to meet
his.

Barry quietly got up and came around the counter. He pulled Zoë into
a tight hug and rested his chin on the top of her head and he swayed
gently back and forth. Almost instantly Zoë let go and melted
passively into him, soaking his shirt with her heartache. Barry
petted her and kissed the top of her head as Zoë gave herself freely
to him.

"I am s-sooo tired…. It's too much sometimes. I try so damn hard with
her. I love her so much Barry and she just keeps fighting me.” She
sobbed quietly. She closed her eyes as he leaned down to kiss her
damp cheek.

"What happened Zoë? Hmmmm? Tell me."

Zoë shook her head, but somehow managed to relay the events of the
past hour to him. "…and I was so angry with her, too angry. I let it
get the best of me and now—"

"She is pouting in her room like any other punished child. It
happens, Zoë. Maybe you were a little harsh on her, but she'll get
over it." He seemed so sure.

Zoë sniffed and sighed to herself. "Maybe your right, sometimes
though I just wish—"

"I know…and you shouldn't have to handle this by yourself."

Zoë opened her eyes with recognition and pulled back a bit to look up
at him. "You said that to me once before…when was it? Do you
remember?"

Barry nodded, "On the steps of the court house. You had just gotten
the news about your...your sister—and I meant what I said that day
Zoë. You don't have to do this on your own anymore." He assured used
his thumb to wipe the tear streaks from her cheek.

Zoë nodded once and leaned against him, allowing his tall strong
build to support her.

"Thank you…" She whispered softly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gosh, it's really coming down out there." Barry pulled back the
drapes and peered out the window at the sheets of rain still pouring
from the sky in the dimming twilight.

"And there's no sign of it stopping anytime soon either." Zoë agreed
as she poured steaming spiced cider into a mug before she joined
Barry at the window. She handed him the mug with a quick peck on the
cheek. "I have to go check on Jenni."

Barry nodded and sipped the hot brew as he continued to watch the
rain. Zoë excused herself and hurried up to her daughter's room. She
knocked once before turning the knob. It wouldn't budge.

"Jenni? It's me sweetie. Open the door….Jenni?" Zoë tried the knob
again and pressed her ear to the door. Hearing nothing she began to
get a small pulling sensation in the pit of her stomach. She knocked
again, this time a little harder. "Jenni! Open the door right
now…" The pulling was getting stronger and sharper the more she
banged on the door. Still nothing….

After a minute, Zoë heard Barry's footsteps on the stairs. "Zoë?
What's with the banging? Is everything alright?"

"She won't open the door. Something's not right. I can feel
it….Jenni! Please, honey, open the door!" Zoë was near tears now as
she twisted the knob frantically.

Barry pulled her back and tried the knob himself. He braced himself
and used his shoulder to hit the door jamb hard. In two hard shoves
he'd forced the door open.

The room was empty.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Don't panic. She has to be here somewhere." Barry tried to calm the
crying woman as they searched the large bedroom for the girl.

"She was so mad at me and I left her up here by herself—" Zoë's voice
broke with new tears as she opened her daughters closet again, hoping
as if by some miracle Jenni would jump out and declare she was
playing hide and seek.

"No, you do not get to blame yourself. We'll find her." Barry circled
the room once more before going over to the window. He ran his
fingers over the ledge. "The sill is wet. She must have…" Barry
opened the window and his face was immedently pelted with rain.

The man looked down, noting the leveled incline of the roof, the
trellis on the side of the house. His critical mind pieced together
all he needed to know. "She climbed down. She's out in this mess
somewhere."

----------------------------------------------------------------

"We'll take my truck. The roads are bound to be a bit flooded." Barry
insisted as he tugged on his coat.

Zoë nodded as she pulled on a pair of boots and her leather jacket.
She followed him outside into the rain. For the next hour they drove
up and down the neighboring streets. As Barry scanned the sidewalks
Zoë used her cell phone to call all her daughter’s friends, hoping
against all odds that Jenni was safe and warm at a friends house.

"We should think about calling the police Zoë. It's been over an hour…
Maybe something—"

“I will not think like that…Not yet. She's here somewhere. Just
keep looking." Zoë shook her head refusing to believe the worst. She
racked her brain trying to think about where Jenni would go. She
closed her eyes and thought through the whole day. She played out
every conversation, every moment over again trying to figure out why
Jenni would have run. She thought back to this morning and how
irritated Jenni had seemed, especially over the bowls. She had
forgotten…

"Sorry sweetie, I forget sometimes."

"Yeah, you do…"

She opened her eyes suddenly feeling as if she had been slapped by
the realization of what day it was, her dead sister’s birthday… "How
could I of…Oh God, Barry, the graveyard!"

"You sure?" Even as he asked her he turned the wheel sharply and
headed toward the cemetery.

"Don't ask me that yet. I'm not so sure of anything anymore." Zoë
mumbled as she watched the streetlights zip past out the window. She
shivered as she felt Barry's hand rub her knee reassuringly. After a
few minutes the cemetery came within sight. Barry turned on his
overhead lights on the truck to further illuminate the street. Before
he could even fully stop the truck Zoë was out the door and running
down the wet walkway, and through the metal arch that led into the
dark graveyard.

From memory she wove her way among the statutes of cherubs and
saints, through the scatter of trees and headstones until she spotted
a crouched figure near a lone leaning pine tree in the distance. Her
heart leapt and a quick rush of energy surged through her chilled
muscles as she sprinted towards the tree.

Jenni had picked out the very spot herself along with the grave
marker, a large granite slab with a boarder of roses and thorns
wrapped around the name, Lydia Marshall. A small ceremony had been
held with neighbors and friends who had come to show their support.
Zoë couldn't remember who had been there or anything about the
ceremony. The only thing she could recall was how tightly Jenni had
gripped her hand through the whole thing. So tight, that her hand had
gone numb along with the rest of her.

As she neared the grave where her daughter sat huddled she felt every
part of her being alive and hot. She was very much aware of every
cell in her body as she knelt down by the shivering girl. In one
quick motion Zoë slid off her jacket and wrapped it around the child
before pulling the girl into her arms. She kissed her daughter's wet
cheek and began to cry so hard that she couldn't speak.

Jenni was stunned to see her, but so cold and wet she couldn't move
her arms up to return the embrace. Her teeth chattered as she tried
to speak, "H-how d-did you f-find m-m-me?"

Zoë just shook her head and held her daughter closer.

That's the way Barry had found them, two dark figures soaked and
broken.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Jenni was cold. She had never been so cold in her life. Every part of
her felt like ice, numb to the point of burning. She tried to wiggle
her toes in her boots, not sure if she was successful or not. She
shivered hard and nestled her head against Barry's chest. The man
easily carried the pale girl up the grand staircase. He set her down
by the bathroom door and steadied her on her wobbling legs as Zoë
began to strip her dripping clothes off.

"I'll go make some hot tea and get a fire going." Barry grabbed a
towel for himself out of the linen closet before he excused himself
downstairs.

As Zoë worked the drenched overalls down her legs, Jenni tried to
unbutton her shirt underneath. Her movements were shaky and slow.
Before she had the first button undone Zoë took over for her and
quickly added the shirt to the wet pile of clothes at her feet. Jenni
hugged herself as she watched Zoë go into the bathroom. The woman sat
on the edge of the tub and turned on the faucet so it would begin to
fill up. Jenni followed her a minute later and took off her
undershirt and panties as quickly as she could before she lowered
herself into the hot water.

All at once her skin was prickly and on fire, and then slowly, she
relaxed as the shock of heat worked its way deep into her frozen
muscles. She sat in the water hugging her knees as Zoë used the
shower sprayer to soak her back and hair with a constant stream of
warm water. The whole time they were silent. Every few minutes Jenni
would steal a glance at Zoë and the woman would return her gaze with
a weak smile.

Only after she was sure Jenni was thoroughly warmed up and the child
had stopped shivering did she stand up and turn off the sprayer. "I'm
going to change and then I'll be right back." Zoë explained and began
to unbutton her damp cardigan as she walked out the door.

"Mom?"

At that word Zoë felt herself stagger a bit in the doorway. She took
a breath before turning around to look back. Jenni looked so young to
her then with her wet hair slicked back and her wide green eyes
looking up in askance. For a moment Zoë recalled a time many years
ago when that look coming from Jenni was something new and foreign to
her. Now, as she looked into those eyes, eyes so much like her own,
there was nothing there that distanced them any longer. Each
understood the other so much more than before.

"Yes, baby?" Zoë crossed her arms as she leaned against the doorway
to steady herself.

"I just wanted to make sure." Jenni whispered and lowered her chin to
her knee as she swirled her fingers in the water.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

After her bath followed by her warmest pj's, Jenni sat in living room
snuggled next to her mother on the sofa. The girl warmed her hands
around the mug of hot tea she was holding as she watched Barry add
another log to the sparking flames in the fireplace. Zoë had changed
into a pair of sweats and offered Barry her largest bathrobe and a
blanket while his clothes dried. For a while they were all quiet, and
the only noise was the sap cracking on the burning logs. Jenni
watched as the orange and yellow of the fames danced with the red.
She sensed Zoë looking at her and closed her eyes for a moment, aware
that her mother was about to speak.

"We need to talk about what's happened, Jenni."

The girl groaned inwardly as she nodded, knowing that it couldn't be
put off any longer. She squirmed in her seat as she opened her eyes
to stare down in to her half empty mug. "Can I finish my tea first?"

Zoë raised a brow and turned so she could better see her child. Jenni
missed her mother's confused expression as she mumbled, "I mean
before you spank me."

"Oh, my dear girl…." Zoë wrapped her arm around Jenni's shoulders and
pulled her in close. "I'm not going to spank you, not tonight at any
rate."

Jenni immedently relaxed, but looked up at her mother in wonder as
she moved to set down her mug on the coffee table. "Then what—"

"Why would you run away from me?" Zoë cupped her daughter chin and
lifted, forcing the girl to look at her. "Were you that frightened or
that angry with me that you couldn't tell me what was wrong?"

Jenni licked her lips as tears filled her eyes, "I tried, but you
wouldn't listen…" The girl sniffed and blinked rapidly as she tried
to explain, "You were so mad at me and I didn't know how to….I wanted
to go see her. I didn't think you'd want to, but I hoped that you
would remember her birthday and then we could have maybe gone
together…" Jenni pulled her chin away and took a long breath before continuing. "We never talk about her…we never go and see her. I wanna take flowers to her sometimes; I wanna feel like I can talk about her," Her voice grew smaller and smaller as she spoke. Jenni sighed suddenly remembering another reason why. "Last Christmas when she came to see me she left a bag of stuff." She began and felt her parent's body immedently stiffen.

Zoë looked away from Jenni for a moment as the girl began to describe
the last time they had both seen Lydia alive. Instead the woman
looked over to velvet ataman near the fire where Barry sat watching
them. He nodded encouragingly to her before he turned to poke at the
fire.

"Why didn't you tell me about her presents?" Jenni asked.

"You knew about that?" Zoë answered her softly with another question
as she wiped at the liquid seeping from the corners of her eyes.

Jenni nodded, "I found the bag in the hall closet before we left for
church Christmas Eve. I was getting my coat and I just knew it was
from her."

"Sweetheart, you were so upset about seeing her and I just didn't know what else
to do… There was more in that bag than you know about. I was
trying to protect you the best way I knew how." Zoë reasoned
remembering how violently the girl had reacted to seeing her mother.
The memory faded as another question entered her mind, "But what does
that have to do with anything?"

"The blue shirt…You wanted me to get rid of it." Jenni's voice
cracked as she thought about how carelessly Zoë had tossed the shirt
on the bed, like a piece of trash. "It was the only thing in that bag
that was close to my size and I wanted it. I don't know why, I just…I
thought you'd be mad so I hid it." With those words Jenni burst into
tears and buried her face in Zoë's breast as she sobbed.

The woman petted her and kissed the top of Jenni's head as the girl
wept in her arms, "Oh baby, no…. I'm so, so sorry." She began as she
pulled the girl to sit up on her lap.

For several minutes Zoë rocked back and forth as Jenni sobbed her
confusion and heartache of the last year. Barry stopped fiddling with
the fire and rose from the ataman to come and sit next to Zoë. He
wrapped his arm around her shoulder and very gently reached up to rub
Jenni's back.

"Anytime you want to we can go and see her. Just ask me and I'll be
happy to take you. But don't you ever, ever leave the house without
asking me again. When I walked into that room and found you gone I
was so terrified... I don't want to ever feel that way again or so
help me young lady you will not sit down for a week." Even as she
said the threat she smiled a bit and kissed Jenni's cheek. "And I'm
not angry that you want to see her and I never will be." Zoë tried to
assure the sobbing girl as she searched for the right words, "What
you and I have together sweetheart is special. And if you still have
feelings for your first mom, let's talk about them. But you are my
daughter and I love you with my whole heart. I think you understand
that family is more than blood, it's about trust and love."

"I know and I'm sorry for scaring you. I just couldn't wait any
longer."

"And I'm so sorry for forgetting. I shouldn't have, but I had no idea
you wanted to go there today. You need to tell me these things
sometimes baby, because I don't always know what your thinking and
feeling. I don't know everything all the time Jenni, no matter how
much you may need me to, I just don't…" She tried to explain more,
but lost her words. She turned her head to Barry for support.

"Your mom's right, Jenni."

At his deep, sure voice Jenni pulled away from Zoë's chest long
enough to gaze into his hazel eyes. The man pulled his hand away for
a moment from the child's back as the girl searched his intent deep and hard. Barry was startled for a moment at the girl's intensity, but he smiled slightly and matched her gaze.

"How do you know?" Jenni asked him a long moment later.

"Because I know that you're the first person she thinks about when
she wakes up in the morning and the last person she thinks about when
she falls asleep at night. That's one of the things I love most about
her." Barry explained and kissed both of them quickly on their
cheeks.

Jenni studied him for another second with a bit of a grin hinting at
the corners of her mouth before cupping her mother's ear with her
hand and whispering quietly. Barry watched amused as he wondered what
was so secret that he couldn't hear about just then.

Zoë slowly smiled and gave her daughter a tight squeeze as she nodded
encouragingly. Jenni sat up on her mothers lap and quickly leaned
forward. She returned his kiss with one of her own on his cheek.

The man was surprised at the sudden display of affection. He rubbed
his cheek fondly and smiled. "What was that for?"

Jenni grinned showing the deep dimple by her mouth, as she settled
back into her mothers arms, "For knowing us."

Zoë looked down at her daughter with a twinkle of surprise in her
eyes. Sometimes when she least expected it Jenni seemed to know
things to old for her young years. She moved her gaze then to Barry,
a man who had pushed his way into their lives slowly over the last
year. A man she had begun to see as her second half… She closed her
eyes for a moment, feeling the steady beating of her child's heart
against her chest and Barry's arm around her shoulders. She wondered
then if this feeling she had, the feeling of being whole for the
first time in her life, would be there when she woke up in the
morning. And the morning after that, and the one after that…

-------------The End--------------
Part 12 will be posted soon. Comments welcome, as always.

Sweet Envy--Jenni & Zoe, Part 10

2010-02-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

Here is part 10 of my spanking series.

I am still accepting some session appointments for the Texas All State Spanking Party in Dallas the weekend of March 12th.

Please Enjoy!
------------------------------------------------
Sweet Envy (Part 10)
------------------------------------------------

The winding stone path was dimly illuminated by an overhead street
lamp casting their long dark shadows ahead of them like a transparent
carpet. Hand in hand they walked up to the front steps of a two story
home. Older and taller of the two the man squeezed his love's hand
gently as he thought about their night, the romantic dinner, the
concert, and the long drive home. He purposely walked slower savoring
the cool summer night.. Beside him the woman dressed in a flowing indigo skirt
and white camisole drew her sheer shawl closer around her freckled
bare shoulders as she hummed softly the last song that had been sung
by Bonnie Raitt, `Nobody's Girl'.

"You've been humming that tune for the last 20 minutes," Turning
Barry Andrew’s deep amber eyes took in the profile of his date. The
sweet curves of her face and long neck drew his eyes lower to her
delicate collar bone. "What is it that touches you so?" He wondered
allowed running his thumb across her hand.

Zoë lowered her thick lashes smiling to herself as her humming
trailed off. "I suppose the passion and spirit of the artist. The
music, the words just fill me and take me over. I have always loved
blues and soul music." Zoë stopped still once they had reached the
front door of her home. She reached into the side pocket of her small
beaded handbag for her keys. Unlocking the door she stepped inside
only to be instantly bombarded by her daughter's arms around her
waist. Not expecting such a welcome Zoë stumbled back a bit as she
encircled the child in her arms.

"Sweetheart, you're supposed to be in bed. Where's Bethany?" Zoë
asked looking about for the dark haired and brown eyed babysitter she
had entrusted Jenni too.

The young girl inhaled deeply the fiery scent of Opium, her mother's
new perfume as she pulled back to look up at her parent. Zoë's long
layered auburn hair cascaded over one shoulder brushing the girl's
cheek as their eyes met. A moment later the woman's question was
answered as she spied an out of breath teenager at the top of the
grand staircase.

"There you are! I said it was time for," Bethany stopped realizing
that Zoë had come home early. "Sorry, Ms. Kelly… I tried to get her to
bed on time." Frowning apologetically Bethany hurried down the stairs
and smiled as she continued, "But Jenni here decided last minute to
play hide and seek. I was never very good at that game."

Behind them Barry closed the door chuckling quietly to him self
before he came to stand near Zoë.

"Oh, is that so," Zoë ran her fingers through her child's loose curls
as Jenni smiled impishly up at her. Pretending to be angry Zoë played
along, "Well then I think I know one little girl whose going to be
very sorry." Catching Jenni by surprise she quickly attacked the
girl's ribs with her fingers tickling the child mercilessly until the
girl collapsed begging and laughing to the floor at her feet.

"Okay! Okay! Mom stop!" giggling now Jenni stood up trying to catch
her breath.

"Alright, young lady time for bed. Say `thank you' to Bethany and go
on to your room and I'll be up soon to say goodnight." Zoë leaned
forward and kissed the top of her child's head.

"Thanks Bethany… Goodnight Mr. Andrews." Yawning now, Jenni hurried
up the carpeted stairway.

Zoë paid Bethany and together the two adults watched as the young
woman crossed the dark street to her neighboring house. With Bethany
safely home and Jenni upstairs they were now alone. Zoë finally set
down her things and walked over to the living room sofa. Suddenly
tired she sat on the end and tucked her sandaled feet up under her.
Barry followed after her and sat in the middle of the cream colored
leather.

"I thought you had spoken to her about calling me that Zoë?" Barry
asked his tone soft and questioning.

Zoë sighed turning to him, "I asked her and she feels uncomfortable
about it. I told you I raised her to have manners and respect for her
elders. Even with my permission she doesn't feel right calling you by
your first name. I have to respect that."

Disappointed the man nodded solemnly understanding the girl's
reasoning, but part of him longed to hear something more warm and
friendly from a child he felt close to because of their entangled
pasts. Zoë had sought out his help with the adoption of Jenni five
years earlier and just lately with the battle about the child's
natural mother. Over the years he and Zoë had become close friends
and recently something more. He had hoped Jenni would let her guard
down just a little and let him in. Barry thought then deeply about
the girls past, all the trials and tribulations the child had faced
and will continue to face because of a mentally ill alcoholic.

"Do you ever worry or wonder…" Barry stopped as his concerned words
registered a pained look across Zoë's features. He rubbed the back of
his neck, feeling the heat rise up from behind his ears into his face
suddenly reddening the pale skin as if some invisible hands had just
pinched his cheeks.

Reading his thoughts Zoë nodded, "I worry all the time if she will
ever be entirely emotionally healthy and stable. I wonder if she will
ever be able to walk on her own path, marry, or have kids." She paused
a brief moment digging deep within herself for her `most honest
feelings', something she often demanded of her child, before she
continued. "I see her now, even though she is 12, as such a little
girl. Her temperament, some of her behaviors are very juvenile. I do
my best not to enable her, but it's hard knowing her true emotional
age."

"You have done wonders with her Zo'. You can't blame yourself for
something you had no control over to begin with. Your sister left you
with an emotional and physical wreck of a kid and you saved her life.
There's no fault in that." Barry tried his best to sooth and comfort
her, but in truth he lacked the true familiarity of what she
was actually going through.

Zoë gave him a small smile and shook her head moving her eyes to her
hands folded neatly in her lap. She took a breath before meeting his
gaze once more. "I'm not blaming myself for her condition; I'm just
being a mother. Worry is a built in mechanism you don't choose. You
just do it." She smiled bigger this time showing her straight white
teeth. Barry felt a smile tickle his own lips, giving in he nodded
now understanding a bit more where she was coming from.

"I love us like this, together. You smiling and happy, it becomes
you." Barry moved from his spot on the end of the sofa and closer to
Zoë, his large hand coming to rest on her bare knee. Zoë felt a warm
tingling rush flood the area where his hand rested oh so gently. She
turned fully to him bringing her hand up to his shoulder. He lifted
her chin, his lips so close. She closed her eyes leaning in…

"Mom?" Jenni's muffled call from upstairs broke the brief spark of
passion crossing between the two adults. "Mom!?"

Zoë jerked back slightly, licking her un-kissed lips as she stood
up. "I'm coming sweetie." She called and turned back to Barry while
straitening the hem of her skirt as she tried to shrug off the
awkward moment, "I should go say goodnight to her. I'll be right
back."

"Tell her the same from me and don't worry I'll just be right here
waiting." Barry ran his hands through his sandy blonde hair; the
thick strands catching the light gave him a brief angelic glow just
then.

"Yes you will…" Zoë whispered to herself as she mounted the stairs.
She knew in the most private intimate part of her heart, the part of
her that had lay dormant in the hope of a passionate lover for so
long, that he always would be `waiting' for her.

"She don't need anybody to tell her she's pretty.
She's heard it every single day of her life.
He's got to wonder what she sees in him
when there's so many others standing in line.
She gives herself to him,
but he's still on the outside.
She's alone in this world.
She's nobody's girl….
She's nobody's girl…."

------------------------------------------------

The bright morning sun streamed through the sheer off white fabric of
the drapes and onto the curled up body under the silk bedspread. The
beds occupant slept deeply even as the raising sun warmed her face.
Across the large room the brass handled door knob slowly turned and
the door was pushed quietly open to allow a pair of peering green
eyes to settle on the room. On tiptoe and avoiding all the known
squeaks in floorboards Jenni crept across her mother's room and over
to the edge of the sleigh bed. Taking a small carefully
wrapped box from under her arm Jenni slowly tried to slip it beneath
Zoë's pillow only to jerk her hand back suddenly as her mothers eyes
opened.

"Jenni? Sweetie what time is it? Are you alright?" Zoë mumbled as she
rubbed the sleep from her eyes with one hand and sat halfway up on
her elbows.

"It’s 8:30 and I was trying to surprise you." A little disappointed
Jenni pulled herself up on the bed and cuddled up next to her mother.
As Zoë sat up fully she wrapped her arm around Jenni's shoulders. The
girl waved the little box she was holding, smiling a bit bigger as she
continued, "Happy Birthday, Mom! I made this for you."

"Oh, sweetheart what a nice thing to wake up to." Zoë exclaimed
taking the offered box and kissing Jenni's cheek. The woman tugged
gently at the taped edges of the red balloon covered wrapping paper
to reveal a hand made clay pot decorated with painted flowers and
hummingbirds. "You made this?"

"Yeah in art class last week, but I painted it here with the new
paint set you got me. But there's more, open it." Jenni watched
anxiously as Zoë opened the top of the pot and pulled out a woven red
beaded bracelet complete with a tiny sliver clasp. "Bethany taught me
how to make this and we finished it last night…Mom?" Jenni asked as
she watched her mother's eyes go misty. "Don't you like it?"

"I love it Jenni, both of them. Thank you so much sweetheart!" Zoë
smiled giving the girl a hug before slipping on the bracelet. "I'll
wear it tonight when we all go to dinner."

"We all?" Jenni questioned pulling back from her mothers arms. Always
it had just been the two of them for Zoë's birthdays. Jenni had never
imagined it would be any other way.

"I told you last week that Barry wanted to take us out for my
birthday." Zoë explained not liking the hint of hostility brimming in
Jenni's eyes.

"But I thought you meant that he wanted to take YOU out and I thought
that was last night. I don't want him to come with us tonight. It's
OUR night!" Jenni sulked crossing her arms over her chest.

Zoë lifted Jenni's chin with a finger forcing the girl to look at
her, "No honey, it's my night and I will allow myself be a bit
selfish on my birthday. We'll go tonight and we will have a good
time. He really wants to be a friend to you if you'll only open up a
little. I won't push you and that's all I'll say about that, but it
would be nice if you would give him a chance. Okay?"

Jenni pulled her chin away sighing deeply and grumbling to herself.
Zoë wouldn't let her off the hook that easily.

"Answer me please."

"Yeah…okay I'll try." Relenting Jenni picked at the discarded
wrapping paper as she considered her mothers words.

--------------------------------------------------------

The small, but trendy downtown restaurant called Razz’s was crowded.
Barry had selected this particular restaurant for its decadent wine
list, a sure win with Zoë, and because it was owned and operated by
the top chef himself, Razz O'Donnell. Reservations had been made
several weeks in advance along with a special purchase he planned to
bestow upon the birthday girl.

Upon arriving, the three were quickly settled in a booth across the open kitchen where Jenni took great delight watching the chef artistically juggle his knifes while sending flames of fire shooting toward the ceiling from hot pans of cooking food. Barry ordered a reserve bottle of White Burgundy and a Shirley Temple for Jenni along with a plethora of appetizers including oysters and warm brie.

As Jenni prepared herself a crustoni of roasted peppers and brie
Barry had taken a black velvet box from his coat jacket with one hand
and moved his free hand to clasp Zoë's. Jenni's eyes narrowed
becoming immedently suspicious of this man's actions. She didn't
trust easily, especially where adults were concerned. She chewed
slowly, not liking the imploring gaze Barry was giving her mother.

"I know we haven't been seeing each other like this for very long,
but I hope that changes very soon. I really care for you Zoë and
Jenni to, of course." Barry began glancing at the girl with a grin as
he rubbed his thumb gently along Zoë's hand. "I wanted to show you my
true intentions with a little something." He explained now opening
the box and slipping the gold and emerald bracelet around the woman's
small wrist.

Jenni swallowed hard as she felt her blood beginning to simmer. She
didn't fully recognize the feeling that was overwhelming her. All she
knew was that she felt Barry's sudden presence in her life to be an
invasion. She rolled her eyes noticeably at her mother's exhibit of
gratitude.

Zoë's eyes widened at this unexpected display of affection. She
smiled fingering the ideal combination of her favorite gem and
precious metal. "This is so perfect, thank you Barry. It's beautiful."

"Then it compliments you exquisitely." Barry admired not taking his
eyes off of her.

"I feel like a queen today being presented with such thoughtful
gifts." Zoë explained fingering each of the two new bracelets. She
tilted her head to the side loving this new possibility of love in
her life and leaned forward to grant this sweet man a peck on the
cheek. At that same moment a small thud followed by an `oops' came
from across the booth. Jenni's Shirley Temple now made a small lake
in the middle of the table. Zoë turned quickly to catch a brief flash
of resentment hide behind a feigned look of apology in Jenni's
features. The woman eyed her daughter silently as Barry called their
waiter to clean up the mess.

"Will you excuse us a moment Barry." Zoë stated rather than asked and
scooted out of the booth to stand. She quickly went around the table
next to Jenni and lifted the girl up out of the booth by her forearm.
Jenni started to protest, but stopped abruptly at the serious look in
her parent's eye that told she had better move it. She followed
behind Zoë into the woman's bathroom. Jenni soon found herself on the
verge of tears as she was backed up against the wall inches from her
parent’s face.

"What's going on with you tonight? We're having a lovely evening out
and you have been nothing but disagreeable and rude since we left the
house. I know something's bothering you and you had better tell me
what it is right this minute." Zoë demanded her voice unwavering and
firm. There was no room for protests, or half truths, but still Jenni
found a tiny bit of wiggle room under such a scolding.

"It's nothing Mom. Nothings wrong! I'm just tired, okay? Leave me
alone about it." She sassed her own anger beginning to spill out of
her. She couldn't say the truth to describe a feeling she didn't
understand.

"Jenni…." Zoë warned, "So help me young lady your bottom is asking
for my undivided attention."

Panicking now Jenni's eyes welled up and she lowered her defiant
gaze, her lower lip beginning to tremble at that threat. She said
nothing as Zoë finally let go of her arm and went to the sink to wash
her hands with cold water, trying to calm down. The woman looked at
herself in the oval mirror and tucked a stray strand of hair behind
her ear as she caught Jenni eyeing her.

"Another rude comment or as much as an eye roll from you, and you
will find your self very sorry. Am I making myself perfectly clear?"

"Yes Ma’am"

"Alright then let's go back out there and have a good time." Zoë
instructed, her brief anger leaving her as she wrapped her arm
comfortingly around those small shoulders. Jenni shrank a bit under
her touch, but soon relaxed as they walked back to the table.

"Everything alright?" Barry asked, standing as they approached and
until after they had both sat back down.

"Just needed a little heart to heart, but everything's fine, isn't it
Jenni?"

Jenni nodded slightly, taking a huge bite of her appetizer so she
wouldn't have to answer as she fought the foul comment dancing on her
tongue.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Mom, I'm sorry, please listen!" Jenni pleaded as she was pulled from
the backseat of the car, up the stone walkway, and into the house.
Barry followed quickly behind carrying their coats and wrapped
leftovers.

"No! Mom! Not here…not in front of him!" She begged as she was pulled
over toward the living room sofa. With her free hand she covered the
back of her lavender dress ready to shield herself if necessary. Zoë
shook her head, her eyes flashing from a questioning Barry to her
crying child.

"You do not have the right to treat people like you did. I think a
spanking is definitely in order." Zoë insisted speaking low and firm
into her child's ear.

Barry stood by watching the scene unfold between mother and daughter.
He had always had a deep respect for the way Zoë had raised Jenni as
he himself had been subjected to his own mothers guiding hand growing
up. What happened next didn't shock him in the least knowing Zoë
didn't tolerate the type of behavior the girl had been displaying all
night. Inwardly he was almost glad something was being done about it.

"But please...mommy, not here?" It was always `mommy' when she was in
trouble, `mom' for everything else. Jenni hung her head pulling back
on her arm that remained in her parent's firm grip. Zoë sighed
running her hand through her hair deciding something. After a brief
moment she raised her hand and landed a firm swat to Jenni's bottom
followed by another one equally as hard before releasing the girl.
Jenni rubbed her arm on the spot where her parent’s hand had been.

"Apologize right now and then march yourself upstairs to my study.
I'll be up to finish our 'dissuasion' shortly." Zoë commanded noting
the rushed look of relief flood her child's flushed face.

Jenni wiped the tears from her face on the back of her arm and
mumbled a quick "Sorry..."

"You know better than that young lady." Zoë reminded placing her hand
between those small shoulder blades and pushing the girl forward
closer to Barry before giving a solid slap yet again to the seat of
her dress.

"OW! Okay, okay I'm sorry for being rude to you and for calling you a
jerk... It was mean and I'm sorry." Red faced and on the verge of
more hot tears Jenni whispered the last few words with an edge of
sass embedded in her voice. She didn't see the warning look from Zoë
reminding her she was walking a very fine line.

Barry nodded and smiled slightly quietly accepting her apology
knowing that what had just happened had to be embarrassing for the
girl.

Jenni looked over her shoulder for her mother's approval. Zoë nodded
once and the girl took off up the stairs anxious to get away from her
embarrassment and her parents quick hand.

Zoë stared after her for a long moment, watching the last edge of the
girls heels disappear up the grand staircase. Sighing deeply, she
crossed her arms and turned fully to Barry eyeing him sadly. They had
had such a lovely time and for the evening of her birthday to end
this way upset her greatly. Barry had been so perfect, so
understanding.

"You should go—"Zoë began and Barry smiled his signature half grin
as he slipped his arm around her slim waist drawing her near for a
friendly hug. But as he neared her he found his own soft lips
brushing her forehead instead. Zoë closed her eyes, melting against
him feeling waves of warm tingles flush over her body. There was no
reservation, no second thoughts just then. She so badly just needed
to be held in those open arms.

Barry could feel her fair skin blush at his gentle touch. He let his
lips linger temptingly a moment longer on her sweet flesh before
drawing back his face so he could just look at her. Oh God how he
wanted this woman. "Shhhhh…you're so beautiful, so close…"

`So mine this moment,' he thought bringing his hand up to comb the
surface of the auburn sea of hair around Zoë's shoulders.

Zoë opened her eyes, now glassy, and stared up into his
hazel pools. She inhaled deeply the scent of coffee and mint, such a
soothing mixture; fresh, soft, and bold all at once. He was
intoxicating, irresistible… almost.

"I can't…" She whispered breathlessly, her racing mind fighting her
now pounding heart. "I want to, but I just can't. Don't ask me, oh
God don't ask me because I won't be able to turn you away. If you
care for me, really care for me, don't…please don't." She begged him
in a hushed whisper, her hot breath burning in his ear. She clung to
him pulling him in so tight and fierce as if he just might slip right
through her if she didn't hold on. Her nails dug into the thick
fabric of his black dinner jacket as tears blended two thin streams
of mascara with the pale rose hue of blush on her cheeks.

Barry held her close, their hearts throbbing as one as he dipped his
head backwards fighting his own tears as he held the only woman he
had ever really loved. Taking a calming breath he tucked his chin
over Zoë's head and swayed slowly back and forth. "You can. We can
have something wonderful together Zoë, but you have to trust me."

Zoë nodded finally giving in to her emotions and this strong mans
sure voice. Her whole life she had to stand on her own two feet
with no one to lean on. Now, in Barry's arms, she felt a burning desire
not to have to walk this path alone anymore.

The man's wet gaze caught a glaring pair of angry green eyes judging
him through the white rails of the stairway from the second floor
above. His look faltered under such intensity from a child that he
had to turn away. After a moment he glanced up again to the spot, now
empty.

----------------------------------------------------------------

As Zoë paced the floor of her home office, her black open toed heels
left a pattern of diamond indentations in the thick throw rug.

"You owe me an explanation for your behavior tonight. I know there's
something going on inside of you that you're not telling me. So let's
have it." Zoë demanded, keeping her voice even and calm as she pulled
out her armless desk chair to the middle of the room before seating
herself. Jenni stood across from her staring at carpet, refusing to
speak.

"I see you need a little incentive to obey me." Zoë observed leaning
forward and pulling Jenni to her. In a quick motion she had the child
over her lap. In this position the hem of Jenni's dress pulled up
enough to where her bare thighs were exposed. The girl was made
painfully aware of this as her parents hand landed six rapid fire
spanks to her pale skin all on her left thigh.

"Ow! Stop Mom!"

Zoë paused in her assault now moving the hem of her daughters dress
up onto her back and out of the way. She rested her palm on the now
stinging flesh as she spoke, "Are you ready to tell me what's been
going on?"

"Noooo, but wait okay? Just wait!" Jenni begged and kicked her legs
furiously as she felt her mothers hand leave her leg and land another
six sharp spanks this time to her right thigh. This quick flurry of
spanks and then pause allowed for a deep sting to be quickly embedded
and brought on tears faster than any other pattern Zoë had tried in
the past. Jenni hated it as it reduced her to a pleading bundle of
tears and sobs in less than a minute. After a few more rounds of this
question then spank pattern the girl's thighs were a blotchy red
though her bottom was left untouched. Jenni was crying now, still
refusing to answer her authority.

Zoë then quickly stood the Jenni up and held the girls chin in her
hand as she spoke. "You know if you don't cooperate with me your
punishment will increase?"

Jenni nodded, blinking rapidly as more tears fell. Zoë sighed and
moved her hand away. "All I want you to do is be honest with me about
what you're feeling. Does this have anything to do with me and Barry?
Are you angry with me over something?" Zoë coaxed trying to give the
girl verbal cues to help express herself. The brief flash of fury in
her child's eyes answered her own question without any words being
needed. She knew every meaning in each look, gesture, and movement of
Jenni's. The child was mostly an open book to her. Still though Jenni
needed to feel some sense of privacy and control of her own emotions
that Zoë would never tell her just how revealing she really was.

"Go to your room. You're in time out until I come for you." Zoë stood
and pointed to the open door of her study, a silent signal that she
was done talking for now. Jenni sniffled; wiping her eyes, but
wouldn't move. Zoë placed one hand on her slender hip and pointed
again with the other. "Jenni I gave you an instruction. Do you
care to add not listening to the top of your current list?"

"No, but—"

"No `buts' unless you'd like yours back over my lap, now march." She
commanded raising her voice a bit to indicate just how serious she
was.

Jenni bit her tongue to keep from talking back as she quickly passed
Zoë and stepped into the hall. She stopped dead just outside the
doorway as her face flamed beet red. "You heard that?" She asked more
from shock than anything.

Standing some ten feet away at the top of the stairs was Barry. The man flushed equally embarrassed as he had not meant to intentionally ease drop. Jenni turned on her heel and
pounded her fists into her thighs as she stomped her foot. "MOM!"

That abrupt shout brought Zoë to the door immedently with a sharp
reprimand ready on her lips, but she stopped seeing why the child had
yelled. "Barry I thought you had left…" A little uncomfortable, Zoë
crossed her arms now stepping out into the hallway next to Jenni.

"I found Jenni's sketchbook in the backseat of the car. I just wanted
to," Barry tried to explain as he set the book on the top step and
was instantly cut off by Jenni's sharp accusation.

"He heard the WHOLE thing! Mom, he—"

"I am very well aware of what he heard young lady. Now march yourself
into your room …Don't look at me like that, do as I tell you." Zoë
demanded again, her firm tone unyielding despite the present
circumstances. Jenni glared at her for a moment and then at Barry as
she passed quickly. She was careful to slam her door extra hard to
further let the adults know of her displeasure.

Zoë sighed and smiled tightly to Barry. The poor man was fumbling
over himself with apologies. The woman held up her hand coming near
him now and wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed him then
light and smooth on the lips. This time it was his turn to melt.

"Stop apologizing. I know you didn't mean to hear us." Zoë assured,
breaking their first real kiss. "It's just that Jenni is very
sensitive, especially about her punishments. I have never spanked her
in front of anyone and the embarrassment was too much for her." Zoë
explained, leaning back in Barry's arms so she could study his eyes
to see if he understood her.

"I see. Well, I hope you two can work this out." His sincerity was
touching, but something in his tone still lacked the assurance Zoë
needed. If she was to ever be with this man he must have complete
respect and faith for the relationship that would always come first;
that between a mother and her daughter.

Zoë smiled up at him stepping back a bit more now. "We always do. Now
you should go. It’s getting late and Jenni and I still have a long
night ahead of us. Thank you again for dinner and for the lovely
bracelet."

"I'll call you later?" There was a hint of question in his voice as
the butterflies of uncertainty tickled his insides.

"You'd better." Zoë teased, her eyes sparkling as she watched Barry
take his leave. When she heard the front door close she sighed deeply
to herself now leaning against the wall. She crossed one arm over her
stomach and brought her hand up to her lips running her fingers over
the place Barry had lingered as she thought about how best to deal
with the confused, angry child stewing in the next room.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"It's NOT fair!" Jenni mumbled to no one in particular as she punched
a stuffed heart pillow on her bed. That man had heard everything, her
begging, her crying, and her mother's sound scolding. The worst part
Jenni knew was still to come… She still hadn't paid the price for her
misbehavior. Thinking deeply about her pending punishment and the
look on Barry's face when she had `caught' him listening made her
blood hot. These emotions were too big for her to handle just then
and she lashed out beating her pillow viciously before releasing her
anger on her toys. She threw anything she could get her hands on from
Barbie dolls to her school books at her door. One of the books left a
tiny dent near the door knob. She even took her favorite, her stuffed
bear, Mr. Bear, and ripped at it before throwing it to at the closed
doorway….

Having heard the loud bangs and anticipating this kind of outburst
from Jenni Zoë opened the child's bedroom door just as the girl
hurled the bear. Zoë caught the stuffed animal mid throw noting its
mangled appearance and that of the room before she shifted her gaze
to Jenni.

"I see that you chose not to listen to me about waiting quietly in
your room for a time out. You `chose' instead to have a tantrum and
destroy your room." Zoë observed crossing her arms and dropping the
bear to the floor by her feet while raising a brow at her irate child.

"Yeah, so?" Jenni sassed and even as the words slipped from her lips
she felt bad about her actions and her anger began to leave her.

"So, your punishment goes from a simple hand spanking from me to your
being grounded to your room tomorrow and an extra spanking with my
hairbrush." Zoë explained and now turning the girl's desk chair out
toward the center of the room before seating herself. She pointed to
her lap and raised both brows, a clear hint she wasn't in the mood
for games.

Jenni sucked on her bottom lip and eyed the door from her
spot across the room. If she ran she could make it, just maybe.
Sensing that flight instinct Jenni often gave into Zoë shifted the
chair over, now blocking the child's once clear path. She wanted no
reason to add on to the child's punishment anymore then what she had
already promised.

"But I'm sorry. I'm ready to tell you why now, please Mom. I'll tell
you now okay?" Jenni beseeched as she slowly came forward, not
wanting to anger her parent any further now that her punishment was
imminent. "I don't WANT a spanking…please! "

"Of course you don't and yes, you will tell me young lady, but only
after I give you you're `first' spanking."

Jenni's heart began to race at the stress put on that word. "First?"
She had to ask that fateful question she already knew the answer to.

"Yes, `first'." Zoë began pulling Jenni quickly to her once she was
in arms reach. As her skilled fingers unzipped the dress the girl was
wearing she continued, "I'm going to initially spank you for your
rude behavior and your name calling. Then you are going to clean your
room. All your toys will be put away, your books lined up on the
shelf, and your bed made. Then you will bring me the hairbrush from my
vanity and I will spank you for your tantrum and your failure to
listen and do as I tell you." She explained easing the dress off
Jenni's shoulders, down her slim body to the floor. She had the child
step out of the garment leaving the girl in just her white undershirt
and matching panties. Jenni's red thighs from her previous brief
encounter still stung considerably and the tight skin burned even
more as she was bent over for a second time that day.

"Mommy, please! Let me just tell you now!" Jenni pleaded as she felt
Zoë slip her fingers in the waist band of her white panties and tug
at the fabric bringing it down to rest just below her bottom. The
elastic pinched painfully into Jenni's sensitive thighs as the
spanking on her pale bottom began.

Zoë said nothing and turned herself deaf to the whining and begging
coming from Jenni. She was determined to teach this lesson of name
calling and disrespect the first time. Raising her hand high she
stiffened her palm and brought it down with a sharp slap first to one
cheek and then the next and continued this back and forth pattern.
Jenni squirmed and began to kick. Her movements made the fabric
around her thighs slowly inch downward until that one small layer of
protection was tangled about her knees. Tears clouded her vision and
she reached back with her right hand only to have it firmly clasped
and pinned to her lower back. Her reward for reaching back caused her
crying to go up several notches as her already punished thighs were
revisited. When Zoë thought her point had been made she released that
small hand and returned her attention to the now pink cheeks.

"You know better than to behave like you did tonight, Jenni. This
evening was supposed to be fun and enjoyable for all of us and your
rude comments were unacceptable. I love you to much to let you be
mouthy and rude. That's not how the nice sweet girl I know behaves. I
want others to see you for the wonderful girl that you are, but they
can't do that if you're impolite and insulting to them."

"I'm s-sorry! PLEASE…OW! This plead was whole hearted and Zoë
knew she was pushing the girl to her limit. Remembering that she had
promised her daughter a second installment she gave one more stinging
spank to each thigh before reaching over and lifting the sobbing girl
to her feet. Jenni immedently began to rub her burning cheeks,
dancing around while trying to alleviate the pain. Zoë let her hop
around for a moment before pulling the girl once again to her. She
pulled up the girl's panties and held Jenni's quivering chin in hand
as she spoke.

"You now have fifteen minutes to clean up this room. When I come back
to check on you it had better be done correctly, alright?" Zoë asked
searching those wet green eyes to see if she was understood. Jenni
nodded, pulling her face away and rubbing the seat of her panties as
Zoë stood and left the girl to her task.

Jenni looked about her room wondering where it was best to start.
Quickly enough she shelved her many books and made up her bed. She
put her dolls away in her closet and straightened up the clutter on
her desk. Lastly she went over to her bedroom door and picked up her
stuffed bear that, in her fit of anger, had his left ear nearly torn
off. New tears turned her eyes glassy as she hugged her comfort to
her chest for a long moment. That's exactly how Zoë found her when
she returned at the promised time. The woman had changed from her
evening wear into comfortable jeans and a blue blouse.

"Your room looks nice sweetie and this is how it should usually look,
okay?" Zoë asked now looking directly at her child. Jenni nodded, not
looking up from her bear. Concerned Zoë rubbed the girls back gently
and reached out to examine what the she was holding. Jenni let her
take the bear and the woman turned the abused stuffed animal over in
her hands, assessing the damage.

"He's all ripped up…Will you fix him? Now, please?" Jenni whispered
her request, begging Zoë with her eyes to do this important thing for
her.

Zoë nodded while tucking the bear under one arm and reaching out her
free hand for Jenni to take, "While I do some minor surgery why don't
you tell me what's been going on with you tonight." The woman
suggested and smiled a bit to feel the girls smooth hand slip
trustingly into hers. She led the girl down the hall and into her own
master bedroom. Zoë let go of her child's hand and went over to her
bedside table. From the top drawer she extracted a small sewing kit.
Now seating herself on the edge of the bed she patted the soft
comforter beside her. Jenni came over and pulled herself up to sit as
Zoë treaded a needle and began to reattach the torn ear.

"I'm waiting for your answer sweetheart." Zoë reminded not taking her
keen eyes off of her task. Jenni shifted uncomfortably causing the
new silk of the bedspread to wrinkle under her.

"I'm mad that he heard us earlier in the hallway. That's why…" Jenni
stopped and pointed at her bear as if that were a clear enough
indication of her tantrum.

"I understand that Jenni, but I mean before then at the restaurant
and in the car on the way home. It's not like you to call people
names."

Jenni huffed, blowing her long bangs off of her forehead as she
flopped backwards on the bed. She stared at the high ceiling
trying to gather her thoughts. "I don't like how he always stares at
you, like he wants to eat you up or something." At this perfect
description of Barry, Zoë couldn't help but laugh. Jenni sat up
quickly taking offense, "It’s not funny Mom!"

"Oh, my darling girl…" Zoë reached out to caress Jenni's cheek as she
tried to explain. "Barry is a good friend of mine and we are very
close. He was very helpful in my adoption of you and since then we
have seeing each other off and on as friends. Lately, tonight
especially, he has expressed an interest in taking our relationship
to another level and I have agreed."

"But Mom he's so…He's a boy!" Jenni scrunched up her face in disgust.
Still having the straight short body of a child, puberty was a still
a ways off and her appreciation for the opposite sex was still buried
deep within her and not yet awakened.

"I've explained adult relationships to you before Jenni. When you're
much older and more mature you'll understand more of what I'm talking
about. Until then however I need for you to at least try to
understand that I have feelings for him. You don't have to like him,
but you will treat him with respect because he is my friend." Zoë
insisted finishing up the last few stitches on the battered bear
before tying off the thread.

"But he..." Jenni stopped as her small brow knitted together as she
felt the green tinge of envy once again brush over her.

Zoë could see the shift and she reached out to pull the girl over to
sit on her lap. She wrapped her arm around Jenni and gave her the
newly mended bear with the other. As the child inspected her
handiwork Zoë probed further, "Are you a bit jealous that I am
spending some of my time with someone else? Maybe you're a little sad
that I may give some of my love to Barry?" Even as she asked these
questions Jenni shrank in her arms now burying her face in the cotton
of her mother's blouse.

"I don't w-want y-you to…." Though muffled, Jenni's words were clear
enough in their meaning.

"Oh baby, I have plenty of love inside of me to give, and there's a
special kind of love that's meant only for you and me. No one else
can have it and it's not something I can give away to anyone but you."

Her parent always had a way of explaining things so she could
understand them. The girl moved back, now sitting up a bit so she
could see Zoë's face. "I know, but that doesn't change how I feel
right now. I don't WANT to share you. I've only had you to myself for
a little while…"

Zoë kissed Jenni's pink cheek and rubbed the same spot where a bit of
her lipstick had remained. "And you'll have me for a very long time
afterwards. No one and nothing ever changes that and I need you to
trust me on that one alright?"

"Okay…But he's still gross."

Zoë smiled rolling her eyes and shaking her head as Jenni giggled in
her lap. "Well, with that discussion out of the way you and I still
need to clear up the issue of your tantrum and not listening."

With that mood drencher Jenni frowned deeply moving her eyes away
from Zoë's and to her fumbling hands in her lap. She had nearly
forgotten her parent's earlier promise, but not quite. "Do we have
to?"

"You know better than to even ask me that and yes, we have to. Then
you're going right to bed and tomorrow you will be restricted to your
room except for meals and to use the bathroom." Zoë explained lifting
Jenni under her arms off of her lap and onto her feet.

"I'm sorry though and you know why I did it…Please understand!"

"Shhhhhhh," Zoë insisted as she placed a finger to Jenni's lips to
hush her pleas. "Baby, I do understand, but you had a fit and you
disobeyed me. Now, I want you to go to my vanity and bring me my
hairbrush please."

Jenni hung her head and shuffled slowly over to her mother's vanity.
Her small fingers closed around the handle of cherry wood hairbrush
that had once belonged to her great-grandmother. With a shaking sigh
she turned and brought the hated implement to her mother's
outstretched hand all the while rubbing the seat of her panties. Her
stomach began to do its pre-spanking dance as she watched Zoë's long
fingers take a firm grip of the worn handle. The woman raised her
brows expectantly and patted her waiting lap with the back of the
brush. Anxious for her punishment to be over with, Jenni placed
herself over her parent's knee and waited for Zoë to make her usual
adjustments before beginning the spanking, but nothing happened…

"Jenni I am not in the mood for games. Get up." A bit impatient now
Zoë slapped the center of her daughter's panty clad bottom for
emphasis.

Cursing silently Jenni pushed herself upward, her face contorted in a
questioning look. "Please, just this once!"

Zoë shook her head and pointed at the child's waist, "Down and off
right now. I suggest you don't try and skip that part again. Do you
understand me?"

"Yeah, but I thought-"

"No Jenni, there will be no discussion about this. If you do
something that warrants my correcting you with a spanking your
panties will always come down unless I say otherwise. That's a given
you can count on." Zoë assured tapping the brush against her thigh as
she watched her daughter take the white cotton down her legs and off.
Jenni handed her the discarded layer and Zoë folded them neatly
before placing them on the bed.

Now properly bared Jenni lowered herself across her mother's firm
thighs. Zoë took hold of Jenni's narrow hips and pulled the girl
further over her lap. Wrapping her left arm around that tiny waist
Zoë wasted no time in bringing the brush down in the center of her
daughter's reddened cheeks.

Jenni gasped as the heavy sting settled. The brush didn't hurt as
much as she thought it would…Fact was it hurt much worse. A few
seconds later the second swat landed on her left sit spot causing her
to buck and squirm helplessly as the third swat landed its mate on
the right.

"OW! Mom please! I-I'mmm soooorrrrry!" Panting now Jenni found she
still had many more tears and wiggles left as Zoë continued to pepper
her bottom with firm spanks. After ten swats Zoë paused lifting her
right knee higher pushing Jenni over at a sharper angle, a clear sign
the spanking was nearly over. Though she was crying Jenni was very
aware of the shift in position.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully while I still have you
over my lap. I love you very much and you are everything in this
world to me. I know I'm strict with you and I know that you feel I
may be too much so. But it's because I love you and because I want
you to grow up to be the best you can be. By having temper tantrums
and disobeying me you are not being your best self." Zoë explained
softly, her disappointment obvious in her voice.

"I know M-mom. I love you to… I'm sooo soorrrry, p-please let me up…"
Jenni hung her head feeling the weight of her mothers words fall
heavily on her ears. Her plead was lost on the sound of the brush
landing its last two spanks to the center of her bottom causing the
girl to kick up her legs briefly before wilting over the lap of her
parent as she dissolved into tears.

Zoë dropped the brush to the floor and reached down and massaged the
tension away from Jenni's heaving shoulders for a minute before
helping the girl to stand up. The woman kissed the sobbing child's
forehead as she reached over for the discarded panties on the bed. At
this motion Jenni shook her head quickly clearly not wanting the
cotton to hug her burning skin. Dropping the clothing Zoë stood up
and pulled Jenni into a tight hug, calmly petting, and soothing the
hurting girl for several minutes as the child struggled to calm down.

"You are so very dear to me. You know that don't you?" Zoë
whispered blinking back her own tears as she tucked her chin over the
top of Jenni's head. She could feel the girl's arms going tighter
around her waist as she heard the sweet confirmation to her question
murmured softly. They stood entwined for a long while, each soaking
in the others tender affirmation. Mother and daughter each wondered
though if something as beautifully simple as love would last them
through…

-------------------------------------------------------
Song credit: "Nobody's Girl" //Larry John McNally//Sung by Bonnie Raitt

Seeking Sessions and/or Trip Sponsorship to the Texas All-State Spanking Party

2010-02-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

The Texas All-State Party is coming up and I would love to attend the party on March 12th-14th and see everyone! At this time, it is difficult to fully take on the trip financially. If anyone would like to help me get to Dallas, Texas via trip sponsorship, or sessions, please let me know as soon as possible.

In order to be able to attend I need to ‘work’ during my stay to cover trip expenses. I would love to film with any of the many wonderful spanking companies that will be in attendance, as well.
I am actively seeking possible trip sponsorship for that weekend in order to cover airfare, three nights at the hotel (I would be splitting a room), and the ticket cost into the event itself. If you are interested in sponsoring all, or a small portion of my trip please contact me off list at my e-mail address bttrfy777@yahoo.com.

In exchange for trip sponsorship I am willing to negotiate a private play sessions where I would take you over my knee and give your bottom a nice warming. Men and women of any age and orientation are welcome! I am not very public about my Top side and this is a somewhat new venue I have been actively exploring. If you would like to see me at this year’s Texas All-State party and possibly take a trip across my lap, please contact me about trip sponsoring! Any amount is much appreciated!

I tend to book up very quickly once I advertise my availability at an event. If you want to secure a session, I suggest you act quickly.

Please *note* I am willing to Top only, not to bottom in a private session unless it is a co-session with my own Top, Miss Chris.

*I am accepting donations/trip sponsorship via PO Box, or through PayPal on my blog.

**If I am unable to take a few sessions, or have my trip sponsored it will be difficult to attend.

Spanks a lot! I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Jenni Mack

Flesh Hooks at The Dance of Souls

2010-01-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

(My two flesh-hooks I made into a heart.)

This last weekend our family attended Southwest Leather Conference 2010. Ma’am and I went last year. It’s a leather event that specializes in the ‘Woo’ aspect of the BDSM Community. There were great classes and play parties each evening. There is also something called ‘The Dance of Souls’ that happened on Sunday night. This is a traditional tribal dance with full on drumming, body paint, people dancing naked, or in waist wraps. Think ‘The Matrix 2’— the dancing scene in the caves…it went something like that.

There is also ritual piercing done at the dance. Participants can get pierced with needles and have bells, or weights tied to the needles. They can also get something called flesh hooks. The piercers use 12 gage hollow needles to pierce the skin and then they feed the hook through the needle. Participants usually get two hooks on either their back, or their chest, but other parts of the body and more hooks can be used. Then a length of rope and a metal quick release clip is connected to the end of the rope, allowing the piercee to attach their rope to a pole, another person who is pierced, and/or be pulled by a dance witness.

The whole idea behind flesh hooks, and weighted bells is to allow the pierce to reach a euphoric state by the pulling of the skin. If you have ever read about the Native American Sun Dance, they used similar techniques to induce that ecstatic state. The beautiful thing is that everyone gets something different out of their experience.

(Native American Sun-Dance)

Last year I was a dance witness, where I lent my energy to those being pierced, pulled on them, and danced with them. I had also begged Ma’am to allow me to be pierced at the next dance and She gave me permission to get flesh hooks on Sunday!

My Flesh Hook Experience:

My family and I entered the Dance of Souls which was being held in a large ballroom of the hotel. There was a large set of three drums taller than my waist and a huge gong near the back wall of the room. On another wall there rested a non-denominational alter where people could place amulets, written prayers, candles, or statues. The space was made sacred before the dance by a ritualized energy summoning. In the midst of the room was a wooden structure consisting of four carved wood posts in a perfect square connected by a wooden X on the top. Each post was carved with animal and primal designs. Along each side were several places for piercees to attach their hook rings to pull themselves.

We washed our feet before heading over to the piercing line to await our time to be pierced. I was naked save for a short blue waist wrap with a long fringe. I was barefoot and had on a new bell anklet that jingled with each step. Ma’am flogged me on my chest to warm up my skin where I had decided to be pierced with two flesh hooks just above my breasts. When it was my turn, I sat on Ma’am’s lap in front of the piercing artist. The artist and I took a moment to sync our breath and connect. We did a three breath count and on three, he pierced me with the hollow needle. I remember growling on the exhale as the needle went in and sighing in a rosy burst of beautiful pain as it came out the other end from inside of me. The Artist then fed through the hook. I did not look down until both hooks were in place and I remember being shocked at the sight of foreign metal sticking out of me as if I was a fish to be reeled in.

(My hook marks and speckled flogging marks)

After being pierced, the rope was attached to the end of each hook and the quick release clamp was clipped onto the end of the length of rope. I then went to a pole in the center of the room and attached the clamp. There were piercees on either side and in from of me already pulling their way to ecstatic bliss. I tested the strength of the rope and eased myself as gently as possible backwards. It took me about ten minutes of pulling and teasing the hooks back and forth before my endorphins were pumping enough to allow me to fully extend my body weight backwards.

All around me were tribal witnesses and piercees alike chanting and dancing to the rhythm of the drums. The air was a hot sticky mix full of vibrating tones and the grunts and growls of our primal ancestors. The dance was in full swing and I was swaying back and forth, only supported by the hooks. After a while they became an extension of myself in that they no longer felt foreign inside of me, but the metal, the rope, and the clamp were an extension of myself…my soul reaching out from the inside.

After sometime, I removed myself from the pole and approached other witnesses to pull on me. At one point I attached myself to another pierce and pulled against him. He had an incredible Headship energy that drew me right in. We growled at each other like cats on a hunt. He was the predator and I was the prey. In the end he let me go on my way—in such a manner that he took my energy inside of himself, fed off of it and returned it to me even stronger than it was. Thank you Master D.

I then went and found my family. I found D in a side corner taking in his surroundings and watching with great interest all that was around him while he tapped out a beat on his thigh. D and I danced in our own rhythm for a while—giving and taking energy from each other, like breathing a very concentrated pattern back and forth between us. It was very energizing and I needed his strength then.

Ma’am then took hold of the rope and pulled me to Her. I went to my knees as She increased Her intensity, giving myself over to Her completely. I locked eyes with Her, powerful hazel and wet blue slate connected. In a split moment I was thrust away from my thoughts and pushed deeper inside myself then I have ever been. Then I was yanked suddenly by a powerful hand right behind my navel into a space void of sound, motion, or color. The nothingness was white, thick, and clean of all emotion. I then heard a voice speaking to me, very crisp and clear. This was a voice that haunted me since childhood. Always, in the past, it was distant and more of an echo. Now, it was no further than the valley between my lips.

It told me that I was unwanted, that I was not deserving of the love in my life. I acknowledged the dark energy, and responded that I was terrified of being loved, of allowing myself that intimate of a connection. I ended my telling the voice to go away. That it did not belong inside of me anymore. I turned my back on it. After a while, it went quiet and the nothingness surrounded me once more. I felt a tremor from my gut jerking inward, a signal that I was about to return to my body. In fraction of a second I was staring into Ma’am’s eyes. Tears coursed down my cheeks and I fell into her warm belly, beyond spent. D was behind me supporting my weight and helping to ease my mind back into my body. We had all shared in an incredible moment…

As I returned to myself, I realized what a great lesson I had learned. Being scared of being loved is something I have struggled with my whole life. In that moment of pure self realization I gained my power back over that single murky voice. There are still other voices present, but that one has since gone quiet. I own my own life…

Jenni & Zoe-Heal Over Us-Part 6

2010-01-21T04:28:00.000-08:00

Heading into the last third of the series. Thank you to all of those people who have commented through e-mail and Fetlife about what this series means to you. I lve hearing from you!

-------------------------
Heal Over Us…(Part 9)
<><><><><><><><><>

The gold knob felt sharply cold under her warm skin as it twisted
beneath her palm. A white barred gate met her livid gaze. Quickly she
looked about her. She spotted the silver prize peeking out from an open leather Coach* purse on an intricately carved high table by the door. The girl grabbed at them,
dropping the keys with a loud clatter to the floor in her haste.
She cursed silently under her breath as she tried to remember which key would give her freedom.

Her keen ears registered the heavy steps on the stairs that seemed to
stop midway. A soft, but firm voice pleaded with her, "Jenni, let’s go
back upstairs and talk about this..."

The child shook her head; her long curls blew back gently from her
face from the breeze that stirred the hot air outside and through the
thick metal barricade. Zoë had had a security gate that locked from
the inside put on a few weeks back when she had updated the house’s
security system. Jenni dropped the keys again; they spun on the tile
away from her and towards the base of the grand staircase that was
directly across from the front entryway. The girl kicked the gate
angrily with her socked foot as she leaned against it, pushing with
all of her might willing the metal to give just a little. The gate
wouldn't budge.

"Jenni?"

"GO AWAY!" The girl yelled, pounding the gate with a small balled
fist. She felt ensnared and she hated that closed off feeling more
than anything else.

Zoë took a deep breath, reminding herself of the price to be paid if
she lost her cool. "Angry with me or not, you will not raise your
voice to me again. That's not how we talk to each other." She
reminded, coming down the rest of the staircase. She stood about
fifteen feet from her fuming child. It seemed like miles of an
uncrossable desert just then.

"You always tell me to tell you how I feel. Well, I don't want to be
around you right now. I want out, outside away from here...away from
you." Jenni turned around and leaned against the gate as Zoë bent down to
pick up the keys. The woman fingered the clinking metal, running her
long fingers over the various cut edges.

"It's not what you think baby-" Zoë began, but was quickly cut off.

"Stop calling me that!" Jenni protested, stomping her foot. More
softly she continued as she caught the look of hurt flash across her
parent's features. "I'm not your baby...I'm not anyone's baby." She
mumbled barely above a whisper. Those soft words stung like nothing
the woman had ever felt.

Silently Zoë crossed the distance between them. She stood near Jenni
with her arm outstretched, her hand open. In her palm laid the
keys. "The one with the red jewel in the center, that's the key for
the gate."

Jenni hesitantly took the offered prize, hugging them to her chest a
bit afraid she would somehow lose them again. She eyed Zoë in
question, unsure of her parent's motives.

"I don't want you to ever feel trapped or threatened by me like I
know you did just a moment ago." Zoë explained quietly, wiping at the
tears spilling down her cheeks.

Jenni dropped her head and eyed the keys in her hand. She found the
jeweled one and quickly unlatched the door, throwing it wide open she
took off down the stone path toward the edge of the richly green
front yard. She stopped at the high sandstone wall at the end of the
path, her chest heaving, her throat closing and eyes stinging from
the hot salt that brimmed at her lashes. It hit her then that she had
no where to go, no one she knew who she could go to. All she had and
had ever had in this crazy world was Zoë...

The woman bit her lip, crossing her arms as she came to stand in the
door frame. She watched, deeply troubled, wondering what her child
would do.

Jenni dipped her head back, allowing the noon sun to kiss
her freckled face. She took a long moment to fill her lungs with the
new spring air before dropping her head forward again. Sighing to
herself she turned around and headed back up the walkway blurry eyed,
and rushed past Zoë up the stairs to her room. Her bedroom door
slamming was the last movement she would grant her parent for a long
time.

<><><><><><><><><>

The laminated cream paper with its embossed edges that had once
symbolized so much now seemed so insignificant. Jenni set it aside on
her desk that was cluttered with unfinished homework and art supplies
as she thought about the past.

When the adoption had been finalized when she had been 8 years old the girl had wanted the certificate the judge had given her new parent. Zoë had explained how the real copy
had to go in the safety deposit box at the bank, but that she would
make Jenni a copy of the original on heavy stationary paper complete
with a large gold star sticker. That child had been greatly pleased.

In the beginning Jenni would sleep with the laminated paper under
her pillow and look and touch it everyday just to be sure it was all
real. She had delighted in telling her teacher that she was no longer
Jenni Marshall, but Jenni Kelly. She had a real parent, she was
somebody, and she now belonged…

A soft knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. Jenni closed her
eyes listening as a muffled voice urged her response. "Honey, please
come out and eat something. You've been in there all day. Please..."
Still the girl ignored her parent despite the rumbling of her stomach.

"Alright, I will leave a tray for you outside here. At least eat
something." The woman insisted as she went back downstairs to prepare
a lunch tray. Ten minutes later she left it outside Jenni's door.
Several hours later it was still there untouched when the woman had
come back for it.

Zoë was conflicted. It was not in her nature to hang onto anger and
to hide away from issues that needed to be dealt with unlike Jenni
who often ran, hid, and stewed in it all for a while. Their opposite
natures complemented each other most of the time though. Zoë learned
to be more patient of her child's need to process her anger
differently and Jenni learned that sometimes running and hiding were
unnecessary. Over time a balance had been created, but now the scale
had tipped to far on Jenni's side. Since the suicide they had been on
uneven ground, constantly sliding, and slipping into each other.

'Oh, how are we to gain our footing?' Zoë thought as she dumped the
uneaten food down the garbage disposal...

Later on in the evening, she poured herself a generous glass of a
cool crisp summer wine smelling of green apples and light French oak.
Making her way out front she seated herself on the white washed
swinging bench near a huge potted plant by the front door. She curled
her long legs underneath her as she swung gently back and forth,
taking in the orange and pink colors of the setting sun from her
homes place a top a small hill. Sipping her wine now and then her
mind drifted in deep thought back to that unforgettable first day
with Jenni. Sighing she let her self remember back five years earlier…

She had been 28 years old, already with a PHD and had just started in
her own private practice with a few fellow physicians. She was well learned, traveled, and accomplished. Her life revolved around her work, her own schedule,
and she answered to no one, but herself. The days of her life were
scheduled neatly in a thick black leather date book, with colored
coded tabs for every hour. Her whole life she had always been where
she was supposed to be always doing exactly what she was supposed to
be doing until that evening when everything changed.

5 years earlier—That first day…

Fresh from a workout Zoë was wearing a red fitted tank top and a pair
of long black cotton pants. Her auburn hair was up in a high twist
atop her head and her face had a fresh peaches and cream glow. She
was in the kitchen and was about to start making herself dinner when
she heard the doorbell ring. Taking a long drink from her water
bottle she hurried toward the front door. A quick peek through the
peephole revealed a curly haired young woman running down her walkway
to a grey station wagon parked on the street. Puzzled at why someone
would ring her bell and run off suddenly, Zoë opened the front door.
She stepped back startled at what sat huddled on the front mat at her
feet.

A little girl with a tangle of curls wearing a ratted cotton dress
sat hugging her knees with two scrawny arms that housed a crisscross
pattern of dark purple and yellowing bruises. Next to her a ripped
stained backpack that had a stuffed toy peeking out of it seemed to
have been thrown heartlessly on the porch. Two big wet eyes stared up
at the woman with a small slack pink mouth quivering on the verge of
tears.

Swallowing hard Zoë knelt down, noting how the seven year old jerked
backwards at her sudden movement. "Jenni? What's happened to you?
Where's your mother?" That last questioned sent a spark of
realization to her brain allowing a sick sinking feeling to come over
her as she recalled the woman running away down the walk. Her wide
eyes zipped back and forth from the shaking child to the car speeding
away.

"Why did she—" Zoë stopped when her words brought tears streaming
down the child's dirty face. There was no answer for what her little
sister, Lydia, had just done and certainly not one this child could
answer. The girl's condition became her first concern as the woman
reached out a hand to help the girl to her feet. With her free hand
she picked up the backpack noting how light it was. Naturally as a
physician she took stock that the girl was extremely small for her
age, malnourished, and apparently terrified as she led that small
grubby hand into the large warm house.

"Do you know who I am?" Zoë asked as she led the girl deeper into the
comforting folds of the house towards the kitchen. The child shook
her head, wiping at her eyes with a balled fist. "I wouldn't think
you would remember me. I am your mother's sister, your Aunt Zoë. I
sent you that stuffed bear with the blue bowtie for Christmas a few
years ago." The woman recalled suddenly as she tried to form some
kind of reference for this child.

"Mr. Bear, his names Mr. Bear." The weak voice was filled with so
much fear.

Zoë paused in her step a moment, turning to look at the girl who
pointed to the backpack in her hand. A hint of the plaid blue bowtie
amongst the matted grayish fur was enough for the woman to
understand. "So you did get it. I had always wondered..." She paused
again, now letting go of the girls hand and leaning against the
kitchen counter opposite the girl. She dropped the backpack with a
soft thump at her feet to the tiled floor.

Before her stood a child she had only ever seen once, when the girl
had been five and Lydia had paid a visit of which ended badly. Zoë
had commented on an odd bruise on the child's bare
shoulder and Lydia had cursed her out for making false allegations of
abuse. Zoë had let it go, not really thinking that her own sister
could be so volatile, apparently she had been dead wrong.

"Are you hungry? You must be, look at you…" was all she could ask at
that dawning moment when guilt swept over her. ‘How could
I have let Lydia walk out with that child just those few years
back? What had Jenni endured between then and now?’ Her eyes took
in again the bruises on the girl's skinny arms before she turned
away. Going quickly to the fridge she made up a peanut butter
sandwich and a large glass of milk. The child ate and drank
ravenously as if she had never seen food.

"When was the last time you ate?"

The child shrugged wiping the many crumbs from her mouth before
draining the last of the milk in her glass, looking a bit sad that it
was now empty. "More?" the question came out as a small whine much
like a newborn kittens.

Zoë shook her head, now rinsing out the glass as she spoke, "Not just
yet. You'll get sick if you keep eating so fast." Out of the corner
of her eye she caught a wide mouth yawn. Glancing to the clock she
noted the approaching 8:00 hour. "You must be getting sleepy. Let's
get you cleaned up a bit and into a warm bed." She suggested reaching
out her hand again to the girl who hesitantly took it to follow this
stranger. Zoë had wanted to add, `and tomorrow we'll figure things
out,' but she stifled those words. One moment at a time was all she
could handle right now as her mind was overwhelmed with a questioning
voice that wouldn't shut up.

She led her niece up a grand staircase and into a pretty bathroom
with painted sea blue walls and shell accents. As the girl stared at
all the affluent furnishings Zoë set about running a shallow warm
bath and seated herself on the tubs edge as it filled. A look of
panic settled on the girl's petite features as the woman beckoned her
to come nearer.

"I won't hurt you Jenni. It's just water, see?" She explained
lifting a scoopful of warm soapy liquid in her hand, letting the
millions of droplets seep through her fingers back down into the tub.

The girl licked her dry lips before stepping backward. She did not fully trust this woman or any adult for that matter. Yet there was something soothing and
comforting in Zoë's tone and stature that made the girl want to
comply.

Zoë smiled with genuine affection that began to well within her
heart. "Jenni…" Her full lips formed the word, taking in every
syllable and sweet curve her mouth made. "Jenni, let me help you off
with your dress and into the tub then you can wash yourself up a
bit." At this insistence the girl froze shaking her head `no'.

"It's alright Jenni. You need to be undressed for your bath and I
have a nice new sleep shirt of mine you get to put on afterwards." The
bribe of clean clothes along with the woman's winning smile was
enough for Jenni to tug up and off her soiled garment. She did not
want this woman to touch her just yet. She kept her green eyes locked
on the floor after she caught the look of shock on her aunt's pretty
face.

Under the smelly cotton rag Jenni wore no underwear. There were stripes
of angry red welts that went from the child's shoulders all the way down her back. Zoë was able to recognize them as belt marks knowing from
her own childhood how they looked. There were also several small
scattered scars across her bony shoulder blades and more bruises in
various stages of healing marked the front of her body as well. Jenni
stood before her looking like a child from a Third World orphanage
what with smudges of grime on her hands and feet and her swing back
posture along with the vulnerable expression in her glassy eyes.

"My God what has she done to you?…" With a shaking hand
over her mouth Zoë had to look away to keep the nausea boiling in her
stomach from coming up.

"I was bad." was the child's only response as she hugged herself
across her naked middle…

<><><><><><><><><><><>

"Evening Zoë!"

The happy greeting was shouted from across the street waking the
woman from her thoughts. Zoë smiled forcefully back and gave a small
wave to her neighbor, an old widow with three cats as her mind
drifted back in time to another old memory beginning to come to the surface...

<><><><><><> <><><><><>

The many rows of rainbow colors had the child captivated. She took
great joy in running her small fingers over the many vivid multihued
cards in the paint isle of Home-Depot. Her bright eyes studied the
ten different shades of pale pink, trying to decide between Gumdrop
Pink and Ballerina Rose. The shades looked exactly the same to Zoë,
but somehow to Jenni they were vastly different.

"This one, Ballerina Rose!" The little girl plucked the card from the
shelf and held it possessively to her chest while hopping up and down
a bit.

Zoë smiled and adjusted her leather purse as she nodded
approvingly, "That's a great choice." She encouraged as she held out
her hand for the card. At this movement Jenni stopped.

"Wait! Maybe not? I mean, maybe I want purple instead?" Jenni bit her
lip again undecided. Zoë sighed running a hand through her long hair
scattering loose curls into waves. They had already been on this isle
for an hour. The woman was trying her best to be patient, knowing
that this was a big choice for a seven year old to make; what color
to paint her room.

"Do they have wallpaper here? My old house had paint, maybe I want
wallpaper?"

Every statement sounded like a question to Zoë. The child had no idea
what she wanted. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea just yet. It had
been nearly four months since the girl had been left on her door
step. CPS had been contacted and with the limited information Zoë was
able to give them they were in an active search for the child's
mother. Zoë, as a blood relative, was made the girls temporary legal guardian.
Nothing had been turned up yet.

Meantime Zoë had been making huge adjustments. She had taken a great
deal of time off, rearranged her life, schedule, and attitude about
this new situation. Everyday when the least little bit of doubt
entered her mind Jenni would do or say something to send that feeling
into hiding. The child was a delightful brilliance that filled her
home. "Everything feels different…so wonderfully different." She had
told her close friend Tory.

Things certainly were. There was a constant supervision needed that
Zoë had never even thought about before, having only herself to worry
about in the past. Her morning news was replaced with cartoons, her
breakfast of fruit and coffee was swapped with grape juice and a
cereal called, `Trix'. Her whole world shifted and yet it felt more
complete now than it had before. She was more complete...

"I don't know what to pick? Do I pick Pink, Purple or wallpaper?"
Jenni rattled off the list on her fingers in a whisper, trying really
hard to decide. Zoë was nearly out of patience.

"We can come back another day if you need more time to think about
it. Besides it's getting late and we still have more errands to run."
She reminded gently stealing a glance at her silver watch.

Jenni's face contorted genuinely upset at her inability to make a
choice. "But I don't know yet…I have to know. Just wait okay? Just
wait for me?" She asked twisting the hem of her new lavender dress
with a print of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn on the breast.

"It's better for you not to be rushed into choosing something you may
later be unhappy with. Now we really should go honey. We will come
back later this week." She explained more firmly now reaching out her
hand for the child to take.

Jenni shook her head and took a step backwards, still hugging the
paint sample card to her chest. "I don't WANT to go now. Please just
wait a minute. Okay? Please?" She was whining more loudly now, her
eyes tearing up. When her aunt shook her head `no' she stomped her
foot, her white sandal made a loud thump on the concrete. Her curling
strawberry blonde ponytail shook back and forth as the protest
approached tantrum level.

"Jenni, I said it’s time to go. We will come back later, but now we
need to leave." She stated taking the child's hand and leading her
away from the many paint samples. Jenni pulled back hard on her arm,
whining shrilly to be let go of. Zoë ignored her despite the stares
from other shoppers the child was beginning to attract. The woman blushed
at not being able to control a seven year old. `Jenni should be
obeying me,' she thought, `After all, who is the adult?'

Zoë stopped near the exit door and watched for a moment as the child
continued to try and twist her way free, all the while stomping her
feet and beginning to rage a full fledged tantrum. The woman had had
enough. In a sudden quick movement she pulled the girl close and
landed a firm and loud swat to the back of the girls dress.

Jenni stopped her hollering immedently and stared up wide eyed. She
had not been struck in such a long time that it took a long moment
for any sting to register and when it did the tears came rushing down
her cheeks. Zoë said nothing as she bent down and lifted the subdued
child to her hip and headed out towards the car.

Once at the vehicle the woman got her crying niece settled into the back seat. As she fastened seatbelt she tried to explain her actions
gently, "When I tell you to do something I need for you to listen and
obey me—"

"You hit me…" Those three accusing words landed like slaps to the
woman's face. She flushed a bit knowing how it must have come across
to the girl.

"I spanked you." Zoë corrected. "There's a difference. I gave you a
swat to your bottom with my palm to get your attention. You were
having a tantrum and that is not acceptable behavior. Can you
understand that?"...

<><><><><><> <><><><><><>

A sandy colored rabbit caught her eye as it made a mad dash across
the front yard to the safety an overgrown green shrub. Zoë took
another shallow sip of her wine allowing the rich flavors to tease
her tongue before swallowing. She tried to go back to that last
memory, but lost it in her sudden distraction with the animal.
Closing her eyes she willed her mind to drift again...

<><><><><><> <><><><><><>

"I don't know what to do about her behavior. At first everything was
fine, now she's out of control. What am I supposed to do with her?"
Zoë asked her best friend of ten years. She paced the floor of the
living room hastily, her white lacy skirt flowing out behind
her. "I've never had any real experience with children outside of my
medical profession. This whole Guardianship thing has me scared out
of my mind Tory. I'm a Doctor, not a mother. I don't know the first
thing about raising a kid, especially this kid…" She sighed heavily
as she peeked out the wooden blinds of the large window that offered
a clear view of the front lawn. Jenni was outside playing under the
shade of a tree wearing a yellow sun dress, her hair pulled into two
long braids oblivious to the conversation going on.

"Zoë, you need to take a step back and look at the situation from
another angle. From what you say its sounds like you're really
worried about YOU. That kid needs you to be strong and there for her…
Who else does she have? Certainly not her mother...You can do this."
Tory's sure words held a deep comfort that settled neatly on Zoë's
shoulders.

Zoë smiled sadly as she pulled a piece of folded paper from her skirt
pocket, fingering the worn bent edges from her many times of
rereading and refolding it. "I went down to the courthouse yesterday
and picked up a Release of Guardianship Authorization form. I
seriously thought about signing it, but I can't..." As sure as she
felt of those words hesitation still lay in her heart.

"No, you can't. You'll figure it out Zoë. You have to." Tory's voice
held much sympathy for her best friend's plight.

"What would you do if Emily was acting up, like I explained Jenni
was?" Even as the question left her lips Zoë already knew the answer.

"I'd explain what she's done wrong and I'd give her a spanking.
Really Zoë it's not as hard as you think." Tory had said so simply
and effortlessly that Zoë wondered if maybe it just might work.

"I gave her a swat in the store the other week and she looked at me
as if I betrayed her. You know her history and my history, but
nothing else I have tried works. I've tried timeouts, no TV, no
outside time, early bedtime, no dessert, sending her to her room…
Nothing stops or hinders her behavior. I just don't want to
traumatize or hurt Jenni like her mother did." Zoë explained feeling
at a loss.

"First off you are not your sister and I know you don't have a
violent bone in your body. Spanking is different than hitting.
There's anger and rashness behind hitting that makes it wrong. With
spanking, if you do it when you're calm and clear headed, you can use
it as an effective tool. I know Emily and I are a lot closer after a
spanking. She needs them and they work for her…but try it and see.
Every kid is different. You have to find her trigger. You're the
parent now and you're not a monster for disciplining her. Especially
if she is going to be staying with you for a long time, you both need
some structure and stability. Call me and let me know how it goes."

Upon hanging up she had replaced the paper in her pocket and went
over the front door and stood in the open doorway with her arms
crossed. She had made lunch a while ago before Tory had called her
and she now called to the child to come inside to eat. Jenni either
didn't hear her or chose to ignore her. Zoë called again this time
more loudly and still the child played on. A third shout made Jenni
turn around for a brief moment before she went right on enjoying a
make believe game with her dolls. This was it, the moment of decision.

Quickly Zoë made her way down the steps and across the lawn. She
lifted the surprised girl up to her feet by her forearm and began to
lead her into the house.

"Hey! I was playing. Let go!" Jenni shouted, digging her heels into
the grass, trying to pull her arm free. Never in her young life had
she ever dare shout at an adult. Her mother had beaten submission
into her since birth, but since being with her aunt she felt safe,
truly safe enough for the first time in her life to express her self
freely. Zoë picked Jenni up and carried
the girl upstairs to the woman's own room. The girls fighting renewed as
she was set on her feet as Zoë seated herself on her high sleigh bed.

"Jenni, stop your squirming and listen to me please." There was
such a reassuring firmness in that voice that made the child be still.
The woman lifted that small chin and gazed her own green eyes into a
pair of storming matching ones. "Your behavior has got to stop. I
have been more than patient with you, but now things are going to
change. You are going to get a spanking for not coming to me when I
called you. Do you understand?"

To Zoë’s surprise Jenni nodded slightly, tears spilling again down her
cheeks. With that pleading look Zoë almost lost her nerve….but not
quite. She moved Jenni to her right side and lifted the girl up and
over her lap. With her lithe petite build she fit perfectly there
with her arms and legs dangling well above the floor. Zoë pulled that
small body closer and rested her left hand on the child's lower back.
At this touch Jenni squirmed, but said nothing.

The first spank took them both by surprise. Jenni gasped her eyes
wide open as she took in the light sting that formed beneath her
dress. This was nothing like she had ever experienced before. All her
life she had been at the hands of her mothers violent, random,
beatings. This was different...

Zoë closed her eyes for a moment. She had never before hit another
human being other than that light swat in the store last week. That
had been different; this was calculated and preplanned where as the
other hadn't been. To her surprise she didn't feel disgust, but
instead the tingle in her palm felt somewhat natural. With more
assurance and confidence she raised and lowered her hand again to the
same spot making Jenni kick her leg up a bit. She gave her niece an
even dozen firm swats to her dress before pausing.

Thinking it was over Jenni tried to push herself up off of her aunt's
lap. To her shock she was pushed gently back down. "We are not done
our discussion Jenni." Zoë explained, as she lifted the hem of the
girls yellow dress up onto her back revealing underneath a pair of
white daisy print panties hugging a duo of now blushing cheeks
peeking out from the laced edges. Jenni had deemed these her `lucky
panties' and had proudly paraded around the house one evening wearing
nothing but the frilly garment and a matching undershirt. Zoë had
bought her many new and wonderful clothes, but these were her
favorite.

Now in this more revealing position Jenni began to writhe again,
kicking her legs for all she was worth. Zoë wrapped her arm more
securely around that small waist and began a solid quick pace as she
alternated back and forth.

"Nooooo! Wait-I'm sorry-stop!" The girl began to beg in earnest as
heavy tears dripped from her flushed cheeks onto the thick carpet
underneath her.

After a minute Zoë stopped for a second time allowing the girl some
much needed deep breaths to calm down as she hooked her fingers in
the waistband of those `lucky' panties and drew them down to rest at
the girl's knees. Jenni twisted her body sobbing harder as she tried
to wriggle off her aunt's lap once again. Zoë took a moment to adjust
the child's hips raising that pink bottom even higher before she
continued the spanking, this time at a slower, but firmer pace. She
stiffened her palm and peppered the fleshy part of her nieces
backside where the bottom meets the thigh as she began to
lecture, "Tell me why you are being spanked Jenni."

"Owie!...Cause' I didn' listen to y-you an' come in w-when you called
mmeeee…" Through her many tears she was able choke out this gurgled
reply.

"That's right and this is what will happen again if you chose to
disobey. I will take you over my knee and spank your bottom until
it's red and hot. Do we understand each other young lady?" She
promised knowing now she was very capable of keeping it.

"Yessss!" Going limp now, Jenni stopped her struggles and just
bawled. She hadn't really cried since before she had come to stay
with Zoë. These cleansing tears felt like a huge weight coming off
her small shoulders, a powerful release. The woman noticed the shift
immedently and gave the girl one more sharp spank to each burning red
cheek before reaching down and rubbing the girls back to help her
regain her normal pattern of breathing.

"I'm glad you agree, because I don't like to have to spank you. I
want us to be able to get along and for that to happen there are some
rules you have to follow and you have to obey me. I love you Jenni,
just don't fight me so hard on that one alright?" She urged her
throat closing as she lifted the still sobbing child up onto her
feet.

Jenni bit her lower lip nodding as Zoë tugged the tangled
fabric at her knees back up over her cherry cheeks. They were so
close to each other that moment. The woman reached out a hand and
smoothed back the girl's bangs from her wet face noticing that this
was the first time this action had not caused the girl to flinch. At
this gentle affection Jenni practically threw herself at Zoë wrapping
her arms tightly around the woman's neck.

"Promise?"

"What exactly do you want me to promise you, sweetie?" Zoë asked as
she lifted Jenni up to sit on her lap. The child winced as her bottom
made contact with her aunt's skirt. She licked her lips trying to
gain the courage to ask for what she most needed.

"Promise you won't leave me like my Mama did. Okay? You can't now no
matter what I do cause' you love me. You said so. My mama didn't ever
say it, but you did so now you have to keep me." That small solemn
voice held so much self assurance in those words that Zoë was amazed
they were coming from such a tiny little girl.

Zoë pulled the girl close and kissed the top of her head, "I promise,
forever and ever. You don't have to ever worry or be afraid about
that. I will never leave you. Not ever on purpose." She promised knowing in her heart this would be an easy promise to keep. Any doubt she had had, any inkling
of hesitation over keeping this child was now gone.

Jenni shifted her weight causing the paper hidden in Zoë's pocket to
crinkle reminding the woman of her momentary weakness….

<><><><><><> <><>

A sound of the front door opening caused Zoë to jerk around
suddenly as her mind cleared that distant memory. The golden liquid
in her long stemmed glass sloshed around inside of its enclosure
nearly spilling out over the rim as Zoë's consciousness returned
fully to the present.

Jenni stood in the doorway leaning against the frame with her arms
crossed studying the cracks in the wood grain beneath her bare feet.
Zoë watched her as the child slowly extended her foot out in front of
her and traced an unknown pattern on the porch with her big toe.

Jenni lifted her chin gazing out over the large yard and finally she
turned her head, her eyes coming to rest on Zoë's concerned face.
Wordlessly Jenni walked over then and slipped into the spot on the
swinging bench next to Zoë. The woman draped a comforting arm around
those small shoulders next to her and gently pulled the child closer
afraid for just a moment the girl would pull away from her touch.
Jenni leaned in, resting her head near her parent's heart. They sat
in silence for a long time, each deep in their own thoughts. Jenni
was the first to break the still air.

"I'm sorry about your pearls, about breaking them. I was just so mad
at you…"

"You had every right to be upset with me. I was angry with me to.
Though, you have to understand that I was a different person back
then and I was very surprised to have you dropped so suddenly onto my
lap." Zoë began the conversation she had been preparing for all day.
She turned her head so she could read Jenni's face as she
continued, "That's why I had gotten that form in the first place
because I was so scared I wouldn't be able to raise you the way you
deserved to be. You already know that your mother and I didn't have
the best upbringing and I was afraid for a very brief time that I
would somehow end up hurting you like your mother did." There she had
finally said it. Five years ago she had not been proud of her actions
and she had punished herself mentally for a long time afterward.
That's was why that form had stayed locked up under a hideaway shelf
in her vanity. It served as a silent reminder to be strong in times
of doubt and trial.

"I've been thinking about that. You had to change so many things…I
kinda feel bad about it, I mean, you gave up so much for me…"

Zoë shook her head, smiling to herself as she gave Jenni a gently
squeeze, "No, my sweetheart, I gained so much because of you. You and
I are in this together for the long haul. Sure my life was altered,
but I wouldn't change anything about us finding each other, I only
wish it would have been under better circumstances." She explained,
now frowning thoughtfully as she remembered that first day all over
again.

All was quiet for awhile, the only sounds were the soft clinking of
the chains as they continued to rock on the porch swing and from the
passing cars on the otherwise deserted dusty street.

"Are you going to spank me for breaking your pearls?" Jenni asked
yawning as she snuggled closer into those strong arms.

Zoë smirked, using her free hand to attack the girl's ribs until the
child erupted in a fit of giggles. "I suppose that this one time it
can be over looked." Laughing herself she reached over in jest and
gave the girl's bottom a playful swat. They laughed together till
their sides ached for relief.

The woman leaned forward and kissed the top of her child's head as
Jenni settled back into her arms and they watched as the street
lights lit up the road. Playing children scurried into the house at
their mother's insistence as the rim of the sun said its goodnight by
slipping its final edge below the mountains. It was under the first
twinkle of those stars in the early night that all was as it should
be for a moment, but then again a moment is all we have.

`It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realize
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday'

<><><><><><>

Credit of song to KT Tunstall, `Heal Over', Eye through a Telescope
Album

Jenni and Zoe-Hidden Secrets (Part 8)

2010-01-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

Part 8 of Jenni and Zoe for your reading pleasure! Hope you enjoy...

--------------------------
Hidden Secrets (Part 8)
<><><><><><> <><><>

The woman shifted drawing her bare legs up to her chest as she
exhaled deeply. The cream silk sheets tangled themselves around her
limbs like vines woven intricately between the posts of a fence. Deep
in her subconscious she heard a soft murmuring.

"mmmmm-mo-mo- mmmm..... ."

The cool spring night air gave her skin a slight chill making her
shiver involuntarily. She turned over onto her stomach. Her
fan of long auburn hair had spread itself out on her pillow in her
tossing giving her cheek a soft place to nestle into.

"Mmmm-mmmooo. ..mom..."

Zoë's green eyes cracked open letting the buzz of the still night
register her fully conscious. A blurry eyed glance at her clock
through some strands of hair covering her face revealed the flashing
3:32 AM numerals, still three full hours before she'd have to get up
for the day. With a soft groan of displeasure at having woken up she
pulled her pillow over her head. All was quiet for a moment...

"MOM!...NO, STOP IT!--" The shrill screaming slapped the woman awake
like a bucket of ice water stinging with every drop. She bolted
upright.

"Jenni..." She called out, but was drowned out by the child's distant
yelling. A million thoughts raced through her mind as she yanked the sheets off and rushed out of bed. The shrieking grew more intense as she bounded out of her
open door and into the dark hallway. Her bare feet slipped on the
tile in her haste down the hall, bumping into a potted plant as she
rounded the corner.

"MOM!! Please...noooooo. ..STOP!"

'Was someone in her child's room? Who? How?' These questions sent a
head rush of pure fear into her mind, but froze as she opened Jenni's
bedroom door.

Huddled up against the carved headboard, clinging to the bedpost of
the twin canopy was Jenni. Her face was ashen and wet with a constant
stream of tears. Her mouth was wide open in a high pitched wail and
her eyes shut tight into tiny slits. Turning on the light revealed a
room empty of any imagined predators on Zoë's behalf. This demon was
in Jenni's mind. Quickly and with sure movements Zoë went over to
Jenni and tried to gently pull her hands off of the bedpost. They
were stuck like glue. At her touch though Jenni's eyes burst open and
her screaming grew louder and more panicked. Though awake she was
still very much trapped in her nightmare. Her mind had not yet let go
of its horrible vision.

Jenni thrashed and tried to jerk herself out of Zoë's strong grip.
The woman managed to clasp both of Jenni's small wrists in one hand
and lifted her up about the middle off the bed with her free arm. The
girl kicked and squirmed as Zoë seated herself on the bed and held
Jenni on her lap in a bear hug, crossing the child's arms in front of
her chest making her immobile as she continued to fight.

"Calm down Jenni...I'm here, calm down..." Zoë soothed right into
Jenni's ear. Those familiar consoling vibrations shocked the child
out of her dreamscape and her cries quickly faded to a soft sobbing.
When the child went limp Zoë turned the small shaking body around and
cradled her rocking slowly back and forth.

"What demons are bothering you baby?"

"That d-dream w-where I'm in the bath-bathroom with my mom...'old'
mom...," Jenni corrected rubbing her swollen eyes and snuggling
herself closer to Zoë.

"Well, your safe now. That wasn't real. I've got you." She comforted
adjusting Jenni on her lap so her arm wouldn't fall asleep in its
bent position. After a few more minutes of cuddling Zoë lifted Jenni
off of her lap to stand and straighten the quilts. She lifted the
pink coverings and Jenni slipped beneath their warmth laying down
back in bed. She yawned as Zoë knelt down and kissed her wet cheek.
The woman pulled back slightly searching those deep green pools.

"You know sweetheart if you are feeling uncomfortable calling me mom
it's okay to tell me about it. It's not something we have to rush
into. We can go back to the way things were if that's easier for you.
I know you love me like your mom and I love you like your my own
daughter, but a word doesn't change those feelings. There's no
rush..." Zoë explained pushing a stray strand of curly hair off of
Jenni's face. She didn't want this shift in names to be a big deal.
Since the change, the nightmares had been increasing and she wondered
if it was a healthy shift of Jenni's subconscious working out past
issues, or if Jenni' was getting sucked back up into old memories.

"I'm never going back. Not ever...Don't say that M-O-M!" Jenni
chastised in her childish way, her tone firm and unrelenting.

"Okay...As long as your-"

"I'm fine. It was just a dream..." Jenni cut her off, yawning
again.

Zoë nodded, relenting to her child's affirmation graciously.
"Alright then, I love you princess, sleep well." She kissed the girls
forehead once more before standing. She stopped at the doorway,
turning off the light. She gazed at Jenni who had now turned over on
her stomach, her back to Zoë. Overnight the woman had taken on
something bigger than she had ever imagined herself to be. Part of
her was joyous feeling complete with her new title, the other part of
her nagged her strong sense of reality that this was only the
beginning. Fear rested within her heart, unsettling her. She hugged
her self for comfort as she left her daughter to sleep.

<><><><><><> <><><><>

Guilt, always it was guilt. She bit her full pink lip as she fingered
the heavy gold and ivory ring while she stood by the bathroom
counter. Looking closely she gently traced the beautiful outline of
an unknown Greek woman's profile with her nail. The Cameo ring she
held in her hands was well over eighty years old and a very valuable
collectors piece that belonged safely tucked away in her parents
velvet lined drawers of a vanity that rested near the window in Zoë's
room. Jenni turned the ring this way and that watching as the light
caught the gold here and there giving the piece a glittering life
like quality to it.

Jenni had shut herself away in her bathroom after a coming home from
school trying to figure out the best course of action. The girl was
sure earlier that day that she'd have the best show and tell for her
class's recent History lesson about the value of antiques. Her
teacher, Nancy Miller, who was also good friends with her parent, had
been especially glad that Jenni had gotten 'permission' to bring such
a valuable piece in to share with the class.

The sick knot in her stomach bubbled again as the guilt of taking
something she had not asked for grew inside of her. She knew Zoë
would never have allowed her access to the ring little long any of
her jewelry. Jenni in secret had stolen into her parent's room early
that morning when Zoë had been down stairs to 'borrow' the ring. Now,
several hours later, she faced the task of putting the ring back
before it was missed. Not an easy prospect...

'knock, knock'

A soft rapping on the door startled the girl causing her to drop the
prize she was holding. Her eyes grew wide as she heard the
faint `clink clink' of the ring tumbling down the open drain...

"Sweetie, your snack is ready. What are you doing all cooped up in
here?" Zoë questioned as she pushed opened the door fully. She couldn’t help but notice that her daughter was as white as a linen sheet fresh out of the dryer. "Is something
wrong?" She leaned against the door jamb crossing her arms, her brow
wrinkled in concern.

"No...I just feel sick is all, like I am gonna throw up..." She
mumbled, her panicking gaze never leaving the dark void of the sinks
drain. 'How could I have been so stupid...so careless...' she
thought as she felt Zoë's hand on her forehead and then her cheek
feeling each gently for a good measure.

"Well, you don't feel warm. Maybe you should lie down for a while.
I'll bring you some ginger ginseng tea for your stomach. That will
help with the nausea." Zoë instructed now leaving the girl to go and
brew the promised drink.

Jenni swallowed hard watching out of the corner of her eye as Zoë
headed down stairs. "What am I gonna do? Oh, God what am I gonna
do?!"

<><><><><><> <><><><>

With her eyes closed she inhaled deeply through her nose while
bringing her palms together as if in prayer at her hearts center
while bowing her head. Exhaling slowly she raised her head and hands
still clasped together skyward centering her being and feeling a
balancing of rush of energy sear through her veins...

"Mom?" The soft questioning voice and the sound of her bedroom door
squeaking open made Zoë's eyes pop open. Sighing deeply she stretched
her arms out behind herself arching her back in a deep stretch.

"When my door is closed it means I am meditating and enjoying my
yoga. You're not to interrupt me unless it's an emergency," She
chided as Jenni poked her head through the small opening of the door.
She saw Zoë stretched out on the cream oval rug near the high sleigh
bed wearing black leggings and a matching sports bra with her auburn
hair bound up in a messy bun.

"But I need to ask you a question." The girl whined twirling one of
her long French braids around her fingers. Jenni stepped into the
warm room as Zoë undid her long legs from her lotus position to out
in front of her. Bending at her trim waist the woman leaned forward
easily grasping the balls of her feet with her palms.

"What is it sweetie?" Zoë asked her voice a bit strained and annoyed
at the interruption. Everyday she tried to have just 15 minutes or so
in the evenings of alone time to re-center her self from the constant
demands of her practice and her child.

"Are you still going to that conference on Tuesday?"

The woman rolled her eyes inhaling deeply and exhaling as she
extended her stretch by several more inches, "That's hardly an
emergency question, but yes I am still planning to meet with your
teacher at four...why do you ask?"

"Well, she called just a while ago and said for you not to come. She
said she had an 'unavoidable meeting' with another parent."

That struck Zoë as odd. She lifted her chin, keeping her stretch to
look at Jenni's face, "I didn't hear the phone ring."

"It was when your music was on. She said she'd call you later to
reschedule."

Zoë came out of her stretch to stand. She went over to her vanity and
pulled a short rose silk robe from the chair over her bare shoulders
thinking about Jenni's words, "I should call her now before I forget.
My schedule is very tight next week as it is." The slight look of
panic that flashed in Jenni's eyes was not unnoticed by her as she
reached for her cell phone on the stained wood surface.

"No!...She said not to..." Jenni assured taking a step backwards as
her hands twisted themselves behind her back.

"That doesn't sound like Nancy." The woman crossed her arms and with one long finger brushing over the metallic numbers on the phone, she eyed the nervous girl. "Is there something you want to tell me before I talk to her?" She asked raising her brows in
question. No matter what the circumstances she always tried to give
the girl the benefit of the doubt and a chance to get out of a mess
she had gotten herself into. Jenni however, didn't take the offered
bait as she shook her head no.

<><><><><><> <><><><><>

Downstairs in the brightly lit kitchen Zoë pulled the cordless phone
off of its cradle on the taupe wall next to her herb rack.
Her fingers quickly dialed the number. Jenni had been ordered to follow downstairs and into the kitchen as well while Zoë made the call. The woman knew the child was keeping
something from her and she wanted the girl nearby to confirm anything the teacher might have to tell her.

"Hello, Nancy...It’s Zoë. Jenni said you had called?" Zoë listened
attentively as Nancy confirmed the previous phone call just as Jenni
had depicted to her. A hint of guilt over having doubted her child
crept over her and she glanced at Jenni with a thoughtful frown on
her face. The girl breathed an auditable sigh of relief as her parent
continued her conversation.

"Well, we can certainly reschedule. Wednesday or even Friday
afternoon works for me this week or next Monday...Alright, Wednesday
it is. Thanks Nancy..." She said and was about to hang up as her
friends next words felt like a blister had burst within her
ear, "What?...She did, did she...Well, no she didn't have my
permission...I never would have allowed..." Zoë turned to Jenni, her
eyes flashing green fire as she shook her head back and forth in deep
disapproval.

Jenni's breath caught in her throat as she tried to ease herself out
of the kitchen swinging door. At the first sign of her escaping
movement Zoë advanced toward her, following the child out into the
living room as the teacher on the other end of the phone gave her an
earful of surprising news. "Hold on a second Nancy..." She snapped
her fingers sharply and pointed toward a spot on the sofa commanding
Jenni to sit down. "You sit your little self right there young lady
and don't move." She ordered her tone harsh and low.

Deciding it was best to obey Jenni sat, tears welling in her eyes.
After a few more anxious minutes of waiting Zoë hung up the phone and
set it down on the coffee table that stood as a thin barrier between
them. With her hands on her hips she spoke softly, "Look at me
Jenni..."

Jenni raised her eyes to meet her angry parents, but still kept her
head low and her arms crossed hugging herself about the middle.
"I am going to ask you this just once, but before I do I am going to
remind you that there is a very stiff penalty for lying to me....Did
you take a piece of my jewelry to show your class for one of your
history lessons yesterday?"

"Y-yesss...But I didn't-"

Zoë held up her hand for silence as she continued, "What did you
take?"

"Your Cameo ring..." Jenni bowed her head, dropping her gaze and toyed
with a loose thread on the hem of her jean pocket.

"Where is it now?" A red heat flamed her cheeks as she felt her anger
thicken. She took a deep breath reminding her self who she was
talking to. At her words Jenni bit her lip and began to cry. "Did you
lose it?" Zoë came over to the side of the sofa near Jenni and seated
herself on the arm, still looking down at the girls strawberry blonde
head. She felt like someone had punched her in the stomach at Jenni's
next words.

"I'm sorry, it fell down the bathroom sink and I can't get it out. I
tried, but...Please, I'm so sorry..." She begged sniffing hard as she
wiped her cheeks with her palms.

"I can't believe you took...You took the only piece of jewelry that
meant anything to me." Zoë glanced at Jenni sideways through long
tinted lashes.

"But it was so old; I thought you'd be angrier if I borrowed
something like you diamonds or pearls." The twelve year old reasoned,
mentally kicking her self for being so careless.

"Oh, I would have still been angry with you. However, those have
merely a price tag value to me. The Cameo has a sentimental worth
that can't ever be replaced. It was to be yours one day, all of my
jewelry will be, but that's irrelevant right now."

"But I was SO careful with it; really, I meant to put it back. It was
an accident and you said you wouldn't punish me for accidents—"

Zoë turned fully to Jenni and took the girls chin firmly in hand,
unknowingly pinching the baby flesh with her long nails. "Taking my
jewelry was a deliberate act even if your losing it down the sink was
unintentional. You shouldn't have had possession of it to begin with.
The point, young lady, is that you took an irreplaceable heirloom that
meant a great deal to me, more than you will ever know, without my
permission. Now you go to your room and put your little self in the
corner until I come for you." She released her grip on Jenni's chin,
leaning back from her feeling that she was in danger of slapping
her child.

"I'm so sorry, please understand-"

"Upstairs right now unless you want a warm up before your real
spanking later." She demanded the girls compliance by clapping her
hands together sharply for emphasis. Jenni's red eyes blurred up with
tears once more as she scrambled off of the couch and up the stairs.
Halfway up she tripped, catching herself sharply with her hands mid
step. Propelling herself upward, she ignored her stinging palms in her
effort to obey her parent.

<><><><><><> <><><><>

She let the rush of hot water from the six shower heads arranged on
the walls and above her cleanse her bad mood. Tension and worry
swirled down the drain mixed with the foam from her sea salt body
wash. After a long steamy twenty minute shower Zoë emerged feeling a
bit better and calmer. She took her time rubbing various oils and
lotions into her still damp skin before toweling off. More quickly
now she dressed in a pair of comfortable silk lounging pants and a
matching silk tank top that tied at the waist. She re-twisted her
hair up into a loose bun, letting the natural strands stray free to
frame her face. Bare foot she headed toward the hall closet where
household cleaners, the water heater and her tool collection were
kept. She stepped fully inside the closet and found the water valve
for the house. She twisted hard cutting off the supply before finding
the proper size wrench that would aid her in tackling the pipes
beneath Jenni's bathroom sink.

After fifteen minutes of hard work Zoë had managed to un-hinge the
dip pipe from right beneath the sink and there, just as she hoped, was
her cameo ring resting among a pair of pink Barbie* shoes, a penny
and wadded dental floss. Fingering the items she shook her head
already preparing the lecture she was going to have to give.
She replaced the pipe and went to turn on the water again for the house.

Meantime across the hall Jenni jumped and fidgeted with every bang
and loud noise that was coming from outside her bedroom door. Her
nose was pressed right up against the wall. She stared down the
corner following the crack as long as she could see downward at the
various spots on the wall paper that had been rubbed raw from the
last 5 years of this inflicted punishment. It had been nearly an
hour. She knew because she had been silently counting the minutes
knowing Zoë wouldn't come in to 'deal' with her until she had taken
some time to calm down.

Jenni stiffened feeling as if she wasn't alone. She could hear Zoë's
soft footsteps as she entered the bedroom and seated herself on the
edge of the bed right behind Jenni's spot in the corner. "Turn around
and look at me please," Zoë insisted and waited as the girl slowly
turned around. Jenni kept her hands behind her back and her body
pressed hard up against the wall trying it seemed to melt into it.
The woman crossed her legs and held out her hand. Jenni closed her
eyes and gave a silent prayer of thanks to see the ring she had been
so careless with resting in her parent's open palm.

"You found it..." Jenni said in a breathy chocked whisper.

Zoë nodded, "Yes, I did among other things. First and foremost we
need to talk about your dropping items down the sink. Only water,
toothpaste, and soap should be in the sink to begin with. I don't know
how you managed the rest of these and I don't care to hear your
excuses for each. You're Barbie* accessories, money, my jewelry,
dental floss or anything other than what I have just mentioned is
allowed, alright?" Zoë tried to keep a straight face as she named off
the items in her hand, pointing to each with her finger. Turning
serious again she continued, "Now, as for your misbehavior...I'm
really disappointed that you went, once again, through my personal
things without asking. You not only went through my property, you
took something very valuable to me that didn't belong to you and lost
it. How do you think we should deal with this?" She asked,
arching a single brow waiting for a response.

Jenni shrugged her shoulders, knowing any answer she could have
possibly given or had thought of was wrong.

"Well, it seems to me you are in dire need of a lesson in respect for
others property. So, this weekend you will be spending a great deal
of your time polishing and cleaning each and every piece of my
jewelry. I'll show you how to do the first few and you are to finish
the rest. Is that first understood?"

"Yes, I'll do a really good job. I promise..." Jenni assured hoping
against all hard odds that Zoë had forgotten what she had promised
earlier.

"I'm sure you will and I'll be checking in on you to make sure of
that. Now come with me please. We will finish our discussion in my
bedroom." Jenni cringed as Zoë confirmed her fate. The woman stood
crooking her finger at the girl to follow. Jenni shuffled miserably
after the woman across the hall and through the open doorway stopping
cold at the threshold. Zoë seated pulled out her high padded vanity
stool and seated her self. She snapped her fingers and pointed to the
spot right in front of her.

"I'm really sorry..." Jenni mumbled as she moved slowly toward Zoë,
her hands never leaving her bottom.

"I'm sure you are just as sorry about taking and losing my ring as
you are for getting caught." Zoë reached out to the girl pulling her
to stand between her legs once she was within arms length. Her
knowing fingers undid the button of the child's embroidered denim
jeans before finding the zipper tab. With a quick downward motion Zoë
unzipped the tab and tugged firmly on the fabric easing it down those
short legs eliciting a begging protest from the owner.

"Please, Mom...Please—I'm so sorry, I'll never take anything of yours
again! I'll never come in here again without asking...just please
don't, pleeassseee!" Begging loudly Jenni squirmed trying to back
away. Shaking her head the woman demanded cooperation by raising her
hand and giving the struggling girl a hard swat to her bare leg.

"Stop your squirming and be still right this minute."

"Please, don't mommy, pleassseee..."

At the word `mommy' Zoë felt her heart melt. She wanted nothing more
than to take Jenni in her arms and forget the events of the day. If
she did though, that new term of endearment from Jenni would mean
nothing. She had to follow through with her promise if she would
continue to hold any form of authority over this child.

"Tell me Jenni, what happens when you misbehave?" She asked
trying to regain her firm composure.

"I'm in trouble with you..."

"Yes, and what happens if you repeat a behavior we have already talked
about, so I'm sure you understand the rules and what you did wrong?"

"I get a spanking...But this time it's not fair. I didn't lie to you
or nothin' and losing it was an accident. I was going to tell you,
really I was—"

Zoë put a finger to Jenni's lips stopping the girl from speaking
anymore. "Keeping something from me that I need to know about is
nearly as bad as lying about it. Yes, it was an accident that you
dropped my ring down the sink, but you shouldn't have had it to begin
with. Now any more protest or whining about it will earn you another
trip across my knee tomorrow night at bedtime. Are we clear?"

Jenni hung her head in knowing defeat and nodded. She raised her eyes
slowly at the sound of Zoë rustling with something in front of her.
Her green eyes bugged at the sight in her parents hands that would
send shivers searing down any child's spine.

"I think its time you two were reacquainted," Zoë began softly
fingering the long cherry wood handle of her oval boar bristle
hairbrush. "This was my Grandmothers, who I was named for. She gave
me this when I was fifteen. Since it was her ring you took I think
it's fitting that you feel both of our displeasure." She explained
now returning the implement to her vanity top and pulling Jenni
quickly over her lap. The girl began kicking immedently trying to
buck herself off of her rightful place just then. One of the woman's
long legs found its way over the child's now keeping her some what
immobile.

Jenni burst into tears as she felt her parent's strong arm holding
her down in place at her small waist. The assault on her bottom began
wordlessly and sharply without any hesitation. Zoë peppered the cream
colored panty seat in front of her until a blushing pink hue could be
seen through the thin fabric.

"Mom stop...Please don't, nooooooo!" The whimpering girl begged as
she reached back her hand to cover herself as she felt Zoë's fingers
in the elastic band of her underwear in preparation to pull them
downward.

The woman slapped the upturned palm away, "You do not reach back and
you will not tell me no." She chastised as she pulled the pale
fabric down over Jenni's upturned bottom to her knees. Zoë quickly
reached for her hairbrush steeling herself for the next installment.
She eyed the hard wood in thought, hesitating for just a
moment, "Jenni give me your wrist."

"W-what?...Ow! "

A sharp hand spank demanded her compliance with no more questions.
Jenni reached back her hand in uncertainly only to feel her right
wrist pinned to her lower back. She was now completely helpless and
hating it.

"I won't reach back...I promise, just let go please!"

"I can't risk accidentally nipping your hand with the back of this
brush because you won't hold still. You can cry all you
want to, but no more words," she explained and brought the punishing
wood down in a sharp spank to the girl's right cheek. Jenni gasped as
the sudden burn rooted itself deeply in her flesh. It hurt more than
she had remembered it to, then again she had been a lot younger and
Zoë probably hadn't of given her more than a firm swat or two with it
to stress the importance of a point.

The crying girl screamed and begged as the lesson was quickly
embedded in her crimson bottom. The woman continued the spanking
until she felt a limp shift overtake her young charge. At this she
slowed her quick pace considerably, but increased the strength she
was putting into it as she lectured. "My room and my personal things
are off limits unless you have my specific permission to come in or
to use something. You will not hide from me the things I need to know
about. You can and will talk to me if you have done something wrong.
Do you understand me young miss?"

Jenni barely nodded, all of her focus on the awful burning sting the
brush was imprinting on her. Zoë let her lack of verbal response go
knowing she was pushing Jenni to the edge as it was. With one more
sharp spank of each bare thigh she stopped and set the brush on her
vanity stand. Zoë released Jenni's hand and her leg from over the
child's now supporting the small lithe body over both of her knees as
Jenni continued to cry it out.

"I-I'm sssooo ssoorriee, soo sorry..."

"I know baby, I know..." Zoë soothed as reached under the girl's arms
to stand her up. Jenni's shaking legs were so tangled in the fabric
at her feet that she struggled not to fall. She gripped Zoë's knees
for support as the woman bent down and had the child step out of the
denim before she pulled up the soft cotton panties over two flaming
cheeks. She took the girl into her arms and up onto her lap for a
long cuddle. As Jenni's bottom made contact with the silk fabric of
her parent's pants she cried out causing fresh tears to brim her
swollen green eyes. The woman tucked her chin over the child's head
and hummed softly under her breath as she rocked slowly back and
forth waiting for Jenni to calm down.

“I love you mom..." That timid voice reaching Zoë's ears felt so
wonderful and so right. Zoë kissed the girls cheek, nose and other
cheek causing a fit of giggles to erupt from the one she was holding.

"How much do you love me?" Zoë questioned, wondering if Jenni
remembered the game they used to play when she was much younger.

Jenni grinned knowingly and extended her arms outward, "All of it
silly..." She sniffled and a small giggle escaped her lips. She stretched her fingertips out to the max to indicate just how much she was talking about. "I love you all of it!"

<><><><><><> <><><><>

Sunday morning...

Her small, but nimble fingers gently and carefully worked a blue
polishing cloth over the many tiny reflecting diamonds. All around
the platinum setting and over each of the gripping prawns that held
the stones in place, she worked gently to a shine.

Jenni sighed heavily as she stared closely at the larger princess cut diamond in
the center she had just spent the last five minutes on. She caught
the tiny kaleidoscope image of her eye in the many angles and cuts
that made the stone so beautiful. Carefully she placed the ring back
into its proper place in the velvet casing rows atop Zoë's vanity.
She had been working steadily for about an hour and a half and she
had only gotten through a fraction of the many pieces her parent
owned. While the work was tedious Jenni had taken great pleasure in
trying on a few of the pieces and modeling in front of the large oval
mirror overlooking the vanity top.

Without looking she reached her hand into the drawer on her right to
feel for the next piece she was to work on. Her fingers scraped the
drawer's bottom causing her now to look. In one corner of the drawer
the velvet was lifted. Jenni fingered the loose fabric, tugging
gently and to her great surprise she ended up lifting out a false
bottom.

Underneath the velvet lined wood plank was a bundle of old papers
folded neatly in one corner. She pulled the bundle out and unfolded
the top paper. Her eyes grew large as she read the fine print that
cut her heart in a million pieces. Her ears didn't register the sound of
footsteps on the stairs, or of the sight screech the bedroom door made
as it opened. Jenni jumped as she felt two strong hands on her
shoulders and Zoë's sweet voice in her ear, "How are you coming along
sweetie? What have you got there?"

Zoë reached around Jenni for the papers in the child's hands as the
girl bolted upright, nearly knocking over the chair she had been
sitting on as she screamed accusations, "How could you?! I thought
you WANTED me…Why didn't YOU tell ME?!"

The woman took a step back in shock of Jenni's sudden outburst. On
the tip of her tongue she readied a sharp response, but the red and
black print on the page in her hand drew her eye instead. Her eyes
clouded with guilt as she read the damning print that is a record of
her momentary doubt and weakness. Before she could intervene or move,
Jenni, in her rash anger, reached for a long strand of pearls that
she had just several minutes ago finished polishing. She tugged hard
and ripped the strand causing a sea of little white orbs to fall and
scatter across the floor. Jenni threw the rest of the strand at her
parent's feet before running blindly out of the room.

Zoë lowered herself to sit where Jenni had been previously again
reading the page in her shaking hand. It was a form she had gotten at
the courthouse so many years ago just after Jenni had been left on
her doorstep. Titled at the top in bold was;

'The Release of Temporary Guardianship of the Minor Child into State Custody.'

In her self-doubt over being faced suddenly with having to raise her
sisters abused and emotionally disturbed child she had broken down
and wallowed in a pool of self doubt for several weeks. In a moment
of weakness she had misgivings about her abilities to effectively
raise and help this child who had known nothing, but pain and chaos in
her short life. She had seriously considered releasing Jenni into
state custody. Scrawled on the bottom of the page was half of her
signature... She had kept the form as a reminder of that momentary
weak point so she could draw on the universe’s strength to help her do right
by this child...

She crumpled that paper to her breast, tears welling up in her
eyes, "You were never meant to see...You were never..." She whispered
breathlessly before falling prey to the ocean of tears that
followed...

<><><><>The end<><><><>

Part 9 will be posted sometime this coming week!

Jenni and Zoe-A Doctor's Daughter--Part 7

2010-01-13T04:31:00.000-08:00

Here is part 7 of Jenni and Zoe. There are still about 5 parts to come. Enjoy...

---------------------------------
A Doctor's Daughter (Part 7)
<><><><><><><><><><><>

Rows and rows of glistening diamonds, emeralds and
precious silvers and golds, along with smooth milky pearls filled the
velvet lined drawers. Some had been gifts from male friends, or
handed down from her grandmother, but many the woman had bought
herself placing high value in the expensive elegance that was her
jewelry collection. A soft manicured hand fingered a pair of black
pearl earrings deciding to wear those today with her auburn hair
pulled up off of her long neck. As she fastened the platinum
backings she caught her niece's reflection in her vanity mirror.
Jenni watched her intently as she moved to open the cap of her mauve
lipstick and proceed to gently dab her full mouth with color.
Jenni's mouth formed a perfect '0' in her mindless mimic of Zoë as
her legs swung listlessly off the side of the high sleigh bed.

"Your awfully quiet this morning baby. Is anything wrong?"

Caught off guard Jenni quickly closed her mouth and looked down at
the carpet trying to count the tiny fibers with her
eyes. "No...Yeah...I guess."

Zoë capped her lipstick and tossed the tube in her purse before
running her fingers through her long layers working the strands into
the beginnings of a French twist. "Out with it. What's wrong?"

"Are you still gonna’ go to that conference tonight?" Jenni's
reflection asked changing the subject.

"Yes...Bethany will be by later to watch you..." Zoë held the twist
with one hand as she fumbled a silver hairpin with the other not
buying Jenni evasion of her question. "Jenni, I do not like where
this conversation is going. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Yes." Jenni honestly blurted, keeping her head low she peeked at
Zoë through her long lashes.

"Well...?"

"I'm not ready to tell you yet." The young girl stopped swinging her
legs and flopped backwards on the plush comforter of the bed, her
long hair fanning out all around her.

"It can't be that bad honey. Just tell me."

"Its not, but it is sorta’ a big deal. I don't know how to say it and
I'm not ready for you to know yet."

Zoë turned to look at her niece deciding whether or not to push the
subject for the moment or let it rest. At least Jenni was being
honest about there being something wrong and for that alone Zoë
wanted to let the subject drop. Still as any concerned parent she
tried coaxing once more, "I wish you'd tell me that way we can clear
the air for the day ahead. We'll talk about it and fix whatever it
is together."

"It's not what you think.... I'll tell you, just let me do it when
I'm ready...okay? "

"Tell you what, if has anything to do with school I would very much
like to know before the end of the day. Otherwise you may take your
time, but I'd much prefer to hear whatever it is from you rather
than someone else. You know my rule on that."

"I know..."Jenni nodded, mumbling to her self she pulled herself to
sit up. With a heavy sigh she slid off of the bed and went over to
Zoë's side wrapping her arms around her aunt's neck and kissed her
cheek. Zoë eyed the somber little face in the vanity mirror as her
hand reached up the caress that sweet cheek.

"Whatever it is its okay to tell me Jenni..."

"Not yet." It was whispered softly in Zoë's ear as she felt Jenni's
arms leave her. In the mirror she watched the girl disappear out her
bedroom door.

<><><><><><><><><>

"There you are, almost ready sweetheart?" Zoë asked, kissing the top
of her nieces head from behind before going over to the counter in
the kitchen to load up her briefcase for the day.

It was Friday, ‘The Friday’ the child had been looking forward to all
month, `Take Your Daughter to Work Day.' Her aunt usually spent
Fridays at the free children's clinic volunteering her services as
the leading physician and today Jenni would get to accompany her, at
least for part of the day. Other doctors and nurse staff were
bringing their daughters as well and a tour, luncheon, and art
project had been arranged for all the children coming. Needless to
say Jenni was very excited.

"Yeah...Can I bring my markers and notebook to draw with?" Jenni
asked slipping down from her perch on the stool by the island and
walking around it next to Zoë.

"You may, but I want you to work on your homework first
before all of the activities get started. If you have time afterward
then you may draw." She confirmed as she placed a brown bag filled
with fruit and crackers, Jenni's snack, among patient's files and
medical paperwork.

"Aunnnnn' Zoooeee...can't I do it later? It's not very much, only a
little paragraph or two I have to write..." Jenni smiled her most
winning grin showing the single dimple in her right cheek, imploring
Zoë to relent. Those begging green eyes did nothing to win her over.

"No, and it's more than a paragraph. I checked your sheet and you'll
be doing a two page report in your best handwriting. I'll check over
it later with you tonight. Besides, I was thinking we could go to a
movie and do some shopping tomorrow. You need some new shoes and
sweaters to last you out this cold weather."

Jenni scowled placing her elbows on the tiled counter and dropping
her chin on her balled fists in a sour sulk. Zoë eyed her warily,
not liking how their day was starting, but she said nothing as she
closed the snaps on her black leather briefcase. Jenni listened to
the firm clicking of her aunt's high heels as she watched the woman
leave her to pout.

<><><><><><> <><><><>

The tall glass door marked with the clinics insignia flashed from
the suns gleam as they entered. Jenni adjusted her
purple backpack full of art supplies and unfortunately her homework
as she quickened her step to keep up with Zoë's long even stride.
Jenni was intrigued as well as intimidated by all of the people
bustling about the cool sterol halls. All over the walls were
decorated with children's drawings, posters, and bright colors of
red, purple and yellow. Though she specialized as a naturopath
physician Zoë's core training had been in pediatrics and she felt
most at home in this line of medicine. Nurses and doctors in white
lab coats hurried past them. Some with their arms full of charts and
lab reports and others assisting patients or their families. Jenni
hated big noisy crowds and reached for Zoë's hand instinctually. The
woman acknowledged her discomfort with a soft squeeze of her hand as
she greeted fellow co-coworkers with a nod and a smile as she
passed.

To Jenni it seemed that Zoë had a startling beauty about her that
made men and women pause to look as she passed. People's eyes were
drawn to her as fireflies are to a burning flame. This woman owned
radiance, but yielded it gracefully. Dressed in a black knee length
pencil skirt with a laced cream blouse accented with a silver chain
belt and closed toed pointed heels Zoë appealed to the eye, while
keeping to her conservative, yet sexy style.

Jenni vowed one day to dare attempt such fashion, but seriously doubted her efforts would emulate her aunts very well at all. The thought left her as they
approached Zoë's office, a small but tidy space that fit a desk
along with a book case and a set of chairs among a small fridge and
water cooler in the corner. Jenni set down her things as her aunt
opened the blinds allowing sunlight to brighten the cramped space.
Being a free clinic resources were limited along with space as this
office was nothing compared to her aunts own at her private
practice.

"I have to make my rounds to my patients and see what's been going
on here the last few weeks. While I do that you go ahead and get
started on your homework. Its still a few hours before everyone will
be gathering for the tour so I'll be back to check on you in a bit."
She said quickly while putting on her white doctors coat and
adjusting her stethoscope around her neck.

"K—but will you keep the door open some? It's hot in here." Jenni
complained taking off her coat and rolling up the sleeves of her
pink shirt, a favorite of hers with sparkling hearts across the
breast.

Zoë nodded, leaving the door ajar as she exited into the busy
hallways. Quite reluctantly Jenni sat with her back toward the door
and pulled out her notebook and pencil box to begin her book report
for `Where the Red Fern Grows.'

<><><><><><><><><>

"Hey Zoë! It's good to have you back." Miranda Johnston greeted the
tall redhead coming toward her. She smiled genuinely glad to see Dr.
Kelly after her several weeks’ absence as she had been sorely missed.

"Hi Miranda, what has been going on here the last few weeks?" Zoë
asked her colleague at the nurses filing station. She shifted
quickly through charts, skimming the labels for updates on her
assigned cases.

"Not much. About half the nurses caught that flu bug last week and
we've been under staffed along with the usual patient
overflow..." The young woman stopped as she registered a look of
brief guilt cross Zoë features.

"You should have called me. I kept my pager on for a reason." Zoë
insisted taking a heavy stack of paperwork into her arms that had
been left in her 'In' box. She sighed heavily as she let her thumb
run along the stacks thick colorful side.

"And interrupt your home situation with your kid, I think not Zoë.
We handled it and survived without you, but it was tough. I'm just
glad your back. How are you though? How's Jenni doing? Is there
anything you need?" Miranda tucked a strand of blond hair behind her
ear as she met the woman shaded gaze.

This personal confrontation is what Zoë had been dreading. The questions, the excuses and explanations she wasn't ready for. She was not ready to be this
person, this hurting person whose sister took her life leaving her
with a disturbed grieving child. No, not yet....

"Fine...We’re fine." the sour taste of a lie left her mouth dry as
she forced a smile to her full lips, "Jenni's back in school and I'm
here....Look Miranda I appreciate your concern, but I'd just prefer
not to talk about it, okay?"

"Sure...just know that if you need anything we all here for you."
Zoë smiled tightly and nodded her head curtly before hugging the
charts to her chest. She turned sharply on her heel and headed
toward her first patient of the day with tears clouding in her eyes.

<><><><><><><><><><><><>

"Stupid pencil!" Jenni scowled as the tip broke on her second
writing tool. She was having difficulty concentrating with the fun
filled day ahead of her. She brushed the crushed pencil lead off
of her lined paper glancing around her aunt's desk for another.
Seeing nothing, she stood and wandered out into the hall. Directly
across from her aunt’s office was the nurse call station and a small
waiting area for patients and their families. It was early yet, so
there were only a few people waiting; a boy and his father, a
pregnant teenage girl and an old woman who seemed startled when
Jenni had come out of the office and up to the counter. Jenni smiled
a bit, uncomfortable to be stared at as she tried to get the
attention of the registered nurse behind the counter.

"Excuse me Ms. Hanna. Do you have any pencils I could borrow? I'm
trying to do my homework and my tips broke." Jenni used her best
mannered voice to lure the woman's eyes from the pile of charts in
front of her.

"I have something better." The heavyset woman in blue scrubs leaned
down to dig around in her purse for a moment and produced a bright
green dinosaur pencil sharpener. Jenni giggled at the oddity of such
an item being in this grown woman's handbag. Ms. Hanna smiled
sheepishly feeling the need to offer an explanation. "It's my
daughter’s. She's coming here later today for the tour and
activities. I guess you tagged along with your Aunt Zoë for that too,
hmmmm?

"Yeah, but I have to finish my homework first."

"As you should. Go ahead, but let me know if you need anything else,
dear."

"Thanks Ms. Hanna." Jenni took the offered sharpener and turned to
go back into the office just as the old woman hurried towards her,
struggling slightly under the aid of a metal cane. The lady seemed a
bit frazzled and excited about something as she approached.

"Are you Jenni? Is your name Jenni Marshall?" There was
an urgent pleading in the muted voice at demanded the girls
affirmative response.

Startled Jenni stepped back, her hard soled shoe squeaking on the
linoleum. Her eyes took in this tall, thin woman with curling grey
hair tucked up in a bun wondering who she was and how she knew her
old name. Ms. Hanna noted Jenni's troubled reaction to this stranger
and stood up from her swivel chair.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Is that your name?" The old woman ignored the question, her wide
blue eyes locked on Jenni's green ones. The young girl raked her
memory; the voice, the southern accent, those eyes were her mothers
eyes. Her throat closed as memories came rushing back and she was
unable to speak.

"You need to step back please, you're scaring her." Ms. Hanna interjected.

Obviously annoyed the woman's wrinkled face frowned, "Nonsense, she
knows me....I'm her grandmother."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

"How's the homework going Jenni?" Zoë asked peering her head into
the office to check on her niece before heading back to file her
finished paperwork. She was a bit disheveled not seeing her child,
noting the unfinished papers on her desk with Jenni's handwriting.

"Dr. Kelly?"

Zoë turned at the sound of a slightly familiar voice trying to
remember the woman's name. "Ms. Hanna is it? Have you seen my
niece?" She asked crossing the hallway to stand next to the counter
littered with insurance papers.

"I thought she told you where they were going, your mother, I mean.
She said she'd leave you a message on your pager that she had Jenni.
Your niece seemed okay with it. They left about twenty minutes ago."

Zoë felt as if she had been slapped as the heavy words
registered. "What? That's not possible. I haven't...Are you sure she
didn't go to the bathroom or something?!" Her mind was spinning and
for a moment she felt very sick. She braced her hands on the
countertop taking a deep breath.

"No, Jenni seemed to know her..Something about an ice-cream sundae…. Maybe they went to the cafeteria, or around the corner for a treat?...Is something wrong?
You seem really upset?" Those concerned words fell on deaf ears as
Zoë broke into a sprint to the elevator.

<><><><><><> <><><><>

"How did you find us? I mean..." Jenni stumbled over her words. Not
quite knowing where to begin with this past part of her life, she
took another big bite of vanilla ice-cream letting the heavy cream
coat her dry throat, stalling for time.

"You look so much like your mother..." Catherine sighed and
stopped herself, realizing the girls eyes misted with tears.

It was still a very raw and sore subject for Jenni but she found herself
drawn to this woman's voice. This was a woman who she remembered to
be a little bright spot of her past having always sent gifts and
birthday cards with the occasional visit during the holidays when
her mother had been sober. Another part of her was slightly angry
and full of resentment for a woman who had known what her mother had
been like and yet she had left her grandchild in the hands of a
mentally ill alcoholic.

"I have tried for years to locate you, especially when I learned Zoë
had you. Your mother wasn't the best at forwarding addresses
and you two were always on the move. Anyway, it seems Zoë didn't
want me to find you and to her credit, maybe it was with good reason,
but I couldn't stay away any longer. I flew in from Georgia last
night to visit a friend who was kind enough to have noted my darling
daughter's picture in the newspaper a few months back, in that
article about natural medicine and well, here I am." Catherine smiled
and reached out a wrinkled age spot covered hand toward Jenni
caressing the strawberry blonde curls gently with her fingers that
were bent with arthritis.

The girl pulled back slightly, not won over so easily. "I barely remember you. I mean I was just a little kid and everything was so crazy all the time...Mom was crazy." She corrected her self taking another bite of the sweet sugar glancing around them
taking in all the people in the small cafeteria. She drummed her
toes into the floor in a restless way, now regretting going with
this woman.

Catherine sensed her discomfort and switched tactics
firing random questions instead of the intimate talk."Well, how is my daughter? Are you doing well in school? Are you taking any art classes? You know your mother was a gifted painter? Well, that is until she met that boy, your father-" She stopped
abruptly as she saw a worried woman hurriedly approaching them.

Catherine stood up in shock of finally seeing her daughter after 15
long years. She last remembered Zoë as an 18 year old young woman.
In her oldest daughters eighteenth year everything changed. The day
after graduation, one Catherine had not attended; Zoë had
disappeared severing all contact with her. Shortly after her ex-
husband had died of a heart attack and she was left alone
to try and raise Lydia, who at the age of 16, ran away from home to a
life of drugs and alcohol. Ever since she had been alone and though
she was only 63, she felt much older.

There eyes locked across the room, stopping Zoë in her steps for a
moment at the sheer surprise of seeing this woman, her mother, a
part of her she had buried so long ago alive in the flesh.

"What is it?" Jenni asked at her grandmother’s loss for words. She
spun around in her chair and swallowed hard now knowing she was in
very deep trouble. Zoë found her footing and quickly went over the
Jenni's side of the table and pulled her under her arms to stand up.
The woman turned the girl around by her shoulders to face her and
leaned down so their matching eyes were level.

"Don't you ever go with someone you don't know?! I had no idea where
you were. You scared me to death young lady! Here, you feel my
heart...feel how it’s racing?" Zoë quickly took Jenni's hand and
placed it on her chest. Jenni nodded teary eyed and apologized
profusely as Zoë hugged her tightly to her breast for a long
moment. "And you..."

She released Jenni and pushed the girl behind herself fighting the
welling anger inside so she wouldn't make a scene. She swallowed it
down along with the passion to rip the woman in front of her to
shreds for disappearing with her child.

"How dare you come in here and lure her away. I could have you
arrested..." Her voice was low and icy as she took stock of the old
woman in front of her. She was softer about the eyes than Zoë
remembered and time had not been kind to her leathered face.
Physically she appeared helpless enough, but on the inside Zoë knew
the there was a poisoned hard heart.

"I came to see you. I had an appointment, under a different name
because I knew you wouldn't willingly see me...not after what
happened. But I just want to talk; I mean no harm to you or
Jenni. I just saw her in the hall and I knew it was her."
Catherine pleaded her defense, but there was something different
about her quality of tone. It changed seeming harsh and judging with
underlying resentment. Jenni looked at her grandmothers eyes from
behind Zoë's protective stance. They were now hard narrowed pools of
ice and she wondered how someone could shift so drastically from one
moment to the next.

"You have no business here with me or my child. I will not do this
here, not in front of these people, and not in front of Jenni. I have
nothing to say to you..."

"Aunt Zoë she just-" Jenni tried to explain what had happened but
she was cut off with a harsh look.

"Don't you dare, Jenni. You hush!" She scolded quietly,
shaking her finger in front of Jenni's face before taking her nieces
hand and turning toward the elevator.

"Zoë please listen, please... I need your help; you owe me that much
over Lydia's death." Those raspy words reached Zoë's ears, rooting
her feet to the spot for a long moment. Jenni looked from aunt's
profile back over her shoulder to Catherine's face seeing the shift
once again in those eyes from hard to soft as Jenni's green ones met
hers. Something wasn't right and it sent a chill to creep down the
girls back making her look away.

"Jenni I want you to go over by the elevator and wait for me. Stay
right by the doors. I'll be there in a moment." Zoë instructed and
sent her niece off with a gentle push toward the opening and closing
metallic doors. With Jenni out of ear shot Zoë turned around and
walked back over the where her mother was standing. "I owe you
nothing. If anything you owe me my childhood and Lydia's. Her death
is not my burden. It's yours. You own it."

"She called me from the prison telling me what
you had done. I could have rung your neck for it. You knew she had
problems, that she was weak and unbalanced-"

"Who made her weak? Who made alcohol and drugs available to her? Who was the mother? I was just a child and you put her care in mine and punished me for
her faults; you're still punishing me!" Through the heat of the
moment Zoë found herself raising her voice and she was beginning to
attract curious stares. "I can't continue this here." She said now
backing away.

"You always were a runner. I won't go away that easily Zoë, not
until you-"

"Fine. You have ten minutes. Let's go back to my office, but on one
condition; you don't look at or speak to my child. She's not apart
of this."

Catherine nodded in agreement and followed behind her daughter
towards the elevators.

<><><>><><>< ><><><><>

Through the glass and cream blinds Zoë watched as Jenni tried to
work on her homework in the waiting room outside of her office. The child kept stopping and rubbing her eyes, no doubt crying over the strain of what had happened. Pulling her
concerned eyes away Zoë refocused her gaze to the woman sitting
across from her desk. Catherine clutched her worn knit shoulder bag,
running her arthritic hands over the pattern of brown and tan colors.

"What is it you want?" Such a simple question, but so tough an
answer, even for Zoë herself.

"Just to know Jenni. She's all I have left."

"That's a load of bull and you know it. You don't show up after
fifteen years to my place of work wanting to see your grandchild.
You had no idea she'd even be here today when you came. You want
something from me. Just say it." Her tone was harsh, but raw and
real. There would be no more hiding, Zoë decided.

"Just because I show an interest in Jenni doesn't mean-"

"You are wasting my time. I don't know what lies you told Jenni
about your being here today, but I won't allow you near her, not
ever. You knew where I have been all this time and the only time you
made an effort to contact me was because you needed something; a
prescription filled or money. Which is it today mother?"

Catherine's eyes narrowed to tiny hating slits, but she had to look
down as she was not able to acknowledge the truth in her daughter's
words.

"I need money, several thousand. I am not able to have social
security benefits for another year and I need something to live off
of until then. I can't work what with my legs and hands the way they
are, I'm too old and no one will hire me." The voice invoked pity,
but earned a hard finality.

"If I do this, give you this money, you are to leave me and Jenni
alone for good. No more random letters or visits like this one. You
will disappear." Despite her rapid speech her mind was calm and
calculated. She had to sever this relationship once and for all.
This woman was toxic and she couldn't allow anything else to poison
her world. "Otherwise I'll have you committed to a home where you
will be lost among the crazed infantile patients and harsh
orderlies. I'm a doctor; I have many friends very high up in this
industry that would attest to your inability to care for yourself
along with lawyers who will back me 100%. Are we clear?"

"You're threatening an old woman?" A glitter of admiration crossed
those old tired eyes.

"I don't make threats. I make promises." Zoë assured and reached
into her purse for her checkbook. She scribbled quickly and slid the
check across the desk. Catherine greedily snatched it up, her eyes
registering the $15,000 dollars.

"Most generous this time." Zoë watched the weathered hands fold the
check into fourths before finally stashing it in the purse in her
lap.

"There will never be another time. Remember my promise." Zoë stood
and nodded toward the door, a clear indication for Catherine to take
her leave.

"I will and thank you Zoë. You were always a good daughter…”
That was the only acknowledgement Catherine had
ever shown her, but it was full of spite and ridicule. As Zoë
watched her mother leave she knew she wouldn't miss it.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Jenni set her notebook and pencil on the chair, now standing up when
the door to her aunt's office opened allowing her grandmother to
emerge. The old woman headed toward the elevator across the hall not
even glancing at the child. Zoë stood on the threshold of her office
leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed under her breasts.

"Grandma?" It was a whisper, but the soft word rested heavily on the
woman's sore ears. Catherine turned her head eyeing the grandchild
she would never see again as she stepped into the elevator. She
glanced from her daughter to this young girl, a mesh of her two
children and hardened her heart once again not allowing the
imploring word to register any affection. She had what she had come
for.

<><><><><><> <><><><>

Back in her office, Zoë paced the checkered floor, her heels
clicking hastily back and forth in front of her crying niece. "How could you go off with a perfect stranger? My heart nearly stopped when I found you had gone missing. You can't do that Jenni, not ever again!"

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Give me one good reason not to turn you over my knee this
instant." Even as she demanded her answer she seated herself across
from her niece in an armless chair and reached out across to pull
the child to stand in front of her.

"I don't have one, I'm just sorry. It was dumb...please
understand she just—"

"—Lured you downstairs for an ice-cream sundae! Where was your head
young lady? That is exactly how children are kidnapped, how they are
found days later, dead in some field. That will not be you." As she
lectured in a well practiced motion her fingers found the jean snap
at Jenni's waist.

"Please, Aunt Zoooeee! I didn't mean to..." Jenni was panicking at
this point and tried to pry her aunt's hands from the zipper tab on
her pants. Her hands were slapped away as Zoë quickly tugged the
stiff blue fabric down over her child's bottom to her knees.

"No, you do not get to fight me on this. You will stop fighting me
period, Jenni."

The girl began to cry harder at those words knowing she had met her
match. Zoë was the only person in this world that meant anything to
her and yet she kept fighting this woman's love, constantly testing
and observing for any signs that this connection, their
relationship, would indeed last out the storm.

'Where do I belong and why was it so hard to find my place? Was it really this
simple?' she wondered as she felt herself drawn across her aunt's
firm thighs, wrinkling that perfectly ironed skirt. Her eyes blurred
the sight of the patterned floor beneath her as she felt Zoë's arm
around her slim waist pulling her securely to her aunt's stomach.
She felt the shifting of Zoë's legs under her raising her bottom up
higher while at the same time feeling that firm hand resting against
her panties.

"You don't get to make these choices Jenni. They are my decisions
and I need you to trust me with that." With those words she raised
her hand and began that hard lesson with a firm spank to Jenni's
right cheek sending the girl into struggles and squirms.

Pleads escaped Jenni's lips almost immedently, begging her parent to
stop the assault on her bottom. Zoë's hand landed a few seconds
later to the girls left cheek eliciting a cry from those shaking
shoulders. She continued this pattern for several minutes as the
girl bucked and kicked beneath her. When she could see the red skin
blush through those white panties she switched her attention to the
child's bare thighs, her hand peppering the fair skin into crimson
heat.

All through this Jenni kept her head down, not fighting Zoë any
longer with her wriggling, but accepting her place at that moment
across the lap of her parent. Jenni was long past begging and had
given up early on. The sound of skin on skin rung in her ears and
created a heat wave that washed over her being comforting her aching
heart.

'Maybe it was this simple….'

When the girls thighs were redder than her bottom Zoë stopped the
spanking and rubbed her stinging palm over her nieces smarting
backside, massaging the burning skin over the panties for a moment.
Jenni's shoulders shook from her intense sobbing, not so much from
the pain of the spanking, but for the symbolism in it.

"Are you done fighting me Jenni? Do you understand my reasoning?"
She asked and reached under the girl's arms to stand her up. Jenni
wobbled on her feet for a few seconds as Zoë reached down and pulled
up her pants for her, re-zipping and snapping her layer of discarded
protection into place. Jenni nodded, backing away and curling
herself up in the chair she had previously inhabited.

"But she's not a stranger she's my Grandma..." More fat tears
rolled down those fair cheeks as Jenni tried to understand her
authority, sinking farther down in the leather chair. Her tone was
clogged and somewhat bitter. She was relieved, yet angry at Zoë for
turning the old woman away. Try as she might she couldn't wrap her
head around the complexity of the situation. She'd have to trust Zoë
to do what's best...like she did over the situation with her mother.
She knew her aunt meant well, but there was still doubt in her mind
over what had happened. She needed affirmation to a burning
question. One she had been considering for the past several weeks.

"Don't you take that tone with me younglady. This is bigger than
you understand and it goes way back to before you were born. She is not
a good person and I will not have her around you. I have to make
these choices for you. Everything I have ever done has been for you.
I need you to trust me baby...Your my child-"

"Am I...? Are you my mother?" There, Jenni had dared ask the weighted
question, the secret desire of her heart. She wiped her tears away,
annoyed that she was crying. She was tired of the price of
tears. "I've been trying to ask you, but it never came out the right
way. That's what was wrong with me this morning. I need to
know 'cause I feel so confused inside. I don't know where I belong.
I need you to tell me."

Zoë's mouth dropped opened as she leaned forward in her chair
opposite her niece. Her ringed hands clasped in front of her as if
in silent prayer. It was a simple answer, so damn simple and yet the
woman was at loss for the words. She had often wondered if this
moment would ever surface and she had pictured her response, yet she
was frozen in the reality of it.

Jenni got up from her seat then, rubbing the sting with both hands
as she came to stand next to Zoë for a second time. Finally after a
long silence Jenni slipped onto Zoë's lap wrapping her aunt's arms
around herself, "Cause' its okay if you want to be....I want you to
be." She assured snuggling into her favorite spot of Zoë's neck,
resting her head against the woman's heart. "I need to be yours."
That small voice begged to belong to someone, most of all to the
woman who held her, kissed her, and saved her. The child's small
hands fingered and toyed with Zoë's rings until the woman pulled one
hand away to lift Jenni's chin with a finger.

So alike were those green eyes to her own, that same twinkle and light resided in Jenni as it had Zoë at that age; the yearning to be wanted, needed and
loved.

"You are my daughter, my own little girl, and you belong with me." Even
as she said those connecting words Zoë meshed her being with
Jenni's. She kissed that red wet cheek and hugged her daughter to
her breast, tears rolling down her own flushed face.

"Thanks… mom." The new word felt very natural and right as it rolled
off the young girls tongue. She had found her place.

They were one in the same at that instant, both having finished
their search for family, understanding, and intimacy in each other.
Though their journey as mother and daughter was only the beginning
many more challenges rested and waited to be surfaced over time, but
for now they had this single moment as one.

<><><><>

More parts to come!
Comments welcome!

Photo Shoot Pictures of Me!

2010-01-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

Me in my version of 'The Secretary'.

I just recently went on a fun vacation to visit my best friend and quite by surprise I was offered a modeling gig for a local purveyor of kinky toys. Here is a preview of the pictures for the website http://www.scottpauldesigns.com/. The photos were taken by Cheri Marie (http://fetlife.com/users/46180).

Please enjoy and let me know if you want to see more.

If you are interested in my modeling services please contact me at bttrfy777@yahoo.com.

:-)

-Jenni Mack
a.k.a
Smack the Mack
------------------------------------------------------

-Jenni Mack~~Spanking and Fetish Model